My son in law whom is 24 has a mouth and isn't afraid of using it. He constantly voices his thoughts about everyone good bad or ugly almost like he is the righteous perfect one. His mouth and comments have caused some stur ups within our family. About a year ago my exhusband and my son had a talk with him and his wife, my daughter pointed out how he was causing a wedge within the family. It seemed to have worked to some degree until just a could months ago. I was at their house to pick up some mail that came for me and it was just he and I. In my mail was a graduation invitation from my bothers oldest daughter. When I mentioned to my son in law that my niece was graduating he proceeded not to talk to me about that but instead he made this comment:
"Your brother looks like a pervert, a child molestor. At our wedding I was about to walk over to him and ask him what his problem was but decided it was poor timing on my part so I didn't!"
My chin hit the floor and I turned around and left, not saying anything and in total shock on where and what prompted that statement and why. The day of the wedding was the first and only time he had ever seen or met my brother. I just wanted to rip him apart but instead I allowed it to eat away at me each and every day for a couple months only telling my sons girlfriend immediately following the comment and my roomate. Until one evening while with my daughter somthing prompted me and the next thing i knew I started to tell her by beginning with "If your husband is not careful one of these days someones fist is going to end up in his mouth, perhaps even permenately shutting it!" No not the best comment I could or should have said but I did. I than proceeded to explain what prompted me to say that telling her what he said. A few weeks later I went to visit my son whom immediately upon my arrival asked me whats with Uncle Roger being a pervert/child molestor. I was shocked, and asked how or what he heard. First he didn't want to say, wanted to hear it from me but he proceeded to tell me that Mike my son in law called him and began to tell him that he and Harold, my roommate had this conversation at their wedding about Uncle Roger and how he looked like a pervert/child molestor and the two were laughing and carring on about it. After he told me my first comment in return was that Mike and Harold, my roommate never spoke at the weddking, but I nevertheless wanted to confirm that what Mike had said was in fact a lie so I got on my phone, put it on speaker and called Harold and asked him if he and Mike spoke first of all at their wedding, he replied no. Than I said my next question I want you to be totally honest (he always is) and tell me if he and Mike spoke of my brother being a pervert/child molestor at their wedding or any other time for that matter. NO! Even my son knew the answers would be no before I called. After hanging up I than began to tell my son exactly what was said that day by Mike and when I finished I turned to his girlfriend asking her if I changed any thing I had said from what had been said to her by me immediately following the comment and she said NO, you stated it exactly as it was said to me. Liers never tell the same lie twice, they forget what lie they told to whom. Well this made me grow even more, mad, hurt I jsut don't know and in know way comprehend my son in laws actions or words at all. What I did know is I had had enough, and was going to put a stop to it. It was bad enough when the comment was made, but now he has added in an innocent person and started a bigger bag of worms. I went to my daughters house to end this as I said and my son in law was not their. My daughter could see I was upset and crying and than told her what was said to Matt and that now her husband has caused major problems. Her face grew cold as did her attitude. I said what I had to say and was willing to leave it alone but that Harold and Mike were going to have a conversation because Mike brought him into it for whatever reason he did. My daughter agreed that that would be best. About a week later as I was driving with my daughter she said she had a talk with Mike and she was and had to stand behind him 100% and that Mike told her that if I, yes I said if I didn't stop causing problems that I would no longer be allowed in thier house and she was standing by him on this decsion. Than she stated that the reason Mike made the comment to me was because of a conversation Mike and had had way way years before this about my child hood and my being molested by my father, how he was molested etc etc and that I often wondered because most people whom are molested do sometimes continue the illness onto their kids and wonder about my brother but knew it was a thought I need not even wonder because my brother is a devoted man first of all the the Lord, secondly to his wife and than to his daughters. His life and lifes works are done through the Lord and besides he hadn't been molested as a child like I was and when I even brought up the subject about what our father had done to me he wouldn't believe me, want to discuss it and probably was why most of our adult lives we never see each other or talk. Yet nothing was said in regards to the conversation Mike had with Matt or why Harold was brought into a conversation that didn't exisit.
What did I do wrong here? Can anyone shed some light on why I have become the horrible person whom if not careful will no longer allowed in their house? Do I just sit here quietly, even though my daughter whom says she stands beside her husband, and acknowledging his mouth and comments, the many of them that like this have driven daggers into her family, hurting her as well as those he speaks ill of and certianly knows right from wrong and yes I do back her and would expect her by all means to stand aside her husband or anyone for that matter if they are right but certainly not if they were wrong, I couldn't and wouldn't do that. Since this all happened, my relationship with my daughter has grown increasly distant, she only invites me over when he isn't around and if perhaps he happens to be there if I come by he makes sure he doesn't stay. Nevertheless I say hello to him, did stop with the hugs and kiss on the cheek prior to this situation and most the time I am ignored. He sees my roommate every day and my roommate could be in Mikes totol eye contact area and yet he never waves to him. My son in law has issues this I know but also has much growing up to day as well.
Thanks for reading and please am I wrong? What advice can you give me on what to do?
