Topic : Repairing Broken Relationships

I have a problem with my father.....Am 19 years old and we never get along together. I feel that I am facking all the time with him. He expects so many things from me, so having very high expectations on me makes him treat me in avery strange way. Can you believe that he once told me that I should isolate myself from the entire world and never speak to any one sothat I can study all the time. It is true that I have some challanges coming in my life, but I do realize that I have to beleive in myself and work hard.

 

Just can any body tell me what to do ????????PLEASE

I would write your dad a letter explaining exactly how you feel.  That you realize that he loves you and that he wants the best for you but that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes and that you ask him to support you instead of pressuring you to be somebody that you are not.  Tell him that you would like to have a father son relationship with him but that you are uncomfortable and can not be yourself in front of him as you feel you are not good enought or he will be disappointed.  (Something along those lines if I am reading into your message correctly).  It seems to me that you should be asking him to accept you for who you are and not what he wants you to be.  He's got very high expectations for you and should you fall short, you will feel like a failure in his eyes.

 

I'm a parents and all I want from my kids is for them to be happy in what ever they choose to do.  I want them to do their best but I don't expect perfection, nobody is perfect.  I want them to do well in school or a career of their choice, but most of all I want them to be happy with who they are and what they have accomplished regardless of how little it may be. 

Write your dad a letter telling him how you feel deep down inside, do not blame him or put him down, just ask for his support and understanding as you enter this new phase in your adult life.

My mother in law was the same way with me when I first got married.  My husband simply explained that if she wanted to be like that she could, but she wouldn't be seeing him until she treated me decently, to my face as well as behind my back.  After about a year of not having him around for holidays or anything else she learned to accept me.  He is her oldest child.  That was 22 years ago and so far we are still together. 

I think you are doing right to stand by your husband.  I can't imagine things would have worked for us this long if he hadn't.  That's part of marriage to me.  Standing together no matter who/what is trying to come between us.

Good luck with your situation.  Hope this helped.

It is not wrong of you to feel the way you do. I have been through so much with my so called family. I no longer have any positive contact with any of them. Eight years ago I stopped talking to my father altogether. He didn't like my defacto at all and called our two children  a very unpleasant name because we were not married. Alot of stuff happened and I can never forgive my father for what he has done. He had said a couple of times that he wanted to see me but didn't want my defacto around. He wanted to make amends with me and just see me, but as far as I was concerned if he wanted me then he had to accept the person I was with. My defacto and I have been together now for 16 years now. You need to live your life for you and your husband and live how you want to live. I have found out the hard way that that is what you have to do. If you live your life doing what other people want you to do, you will end up being very miserable. I say "stick to your guns" . You most definately are not wrong for feeling the way you do.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we are going through a rough time.  This may seem trivial but it has caused alot of problems--here goes--I hate the town we are living in and he loves it.  I want to move and he doesn't.  We live in a party town, I want to live in a more respectable place.  There is no reason he can't move, he just won't.  Since I am completely dependent on him, I have no real say in the matter.  I hate it here!!  I don't want to raise our 2 children in this city. However, since we have been here for over 6 years, I am doing just that.  I feel resentfull and depressed.  How do I get over this?

My sister and I have not spoken for 2 yrs. due to a dispute which erupted 2 yrs. ago at my deceased mother's house.  We had agreed that my husband and I should go get mom's belongings since it had been 3 yrs since she died and the man she had been married to was getting on with his life.  These belongings were personal and some of them antiques that mom had BEFORE she married this man.  I took off a day of work, called my sister and told her we were on our way to mom's house. We spent money on all items required to pack as well as the trailer to haul these things.  I worked 3 days packing.  My sister called me 2 hrs. before we were leaving and said "don't leave I am coming there".  The drive is 3 1/2 hrs...she showed up 4 1/2 hrs later...walked into the house; took my glass of water off the table, threw it against the wall and began accusing me of "stealing her mom's things" ...she began yelling and calling me awful names; cursing at me...then got in my face and yelled over and over "shut up you B..."...my husband came running in and pushed her out of my face...she continued yelling...her husband never said a word or tried to calm her down...There was one painting that was said to be worth a great deal...she DEMANDED that I GIVE IT TO HER NOW...I was not going to give her anything since her out burst...BUT...my sister's husband came to me and said "just give her the painting"....I thought; our relationship is not worth a stupid painting...so we unpacked our truck and removed it ...giving it to her.  She got the things she wanted...the brass bed the french clock and much more and the painting.  BUT she denies that she was agreeable to all of this...which is a lie. 

 

Another time when I was spending the night at her house, she got so mad at me she took all my belonging and threw them out on her front lawn...the issue came up over our grandmother's garage sale when my sister wanted to throw out things and I suggested that we should try to sell them first...she stated ' these are just trash'..I said 'maybe to you but to someone else it may be something they will buy".

 

I have written my sister a long letter of apology/forgiveness...even though I don't know what I did that she feels was WRONG.  I have stated that I want us to forgive and get on with our lives...BUT she wrote back a letter that does nothing but BLAME ME for HER HURT and PAIN.  I just refuse to go on and accept the blame for all of this...by the way she is a licensed counselor to high school students and says she has a private practice too...amazing. Does anyone have any input on this? I would like to hear from you.  Thank you.  

When my grandmother passed away her home and belongings were to be equally divided up between my mom and her 3 sisters.  By the time my mom got there to help pack and take a few sentimental things that she wanted to remember her mother by - 99% of the entire house was already taken by her 2 sisters.  This was 16 years ago.  She was hurt, mad and so surprised that her sisters would be so greedy.  Needless to say, they have not spoken since that day.  My other aunt kept in touch only with my mom but never again talked to her other sisters as well.  Money and greed do terrible things to families.  Her sisters that took everything thought they did nothing wrong and did not even leave my mom with a wedding picture of her parents that she treasured.

Those 2 sisters both died a few years ago and mom never attended the funerals nor did my aunt.  To this day she regrets what happened but there was nothing she could do about it.  She did try to talk to her siblings about it but they honestly didn't care, they got what they wanted.  She has a hole in her heart to this day.  I don't know what else you can do to resolve this with your sister but all I can say is to keep in touch with her, send holiday cards etc.  Don't let too much time pass between calls.  It doesn't really matter who was right and who was wrong, money and "things" mean nothing when it breaks up families.

 

 It's a first for me posting to a message board.  But this problem is just to big for me to understand, I need opinions.

 

My older brother by 11 mo. and I had always been incredibly close growing up, he had encephalitis as a 4 year old.  The story goes the only person that could calm him after his 6mo. stay in the hospital was me.  I just knew my roll was to take care of him.  And I always did., I fought his battles, beat up the kids that where mean to him.  Drove him and his date to the prom.  We  worked together on our first paying job.  Den was what at the time was referred to as slow, nothing he couldn't do it just takes him longer than most.

 

 Fast forward,    we keep in touch as much as we can.

He gets married, lives in Alaska with 3 small children,  working 3 jobs to make ends meet..

I suggested he  move to the Midwest where I am living.  They buy the house next door .

 

 Fast forward 12 years,  they boys became like my own. They where at my house as much as their's.  They had their own room at our house. I taught the oldest to drive.  We shared holidays , birthdays, back yard BBQ .  Or  just coffee before work.  Yes we had disagreements, about politics and religion,  and could the boys  do this or that.  We had agreed to disagree.

 

OK here is the kicker, out of the blue the middle child tells me while we are out for a walk that they are moving back to Alaska. My brother finally admitted it a week later.,  that yes they where moving. .

I was floored, hurt, sad , mad, depressed., mad all of the above all at once .

My sister-in-law can't stand the Midwest and misses her family, which I must admit I understand. I also understand the boys joy at the idea of living between the mt. and the ocean.  whales and bears and ATVs.

 

Just maybe if either of them had job waiting for them it would be easier. If the boys knew where they would be going to school.  I just know I won't see them again befor they graduated Highschool. They are just leaving and taking life as I knew it away.

 

64000 dollar Question, how do i act? I can't be happy for them. I shouldn't cause such a rift that my brother and I never speak again.

Please someone give me some insight.

thank you

auntie

 

I guess I am looking for advice about how to keep a loving relationship with my daughter (she is 38) when I don't get along with her husband.  I saw my daughter for the first time in 2 years this August.  I met my 2 year old granddaughter for the first time on this day too.  My daughter lives about 3000 miles away. 

 

When my daughter dropped me off at the airport she said she didn't know when she could see me again.  This makes me cry, even today.