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Topic : Repairing Broken Relationships

Number of Replies: 1122
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:14:12 am
Author : dataimport
Is there a rift in your family that has gone on too long? When someone isn't speaking to someone else and they drag the whole family into it, things get ugly. Share your stories and solutions here.

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September 9, 2005, 11:53 am CDT

Repairing Broken Relationships

Quote From: jenoc99

You need to ask yourself some serious questions: Why is it up to you to make everyone else happy? What makes YOU happy? Why do you have to do this all by yourself? Why would you "lose him" (your words) by being honest... after all, these are only facts you are speaking of, for example, the wages that you earn. Why would he leave you about that... you can't make the wage higher, thats out of your control! Be honest with yourself. There are solutions to your situation, you've got to open up your minds, both of you, in order to pull through these hard times. 

Its honorable that your husband is a stay at home father. Is it possible that he could get a second shift job that pays more then your second shift job, this way you can be home more and he can get out more? His depression isn't only due to lack of money, its also due to lack of connection/contact with other people out in the world. Having a job, even a part time one, can help fulfill that need. It will give you time to be home with your children, there are things that they need from you that they can't get from dad. No child can get all their needs met from one parent.  

This must be very difficult for you, its obvious that you feel torn, but you don't need to do this to yourself. There is no need to be a martyr. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in life, and you do not deserve to live with these feelings of doom all the time! No wonder you are depressed. You need to be gentle with yourself. You can't do it all!  

Just one more interesting fact: Women only make 70% of what men make (or in your case, could make) out in the working force... that means it is more profitable for your husband to work instead of you, and you guys could get out of your financial trouble sooner rather then later, or maybe never, with you working for the wages that you are making. 

Thanks for your response!  I'm going to open to him, and be completely honest, because he deserves that.  I will let you know what happens.  I actually wrote a lot, but it logged me off and i lost the whole post. 

 
September 12, 2005, 8:00 pm CDT

needs help

ive been married for 5 years and my wife says she wants as divorce. i haven't been there for her emotionally because of my drug addiction. i have kicked the drug habit but she says that it is to late for us. any advice that might help
 
September 13, 2005, 6:06 am CDT

Repairing Broken Relationships

Quote From: padlamb

ive been married for 5 years and my wife says she wants as divorce. i haven't been there for her emotionally because of my drug addiction. i have kicked the drug habit but she says that it is to late for us. any advice that might help
Why don't you recommend counceling.  Tell her your deepest thoughts!  Good luck!
 
September 13, 2005, 8:11 am CDT

How long has it been?

Quote From: padlamb

ive been married for 5 years and my wife says she wants as divorce. i haven't been there for her emotionally because of my drug addiction. i have kicked the drug habit but she says that it is to late for us. any advice that might help
How long were you addicted and how long have you been clean? Maybe she needs time to really believe that you have kicked the habit? Can you see where she might not believe it's true, and that she might be protecting her feelings from another let down?
Maybe if you agree to give her time, even agree to some sort of separation while you prove to her that this change is for life she will be willing to give it a try. I would ask her to go to counseling with you though if you agree to a separation. It's important that she get to verbalize all the things she's been going through with you, while you are in a condition to hear it and acknowledge it. She may feel that now that you are clean, she has to stuff down all the resentment she has gone through, so that you continue to get better. That's not fair to her, she needs to get it out or it will fester and undermine your efforts to get back together.

 
September 13, 2005, 12:18 pm CDT

STILL ANGRY

MY PARENTS WERE MARRIED FOR 45 YRS AND A SISTER IN LAW ON MY HUSBANDS SIDE GOT INVOLVED WITH MY DAD AND CAUSED THEIR MARRIED TO END IN DIVORCE THIS HAS WENT ON FOR 4 YEARS NOW AND IS STILL GOING ON I LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN AND SEE IT DAILY I HAVE A HARD TIME FORGIVING HER AND DON'T KNOW IF I EVER CAN IT CAUSES PROBLEMS IN MY OWN MARRIAGE CAUSE THIS IS MY HUSBANDS BROTHERS WIFE HOW CAN I EXPECT MY HUSBAND TO CHOOSE ME OVER HIS BROTHER IT HAS CAUSED MANY PROBLEMS AT FAMILY HOLIDAYS AND FUCTIONS CAUSE I DON'T CARE TO BE AROUND HER MY FAMILY CAN NEVER FORGIVE HER WE CAN NOT HAVE ANYTHING TOGETHER AS A FAMILY CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO INVITE HER ANY SUGGESTIONS ?????????? 

 
September 13, 2005, 6:35 pm CDT

paretnikjk

hello....i have a tough question.....im 23 years old and i still live at home with my parents b/c im going to school to get my teaching certificate. ive been in a relationship with a guy for about 4 months.  Ive known him most of my life and we are best friends. My parents know him and also trust him. About a month ago he asked me to go to a wedding with him in another state which would mean that we would have to stay over night for one night. We were planing to go with another couple. When i told my parents about this they totally disagreed and said that it was inappropriate for me to spend the night with him. I really dont know what to do about this situation b/c i feel that i am old enough to make my own choices but i also feel that b/c im living at home they still have a lot of control over me. my parents are strict but i want to be able to have an adult relationship with my boyfriend so what do you think i should do about this situation?  

 
September 14, 2005, 7:22 am CDT

Does my husband care?

Hi! 

  

I woke up this morning with a horrible pain in my stommach, that continued for quite a while. My husband was already up getting ready for school and seemed quite concerend about me to, since I couldn't even walk streight from all the pain. I tried to reach my Dr., but it was to early in the morning. My husband asked me, if there is anything he could do for me, I said there is nothing he can do, so he went to take a shower. After a while, I started hearing some noises from the shower, I could tell that he was pleasuring himself... I was vert shocked and hurt, and confronted him right away. How could he think about his own pleasure while I was being so miserable??? I mean, I don't mind what he was doing, but am I the only one thinking that the timing was just absolutely sick?!  

 
September 14, 2005, 8:31 am CDT

Clarity

Quote From: lonelylady

MY PARENTS WERE MARRIED FOR 45 YRS AND A SISTER IN LAW ON MY HUSBANDS SIDE GOT INVOLVED WITH MY DAD AND CAUSED THEIR MARRIED TO END IN DIVORCE THIS HAS WENT ON FOR 4 YEARS NOW AND IS STILL GOING ON I LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN AND SEE IT DAILY I HAVE A HARD TIME FORGIVING HER AND DON'T KNOW IF I EVER CAN IT CAUSES PROBLEMS IN MY OWN MARRIAGE CAUSE THIS IS MY HUSBANDS BROTHERS WIFE HOW CAN I EXPECT MY HUSBAND TO CHOOSE ME OVER HIS BROTHER IT HAS CAUSED MANY PROBLEMS AT FAMILY HOLIDAYS AND FUCTIONS CAUSE I DON'T CARE TO BE AROUND HER MY FAMILY CAN NEVER FORGIVE HER WE CAN NOT HAVE ANYTHING TOGETHER AS A FAMILY CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO INVITE HER ANY SUGGESTIONS ?????????? 

 Your sister-in-law broke up your parents marriage of 45 years. You express anger at the SIL and your own husband but not your father. Wouldn't you agree that he has an equal responsibility in the demise of his marriage? And why are you so angry with your husband? Maybe I'm missing something here? Are his brother and the SIL still married? And are you expected to attend family gatherings where she and he are also there acting like man and wife?
I totally agree with your not wanting to have anything to do with this woman, but I don't understand the situation.
 
September 14, 2005, 8:41 am CDT

You are an adult now.

Quote From: chrstine18

hello....i have a tough question.....im 23 years old and i still live at home with my parents b/c im going to school to get my teaching certificate. ive been in a relationship with a guy for about 4 months.  Ive known him most of my life and we are best friends. My parents know him and also trust him. About a month ago he asked me to go to a wedding with him in another state which would mean that we would have to stay over night for one night. We were planing to go with another couple. When i told my parents about this they totally disagreed and said that it was inappropriate for me to spend the night with him. I really dont know what to do about this situation b/c i feel that i am old enough to make my own choices but i also feel that b/c im living at home they still have a lot of control over me. my parents are strict but i want to be able to have an adult relationship with my boyfriend so what do you think i should do about this situation?  

Being an adult means that you can make decisions for yourself, regardless of what others might want you to do. But to make responsible decisions you do have to weigh the consequences of your decisions. As adults, your parents may decide that it's time you moved out if you don't humor them. Right or wrong, that's their choice, its their house and you are living there. But as an adult you may need to start asserting your independence, and showing them that you can be responsible. Why do they assume you will spend the night with this man? Did you tell them that was the plan? Do you have money to stay in a hotel by yourself? Are there any of your friends going that will be getting a room that you can split costs on?
And last, what do you want to do? Nobody can really tell you not to if you intend to stay with your boyfriend, but is it what you want to do? Is it a wise choice for you?
 
September 14, 2005, 8:48 am CDT

Cut him some slack,

Quote From: sibirian81

Hi! 

  

I woke up this morning with a horrible pain in my stommach, that continued for quite a while. My husband was already up getting ready for school and seemed quite concerend about me to, since I couldn't even walk streight from all the pain. I tried to reach my Dr., but it was to early in the morning. My husband asked me, if there is anything he could do for me, I said there is nothing he can do, so he went to take a shower. After a while, I started hearing some noises from the shower, I could tell that he was pleasuring himself... I was vert shocked and hurt, and confronted him right away. How could he think about his own pleasure while I was being so miserable??? I mean, I don't mind what he was doing, but am I the only one thinking that the timing was just absolutely sick?!  

 Men are "washed" with testosterone about 7 times a day, women are "washed" with estrogen about 7 times a month. Mind you, the intensity is the same, but men are "subjected" to it much more often. His little shower escapade is probably not much more than a habit, and it never even crossed his mind to think that he might seem insensitive to you.
Of course, I don't know how intense your pain was but if you weren't in the car heading to the hospital, he might have thought it wasn't too serious. It's hard to judge the pain of others.
 
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