Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

What do you usually do for Thanksgiving? In my opinion,you'd be better off sticking with what you usually do, without the ex. You know that he isn't a changed man; he's never apologized and he won't take any accountablility. Don't give him any power over you, he doesn't deserve it.

You owe him nothing. You can have the kids over to your place for your own dinner celebration. But to put yourself into a situation that you are uncomfortable with is for you to decide. He may have good motives....he may be setting you up.......it is YOUR DECISION> And if you say no, then decline nicely. If he can't handle it, then you have your answer as to why. I kinda wonder about it any way, he demanded an answer asap! Don't make excuses.........the kids will not appreciate it. Stand your ground, and be honest. They can't handle it , to bad.

I am 21 years old, and a full time student.  My mother has cancer, as well as 3 other children that are younger than me.  Because of her situation, she has been unable to help me with school.  The rest of my family has been more than willing to help me out with finances thus far, and although I appreciate their help, it is starting to weigh in on my conscience that I am accepting it.

The first rule my family tried to make when they offered me help was: I must not come back home to visit my mother.  Their reasoning behind this was that they thought if I came home to visit, I wouldn't go back.  This was the first time I denied their help, as badly needed as it was.  I have never met my dad, and I'll be damned if I agree to not visit the woman who single handedly raised me!  For weeks after I told them off for their insane rule, they would not talk to me.

Finally, they agreed to continue to help me (on their own, my pride will never again allow me to ask anything of them.)  When it came time to find an apartment  closer to school (45 minutes from home, ) my aunt insisted on finding me a roommate.  She found someone and basically gave the girl a 'for sure' answer, without even telling me!  The girl she found ended up falling through, so I moved in with a friend, against my aunt's will.  That, too, led to my family not talking to me.

Now, my family has settled with the fact that I will make my own decisions.  It's not that I am stubborn, or think I 'know it all.'  I take their suggestions to heart, but I do what I feel I need to, or what I know will work for me.

Recently, another problem has arisen: My younger sisters were both suspended from school.  My aunt found out through a friend of hers,  a teacher at my sisters' school.  My aunt then took it upon herself to talk to my sisters about it, by calling them 'white trash whores.'  My grandpa called my sisters to tell them they are 'stupid' and 'can't do anything right.'  My sisters' are 12 and 14, for the record.  My aunt is 30, and I think it is absolutely outrageous that she would talk to children like this, as well as my grandpa's comments being so demeaning.

I no longer feel comfortable accepting their help.  I disagree completely with the way they have treated me, my mother, and my sisters.  My mother is still encouraging me to accept their help, as school will be impossible without it.  I strongly feel the need to tell them exactly how I feel, and should they decide not to help me (which they will), I will just have to work that much harder.  Also, in the past when they have changed their minds about helping me, they have demanded repayment for past gifts.

I do love my family, and I appreciate everything they have done for me, but I can't live like this any longer.  It's a constant struggle to keep them happy, to suppress my anger.  I need a way to diffuse this whole situation, without anyone considering me 'ungrateful' or disowning me (again! but that's another post!)  If you have any thoughts, they would be so greatly appreciated.

Hope you all are doing well.
Rachel

I am sure this will effect everyone else as it has me. This is truly a story of love and perseverance. Everyone get your tissues handy cause you will need it!!

 

 

[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly]

I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay For their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots.

But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in Marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a Wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and Pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back Mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes Taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.
This love story began in Winchester , Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick Was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him Brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

"He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;'' Dick says doctors told him And his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. ``Put him in an Institution.''

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes Followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the Engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was Anything to help the boy communicate. ``No way,'' Dick says he was told. ``There's nothing going on in his brain.''

"Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a Lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed Him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his Head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? ``Go Bruins!'' And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the School organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, ``Dad, I want To do that.''

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ``porker'' who never ran More than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he Tried. ``Then it was me who was handicapped,'' Dick says. ``I was sore For two weeks.''

That day changed Rick's life. ``Dad,'' he typed, ``when we were running, It felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!''

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly Shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

``No way,'' Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a Single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few Years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then They found a way to get into the race Officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the Qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, ``Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?''

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he Was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick Tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud Getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you Think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? ``No way,'' he says. Dick does it purely for ``the awesome feeling'' he gets seeing Rick with A cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best Time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world Record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to Be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the Time.

``No question about it,'' Rick types. ``My dad is the Father of the Century.''

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a Mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries Was 95% clogged. ``If you hadn't been in such great shape,'' One doctor told him, ``you probably would've died 15 years ago.'' So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.

``The thing I'd most like,'' Rick types, ``is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.''

And the video is below....

 

 

Since I could not put the video up follow the link to see the video it truly is a wonderful thing to view!!

 

http://cjcphoto.com/can/

OK.. our daughter has been "dating this guy since July"  ... I have not approved of this relationship from the beginning an have tried to explain why to both of them ,, but the hormones are running soo deep an fast right now they have nothing else on their  "mind" .

 

Here is the deal they are both virgins (I am sure) .. my 20 yr old thinks he hung the moon an stars an if he point down an said it was up then it must be right..

HE is 35... yep I have tried to explain the fact that she doesn't need a father she has a GREAT one... besides the fact that bodies wear out etc, I also told him I didn't think it was fair to her to take away her young life .Why should she settle for a middle age "man" when she is still a young woman (of course his comment to that is that 50 is the new 30!?!?!).HE even calls his mother by her given name!!! an he shows me no more respect, in fact even less.  We are from the South an he is SOOO far from being anything like us or family it is not even funny, he called me pushy (to my face) he has told ME how the wedding is ALL Abt him!!... I told my husband an my daughter this is the line in the sand I will have NOTHING to do with them / this or anything to come from this I have tried to explain how when she was a baby an a girl growing up I would (as most moms I am sure) imagine her falling in love an me loving her husband like a member of our family, her walking down the aisle with her father, their first dance , her dance with her father etc etc... BUT If I were to give in that (to me )  would be like inviting a pedophile into our home to rape my younger daughter with my permission

 

I am sorry to right a whole book here but I am trying to explain how deeply I am against this "union" an why

 

 

I know that if I were in your shoes, I would be feeling the same way- but, your emotional reaction to your daughter’s plans is actually going to push your daughter further away, not closer to you. Your daughter is going to dig her heels in even deeper to ‘prove you wrong’- even if she knows that you are right- “just because.”

Your daughter has only known this man since July, correct? That is only 5 months. I know that you have a million reasons to be against this marriage, but the best reason to stick with is the fact that they have only known each other for 5 months. Encourage your daughter to simply give the relationship some more time before getting married, instead of telling her how much you are against it for all the other reasons. I know, I know, this will be very difficult!! But, I think that is your best bet, only because I know that I was in a relationship very much like your daughters, and my mother’s emotional reaction was what turned me against her. I hope that doesn’t happen to you, because I wished so much later on that I listened to my mother!

I truly understand what you are saying BUT since abt Aug I have been doing EXACTLY this.. now  he has given her a rind .. You know I didn't even get into this before BUT he didn't even get a REAL job until abt a month ago.. an then he got a car.. he is living with his mom ( because she and her husband (much younger husband, only 3 yrs older than her son) are getting a divorce).. Huh who could have called that one...  Now my daughter an this "thing: are wanting to get married April or may .. that is when (after she called to tell me he gave her the ring, (after he an I had talked on the phone an he called me pushy, and he told her that our conversation went quite well?!?!?!)) ... I know part of this comes from my baggage (of being sexually abused as a child by adult men in our family an close circle) but she doesn't get it that her father an I  have have been married for almost 25 yrs an know just a couple of things abet people an relationships

 

I hope she wakes up before it is to late BUT honestly I don't feel I can give my blessing OR condone this union AT THIS TIME .. so I guess it is up to her as to what is important to her (marrying him or marring him with her family with her an behind her

 

I would like to say something...for one thing I am new to this wonderful site ( enrolled today ) and I am so happy I found it...not only it is what I truly believe "good therapy" to write your emotions down but it is good for someone like me who basically has no one...and I mean... nobody to talk to about my feelings. Plus the fact that I am not married nor have children.

I wrote another message today, to a woman who like me is having a difficult time with losing her Mom recently...so if anyone out there has a comment or advice on what action I should take..I would be ever so grateful..

Like I mention to the other woman here..when I lost my Mom...I basically lost the rest of my family..mainly because my Mom and I were very, very, close..more close than my other siblings were to her. She and I lived together for the last 12 years of her life and we shared so many hours filled with laughter and love ..we use to talk for hours about everything under the sun..she also would talk to me about when she was growing up and my great-grandparents. It was so fascinating..I shall never forget it..and feel blessed to have had that time with her...

But...months before my Mama became sick...I could sense that she was upset about something..I would question her time after time..and finally she told me; " I am afraid Emily, that when I take that little walk upstairs, you are going to be all alone.." I in turn told her I would be ok..that she was just being silly..also that she was going to "out-live us all! " ...( she was only 4'11" but so full of energy! )

I never in my wildest dreams knew what my beloved Mother was trying to prepare me for was in fact sadly all to true......

Since I was Mom's beneficiary..I was in charge of her funeral arrangements and I believe thats what started it..what little money that was left of the policy, I used to move from my home I shared with her ( since she had passed away in that house..and all the memories shared there..there was no way I could stay..no way.) I moved out to a house, plus other expenses to start out like utilities etc. Well....for one thing..my Mom and I talked about this very thing..and I told my Mama that for one I thought it would be inappropriate to live with my Step-Father if anything happen to her..at first she was upset...then she also agreed.

One of my brothers...said some pretty hurtful, mean and insensitive things to me following my Mother's funeral..the one thing he told me ...in which I shall never forget was " To me Emily...you do NOT exist..I have written you off my list " all this...because he said he "deserved" some of the little money that remained from her little policy.

That was over 2 years ago...and I have not spoken nor seen him since. My sister and I do talk...but she never comes to see me...when I ask her lets go do lunch...etc. she always comes up with a excuse..my oldest brother? He lives about 10 minutes from me and I see him MAYBE 3 or 4 times a year...I don't know if I should have given them some of that money y'all...I have been so beside myself because of this...thus resulting in me seeking therapy..

I remember...when Mom was alive...sure they would come over our house during the holidays and we would all go camping together..but never ever would they be there when Mom needed anything, or when she would have something like the flu, doctor's appt. etc. They all just expected me to do everything for Mom...BUT....I certainly would not want it any other way...as I said before..I would have given my life for my beloved Mother..she was the most important thing in my life...

So now here I sit..alone with only memories of a much happier time..the only thing that sustains me is the fact I know how much my Mother loved me...and that one day I shall see her again..but for now I will try to live the best way I can...and keep my faith close..as well as the love my beloved Mother left behind.......

 

God Bless You All.......

 

Emily

I to lost some one I loved. It was my second husband. It was hard to morn at times. Everyone told me this or that. But someone told me that I will heal at my own pace. No one else's. So I did. It took me over two years and running did not help. But I found some one to love even more after 8 years. Something that helped me and others that I found out was to plant a tree or a favorite bush that the loved one liked. Put a bench by it and make a healing garden to sit and meditate by. Put a small table and chair. Sip tea and read a book. If you are in a cold climate, put the tree or bush where you can see it while indoors. You would not believe how much this helps. I am happy that you have your faith. God will get us through anything we need in life. Sad that others can be where you are. Selfishness is bad, but only they can change how they feel. Just remember, your mother is looking down upon you and smiling......and yes someday you will be there with her. Gods Blessings.......