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Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

Number of Replies: 489
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:16:57 am
Author : dataimport
They're there for you when nobody else is, and understand without  you having to explain. Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Share your story.

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March 15, 2008, 4:46 pm CDT

Sit her down and talk to her

Quote From: tngirl33

My mother is going around telling everyone that nobody loves her and she is going to kill herself. My sister are I have had it with her. Whenever she comes around us she only puts us down and never has anything nice to say and then she gets mad because we dont want her around. She thinks she does nothing worng. Any suggestions?

There's got to be a reason why she's saying that. Tell her that the reason why you guys don;t want her around is because of her negativity and don't know how to talk to you girls. It really upsets me to hear a mother talking to their children like that. Of allthings,  mothers should know better.  I wasn't brought up in the best conditions but I've said to my self from a long time ago that when I have kids I wouldn't do what I was brought up in. And now I can knock on wood because my children has lots of respect for me and they are glad that I'm not llike the rest of the family. My children to me is my world and I want the best for them. What I mean by best is not material things cause I'm not rich. but my love, understanding and ears to listen.

Mom needs help and she needs to seek it out for herself. To tell you the truth, you guys can't do it for her, she needs to do it for herself. Try to be patient and talk to her. Try to reason with her and tell her that if you guys didn't love her you guys wouldn't care if she gets help. and That all of you are willing to help her through this tough time of her life.

 
March 17, 2008, 11:13 am CDT

We have told her

Quote From: brokeninside

There's got to be a reason why she's saying that. Tell her that the reason why you guys don;t want her around is because of her negativity and don't know how to talk to you girls. It really upsets me to hear a mother talking to their children like that. Of allthings,  mothers should know better.  I wasn't brought up in the best conditions but I've said to my self from a long time ago that when I have kids I wouldn't do what I was brought up in. And now I can knock on wood because my children has lots of respect for me and they are glad that I'm not llike the rest of the family. My children to me is my world and I want the best for them. What I mean by best is not material things cause I'm not rich. but my love, understanding and ears to listen.

Mom needs help and she needs to seek it out for herself. To tell you the truth, you guys can't do it for her, she needs to do it for herself. Try to be patient and talk to her. Try to reason with her and tell her that if you guys didn't love her you guys wouldn't care if she gets help. and That all of you are willing to help her through this tough time of her life.

My sister and I have told her over and over that we love her but she is too negative. We are trying to get our lives together and raise our kids without all the negativity in their lives and then here she comes. She will ask my kids if I have fed them today. She ask them what they ate. She ask if I have paid any attention to them today! If I have company, she comes over and embarrasses me by putting me down about how bad a mother I am to my kids. If I am not in my kid's face all the time..I am neglecting them. She nevre comes over and says anything nice. So when  I ignore her and tell her to stay away., she threatens to kill herself. She does this to my sister and her kids too. It is driving us crazy. She wrote my sister a letter and told her that she has forsake her and she will regret it one day. My sister is soo upset. Nothing we do for her is good enough. We cant support her financially. We do good to support our own family. But she expects us too. It's just crazy. We tell her to get a life.
 
March 19, 2008, 5:29 pm CDT

I'm sorry , that you gotta go thru this.

Quote From: tngirl33

My sister and I have told her over and over that we love her but she is too negative. We are trying to get our lives together and raise our kids without all the negativity in their lives and then here she comes. She will ask my kids if I have fed them today. She ask them what they ate. She ask if I have paid any attention to them today! If I have company, she comes over and embarrasses me by putting me down about how bad a mother I am to my kids. If I am not in my kid's face all the time..I am neglecting them. She nevre comes over and says anything nice. So when  I ignore her and tell her to stay away., she threatens to kill herself. She does this to my sister and her kids too. It is driving us crazy. She wrote my sister a letter and told her that she has forsake her and she will regret it one day. My sister is soo upset. Nothing we do for her is good enough. We cant support her financially. We do good to support our own family. But she expects us too. It's just crazy. We tell her to get a life.

Maybe you and your sister just needs to cut all ties with mom. And tell her that is she doesn't straighten up she won't be able to see the grandkids or you guys. Tell her that you and your sister will move out of state to get away from her.  I think she only threatens suicide to get attention. Maybe her whole attitude is for attention? I don't know. But one thing I do know that I wouldn't put up with that.

My sister and i was close but now I won't talk to her because she is a drunk, and everything is about her. She lost her daughter in 2006 and she started cutting herself and threatening suicide . so the father of her daughter takes her back,  and it worked. But she bitches to her son that I raised saying that I don't care about her and what happened to her daughter. But that 's not true, I do care. I just won't and don't have patients to take care of somebody that should take care of themselves. Our mother lost a son to an overdose, and my mother is not suicidal. As a matter of fact She quit drinking and smoking that year. Cold turkey. My sister just wants attention and thinks that we all suppose to stop our  lives because of her tragedy.  So we don't bother her. she tries to call my house and we let the answering machine pick up.

she and and my nieces father came down in October of last year to scatter my nieces ashes and The whole two weeks she was here My mom and I didn't see her. Because we don't have the patients anymore to put up with her  drunkenness and pity me attitude.

 

I don't know if you and your sister has the strength to do what me and my mother is doing to my sister. But you really need to think about the welfare of your own children and if you want them to be exposed to that kind of behavior.( to me not healthy). but you guys need to take a stand for your children and your own sanity. take care and god bless you, your sister and all the children.

Aloha from Hawaii

 
March 25, 2008, 3:38 am CDT

I need guidance

My husband loves to watch the show. 

He is my second husband and we have eight kids between us.  Although, he seems to hate all my kids.  (There are five of them.)  He says they are leeches and never has anything good to say about them.

Apparantly, his kids are perfect.  They are all grown up.  28-19.  No young ones at home anymore.

I try to have a family dinner once a month that he hates.  He hates my kids being there.  He hates the  "expense" of the meal.  It's once a month!!!!

His child that lives in the area is never there, either.  It means nothing to her.

I am getting so discouraged and frustrated and don't know what to do.

How do I blend two families into one with a man like this?  Isn't it supposed to be both of us making a priority of combining the two families into one?

 
March 25, 2008, 3:40 am CDT

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: lolwlias

My husband loves to watch the show. 

He is my second husband and we have eight kids between us.  Although, he seems to hate all my kids.  (There are five of them.)  He says they are leeches and never has anything good to say about them.

Apparantly, his kids are perfect.  They are all grown up.  28-19.  No young ones at home anymore.

I try to have a family dinner once a month that he hates.  He hates my kids being there.  He hates the  "expense" of the meal.  It's once a month!!!!

His child that lives in the area is never there, either.  It means nothing to her.

I am getting so discouraged and frustrated and don't know what to do.

How do I blend two families into one with a man like this?  Isn't it supposed to be both of us making a priority of combining the two families into one?

Oh, I forgot to mention that he also always threatens to burn our house down whenever he is angry.
 
April 2, 2008, 3:20 pm CDT

moving around because of job

my husband and i have been married 12 years  nov. 1st.  we have 2 girls 8 and 5 years old. my son from previous marriage, who is 20 just moved back home.  my husband started a job last may, the job will end and  he will have to go somewhere else to work.   we had said that we didnt want to move  our kids around, like we  did as kids.  the time is coming closer, and the new job is gonna be a 4 year job.  i want to move cause i dont want to be away from my husband all week, and only get sat. for a family day.  i need some advice on if its better to stay together as a family or keep your kids in the same school their whole life.  i want us to remain as a family on an everyday basis, not just sat.  please help if anyone has any advice.  the job pays well.  there are no jobs that pay enough in th area to stay here, the school is good though.  please help me, i dont know whats best!!!!
 
April 6, 2008, 12:55 pm CDT

True colors of family


My "Upset, confised, bewildered" Diary
Hello,

The whole mess started a year ago (for me anyway, that I know of). My mother and father had been married 61 years, and have 10 children. My father passed away last January, he was 91, my mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 3 years ago. I'm #8 child. My sister who is Maureen #3 is in her mid 50's and she is unmarried. About a year or two before my dad passed away my sister #3 moved back home to take care of my mother and father. That was kind-of a family agreement. We knew my mother had to have someone there at all times, my father was already 89, we did not think he would be capable of taking care of my mother(the kind of care she really needs, go to the doctor, etc.) My brother Tony #7 lives at home (he is also unmarried and in his early 50's also) but he works a lot and cannot be there all the time. So anyway, as I said, it was a, somewhat, family agreement. We also agreed to pay her the time she takes care of my mother. She makes my parents breakfast, lunch, and diner, that is it! Anytime my mother had to go to the doctor, one of the other children had to take her, even though the majority of us do not live near them and most of us work. We still had to find the time and to come whenever my sister #3 wanted to go away. Anyway, the whole mess really started for me a year ago. My sister #3 had to go away on business (she has a travel agency, she works out of the house, it is online only), a group of hers goes on a cruise every year and she will go along. So my sister #10 went down for a few days, my brother#2 went down for one night (the most he has ever done, he would rather pay someone to take his share of caring for my mother than have to do it himself), then my sister #1 and I went down for the remaining few days. Well, before this happened, my sister #3 wanted everyone to make a ‘family calendar’ of the time of year they intend to come down and watch mom so she can ‘get away’. A few of the others questioned that because we would always be there when she needed,so why was she insisting on a 'family calender'. I even proposed the question directly to my sister #3. I said I think it is better that you just tell us when you want to do something, and we always come. She told me that she thought it was unfair to me because I was always the one that would offer the most. And she knows she can always count on me.  Well my brother #5 questioned her and she got very upset. Is all he did was say (as I did) that it would be better if she let us know when she needed someone. He lives in Baltimore, but he has been here a few times to help (more than my oldest brother who lives about 30 minutes away). She got VERY mad about him actually questioning her(and he was never mean or anything like that, just simple question).  And she said she was going to start taking the money that we agreed to pay her. I started thinking about it, she lives at my mothers house, she pays no rent, no electricity, no phone, no internet. Her gas, food and toiletries are even paid for by my mother. They had even put the car in my sisters name, so the car really belongs to her. Now my mothers income has been cut almost in half since my father passed away, so she really can not afford this. She also pays yard maintenance, and to have the house exterminated for bugs monthly. Therefore, I thought that was a little much from my sister. She has always been a very dramatic person, and my father has helped her out sooo many times. She use to live at my parents house about 4 years before this and once again paid NOTHING. Anyway when my sister #1 and I went down to take care of my mother; when we got there we mentioned this to my brother #7(the one that also lives there) was livid. He and sister #3 have had many arguments in the past, and do not really get along. Before we went down, my brother (#5) had told Shawn to check mom’s bank account, and in the past Rosie (#4)-, who is a very opinionated person)has many times had my brother Tony and Mike check on the bank account, because she did not trust Maureen at all. So my sister #1 and I started looking at my mothers bank account and we also knew my father had put my sister on his American express account, so she had a card as well. We also tried to find the American express bill to see what she has put on there. We were unable to find the bill, we found out that she was having the bill emailed to her. I then checked the account online and found that there was a lot of activity from my sister. We also found that whenever she went to the store she used the ATM card and always took out cash. My brother got more livid every minute, he was going to confront her as soon as she got home. My sister and I did not think that was a good idea, he has a bad temper and can get very mad and make things worse. So we talked him out of it and another brother #9 was going to talk to her about that. Well, that never happened, brother #9 has no backbone and chickened out. A few days later, my brother #7 confronted sister #3 and they got into a huge argument, she packed a bag said she was leaving for good, got into my mothers car, that is actually hers know, and left. Not telling anyone where she was going or, when she was returning.  She also knew Tony (#7) had to go back to work and would have to go to work the next day, she did not care. My brother called another brother #9, because he lives the closest(about 30 minutes), and he would not answer the phone. He then called my oldest brother #2, and that brother said “What are you going to do about it?” not offering to help at all, which is not surprising. Then he once again called brother #9 and that brother said “Your problem, deal with it”, and then hung up. So Tony (#7) called my sister #1,(who lives near me, about 2 hours away) and she and her husband got right in their car and went down to watch my mother. When they got down there, nobody had heard from Maureen(#3) yet, so nobody knew when she was returning. My sister Shawn(#1) and her husband decided to bring my mother back to their house until Maureen returned. My brother Mike(#5) and I were talking in the phone after this happened and we thought the best thing was to have my mother move in with me. I am married and we have one son, but we have an extra room and I could take care of her. Now, the reason we decided that was because we thought that everyone would agree this would be the best thing for right now. Thinking back to when my father first passed away, there was email going between family members (especially my sister Rosie(#4)) about selling my mother house and moving her and Maureen up closer to myself Patty(sister #10) and Shawn, we all live near each other. Well, as I said before, my mothers income had dropped a lot and everyone was in agreement that she could not afford to buy a house until the one down there had been sold. So there was discussion about renting up here. So I actually believed her moving up here with me was the right answer for know, and I thought everyone would agree. Well, was I wrong! Everyone was VERY upset I did that. Poor Maureen, how could I do that to her? I was doing nothing to her, it was not a good situation for my mother to be in and they knew we had to sell her house. So what did I do wrong? I also got the care needed for my mother, taking her to a Neurologist, general practitioner, day care at least once a week. Making her get out of bed and walk (to get some exercise). I never asked for help from anyone.  My oldest sister Shawn(#1), was a terrific help along with her husband. My brother Mike (#5) was also terrific, moral support, he lives in Baltimore, so he is not able to be here to help, which is fine, I understand. No body else did a thing! They were all very mad that I actually had mom move in with me. When she was with Maureen, everyone was talking about having her go to day care, get some exercise. She wasn’t even getting her the correct care she needed, she was not having anyone come in and take care of my mother, give her a bath, change her… The worst part (actually there are so many I’m not sure which is worse), when my mother was with me, I never asked to be paid for anything except reimbursement for medicine and any special items I may have had to buy for her. I was also having someone come in and give my mother a bath and wash her hair, so I was reimbursed for that. Anyway, my mother was paying all the bills to her house, electricity, mortgage, exterminator, yard maintenance, cable tv, phone, internet… while my sister Maureen and Tony lived there and continued to pay nothing. Not one person saw anything wrong with that except my sister Shawn(#1) and my brother Mike (#5). But before this happened Rosie(the opinionated one in California) and others(including Maureen)would complain a lot about Tony not paying anything, but now it is fine. I had been going to Alzheimer’s support group once a week, and everyone in the group finally talked me into taking my mother back home, it was too hard on me with all that was going on.  So, I did take her back home after 5 months. My sister Shawn and I go down and take our mother out to lunch, we try once a month.  Another thing that really got me, at Christmas, Shawn, her husband, Mike, My husband and myself all went down to see our mother. They all had taken EVERY single picture of Shawn, her husband and their son out of the house. That got me very upset, seeing the true colors again. I thought how dare them, Shawn is their oldest daughter. It showed me their immaturity and hypocrisy again. Well it has been a year, my son has joined the army, not one of them has asked about him at all. Maureen, myself and my husband, all lived together when I had my son. Maureen would always say, “Ollie has a special place in my heart”. My son use to call her mom 2. The others would always say how they love Ollie(my son). A year has gone by, he graduated high school, got his eagle scout, joined the army, and not one of them sent him any kind of card or even asked where he is and how he is doing. They know his email and our address, even his cell phone. No invitation for Fourth of July party they have every year, no invitation for Thanksgiving, no invitation to the Christmas party they have every year, nothing at all for Christmas. The other thing, they do not let us see anything concerning my mothers finances, and they do not let us now what is going on with my mother. Maureen did tell us that a woman comes in twice a week to bath my mother, and a general practitioner comes to the house to see her (how often, I do not know). She does not take her to a Neurologist, and my mother lies in bed all day. We have no idea what money she has left, and how much she is paying for everything. I do not even think any of them know. I do not believe any of them are watching the bank account, so Maureen can do as she pleases. I do know that Maureen is still using the AX card (which she has a few thousand dollars, and she has an ATM card. Whenever she goes to the store she always gets money out and I really believe she is using that money to pay her AX bill.  They all can go ahead and support Maureen all they want, but I will not. She has hurt me very much, along with all the others. I have always tried to help all of them whenever I could, I have never lied to any of them. Every one of them have said at one time or another, either, Maureen lies, Maureen exaggerates, Maureen bends the truth. I have NEVER lied to ANY of them. It has been a year and I think about this at least twice a day, and I get angrier and angrier each time. I am just so amazed they are doing this and can’t see that they are doing wrong. My mother should be the main one they should be thinking about, but yet it is Maureen. They have to know my mother lies in bed all day, they have to know she barely ever gets out of the house, they have to know she isn’t seeing a Neurologist. And there is nothing my sister Shawn, my brother Mike or I could do, the youngest has power of attorney and she is so brain washed by Rosie and Maureen, she only sees black where we are concerned. I also get very upset that not one of them have ever asked about my son and how he is. I don’t know what to do, or even if there is anything to do.  

Thanks for listening,  

Very Confused  

 
 
April 14, 2008, 7:36 am CDT

Not Invited to Granddaughter's Birthday Party

 I said to my five year old Granddaughter that I would see her on Wednesday.  She will be six years old.
My Daughter asked me what time would I be over?  She said that my Granddaughter wanted two or three of her friends to the house.  My Granddaughter came right up to me and said that I wasn't invited.  My Daughter said that my Granddaughter's father-figure would be stopping by sometime during the day.  My Granddaughter said that she invited him.  I was totally crushed when I left their house.  I had a hard time getting to sleep last night .   I have presents and two birthday cards ready for my Granddaughter.  I will miss opening presents and birthday cake with her.   My Daughter never gives me pictures that she takes.
 
April 30, 2008, 9:44 pm CDT

To come home or not to come home -- that is the question!

On January 18, 2008 my husband of 2 years left because my 19 year old daughter took up for me and ended up slapping my husbands
face.  She appologized for the act but not for the reason behind it.  My husband went to the sheriff and pressed charges of domestic
violence against my daughter, but then had them dropped.  She has always been for us getting married, having other children, etc.
this one time incident has caused him to be gone for 4 months, and during this time, he has paid none of the bills (he is a teacher
making about 56,000 per year, and I work part time at my church making about 6,200 per year.  I have asked repeatedly for him to
come home . . .I get the run around . . .I am taking care or our 16 month old twin boys with no help from him.  Bottom line is he
will not budge on coming home, but won't give me a good reason why.  How long do I wait on him.  I have a hard time making ends
meet, but it will make him VERY angry if I seek a legal separation in order to get some help.  Any advice would be helpful.

Thank you in advance
 
May 7, 2008, 8:46 am CDT

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: wifey31

Please bear with me, as this is very painful to express. 10 years ago, I was raped by my Aunt's husband the night before they were to be married and never said anything. They had a party, everyone was drinking, I passed out and thought I was in a safe place (My aunt's house). When I woke up, he was having his way with me. I grabbed my clothes and ran out. So here I am, all of 31 years of age, now married to a man who refuses to attend those family functions because the rapist would be at the family gathering. Thats understandable, right? But for 7 years, my hubby hasnt came to any family functions, and it has really started to screw with my marriage, starting with the family taking pot shots at my hubby for not coming around (little do they know why!) So on my Dad's b-day, my grandmother kept belittling and berating my marriage and my husband, so I blew up, and the truth came out. The truth would've never came out if my hubby hadn't put his foot down about how he feels about this. Since I put my family in check, they obviously side with the rapist, and now I've lost the family I thought I had. This guy isn't even blood. We were a tight knit Italian family, but where's the love? My mom and dad told me that I should've just kept my mouth shut. What the f--- is that? Someone, anyone, what the hell is going on here? Yes I know I should've spoken up back then, but I love my Aunt so much, I didn't want to speak up and ruin her wedding day!

First off what do you mean they sided with the rapist? I am just outraged at this and I am so sorry that you are going threw it with your own family. I am going threw my own hell of stuff too... but this is outragious. I wish I had something good to say to you but with family like that who needs enemies. I would just let them be and move on with your own life and try to get as much help you can for what took place with you back then and understand that it was not your fault and they should all be ashamed of themselves and for your Mother and Father to tell you you should of just kept your mouth shut... Are you kidding me???  They need help. You never should of kept your mouth shut from Day 1 but you did for your Aunt. Now look what that has gotten you.. You dont need people like that, even though it is your own family move on and get some counceling for it and see if it will help. I know it is very hard to let go but that is not the response I would of thought you would get with something like that. They should all be ashamed and maybe someday they will see the pain they have caused you and realize that you had held onto this for many years and it was bound to explode sooner or later. I am sorry for your pain and for having family like them. Good Luck and God Bless
 
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