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Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:16:57 am
Author : dataimport
They're there for you when nobody else is, and understand without  you having to explain. Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Share your story.

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May 7, 2008, 8:53 am CDT

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: perkyperkins

On January 18, 2008 my husband of 2 years left because my 19 year old daughter took up for me and ended up slapping my husbands
face.  She appologized for the act but not for the reason behind it.  My husband went to the sheriff and pressed charges of domestic
violence against my daughter, but then had them dropped.  She has always been for us getting married, having other children, etc.
this one time incident has caused him to be gone for 4 months, and during this time, he has paid none of the bills (he is a teacher
making about 56,000 per year, and I work part time at my church making about 6,200 per year.  I have asked repeatedly for him to
come home . . .I get the run around . . .I am taking care or our 16 month old twin boys with no help from him.  Bottom line is he
will not budge on coming home, but won't give me a good reason why.  How long do I wait on him.  I have a hard time making ends
meet, but it will make him VERY angry if I seek a legal separation in order to get some help.  Any advice would be helpful.

Thank you in advance
Get a leagal seperation and see how fast he acts then.. Screw that.. Dont stay and wait!! You need help now. If he touches you or hurts you in anyway, threating or other wise call the police. You have children who need you. That comes first and if he does not have a good enough reason for not coming home by now to be honest with you. I would file for divorse. He is living the life isint he.. ACT now NOT  later.
 
May 8, 2008, 4:57 am CDT

The Meaning of "Family"

I would like to know what is the Meaning of Family? I know that I am a part of a Family but not sure if I am expecting to much from some of my extended Family Members? Sister in laws, Brother in laws? Anyone want to take a shot at it?
 
May 15, 2008, 4:40 am CDT

The Meaning of "Family"

Ok, Is it ok that your husband has a conversation with daughter and tells her it is between her and him and the wall and that she should not tell me about what they talked about or what he has said to her? It is about a extended family issue that has gone on and it is not for me to know about what he said? She is 16. Please any answers or opinions.!!  
 
May 16, 2008, 12:24 pm CDT

Please give me advice on my broken family.

Dear Dr. Phil and Boards,

I had just moved back home from college after being away from home for almost all of my undergrad. 5 months ago I found out my parents we having issues just like any one who has been with one another for so long I am sure.  Recently these issues have been unravelling. My mother works full time as does my dad. I have a younger brother who is being neglected by my mother. As soon as she comes home she jumps right onto the computer doing and speaking to g-d knows who. She is on a social networking site with all of her friends and recently confessed to me that she has been chatting with some guy for a while and that she might be in love with him. I was shocked when she told me this I didnt know how to respond to her. She has not met the guy, she comes home, gets on the computer is on it until my dad gets home then sprints off of it. My dad knows she is always on the computer but does not think anything of it. I dotn want to take sides on it but I want them to somehow repair their porblems. I know my mother she just wants more attention from my father, she wants to feel appreciated but how can that be dont if shes not doing anything to be appreciated for? I love my parents dearly, we just rekindled our relationship about a year ago, since we did not speak for almost 2 years when I came out and its funny how the tables have turned on "their perfect" lives. What can I do to get everythin gback to normal in some way. I do not want to take sides and taking a bat to her computer is not an option! :(

Thanks

-Sad son NYC
 
May 20, 2008, 2:08 pm CDT

MY Gay Dad

my father just told my mom that after 25 years of being married he is gay my mom is hurt what can i do my brothers are mad at me and im the only one my dad can talk to so what do i do
 
May 20, 2008, 4:12 pm CDT

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: jaimie1974

the reason that he left was lame. It sounds like he was looking for a reason to go...
You have children who need you; I urge you to take action ASAP. Dont wait around, hoping and wishing for him to come home. You cant allow yourself to be scared of what he might do or say in regards to you seeking legal counsel- you are a grown adult, and only YOU are responsible for yourself. This man doesnt control you; at least, he shouldnt control you. Take back your power!
If you feel that you cant do this for yourself, then I urge you to do it for your children. As a parent, I know that you want your children to have better then youve had. You want them to grow up to be healthy, happy, respectful and productive members of society. You do that by being an example for them. If you continue in this relationship the way that it is, you are teaching them that it is fine to intimidate/threaten the people you claim to love, and they will grow up thinking it is normal to disrespect women. They will grow up, seek out a mate, and repeat this dysfunctional pattern for themselves; I know that you want much more for them. That means that you have to take action now. I wish you the best- your babies need and deserve financial support! Also, if your husband wont give you concrete reasons as to why he isnt coming home, the reasons cant be good. If they were good, hed be speaking them. Hes hiding something. It is time for you to take control of your life. I wish you the best!
I agree 100% with this reply. It sounds like he was waiting for the right time to leave. Did maybe he do something he knew would cause your daughter to slap him, so he could have a reason to leave? It is a very LAME reason to leave you and the rest of the family. It is time to face reality, he was waiting for the perfect opportunity to leave. You need to move on, you have to much responsibilty to wait on him. Your children need you! Why are they being bunished for his actions of immaturity?
 
May 21, 2008, 5:05 am CDT

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: khelpevans

my father just told my mom that after 25 years of being married he is gay my mom is hurt what can i do my brothers are mad at me and im the only one my dad can talk to so what do i do
Wow this is a hard one hunny, Umm I dont have any great advice but try and stay neutral? This is something that you really can not do anything about but be supportive to all involved.. Of course your mother is hurt and of course your brothers are mad they are all in shock I am sure.. That is a long time to be together and have no clue.! A Very difficult situation here.. I hope the best for all involved and try and stay strong it can get very ugly an I am sure very painfull. Good Luck
 
May 26, 2008, 10:12 am CDT

True colors of family

Well it has been over a year when this whole mess started(for me anyway, my other sister it has been 20). My mother and father were married 61 years and ten children, 5 girls and 5 boys.  My father just passed away at the age of 91, Jan. 2007. My mother has been diagnosed with Alzhiemer's. I posted the whole story before, so I won't make this long again, becuase it is a long story. Anyway, when I thought I was doing right by my mother, having her move in here with my self, my husband and son. Everyone got very upset with me, I guess because they thought the only reason I did that was to spite my sister Maureen. Nobody has told me the true reason, it's as if everyone is afraid to speak. They do not have any backbone it seems. So anyway. like I said it has been over a year, I still think about it everyday; that is usually my first thought when I get up and my last when I go to bed (if I sleep at all). On my birthday, two of my brothers and their wifes called my husbands cell phone to have him tell me happy birthday from them. Why did they not call my phone? To me that is not sincere, I do not except their happy birthday. My son, who just turned 19, has joined the Army. He could be in Iraq for all they know. Last year, he graduated High School, no cards or phone calls of any kind to him. My nephew and his wife always have a 4th of July party every year and they invite whole family. The last one, nobody ever called my son and invited him. Thanksgiving, we all usually get together at my oldest brothers house, last year, no invitation what-so-ever to my son. My oldest brother and his wife have a Christmas party every year, last year no invitation to my son wait-so-ever. Christmas, no invitation, no cards, NOTHING for my son. The son who, every one of them claim to LOVE so much and think he is a wonderful young man.
Well, my brother who lives in Minnesota is coming down with his family next month. He called my husband (not me) to let him know and to say he would like to get together. My husband told him he thinks it is about time that my brother sit down with me and talk. I know my brother, just like all of them, he will say he did not do anything, and he will not want to talk about what this is really about. Just like every one of them, they all want to just hide and not face reality, act as if nothing happened. That is excactly what they did with my oldest sister. I am guilty of that also, I am 11 years younger than her, I was very sick at one time and I was guilty of never wanting to hear the whole story. I never really talked about it, nobody ever did. One of my sisters did and she tried to turn the whole family against my oldest. She and my oldest brother(who was directly involved with what happened) were successful in turning some against my oldest.
Anyway, so what do I do? Do I act just as they are, as if nothing ever happened? As if they never REALLY hurt me, and I sleep just fine and never think about this? Be as fake as they are? One of my beothers rented a house in the Florida keys, all of them are going down for, I geuss a week. One of my sisters finally emailed my son and asked him if he would be able to come down for a few days. I am torn, I do want him to stay close to his cousins, I think that is important. But then what about his Aunts and Uncles? The ones who wanted nothing to do with him for so long? The ones that hurt me so much, the cause of my sleepless nights and worrying? Do I want him to be around such phony people?
I would appreciate any and all responses. Maybe I am completely wrong and should act as they do, to me though, it is really phony.
 
May 29, 2008, 3:15 pm CDT

Finding lost family

                     You never know the meaning of family until you lose one. That is what happened to me and my brothers and sisters when we were very young. My dad and brother left when I was very young girl. For years I tried to find where they might be, but it was as if the earth had just swallowed them up. So I went on with my life and my memories. Then about a month ago My brother Frank emailed an invition to our family board. From there I found that I had even more brothers and sisters, one as young as 23. Then the most amazing thing happended My brother who haven't seen in 38 years was found. We are now in contact with each other and the healing is starting to happen . As the old saying goes you really never know what you have until it's gone, but when it's found you never let it go again                         Mary in Oregon
 
June 3, 2008, 9:27 am CDT

A father who has learned


 

I don't know why I post this. I can only say that I'm a single father who has learned a very valuable and important lesson. I hope any men who read this can take a moment and think. I am not preaching nor do I think I am now the greatest father. I can only hope it causes some men to sit back and think. So, here goes....

 

 There are many thoughts that I contemplate deep within the corridors of my mind. One of which I will attempt to talk about is LOVE. Has anybody truly sat down and thought about what love truly is? As I sit and think a thought comes to mind.

In growing up in a Latino home I saw that showing love as a man was to work and provide for the family. my father was a hard working man. He worked six days a week and in the 19 years I lived at home I never saw my father take a vacation, a day off, or a sick day. However, my father never said the words "I love you." My mother would always say, "Your father loves you. Look at what he does for us. Do you think it's easy to pay the bills?"

 

When my son was born I too started out like my father. For the first six months of my son's life I worked as many overtime hours as possible. Many times exceeding 70 hours per week. I would come home after work and spend no quality time with my son. I would not change a diaper, warm a bottle, give him a bath, or rock him to sleep. In my ignorance I thought it was my wife's job. Little did I know that my life was about to drastically change. I ended up separated and divorced.

 

This left me to take care of my son all alone when I had him. I had to bathe him, change him, feed him, rock him to sleep, and wake up at night when he cried. To say I had no idea what I was doing is an understatement! I have never experienced anything so physically, mentally, and emotionally tough and draining. In going through that life altering experience I have found a new respect and admiration for all single mothers. Words can't express the level of sacrifice a single mother gives. I was not a single father in the true sense of the word because I shared custody with my ex-wife. However, the days I had my son it was as if I worked 24 hours a day. To all the single mothers out there THANK YOU! I finally realize what the word love really means. I am so thankful for what I went through. I have developed a connection with my son that I would never have had. How many father out there know there son's favorite color, favorite cartoon, or even their favorite food? We as fathers take the little moments for granted. Simply giving your child a bath is a bonding event. I found myself getting emotional just watching my little boy play so happily in the bath. With all the crashing and shooting sounds he made with his toys my connection and love grew. I found myself laying next to him watching him sleep, listening to his little breaths, and sometimes taking in a deep smell from the top of his head. The weird thing is that to this day when I think of those moments I can still smell his baby scent. I can't imagine the connection a mother has carrying a life within her for 9 months. Then going through the long, arduous, and pain staking birth process. When I think of that bond I'm envious. It makes me look within myself and ask the question: Could I be strong enough to go through that? The truthful answer is I don't know. I have a new found respect for all women in this world. I have had a revelation. Society tends to think of men as strong, leaders of their families. Guess what??? Not true at all. We as men don't realize the true sense of the word strength. We think that going to work and making money is enough. Not even close guys! A woman's work is never done, and if I had not gone through what I did I would have never known. We as men think we are the leaders of our families..... What does a leader do? A leader guides people, a leader helps people, a leader teaches people, a leader motivates people, supports people and leads by example. Who truly does all those things for your children? If you're being honest with yourself you know it's their mother. What hypocrites we are as men to think we are leaders. Who spends almost every hour of their life teaching your children right from wrong? Who spends almost every hour of their life building the moral foundation upon which your children will lie their lives? That's right.... MOTHERS.

Men, I urge you to take a serious look at your lives. Ask yourself, "Do I really know my children?" If the answer is no I'm here to tell you it's not too late. Your children love you. They want you to know them. You'll be amazed at how your love will grow by getting involved in the little day to day things. Bathe your children, cook for them, feed them, change their diapers, put them to sleep, and when they have a nightmare wake up and let your wife stay in bed (even though she will still get up). I have to be honest it feels good that my son calls out, "DADDY!" when he has a nightmare. Who do your children call out for? Love your children the way they deserve. Give yourself the opportunity to experience motherly love. Some of you may read this and laugh while others may try it. For those that do you will see that it's a life altering experience. It will change you as a father and a man. You will look at the world with different eyes. We can learn a lot from our women. I ask you to be "man" enough to try.

 
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