Quote From: artamei have no relations ,and his family never was friendly.I cant get friendly with them,cos my Patrick dont recignise fathers,mothers days,birthdays are just exuse to talk with his brothers about their things,Christmas is sinonym to pack the belly.May be somebody have similar experience and have some advice how to cope with life like that.
Artame,
It sounds like you need to have some social support around you. There must be some community counselling progams available where you can go and get some help sorting through your feelings. Your boyfriend sounds as if he is a product of his upbringing and perhaps there was poverty and neglect that he had to adjust to as a boy. Having money (not spending it and being miserly) is often a result of growing up in a very poor family-My parents are Irish and my father had some similar issues with spending and acting as if the money was HIS and not HERS too. He doesn't seem to have the communication or relationship tools necessary to be a sensitive husband. He sounds like a good man in some respects...but that he may be selfish. Why has he not married you? He may be afraid of being hurt or that you will leave him. Did another woman do this? Does his parents have a good relationship?
here are some suggestions;
Get community support (women's services, immigrant services) this may include counselling, help with finding a job, child care for your daughter etc.
Talk to his mother or other family member about your feelings (if you trust them) You may be surprised how the family will support you.
Find a job-you need this for leverage (he sees money as a source of power and independence) If he sees that you have the means to leave -he may want to work on the relationship. If he doesn't want to work on it , then you have a way out. I believe in Ireland he may have to pay child support even if you are not married. Check into this through womens' services.
Write him a letter about what you NEED him to do to resolve things for you. DO NOT criticize, judge but start the letter with. "I need you to do the following things for me: Shower before bed, take out the garbage,go shopping with me on Saturday, go to the park on Sunday for a walk...men think differently than women do and communicate differently to. Maybe this will help. Tell him that you care for him but that you are getting very sad and will BE making changes in your living arrangements if he doesn't begin to help you and take your needs seriously.
Look after yourself and your daughter and put her needs first. Yes she loves her father but she needs him to love her mother too. You are teaching her to have lower standards for herself by continuing to let your needs be ignored.
Peace, blessings and good luck to all of you
CK
