Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

I hate families. I hate christmas. I hate easter. I hate seeing fathers loving their chilren. I hate seeing grandma's and grandpa's shopping with their grandkids. I hate seeing mothers that listen to their children.I hate the whole stupid idea of family. My family is in shatters and there's no way to fix it. everything hurts. Every Birthday is horrible, every christmas is horrible and getting married will be just one more hassle. Seeing my friend living her cinderella life makes me want to kill myself. Everytime her grandma buys her a present or her father says something nice to her I feel my heart rip in two but all I can do is smile and congradulate her! I hate it! I would give everything I own just to have a grandma take me shopping for a day and tell me I can pick something nice out and she will buy it. That is what  I dream about when I go to sleep at night. Instead I am busy helping everyone else. I HATE FAMILIES and I hate life!! 

Ever since my parents seperated i have been unable to feel ok. I cry myself to sleep most nights. Some bad things have happened in my life and I lived through them just fine but having my parents seperate is just not something I can get up from. Am I totally pathetic. I feel so angry at myself because I shouldn't feel this way and I should be able to just move on with life like everyone else but I can't even make decisions anymore. I feel so lost. I just need someone to love me. So I am engaged to this guy who is nothing like the man I picture for my life but he fills the hole and it would be stupid to let go of the one little piece of love I have in my life. I get drunk most weekends and some weekdays just to feel a little better but I just end up feeling worse. I've become this needy nutcase that is afraid to even leave her house. I just can't stand to be rejected again so I avoid any activity in which I might get rejected. I just want love in my life so bad but how can I find a decent guy when the hole in my heart is so big?

Dear Dr. Phil,

 Me and my mom usually get along untill it comes to her lifestyle. Right now she lives with me and my household. The problem that i have is that she has a bingo problem and she uses guys for money. I have tried to make her comfront the fact that she has a problem but evey time i do she gets mad and we end up in an arguement and she leaves. I love her but she will never be on her own untill she stops going to bingo, she goes with money she barrows from family three or four times a week, and stops relying on guys for money. She hasn't lived on her own for 2 and a half years. Even my husband has helped her out but she messed that up too. I need help to help her.

Thanks.

i came from a close family not a perfect one but a close one .I talk to my sisters and mom every week or so.we all grew up in the same house.We are all very close in age so we do get into auguments.My dad has passed awy after being married to my mom for 56 years.

 my husband is the result of a second marriage of bothe parents his dad was 25 years older then his mom and his children were out of the house and having kids of thier own.his moms child was a tot.My husband came along whaen her kid was grown.his dad died shortly after his was born.all those siblings of his were grown and gone when he was being brought up by his 50 60 year old mom.she was delpressed from losing her husband.My husband always tells ower kids and people that his family is very close.I just say nothing about my family.At my dads funeralhe said yet agian he wants to be bureid by his mom and dad not next to me not cool.I can't figure this out he always says he loves me;my kids know all of my sisblings and cusins.our kids do not know any of his only by what  he tells of them.our childeren don't know his siblings or the cucins at  all.I once was told by one of them that they told  there parnet that they would keep him envoled but that was to make that parent happy not that they would do it.both of his parent dead.I don't understand why he lives in this fantisy of a close net family.our kids don't know them hardly at all I  have to really think about who he is talking about and when he dies most will have passed on and the other won't know who is is.So why does he keep telling me and the kids his family is so close and want to be bured next to his parenst and not me???

Americas Families are being torn apart and it seems as though no one will listen !!!

I, myself, have lost 3 beautiful, innocent children to our crooked system. I was incarcerated for 3 months for overdrafting my bank acct. after my ex husband took every dime i had ( I wrote $1500.00 worth of bad checks to grocery stores, wal-mart, etc; for over a period of 3 months way back in 2003) I couldnt afford to pay them off within the given time)--I had no bio-family in NC, and had been a stay at home mom for years.

My 2 sons father died in a car acccident, and we had a monthly income because of that. When I got remarried, I had a daughter who was autistic so I was unable to leave her with anyone. My Children stayed with me 24-7 their entire lives. Shprtly after I was remarried my husband started abusing me physically, emotionally, verbally, and sexually. I tried everything I could to get my children away from this situation. He was a commercial fisherman and got addicted to crack cocaine. Our family had no idea what he was doing..we didnt see him for months at the time..he would come home for a few days and leave again. The last time he emptied my bank acct before ditching us...resulting in the bad checks. Needless to say I got away from him, I bought a small mobile home in NC, and started my life over. I met a really great guy and we became best friends rite away. We had our share of problems like anyone else, and we werent rich, but us together with my children we were a family. My children loved and adored him. My daughter called him Daddy, and sometimes wouldnt let him leave to go to work!!

I felt as though my life was becoming perfect or close to it. We were planning to move to mountains in NC to be in peace and harmony, when I was locked up at a court date. I was thrown in jail and didnt have a clue as to how long I would be in there for until 6 days later. During the first 5 days I didnt sleep, I didnt eat. I couldnt call anyone to let them know where I was or what happened, everyones phones had blocks and I couldnt rmember numbers after my cell phone auto dialing for so long.

My Children were left at a adoptive cousins house that I hadnt known very long. I wanted so badly to have a family. She drank on occasions but I had never seen her out of control or drunk, She had never watched my kids prior to me getting locked up. It was an emergency situation and I had no clue that I was going to jail that day. Otherwise I wouldve made proper arrangements.

My adoptive cousins grandma lived right up the street from my ex-mother-in-law, who hated my guts becasue she couldnt see my daughter. Small town gossip got word spread fast and my mother-in-law called cps once again. Prior to me being locked up, I had repeated false reports filed agains me "Anonymously"--ALL WERE PROVEN TO BE FOUND NOT TRUE-----

2 days after being locked up, I was pulled out for a unknown visitation..it was a CPS social worker named Mrs. Patterson. She was rude right from the get go and started yelling at me and slamming pictures against the glass window---I was in total shock at the time as I hadnt slept in over 2 days for one, and I had never seen this woman before in my life who was screaming at me...the pictures confused me..i saw laundry in piles, a small poop on white carpet, pills spilled out on a dresser top, and of all things, the last pic that was flashed before my eyes was a mattress that was slid over the boxsprings revealing a sex toy of the male genitalia. The pictures were taken at my adoptive cousins house after my children had been taken from the residence. At the same time the social worker hads arrived at my adoptive cousins house the police had arrived and was searching the house because of one of my cousins neighbors. This is the reason for the pills spilled on top of the dresser, and the box springs being slid away revealing the toy. A few short days later I suffered a stroke while incacerated affecting the right side of my body and my speech. I put in a "nurse request" and 3 days later I got some tylenol. I was basically refused medical treatment

Its an ugly picture if u dont know the real details...My children were never exposed to any of these items in the house and were not exposed to the search. The social worker intruded and was taking pics as the police were searching and shortly afterwards. NOT BEFORE.

My 2 sons were wearing my fiance's t-shirts when social services arrived and took my children. They documented that my children were dirty and didnt have proper clothing. The t-shirts, I myself wore them from time to time. He alwasy had the ones with dragons, or tigers and my children loved these shirts. They felt safe and secure wearing his shirts like that.

OK, so this happened in june 2005.. when I was released, I was homeless and broke. I stayed with a few ppl here in there, 2 weeks later I got a good job which was later ruined by CPS calling and telling my employer I had drug tests and that she wanted my employer to give my appt time. Not to mention having to request time off to go to child care classes. I passed all my classes with flying colors except for the last class. I missed the last day of class and they werent holding another one until the next year.

So Thanksgiivng comes aorund, and Im promised to be able to cook for my children, and spend quality time with them. They lied. I got to see my children 2 weeks after the holiday was over. I was SUPPOSED to see my children once every week for one hour. That NEVER HAAPPENED..NOT EVEN ONCE!

I ALWAYS was given a excuse as to why I was unable to see my kids. Then Christmas came and I was TOLD all the way up until CHristmas Eve that I was spending Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the next day with my children at my mother in laws house. She was coming to get me and it was ok for me to stay there, since I was obviously not a danger to my children. One lie after another, it seemed my mother in law was telling CPS another story than what she was telling me.

She told CPS I didnt want to see my children on christmas. I had a court appointed attorney at the time and his son had just been killed, so he was out of it during every court appearenace and never said a word, he even fell asleep in one court appearence. I asked for a new lawyer since i couldnt afford one and was denied. I was so ignorant and nieve to the system.

So, on Christmas Eve and Christmas day I spent crying, throwing up, and just having a total breakdown. I felt as though my heart had been ripped outta my chest. One of my friends invited a few ppl to kinda cheer me up. I was depressed, it was like losing my husband all over again with my children right in the front seat with him. A few ppl came over and brought alcohol for a "Christmas Party"..nothing big...I started drinking ( i was legal age), and somehow or another someone lit a marijuana cigarette. I NEVER HAD A DRUG HABIT IN MY LIFE, but I had experiemented with marijuana in high school before i had children. I just wanted to numb the pain, so I smoked a few puffs, drank a few more drinks and that was the end of it. 3 weeks later I was drug tested and was positive for thc (marijuana).

Based on the drug test and my mother in law saying I didnt want to see my kids for christmas, the cps took my visitation away. I was ordered to have a drug eval. I took the eval and passed. I was NOT a drug addict and had no problem with any kind of drugs or even alcohol.

I was still not allowed to have visits but I was allowed to call them at my mother in laws house. My Son had his tonsils removed and I was not allowed to be there with him. My Mother in law was taking me to court for child support for my daughter, I had been back and forth to the hospital for kidney stones, and not to mention the fact that my sons tell me that my mother in law has been leaving them with her husband who lives seperately from her and leaving them there for days at the time, my sons told me he had a porno room and my children were allowed to look at the pics.---I WAS FURIOUS AND I WAS TERRIFIED WHEN THEY TOLD ME THIS----I immediately satrted asking my sons questions if anyone had touched them, or messed with them. My sons had two totally different reactions----I called my sister in VA who was a deputy sherrif at the time and we made a 3 way call to my children. The other problem was it was spring break and mohter inlaw was planning to leave my children over there for an entire week first thing monday morning...today was wednesday...I was terrified...my sister starts asking my oldest son questions and he finally starts openong up to her and tells her that yeah he was using the bathroom and the husband had walked in on him and fondled him while ziping my sons pants up..__EVERYTHING HIT THE ROOF---My siser called 911 and reported the incident....shortly later a deputy appeared at my mother in laws house, since ther was no immediate danger the officer left my children there, and no one contacted my children until the following tuesday AFTER easter....my children still remained in the home, and there was no protective order for my children against ths man---Days later after numerous attempts to find out what was going on with my children I finally get a call from another county sherrif telling me that my son stated clearly "I hated to tell a lie on my grandfather like that, i told that so my mom could get her kids back"........---THIS WAS CLEARLY A PLANNED SPEECH THAT MY SON WAS FORCED TO SAY ---MY SON WAS POSSIBLY THREATENED---none of my children ever thought of this man even so much as a family member much less their grandfather.......they had never even been around him prior to me being incacerated...........-2 days later my sons were given back to CPS and placed in foster care.

I ended up being homeless again after the child support hit. I had lost my job, my home, all my furniture that I still owed for...I lived in a very rural area without a car, so gttting around for me was very hard. I begged CPS for help, or some kind of assistance. I moved into a homeless shelter and was told I would never see my kids again. I had a complete nervous breakdown.

I was told I was going back to jail if I contacted my children and threatened by my mother in law, so I havent been able to contact my children or even know their whereabouts in 3 years now. I have not given up but my hop eis bleek. I have contacted so many attorneys...only to hear, sorry we cant help you, or how much money do u have?

CPS told me I couldnt have my children becasue I didnt have a support system, but yet they wouldnt authorize me to move to VA where my sister lives. My sster was denied contact , visitation, and any rights to filing for custody of my children without reason, even though I had requested from day one that they live with her as she was willing. I was denied that right as well. (according to the 1997 minnesota designated parent law which was effective in VA and NC)

I tell you my story so others can see they are not alone. The CPS LAWS need to be changed immediately, and all prior cases need to be re-opened and re-evaluated. I know there are people who dont deserve to have their children but the good outweighs the bad. Why should we all suffer because of a few bad people in this world. My children were never abused when they were with me, they were loved and taken care of.












Its all about the federal funding. CPS gets more money for every child they take away, every child that gets adopted by the foster care homes.

I feel sorry for the foster parents who actually want the children to have a normal life with their own families and their main goal is family reunification.

The problem is CPS is getting the parents hope up saying they will get their kids back and at the same time they are telling the foster parents promises of adoption.

The following Laws need to be changed to protect our children:

**My heart goes out to the genuine people who offer a home to children in need via foster care...***

****These proposed law changes are to protect the families against those who abuse the system, using foster care program as a way to have extra income, or as a baby factory as a way to easily adopt a child****




Mandatory Reporting Laws (proposed changes)
Diagnosis by "Child Abuse" doctor should not be allowed as they are predisposed to diagnose abuse and not to consider other pediatric conditions and diseases

Penalties/Repercussions for false, overzealous over reporting by doctors, teachers, etc.

Child suspected for abuse should only be seen by ER doctors certified in trauma training

Require an abuse diagnosis from two ER doctors - doctors are normally more careful in their evaluations when working with peers

Child Abuse nurses should not be able to make diagnosis of abuse or examine your child. Examinations and diagnosis should only be made by trained medical doctors.

Doctors should not be afraid of CPS. Currently, most doctors are inclined to report the slightest injuries just to cover themselves. Doctors should be able to stand by their medical judgement without any thought of fear from CPS.

If a doctor blatantly misses a medical condition and wrongfully assumes abuse, the family should have the right to sue for malpractice.

Child Protective Services (proposed changes)
Cannot remove children with little or no evidence

Cannot place both parents on the petition if only one is suspected

No Blackmailing techniques (i.e. If you'll just admit, you'll get your baby back)

Required to complete psych testing to rule out any who were abused in their own personal lives

Reunification is ALWAYS the top goal - no time limit for quantifying this

If one child has injuries, but the other children do not, CPS cannot remove all children

Parental rights cannot be terminated unless found guilty at criminal trial

CPS case must be dismissed and children returned if acquitted at criminal trial

Parent's names removed from Child Abuse Registrar when case is dismissed, unsubstantiated or acquitted

No Confidentiality/Gag order as this blatantly violates freedom of speech

Federal funding should not be based on total number of accusations made

Federal funding should not be based on total number of adoptions made

There must be a Federal CPS Bill of Rights if it continues to be permissible for CPS to deny basic Constitutional rights

Better alternatives for foster care - such as having daily CPS visits in your home or having a CPS worker live with the family

Parents can schedule doctor appointments for their child

In pregnancy of second child, parents decide placement

If parental rights are terminated, adoption goes first to other family members

Foster fees are dismissed if case is dismissed (No foster fees ever)

Request for Appeal to deny County registry of maltreatment by Social Services should allow for a longer window of opportunity, aside from the current fourteen days period.

Appeal Hearing to refute County registry of maltreatment by Social Services should be before a jury of peers

If a Judge grants that the county registry of maltreatment findings were made in error, then the records should be expunged immediately instead of a registered file listing for four years

If a CPS case is dismissed/acquitted, county maltreatment registry records should be expunged immediately.

If Social Services maltreatment records are only part of a county registry then they should not be able to be retroactively added to a national database at a later date in time


Foster Home Placement (proposed changes)
Parents determine placement - child should go to other family members

Daily visitation required and foster home must be flexible with parent's working schedules

CPS's budget should cover all foster fees providing an incentive to get the child out of foster placement

Foster providers who have placement cannot adopt children. Knowing they can adopt causes the foster providers to be unobjective and provides no motivation to work towards family reunification

Parents have the right to change foster placement if the care is hazardous or unhealthy for their child

Parents have the right to decide if the foster providers may place their child in day care


Court System (proposed changes)
Burden of proof must be "Beyond a reasonable doubt" NOT "Clear and convincing" or "Preponderance"

Timely Hearings - should all be within 30 days

Timely Trials - should all be within 90 days

Criminal vs. Juvenile court

Parents have access to ALL records: medical, police, CPS, court transcripts, etc.

Advocacy/Higher Court for appeals

Jury required for Juvenile trials


Guardian Ad Litem (proposed changes)
Guardian ad litem (GAL) should be independent of CPS. It should be illegal for a GAL to strategize in closed, private meetings with CPS

GAL incurs repercussions if he does not perform his duties as ordered by the court

Required to complete psych testing to rule out any who were abused in their own personal lives.

LAWS THAT NEED TO BE CHANGED WITH CPS

Mandatory Reporting Laws (proposed changes)
Diagnosis by "Child Abuse" doctor should not be allowed as they are predisposed to diagnose abuse and not to consider other pediatric conditions and diseases

Penalties/Repercussions for false, overzealous over reporting by doctors, teachers, etc.

Child suspected for abuse should only be seen by ER doctors certified in trauma training

Require an abuse diagnosis from two ER doctors - doctors are normally more careful in their evaluations when working with peers

Child Abuse nurses should not be able to make diagnosis of abuse or examine your child. Examinations and diagnosis should only be made by trained medical doctors.

Doctors should not be afraid of CPS. Currently, most doctors are inclined to report the slightest injuries just to cover themselves. Doctors should be able to stand by their medical judgement without any thought of fear from CPS.

If a doctor blatantly misses a medical condition and wrongfully assumes abuse, the family should have the right to sue for malpractice.

Child Protective Services (proposed changes)
Cannot remove children with little or no evidence

Cannot place both parents on the petition if only one is suspected

No Blackmailing techniques (i.e. If you'll just admit, you'll get your baby back)

Required to complete psych testing to rule out any who were abused in their own personal lives

Reunification is ALWAYS the top goal - no time limit for quantifying this

If one child has injuries, but the other children do not, CPS cannot remove all children

Parental rights cannot be terminated unless found guilty at criminal trial

CPS case must be dismissed and children returned if acquitted at criminal trial

Parent's names removed from Child Abuse Registrar when case is dismissed, unsubstantiated or acquitted

No Confidentiality/Gag order as this blatantly violates freedom of speech

Federal funding should not be based on total number of accusations made

Federal funding should not be based on total number of adoptions made

There must be a Federal CPS Bill of Rights if it continues to be permissible for CPS to deny basic Constitutional rights

Better alternatives for foster care - such as having daily CPS visits in your home or having a CPS worker live with the family

Parents can schedule doctor appointments for their child

In pregnancy of second child, parents decide placement

If parental rights are terminated, adoption goes first to other family members

Foster fees are dismissed if case is dismissed (No foster fees ever)

Request for Appeal to deny County registry of maltreatment by Social Services should allow for a longer window of opportunity, aside from the current fourteen days period.

Appeal Hearing to refute County registry of maltreatment by Social Services should be before a jury of peers

If a Judge grants that the county registry of maltreatment findings were made in error, then the records should be expunged immediately instead of a registered file listing for four years

If a CPS case is dismissed/acquitted, county maltreatment registry records should be expunged immediately.

If Social Services maltreatment records are only part of a county registry then they should not be able to be retroactively added to a national database at a later date in time


Foster Home Placement (proposed changes)
Parents determine placement - child should go to other family members

Daily visitation required and foster home must be flexible with parent's working schedules

CPS's budget should cover all foster fees providing an incentive to get the child out of foster placement

Foster providers who have placement cannot adopt children. Knowing they can adopt causes the foster providers to be unobjective and provides no motivation to work towards family reunification

Parents have the right to change foster placement if the care is hazardous or unhealthy for their child

Parents have the right to decide if the foster providers may place their child in day care


Court System (proposed changes)
Burden of proof must be "Beyond a reasonable doubt" NOT "Clear and convincing" or "Preponderance"

Timely Hearings - should all be within 30 days

Timely Trials - should all be within 90 days

Criminal vs. Juvenile court

Parents have access to ALL records: medical, police, CPS, court transcripts, etc.

Advocacy/Higher Court for appeals

Jury required for Juvenile trials


Guardian Ad Litem (proposed changes)
Guardian ad litem (GAL) should be independent of CPS. It should be illegal for a GAL to strategize in closed, private meetings with CPS

GAL incurs repercussions if he does not perform his duties as ordered by the court

Required to complete psych testing to rule out any who were abused in their own personal lives.

---Thanks for sharing in my story--

Sincerely,
Cherie

blessed_faith@ymail.com