Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

Thank you for the encouragement. It helps a lot!

I grew up in a very small town.  11 years ago, I moved 3 hours away to a larger city.   Since then I have gotten married and now have two children.  I have always had a good relationship with both of my parents and my two sisters.  My children love my family and since my husbands family in non existant, my family is all they have.  The problem is, my kids have a relationship with my family because I make the effort.  My mother came down and helped me after my children were born but my youngest is three years old now.  Christmas is at her house.  Thanksgiving is at her house.  My daughters birthday is at her house.  My son's birthday she does come down for a short couple hours trip and then goes home but only if one of my sisters comes with her.  My children are proud of there things and toys and I don't undertsand why we can't split the traveling.  My father has since passed and my mom doesn't work.  I work part time, run an eBay business and have to manage around preschool, swimming lessons, gymnastics.  My husband works two jobs so I also have to find someone to let out the dogs.  She knows how I feel about this.   She used to tell me my father was working so she couldn't come.  Now he is gone.  She has said she is scared to drive, yet she could give anyone directions on how to get to my house.  It's pretty much a straight shot.  She says shes scared the car might break down, yet hello I have two kids in the car and it doesn't stop me.  She told my sister she is uncomfortable around my husband but he works two jobs, is never home, and quite honestly she doesn't know him enought to pass that judgement.  She should come to see me and the kids, not him.  I am at a loss.  She loves my kids and they love her.  If I cut off ties I will hurt them and I don't want to do that.  But she has missed out on the grandparents day at school, my son is having surgery (basic) and I know she won't be there for that.  I know that sounds stupid but she was there for all of that for my nephew but tells me that grandparents day is stupid.  Tell my five year old that when his grandparents aren't there. I am just at a loss and need some help with this. Am I being selfish to expect her to come see us???  Geez just one weekend a year would be fantastic. There are grandparents who live a lot farther than three hours away  who come to see their grandparents.

I have to say this is the most wonderful thing I have ever read from a Man, and I have to say Good For You.. I am in awe of all you have said here in this post and I am happy that you have had the experiance you have had. I am sorry for your loss of a marriage to have this all come about though. May life bless you with more of these wonderful rich experiances threw the eyes you know have and the love you now know.. . God Bless You and may all the men that read it follow.   

That is awesome that you and your family got to reunite! That has got to be the best feeling ever!

I am in the process of trying to find one of my brothers and I am having no luck!

My nethew found his birth father on myspace last night.He wasn't  a very nice man.My sister had to hide from him to get away.The man has droped so many kids and my nethew  would like to find his brothers and sisters.But how do you find your brothers and sisters when you don't know there names or who there moms are.My nethew is confused he wants to meet his fother but does not know how to do it our if his father will  reject him.His father has remarried and has more kids unknown as to weather they are brothers or sister but he has epressed an intreast in meeting  them.The man is his father same name same face and is living in the same place where my nethew was born.What should I do encouraging him to reach out ??? How do would you help him find his brothers and sister who are out there by this man??How should  I help him reach out to these new siblings fromhis father without beiing cut off???I am unsure as to what todo???my nephew does not want his mom she is still afraid of him???How should he contact him there is no phone number just  a picture of  him and  a short bio.What  do I do???some one out there please give me some answers as to how to help my nephew  and find his siblings and get in contact with his birth father.What  should I do????

Family is the people in your life who love you, support you and care about you the most.  And blood doesn't have anything to do with it.  In my life I have 3 friends who love me support me and care about me.  My own family doesn't.  They are glad to see me but that's it.  Where are they during the hard times?  Gone!

the story is long to get the full picture.the start was so,so.I am Latvian he is Irish,but that not the case.we have 3 year old daughter and I have 19 y old son living with us.My boyfriend Patrick is good worker and we we live together 4 years.no communications(very little as good morning and how was your day) in family,he refuses take showers,can go to bed with dirty feet and smelly body,dont wear underwear,no romance at all,wery narrow knwledge of world around eccept his work and a bit of local history.likes old buildings and nature.no help at home at all,i mean it.when moved in house all (even floors i put myself when i was 7 months pregnant)i have done everything-paint,furnishing,design etc.for last 2 years i bearly cope to live like that,but he dont talk.He can sit and listen in silence,after that asking quetion about the problem i just gave ansvers,so he didnt listen at all.he makes me tea and all material support is his house too,i dont have anything.I am in panik and dont know what to do,because i cant leave him -i have nowheare to go,child needs a daddy,she likes him.my son ignores Patrick,i'm in between 2 fires.Patrick dont drink and dont smoke.I smoke but that never was an issue,so i dont smoke in the house.he works 12 hours a day and i bearly see him.I buy closes in secondhand shops becose he says he cant afford to shop.i do my own closes as well.4 years we have no normal bathroom-there is kitchen sink in it.according all that i became nerve wreck and givin out on every step.i dont have sex drive tovards him anymore.I dont know how to save the family and I dont know how to live with him,if at all.

i have no relations ,and his family never was friendly.I cant get friendly with them,cos my Patrick dont recignise fathers,mothers days,birthdays are just exuse to talk with his brothers about their things,Christmas is sinonym to pack the belly.May be somebody have similar experience and have some advice how to cope with life like that.

My only advice to you is probably what you already know: it is not healthy for you to continue living like this.
As a parent myself, I know that what you want for your children is for them to grow up and be happy, healthy, and productive citizens of the world. However, for that to happen, you have to give your children a happy, healthy and productive mother; it is the best gift that you could ever give them in their lives. So, no matter what you do about this relationship with your partner, you need to begin working on the one and only person that you have any control over, and that is YOU.
There is nothing that you can say or do that will make him change, he has to WANT to change. Until he wants to change, all you can do is focus on yourself, make positive changes in yourself. I urge you to seek professional counseling, because you need and deserve to have a place where you can vent your thoughts, feelings and frustrations, and in return, receive professional guidance on how to improve your self esteem. Also, there are some great self-help books out there; one that I highly recommend is Dr. Phil’s “self matters,” it gives you ways to take baby steps towards positive change.
Your daughter is old enough for pre-school, so there is no time like the present to seek a part time job for yourself. This will give you some income that you can begin to tuck away for your “escape.” If you aren’t strong enough to do this for yourself, do it for your children. Otherwise, they will grow up, go out into the world, find a mate just like yours, and they will be miserable, too. I know that you don’t want that for them. I wish you the best. I know that change is difficult; but living like this is difficult, too.