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Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

Number of Replies: 489
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:16:57 am
Author : dataimport
They're there for you when nobody else is, and understand without  you having to explain. Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Share your story.

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January 18, 2006, 9:04 am CST

You're his wife now!

Quote From: faybian

I'm npt quite sure what to do about this, if anything.  My husband and I have been married for

2 1/2 years.  His x-wife lives in anohter state with their 3 children.  Recently the oldest boy broke the law and had to go to court.  My husband drove to 4 hours to another state to be there for his son.  Subsequently he's been back and this last time he fell asleep on the couch.  He told me that he was tired and needed some sleep.  He's going back again because of another court date and is planning to stay all night go to court the next day and then return home.

 

I have voiced my anger with him for making the choice to sleep there " Handle your business then get on down the road" and I have asked him not to sleep there because its not right.  I've asked to accompany him on the trip, but he doesn't want to hurt her.  He said to me  " How would you feel if you were in her place?"  It would seem to me that his son could use all the support he could get.

He continues to ignore how I feel and I don't know what to do about it. 

  

If I were you, I would explain to your husband that it's not him you don't trust but that it's her.  There is absolutely no reason why he can't stay at a hotel and if he values your marriage at all, he would do this.  You're his wife now and your feelings should come first.  And if he still refuses, tell him to make the trip a little longer and think about what your marriage means to him.  Ask him what's more important: keeping your marriage strong or hurting her feelings and making her uncomfortable?  His answer to this should tell you what you need to do next. 

  

  

 
January 19, 2006, 1:53 am CST

The Eroding Male

 
January 19, 2006, 1:57 am CST

The Eroding Male

The Eroding Male     So how are we as women supposed to have any kind of meaningful relationship with a member of a species that is constantly on TV, news print, ads, talk shows, etc as having committed such horrible acts against women and children??   This is NOT a sarcastic remark in any way.  I'm asking this question for the depth of my soul.   How can a woman let a member of this species touch her sexually and feel anything but pure sickness!     It is said that it's not about sex, it's about control.  I have to disagree.  It's more about the control of the sex.   If men were told daily of all these horrible and disgusting things about women do you think they would want a loving and intimate relationship with a woman.     After years and years and years of hearing of and being warned of all the sickening things women were capable of in their desire to fulfill their sexual needs would a man desire the woman.  Want her to bear his children, be his life companion?   The horrible acts that are more frequently exposed than ever before have devastated the psyche of women throughout the world.   Leaving the hope of a meaningful relationship between a man and a woman forever fleeting the grasps of both species.   Each day that passes and another unthinkable act upon a child by a man is exposed brings me closer to the core feeling that now exists inside me.  That feeling being I am increasingly hating ALL men, not necessarily because of who they are but WHAT they are!   As I see it, Men throughout the world should be rising up against these creatures of sexual desire.  Those whose desire is so strong they kill and maim children to satisfy their lust.   Not only do we have the sexual exploits of men splashed on every news program, billboard and print media, we are also saturated with all the other forms of abuse, physical and mental these creatures inflict upon women and children.   Each day that passes I find it harder to put my arms around my husband without flinching at the thought of becoming intimate with him.  I feel doing so would only be contributing to the sickness.   If they were other than human, would they be allowed to live?  Take a moment and look at what little they now contribute and the extent to which they have eroded and corrupted civilization then tell me I am wrong.   If they were a creature, a bacteria, a virus would we not be doing everything possible to eradicate them from society?
 
 
January 19, 2006, 7:42 am CST

Think about what you are saying...

Quote From: debhgn

The Eroding Male     So how are we as women supposed to have any kind of meaningful relationship with a member of a species that is constantly on TV, news print, ads, talk shows, etc as having committed such horrible acts against women and children??   This is NOT a sarcastic remark in any way.  I'm asking this question for the depth of my soul.   How can a woman let a member of this species touch her sexually and feel anything but pure sickness!     It is said that it's not about sex, it's about control.  I have to disagree.  It's more about the control of the sex.   If men were told daily of all these horrible and disgusting things about women do you think they would want a loving and intimate relationship with a woman.     After years and years and years of hearing of and being warned of all the sickening things women were capable of in their desire to fulfill their sexual needs would a man desire the woman.  Want her to bear his children, be his life companion?   The horrible acts that are more frequently exposed than ever before have devastated the psyche of women throughout the world.   Leaving the hope of a meaningful relationship between a man and a woman forever fleeting the grasps of both species.   Each day that passes and another unthinkable act upon a child by a man is exposed brings me closer to the core feeling that now exists inside me.  That feeling being I am increasingly hating ALL men, not necessarily because of who they are but WHAT they are!   As I see it, Men throughout the world should be rising up against these creatures of sexual desire.  Those whose desire is so strong they kill and maim children to satisfy their lust.   Not only do we have the sexual exploits of men splashed on every news program, billboard and print media, we are also saturated with all the other forms of abuse, physical and mental these creatures inflict upon women and children.   Each day that passes I find it harder to put my arms around my husband without flinching at the thought of becoming intimate with him.  I feel doing so would only be contributing to the sickness.   If they were other than human, would they be allowed to live?  Take a moment and look at what little they now contribute and the extent to which they have eroded and corrupted civilization then tell me I am wrong.   If they were a creature, a bacteria, a virus would we not be doing everything possible to eradicate them from society?
 
You are letting the media's sensational reporting erode your feelings for your husband. Even though he is innocent, he is paying for the sick depraved behavior of people in the news.
This borders on paranoia don't you think? In the short term, I think you should start limiting your news watching to once a week, or maybe just the weather. If you can't get a handle on your emotions, seek some counseling.
If all you focus on are the monsters in our midst, that's all you're going to see, and you will close your mind to many good people around you.
 
January 19, 2006, 4:13 pm CST

I need to be gone.

:( Please give me some advice... I'm 13, and this one chick is jealous of me and my boyfriend, but I'm not going to dump him, So I've been getting threatening phone calls from someone, who I'm guessing is her, It sounds like a girl trying to put on a guy voice. She says she doesn't know what I'm talking about, but she lies a lot! I don't want to go to school dances or anything, I mean she got people to hate me!, what if I get beat up?! I want to live with  my Aunt and Uncle, you see things aren't to good at home either, my mom yells, A LOT. They would be happy to have me there, most of my friends are from the town the live in, but I have 2 little brothers. One is 3 years old and the other is only 1 year old. How do I tell my mom I need to move out? I don't want to hurt her but... I can't live like this. Family is saposed to do what's best for you right? Well moving out is best for me... Please help. This is urgent! :(
 
January 20, 2006, 7:10 am CST

moving out

Quote From: misplaced

:( Please give me some advice... I'm 13, and this one chick is jealous of me and my boyfriend, but I'm not going to dump him, So I've been getting threatening phone calls from someone, who I'm guessing is her, It sounds like a girl trying to put on a guy voice. She says she doesn't know what I'm talking about, but she lies a lot! I don't want to go to school dances or anything, I mean she got people to hate me!, what if I get beat up?! I want to live with  my Aunt and Uncle, you see things aren't to good at home either, my mom yells, A LOT. They would be happy to have me there, most of my friends are from the town the live in, but I have 2 little brothers. One is 3 years old and the other is only 1 year old. How do I tell my mom I need to move out? I don't want to hurt her but... I can't live like this. Family is saposed to do what's best for you right? Well moving out is best for me... Please help. This is urgent! :(
Your situation is sad. You are only 13 and you have a long road ahead of you and as difficult as things may seem right now for you, things will get better. First, dealing with this jealous girl. No matter where you live or who you are liking, you will most likely encounter another "jealous girl" who wants to bully you. The only way to stop a person from picking on you or saying mean things to you is for you to stand up for yourself. I know you may be scared, but you will have to face your fears one day or else you will continue to be picked on by other people.  I am having a similar problem myself but mine is with my mil and I am 39! I have been reading alot of books to help me deal with cruelness created  by other people unto me and I have learned that "we allow other people to treat us the way they do". The only way to get people to treat us with respect is to let them know their behavior is NOT accepted and you will NOT tolerate it anymore. If this girl were to put her hands on you, you have the right to press charges on her for assault. I would let her know that as well. Also, if she were to actually hit you, you have the right to defend yourself. Dont let this gril know you are scared. Once you stand up for yourself, she may think twice before picking on you again. I would also talk with your mother about this. Do not let another person keep you from doing what you want to do when it comes to school activities. By you not wanting to go to any dances because of the fear of her being there or picking on you, you are allowing her to "control" you and keep you at home and miss out on your school years of fun. I would also mention this to your school principal/counselor so that they can be on the lookout for her harassing you. Try to avoid her as much as possible and if she were to corner you one day, stand up to her. You will feel so much better once you do. Second, about your mother and you wanting to move out. Yes it would hurt her feelings because even though she may yell at you at times, she still loves you. She is wrong for yelling ( I am guilty of that as well) but maybe you need to sit down with her and tell her how her yelling is affecting you. Maybe you two could go to family cousneling together and work this out. I have a 16 y/o and a 6 y/o and a 4 y/o. I find myself yelling at my 16 y/o when I am frustrated some times and I tend to take it out on her because she is the oldest. Me and my 16 y/o sat down one day and she told me how I made her feel when I do that, and I didnt realize how I was affecting her until she told me. I am also working hard at learning how to control my voice and not take my frustrations out on others. I am wrong for yelling. I have learned I can get more accomplished by talking nice other than to yell. Sometimes people cant see their own faults until others point them out to us. As far as wanting to move out and live with your Aunt. I want to let you know, things are not always "greener" on the other side. I was bullied at school through out my whole school years. I was made fun of and picked on. I never stood up for myself. Like I said I am now 39 y/o and now I have to deal with it and face my fears and not let other people do this to me no more. It is a hard step to take, but it is the only way it will stop and I get the respect I deserve. You are human. You deserve respect, happiness, hope, love and a good life. Dont let anyone ever take these things from you. Your mother needs you and your brothers need you. Talk to your mother about how you feel. I promise you, she is listening, even when you think she is not. I wish you the best. Things will get better for you.  Good luck, and remember, there is only one "you". Take care of you. Dont let these kids at school take your self esteem. You are right about one thing, this other girl is jealous of you and that is why she acts like she does to you. (with her being jealous of you, I would take that as a compliment). She is wishing to be you:) I hope this helps you some:)
 
January 21, 2006, 4:03 pm CST

coming from an all Single child family???

Hi. My mother never got any siblings and that is the story of my father to. so they met and gave birth to me. And I didn't get any siblings either. I have always thought of how this effects me and have effected me during my childhood and now I am just currious about how other people in my situation have felt during their childhood and young adulthood about this. What are the trouble that most struck you as you grow up and what is the most easy things to deal with. I'd like to know anything about this matter. And it would be so interesting to see something like this coming up as a topic for once! 

  

Well...Love alcedo 

 
January 22, 2006, 11:17 am CST

Family won't approve of interracial relationship

Hey everyone - So here's the scoop ... 

I've been best friends with a black guy for 7 years. We've been through everything together: relationships, boyfriends/girlfriends, divorces, family/friend deaths, college and high school graduation, etc etc. Within the past 3 or 4 months, we've both recently become single and have been spending more time together than we usually did in the past. Over this time period, we've both discovered that we have extremely strong feelings for each other and we are in love.  We want to start dating. My family (particularly my father) doesn't know about our growing feelings because dating outside my own race is not talked about and looked down upon. We've kept this from them for so long, but now things are starting to get serious and we've talked about marriage. His parents are thrilled with everything, but we know we need to sit down and talk to my parents and step-parents. I have absolutely no clue how to go about this, nor what to say. I've dated white guys primarily and I've been going out on dates every weekend, but can't find a match and of course it's because my heart is already taken. 

  

Can anyone offer any insight/advice/help? 

Thank you. 

 
January 29, 2006, 5:27 pm CST

Tricky Situation ... Need Support

Ok ay so here it goes, i never thought i would need to write about a situtation but i think i just need some support.  

  

I met my fiance almost 2 years ago, he was getting out of a marriage with a women that he was in an abusive relationship with, she was very verbally abusive.  He was also married at a young age for only a brief period under 2 years for both the marriages and they had only known each other a short period of time.  Granted when i met him i took a step back when he told me this but we started out as friends.  He had no childern from the marriage and we fell in love, he is the most caring man i have ever met and we get along at every level.  He has done some healing and discovering over why he was in such a rush to be married. Soooo after many wonderful months and with the permission of my father he asked for my hand in marriage.... very delighted i accepted and cannot wait to marry him i know with his past it can be scary but i have no doubt in my mind that him and i are meant to be forever. 

  

Now thats the background, and now is when things have become very stressful for me, I am trying to be the strong one and help him through everything but i am feeling overwelmed.  We received a call from a girl he dated very briefly at 17 years old before he moved away for college.  She is a 12 year old son she suspects my fiance as being the father ...... and to top it all of his brother has kept this from the whole family for 12 years she has been commuicating this with him and he has never mentioned anything to my fiance or his parents .... CRAZY and so now we are going ahead with a paternity test to find out for sure before we make any further moves.  And next his brother is angry at him for a boys/brother incident a week or so ago, mostly just jealousy and competition and now does not want to be fiance's best man .... I see my fiance hurting so bad and i just don't know how to help and yet still be excited for our life together with all of these curveballs being thrown our way..... Is someone trying to tell us something .... 

  

Thoughts, advice, encouragement ....... 

 
January 30, 2006, 9:19 am CST

Good Luck

Quote From: wedding

Ok ay so here it goes, i never thought i would need to write about a situtation but i think i just need some support.  

  

I met my fiance almost 2 years ago, he was getting out of a marriage with a women that he was in an abusive relationship with, she was very verbally abusive.  He was also married at a young age for only a brief period under 2 years for both the marriages and they had only known each other a short period of time.  Granted when i met him i took a step back when he told me this but we started out as friends.  He had no childern from the marriage and we fell in love, he is the most caring man i have ever met and we get along at every level.  He has done some healing and discovering over why he was in such a rush to be married. Soooo after many wonderful months and with the permission of my father he asked for my hand in marriage.... very delighted i accepted and cannot wait to marry him i know with his past it can be scary but i have no doubt in my mind that him and i are meant to be forever. 

  

Now thats the background, and now is when things have become very stressful for me, I am trying to be the strong one and help him through everything but i am feeling overwelmed.  We received a call from a girl he dated very briefly at 17 years old before he moved away for college.  She is a 12 year old son she suspects my fiance as being the father ...... and to top it all of his brother has kept this from the whole family for 12 years she has been commuicating this with him and he has never mentioned anything to my fiance or his parents .... CRAZY and so now we are going ahead with a paternity test to find out for sure before we make any further moves.  And next his brother is angry at him for a boys/brother incident a week or so ago, mostly just jealousy and competition and now does not want to be fiance's best man .... I see my fiance hurting so bad and i just don't know how to help and yet still be excited for our life together with all of these curveballs being thrown our way..... Is someone trying to tell us something .... 

  

Thoughts, advice, encouragement ....... 

Get ready for lots of bumps in the road. One, why did this girl wait 12 years to tell him that he could be a father? Why now, knowing that he is fixing to get married? Why has his brother kept this from him all these years? Do you and his brother get along? Maybe the brother is trying to stir up trouble for you guys. If this other woman had a child 12 years ago and if another man had put his name on that childs birth certificate, then your fiance would not be held responsible for anything relating to this child unless he wants too, if it is his. If the child is his and he chooses to be a part of its life, get ready to deal with an ex that you know nothing about. It is not fun. Maybe this woman is looking for child support. It is just strange that she waited until she heard that you guys were getting married and now tells him this. Sounds like something is up. Be careful.
 
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