Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

I'm no knowing what to do. My husband is playing favorite with our three kids. I was pregnant with twins last year and lost one and the other one is alive, he has alot of medical issues. But my husband think that our little  girl is supposed to get whatever she wants and our oldest son who is 5 can't get everything he wants. I tell my husband that she have to learn that she can't always have her way but he doesn't listen to me. I'm very stressed out trying to care for three kids and my husband most of time is just sitting there and letting the two oldest do whatever they want to do. Somebody please help  me I need to what to do to save my family. I'm about to file for a divorce from him.

I would consider it cheating...but you're right most men have some warped fantasy about two women.  He would think it was weird if you wanted to see him with another guy, or had a thing about seeing two guys together.  It really is a double standard when it comes to this issue.  Not to get too personal here, but a friend of mine kept complaining that her husband always wanted to have anal sex, and she did not like it.  i suggested that the next time he brought it up that she agree to it as long as he lets her try it on him first.  She did this, and his response was "no, that will hurt", she was able to explain to him that the feeling was no different for her.  And he never brought it up again...Sometimes it takes putting the shoe on the other foot to see something from someone elses point of view.  What some people think is cheating, may obviosuly not be to someone else.  I would not worry about it too much unless this is something that he continually brings up, making you feel uncomfortable.  It's ok to tell someone how that makes you feel and you'd rather not discuss it.  If he persists, then there may be a problem.

Good luck

A

My 18-year old daughter was the most giving, thoughtful and sweet child growing up.  This changed after she started high school.  This year, she did not give anyone in the family (her dad, brother, myself) a gift, not even a card.  She is employed at a good job and lives at home, so her personal expenses are not an issue.  Before Christmas she talked about the gifts she wanted to get everyone, but then there was nothing.  This needs to be discussed with her - any tips on how to begin? 

I did speak with her, beginning with asking why she didn't get her brother the gift she had said she was going to purchase for him (he has given up a lot of his own time to help her with her car).  Her response was to tell me that she just "didn't have time" to shop for gifts, or even pick up cards, which is really just an excuse; she did manage to pick up a gift for her best friend, along with some new clothes for herself.  I can't help but think there's something beneath the surface here.  This episode is the last straw - she lives at home and as long as she attends college and gets good grades I don't ask her to pay rent.  Yet, she does nothing to contribute.  Getting her to take care of her room/bathroom, and other responsibilities is like pulling teeth.  Her attitude is typical teenage rudeness, although by now I would have thought maturity was on the horizon and the sweet girl she used to be would come back to us. 

There is an entitlement attitude at work here, I think.  We scaled back spending this holiday season and both kids understood why this was necessary.  However, both received the one or two gifts they wanted the most, yet my daughter seemed totally unconcerned that she had nothing in return for her family. 

Thank you for your advice and input.  I appreciate hearing from another perspective.  Hopefully things will begin to improve and home life won't be so unpleasant for either of us.

I recently met my biological Father for the first time in my life of 52 years. It was a wounderful time. I also met my half brother & sister. I found them thru various means on the internet with great results. I later heard of "Internet Scares". Glad I didnt hear of them sooner or I might have been reluctant to respond. I simply put out a message on some board and got a response of thier birth records. I wrote to my brother & sent a pic of me along with my phone #. He called me on Thanksgiving day & my dad called the following Sunday. My daughter & I went to meet them the following weekend. It was amazing. We cried happy tears & took pictures. We just got back from the second visit on Christmas. I had known I had a father, brother & sister my whole life. I just never knew them at all. My brother & sister didnt know a thing about me. They did however welcome me & my family with open arms. We will continue to build our Long At Last relationship. My brian & emotions are in a kinda Whirlwind, as theirs are too. I watched the Dr Phil show on Reunions and felt compelled to write this note. We are deffinatly very BLESSED!