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Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

Number of Replies: 489
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:16:57 am
Author : dataimport
They're there for you when nobody else is, and understand without  you having to explain. Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Share your story.

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October 28, 2008, 9:43 am CDT

cheating or not?

i have a question, as to what other people consider cheating.  im married, been for 12 years.  my husband seems to think,( not that in a million years it would ever happen), that me being sexual with a female would not be cheating. he does think being with a male is cheating. i my self think both are cheating because you are being intimate with someone else.  my self esteem is not at best when it comes to our relationship because of other issues. so knowing he feels like this really hurts me because it makes me feel even less important.  i need to hear someones input on this, cause i really dont have any friends that i would want to admit this to.  i just need to know if im being silly or does anyone besides myself think this is cheating.  also i do understand men find it exciting seeing women together, but not me the wife!!  please someone give me some advice or let me know how you feel.  HELP!!!!!
 
October 29, 2008, 11:18 am CDT

Family

I'm no knowing what to do. My husband is playing favorite with our three kids. I was pregnant with twins last year and lost one and the other one is alive, he has alot of medical issues. But my husband think that our little  girl is supposed to get whatever she wants and our oldest son who is 5 can't get everything he wants. I tell my husband that she have to learn that she can't always have her way but he doesn't listen to me. I'm very stressed out trying to care for three kids and my husband most of time is just sitting there and letting the two oldest do whatever they want to do. Somebody please help  me I need to what to do to save my family. I'm about to file for a divorce from him.

 
November 30, 2008, 10:09 am CST

Hello

Quote From: trickyvicki65

i have a question, as to what other people consider cheating.  im married, been for 12 years.  my husband seems to think,( not that in a million years it would ever happen), that me being sexual with a female would not be cheating. he does think being with a male is cheating. i my self think both are cheating because you are being intimate with someone else.  my self esteem is not at best when it comes to our relationship because of other issues. so knowing he feels like this really hurts me because it makes me feel even less important.  i need to hear someones input on this, cause i really dont have any friends that i would want to admit this to.  i just need to know if im being silly or does anyone besides myself think this is cheating.  also i do understand men find it exciting seeing women together, but not me the wife!!  please someone give me some advice or let me know how you feel.  HELP!!!!!

I would consider it cheating...but you're right most men have some warped fantasy about two women.  He would think it was weird if you wanted to see him with another guy, or had a thing about seeing two guys together.  It really is a double standard when it comes to this issue.  Not to get too personal here, but a friend of mine kept complaining that her husband always wanted to have anal sex, and she did not like it.  i suggested that the next time he brought it up that she agree to it as long as he lets her try it on him first.  She did this, and his response was "no, that will hurt", she was able to explain to him that the feeling was no different for her.  And he never brought it up again...Sometimes it takes putting the shoe on the other foot to see something from someone elses point of view.  What some people think is cheating, may obviosuly not be to someone else.  I would not worry about it too much unless this is something that he continually brings up, making you feel uncomfortable.  It's ok to tell someone how that makes you feel and you'd rather not discuss it.  If he persists, then there may be a problem.

 

Good luck

A

 
December 27, 2008, 8:48 am CST

18-Year Old Daughter Does Not Give Family Holiday Gifts

My 18-year old daughter was the most giving, thoughtful and sweet child growing up.  This changed after she started high school.  This year, she did not give anyone in the family (her dad, brother, myself) a gift, not even a card.  She is employed at a good job and lives at home, so her personal expenses are not an issue.  Before Christmas she talked about the gifts she wanted to get everyone, but then there was nothing.  This needs to be discussed with her - any tips on how to begin? 

 

 

 
December 27, 2008, 3:23 pm CST

Thank You...

Quote From: jaimie1974

I urge you to speak with her ASAP. Approach her in a gentle manner; don't be angry or on the 'attack,' because that will only create a defensive response in her. Just ask her, "why didn't you buy for your family?" and wait for her answer. Then let her know you 'understand' her reason, but that she still should have done something...

I did speak with her, beginning with asking why she didn't get her brother the gift she had said she was going to purchase for him (he has given up a lot of his own time to help her with her car).  Her response was to tell me that she just "didn't have time" to shop for gifts, or even pick up cards, which is really just an excuse; she did manage to pick up a gift for her best friend, along with some new clothes for herself.  I can't help but think there's something beneath the surface here.  This episode is the last straw - she lives at home and as long as she attends college and gets good grades I don't ask her to pay rent.  Yet, she does nothing to contribute.  Getting her to take care of her room/bathroom, and other responsibilities is like pulling teeth.  Her attitude is typical teenage rudeness, although by now I would have thought maturity was on the horizon and the sweet girl she used to be would come back to us. 

 

There is an entitlement attitude at work here, I think.  We scaled back spending this holiday season and both kids understood why this was necessary.  However, both received the one or two gifts they wanted the most, yet my daughter seemed totally unconcerned that she had nothing in return for her family. 

 

 

 
December 29, 2008, 3:23 pm CST

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: jaimie1974

I can understand where you are coming from. Your daughters entitlement hurts your feelings; you know that you raised her better then this yet she is displaying these unattractive characteristics anyway.
When you spoke to your daughter & she gave you her excuse - that she just didnt have time to get gifts - what was your response to that? You know that its a lame excuse.
I also have an 18 year old daughter, and we have the same rules in our home- you work & go to college, you get good grades, and you dont have to pay any rent. But we also have other rules, such as doing your own laundry, if you take something out you put it back, emptying the dishwasher/filling the dishwasher, etc. It sounds like you want to implement those rules, but you get a lot of resistance from your daughter. You said it is like pulling teeth to get her to do anything. The best thing you can do is to sit down with her and tell her that you are revising the house rules; that from this day forward, she is responsible for A, B and C.  (Doing her own laundry is a BIG one! At least start with that!) When she gives you her excuses as to why that wont work, just remain calm and let her know that all you ask is that she complete A, B and C. Also let her know that you are willing to be flexible - for example, she was hurrying to get to class & left dirty clothes on floor or whatever - the point is that she needs to start pitching in. The next day when she doesnt do A, B or C, you MUST approach her about it! Dont put it off or make excuses for her- although this is annoying to have to baby sit her like a small child, you need to do this for your sake as well as for her. If she goes out into the world with this entitlement attitude, she wont have success. She will end up back home on your doorstep. You dont want that. Youve got to have the strength & endurance to create reasonable rules and stick with them because it will make her a better citizen of the world. I wish you the best!!

Thank you for your advice and input.  I appreciate hearing from another perspective.  Hopefully things will begin to improve and home life won't be so unpleasant for either of us.

 

 

 
January 3, 2009, 4:02 pm CST

Re-United after 52 Years

I recently met my biological Father for the first time in my life of 52 years. It was a wounderful time. I also met my half brother & sister. I found them thru various means on the internet with great results. I later heard of "Internet Scares". Glad I didnt hear of them sooner or I might have been reluctant to respond. I simply put out a message on some board and got a response of thier birth records. I wrote to my brother & sent a pic of me along with my phone #. He called me on Thanksgiving day & my dad called the following Sunday. My daughter & I went to meet them the following weekend. It was amazing. We cried happy tears & took pictures. We just got back from the second visit on Christmas. I had known I had a father, brother & sister my whole life. I just never knew them at all. My brother & sister didnt know a thing about me. They did however welcome me & my family with open arms. We will continue to build our Long At Last relationship. My brian & emotions are in a kinda Whirlwind, as theirs are too. I watched the Dr Phil show on Reunions and felt compelled to write this note. We are deffinatly very BLESSED!

 
January 7, 2009, 6:26 pm CST

I know

Quote From: wifey31

Please bear with me, as this is very painful to express. 10 years ago, I was raped by my Aunt's husband the night before they were to be married and never said anything. They had a party, everyone was drinking, I passed out and thought I was in a safe place (My aunt's house). When I woke up, he was having his way with me. I grabbed my clothes and ran out. So here I am, all of 31 years of age, now married to a man who refuses to attend those family functions because the rapist would be at the family gathering. Thats understandable, right? But for 7 years, my hubby hasnt came to any family functions, and it has really started to screw with my marriage, starting with the family taking pot shots at my hubby for not coming around (little do they know why!) So on my Dad's b-day, my grandmother kept belittling and berating my marriage and my husband, so I blew up, and the truth came out. The truth would've never came out if my hubby hadn't put his foot down about how he feels about this. Since I put my family in check, they obviously side with the rapist, and now I've lost the family I thought I had. This guy isn't even blood. We were a tight knit Italian family, but where's the love? My mom and dad told me that I should've just kept my mouth shut. What the f--- is that? Someone, anyone, what the hell is going on here? Yes I know I should've spoken up back then, but I love my Aunt so much, I didn't want to speak up and ruin her wedding day!

I know how you feel I was raped by mothers boyfriend and I didnt tell until two weeks before their wedding. I didnt think that she would believe me but she did and some of my family was pretty upset that I said something. But I just could hold it in anymore I has to tell someone.
 
February 1, 2009, 12:05 am CST

Extended Family

Quote From: shanasfashions

My Inlaws had a family business and it did so well they bought CD's and super life insurance!

  my father in law passed in 2001 and then the business has been dwendling since the passing.

   My mother in law signed the business over to my hubby in 2008.

when my mother in law passed this December the 6 children each got $30,000.00 not one of them has asked how the business is going or has offered to help the business out.  after all this is the family business that has bought and paid for those cd's and the life insurance!

   the business has had to be supported buy us and my husband has not been able to get paid!  we have even been getting collection calls.  our $30,000.00 has hellped pay to keep it afloat.  we have even been on foodstams and had bills that could not bee paid!     it would have been nice if they would have offered even if we had turned them down.  now it seems they have walked away from what gave them this in the first place!   even a call once in a while!

You don't say if you have asked your husband's 5 brothers and sisters for help. If you are on food stamps and have outstanding bills do they know this, have theyeach been approached?
If not I can imagine that they are under the assumption that you got £30,000 and the business so you got more than them, so are in clover. Could you divide the business up so you own 50% and they own 10% each so you all weather the bad times and benefit from the good.
Without knowng all your family history regarding how everyone gets on but judging from what yousay there should be a way of resolving this as a win win if everyone talks to each other and is honest

As a sideline is this going to be the last post on this Board?
 
February 5, 2009, 6:27 pm CST

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: wifeandmom

I am the mom of a 13-year-old. I was remarried 2 years after being a single mom for 11 years. I raised my son the best that I knew how which I thought was wonderful! My son is a loving, caring, happy young man. As a single mom, we did everything together. My husband feels that I spoiled him to the point of him being self-centered, irresponsible, and not going to amount to anything but an adult child living at home. An example of a situation: when I suggest we play a game as a family, my husband accuses me of just wanting to entertain my son. I really miss the happiness and togetherness that I used to have with my son. My husband continually says that I must push my son to be more independent but that seems to mean let him be by himself and figure out how to entertain himself. We do things as a family but only if the idea comes from my husband. I feel there may be competetive feelings coming from my husband and possibly resentment of any time that I may want to spend with my son. I have asked my husband if that may be true and he denies it. I do want to say that my husband has so much to offer my son and us as a family. He is a very responsible husband and provider and a great role model for my son. I just wish that there could be a middle ground with some carefree playfulness as well as the lessons that need to be learned. I am currently looking for a family counselor and there are so many out there, I just don't know how to narrow it down. Does anyone have any sugestions for finding a good family therapist?
The Lord works in mysterious ways all the time and I think He sent me the this website to read this and minister to you. I don't know what you believe, but Jesus is the key to the Kingdom of God. Ask Jesus for forgiveness of all sins and plead for help. Jesus is here in heaven and earth all the time waiting for you to call on him. The Lord has done miracles in my life. He's giving me strength and with time He has answered my prayers. Jesus have looks down on you and cries because of the pain and ordeal you have gone through. As God's princess, you are to be treated like one. As a mother you are to be Honored by  your children. As a wife you are to be loved by your husband the same way Jesus loves his children on heaven and earth. With your family,or even on your own, seek the Lord. Get yourself the Holy Bible and I promise you that any questions you have is written in it. Pray in Jesus name and you will feel a spirit of love running through your body...May God bless you and your family.
 
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