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Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

Number of Replies: 489
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:16:57 am
Author : dataimport
They're there for you when nobody else is, and understand without  you having to explain. Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Share your story.

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October 21, 2005, 12:14 pm CDT

Caring for Parent

I have 1 older brother and 1 younger sister and an 80 yr old Mother.  I have been the sole caregiver for my Mother for almost 2 yrs now, going to her house every day, preparing meals, preparing medications, housecleaning, laundry, taking her to all Dr's appointments, mostly doing everything for her with no help or offer of help from my sister or brother.  I am tired, worn out, and haven't had a day off in forever it seems.  We have not been "away" but 3 days in the past year.  My sister or brother do not talk to me and never volunteer to help me or give me a day off.  I think you should be able to divorce your siblings! What should I do to try to get them to understand I can't do this alone much longer?
 
October 28, 2005, 4:16 pm CDT

Anyone know any updates?

Has anyone heard any updates on the Dr. Phil families, that he was working with over the past. I don't  know why, I just thought about them and wondered about their progress? 

 
November 3, 2005, 9:25 am CST

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: minerj73

I have a similar situation, but have been trying to work all of our relationships out.  Anyway, I would suggest contacting a University pych. department.  I have resently visited a therapist through a University and he was/is very good at his job. If your husband and/or son would be willing to go with you, all the better.  Your one step ahead of me if the whole family is willing to go.

I also have a similiar situation but I think mine is a little more serious. I have not met anyone else that can relate to being a single mom of a son. Our "boys" have such a special place in our hearts and I don't think anyone can understand that but us. My boy is 16 and he does not like my fiance. My fiance has been and continues to be verbally abusive and feels threatened by my son because of our relationship. My fiance is a truck driver and is gone 3-5 nights per week. Therefore, I think he feels that my son is taking his place when he is not there and so he feels out of place when he comes home. He takes out his anger and frustrations on me and my son. I also have a 7 year old daughter who he is very good to and that is difficult to see the difference in treatment. My fiance says it is because he has been with her since she was two and my son was 10 years old. But he is the man of the house and I expect him to act like it. He acts so immature sometimes I hate him for it. I don't know what to do. I do think that if your husband is trying to help you with your son in a respectful way, you should appreciate that and not take offense to it. As long as there is no abuse your ok. My fiance has pushed my son around so I think there is more going on than I know how to handle. I need help but also do not know where to go. I would like to know how things turn out for you. Good luck and hang in there. 

  

 
November 7, 2005, 1:50 pm CST

rely on each other

My father passed away about 2 ½ years ago.  He was the rock of the family.  Whenever any of us had troubles at work, job decisions to make, or problems with each other we talked it through with him.  Now that he is no longer with us, it seems the interpersonal problems in this family have escalated, particularly between my two brothers.  My father is not here to help smooth things over, and so I am the one who is constantly called upon for this task.  I certainly do not mind listening and making suggestions, but I don’t seem to be doing a very good job lately.  

  

 

I think at this point a little background information would help.  My mom and dad had been married 55 years before he died.  There are four of us siblings.   

  

 

Louise is the oldest; she is married and has two daughters who are also married and each has one small child.  Linda lives a quiet life with a house and a steady job.  She lives a comfortable, but not extravagant life.  She has battled depression at times.  She has been divorced and remarried. 

  

 

Spencer is next; he is married and has two children who are just entering adulthood.  He lives a little more complicated life.  He has a house in one state and a condo in another, as he has business in one state, but his wife prefers to live in another.  He also lives a comfortable life, but comparatively more extravagant.  He is also divorced and remarried. 

  

 

Robert is third; he has never been married and has moved around quite a lot.  He has battled depression for most of his life, and has had a difficult time because of many jobs and homes over the years.  He now has a good steady job and rents a home in a small town.   

  

 

I am the youngest, by far, as I am 17 years younger than Louise and 8 years younger than Robert.  I am married and have a three-year-old.  I also live near Louise and I stay at home with my son.  We do not live in luxury either, but we have plenty of money for what we want and need. 

  

 

Here is the main problem, Robert thinks Spencer doesn’t care, and Spencer thinks we all resent his success in life.  Because Robert doesn’t call Spencer and ask about his house, his kids, his business, etc. Spencer assumes Robert is resentful or just doesn’t care.  Because Spencer doesn’t call Robert, Robert assumes he doesn’t give a damn and never thinks of the rest of the family.  Robert accuses Spencer of not calling my mother enough.  This is true, Spencer could call more often, but Robert calls her every night, which I think is a bit too much.  My mother tries to console Robert because he feels bad about Spencer’s attitude, but then my mom doesn’t have my dad there to talk this over with and that saddens and depresses her.  Robert feels he only has my mom to talk to and my mom feels Robert is the only one she has to talk to.  No one calls Spencer as often as he thinks they should, and Spencer doesn’t call anyone as often as they think he should.  Funny, because I seem to be talking to everyone all the time about how little everyone talks to everyone else.   

  

 

This is wearing me out.  I want my family to feel they can call me and confide in me, but sometimes I wish they could all feel comfortable calling each other and not just me.  I wish Louise could call Spencer and discuss problems at work, but I can’t say that because then she will never call me again.  I wish Robert could call Spencer and just ask him what’s up, instead of calling mom wondering why Spencer doesn’t call him.  I guess they call me because I am home and seemingly not busy and willing to listen.  How do I get my family to rely on each other more, yet not seem like I am telling them not to rely on me?   

  

 

I am sure there is no easy answer.  Maybe some of the other visitors to your website will have some insight.  Thanks for reading and listening. 

  

 

Jan 

 
November 7, 2005, 4:30 pm CST

moving away from family

In the past 4 year, my husband and daughter and I have moved around. We moved a few times, locally, where our families are from. My husband received a promotion at work, moving us to Syracuse, NY, about 1 1/2 hours away from our family and friends. Now, my husband has got a new job, having us to move to Pennsylvania. Only my husbands mother is being supportive of the move. I know moving that far away isn't convient for our family, but they don't realize what an opportunity it is for us. My husband is working for a BIG corporation and has alot of opportunities to move up within the company. It has taken me awhile to come to grips that my family will never be suuportive of us moving, unless it is back to our hometown. I have come to terms with it and now it my families turn.
 
November 8, 2005, 8:17 am CST

The Meaning of "Family"

Hello everyone! I would like to read your opinions on a certain issue. Husbands son met a woman with two children from a previous relationship. I had many reservations about this relationship because his son is not mature or responsible. He lives his life as an adult with a 15 year old mentality. It has proved to be a bad combination. Jail, drugs, rehab, bad credit, etc. So I voiced my concern to my husband, fearing the worst for this woman's children. My husband has a very "live and let live" attitude, and basically felt that it wasn't our business to intervene. This relationship was problematic from the beginning and my husband and I were involved much to my distress. Late night phone calls, fights that resulted in arrests, accusations, and so forth. I had the opportunity to talk to this women privately, and with out revealing too much( respecting my husbands wishes to remain uninvolved) suggested that she " think about her children". This relationship was in a downward spiral and in the course of its destruction, the woman got pregnant. Initially, my step-son acknowledged the pregnancy, went to Dr. appointments and seemed to want the relationship to work. Until he met another woman with two children from a previous relationship. Suddenly, the ex- girlfriend was a lying, manipulative, bitch, who got pregnant on purpose, and it wasn't even his baby. She is trying to have him served with a court order to appear for a paternity action,  he has left ( running ) with the new girl-friend. SOOOOOOOOO............my opinion is this: the ex may be a woman of deplorable character, but I feel that they both had consensual sex knowing the consequences. They both knew the other well enough and knew the type of person they were dealing with ( the problems in their relationship being a factor). I think that it is unfortunate that they brought a baby into the world under the circumstances, and I think it is a sad situation. I think that the relationship between them, what happened between them, and what they did, is irrelevant at this point. What is done is done, and like it or not my step-son has a responsibility to this baby.  This baby has a right to  be acknowledged, loved and supported by this family. I guess the bigger issue here is my husband. He believes that this woman is horrible for getting pregnant and actually having the baby under the circumstances. He feels sorry for his son, and thinks that his son will never have the opportunity to straighten his life out. That this woman wants to make his son's life hell, and it isn't fair. He speaks unkindly about this woman, but not his son. He will not acknowledge the baby ( may not even be his grandchild) and says he wouldn't have anything to do with it if it were because of her ( the mom). I am having a difficult time respecting my husbands feelings on this. I try to understand and imagine if i would feel his way if it were my son. Some how I don't think my feeling would change. Wrong is wrong. This is not really affecting my relationship with my husband, or so I tell myself, but I worry that on some level it is. That maybe it just isn't obvious right now.
 
November 8, 2005, 9:33 am CST

I too am a single mother with a son

Quote From: rachgreen

I also have a similiar situation but I think mine is a little more serious. I have not met anyone else that can relate to being a single mom of a son. Our "boys" have such a special place in our hearts and I don't think anyone can understand that but us. My boy is 16 and he does not like my fiance. My fiance has been and continues to be verbally abusive and feels threatened by my son because of our relationship. My fiance is a truck driver and is gone 3-5 nights per week. Therefore, I think he feels that my son is taking his place when he is not there and so he feels out of place when he comes home. He takes out his anger and frustrations on me and my son. I also have a 7 year old daughter who he is very good to and that is difficult to see the difference in treatment. My fiance says it is because he has been with her since she was two and my son was 10 years old. But he is the man of the house and I expect him to act like it. He acts so immature sometimes I hate him for it. I don't know what to do. I do think that if your husband is trying to help you with your son in a respectful way, you should appreciate that and not take offense to it. As long as there is no abuse your ok. My fiance has pushed my son around so I think there is more going on than I know how to handle. I need help but also do not know where to go. I would like to know how things turn out for you. Good luck and hang in there. 

  

  

It is so hard combining two families.  My husband died three years ago and now my boyfriend and I have purchased a home and have combined our families.  Things are going just fine.  My son is fifteen and has alot of issues, learning disabilities, obsessive compulsive dissorder  and after all of us living together for two months my son says he is gay.  My boyfriend has been very supportive and is loving.  I am sure it is hard for him, because it is something he doesn't understand, of course neither do I.  But our job is to love him unconditionally.  If my boyfriend treated my kids poorly (EVER).  Our relationship would end.  I wouldn't want my kids to think that I put any man before them.  Especially if he was abusive.  Good Luck!!  jlp 

 
November 8, 2005, 11:31 am CST

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: papillion

I have 1 older brother and 1 younger sister and an 80 yr old Mother.  I have been the sole caregiver for my Mother for almost 2 yrs now, going to her house every day, preparing meals, preparing medications, housecleaning, laundry, taking her to all Dr's appointments, mostly doing everything for her with no help or offer of help from my sister or brother.  I am tired, worn out, and haven't had a day off in forever it seems.  We have not been "away" but 3 days in the past year.  My sister or brother do not talk to me and never volunteer to help me or give me a day off.  I think you should be able to divorce your siblings! What should I do to try to get them to understand I can't do this alone much longer?
Is there the option for hiring someone to come to your mothers home and help her? For what ever reason your brother or sister don't talk to you, you should still try to share the responsibility of your mothers care. Why not give one of them a call and try to delegate? Like " Mom needs some shopping done and has a Dr. appt. on Wed. and needs some help with her house work, which would you prefere? It may be that your mother needs more attention than can reasonably be expected of anyone and time to consider other possibilities.
 
November 9, 2005, 6:53 pm CST

ex husband and kids

recently my ex husband of 9 years has been involved with a girl that he is quite serious with, whick in fact is great that he has finally found someone, the problem is that ever since he has been with this girl he has put  the kids on the back burner so to speak, whick again I can understand him going out a little more so it would be natural that he would want time with his new love. 

   The problem is my ex husband is 40 and his new girlfriend is 22 my olderst daughter who is 15 is having a hard time with this, she say that the new girlfriend gives her attitude??? I'm also sure that my daughter is also giving attitude... she blames the new girlfriend for her father not call of coming to pick them up, it has been 5 months and they only live 30 minutes apart, he has call 3 time in the past 5 months to try to convince my daughter that his new girlfriend is nice and really mature for her age. I have told my ex that he need to make time for his girls and not rush the relationship between his girlfriend and his kids..he just says that he told his olderst daughter that he loves her and that she is welcome to go to his house when ever she wants and that he would love to have her and also told her that he would not be calling anymore, that she could call him when she was ready,, this in my books is not right I feel that he should be trying to fix this he is supposed to be the adult, if he is going to wait for a 15 year old to call he is sadly mistaken, she now thinks that he really is a loser...is she right...I listen and encourage her to talk but she get's mad at me when I don't agree with her when she is putting down her father, I don't want to feed her anger in any way. what do I do??? 

now my youngest daughter is 11 and she is happy go luck like's the new girlfriend they were taking her this past summer almost every weekened everything was good, until he stopped taking her he has seen he 1 night in the past 8 weeks every weekened he say that he working on a job or he has wood that he has to bring in he alway's has something to do. But of course to a 11 year old all she hears is no you can't come out, she now cry's at night asking if her father still loves her she is very confused. I talked to him on the phone tonight and asked him why he is doing this he thinks that everything is ok, I have told him how it was affecting the kids and he say nothing except he is busy. 

I told him that all parents work but to not even call his kids, his reply is well they can call me why don't they call me...I really can't seem to get throug to him I don't no what to do, my youngest cry's on the phone with her father to please take her and he still says no next weekened lately it's always next weekened.... 

Now you have to understand that my ex would move heaven and earth for his girls before he got involved with a much younger girl..is this girl maby standing in the way ?? I would think that my ex would tell any girl to get lost if he felt that this was happening, my ex is everybody friend the kind of guy that would do anything for you, he in my eyes he is a wonderful father until lately... 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP 

THANKS TO ANYONE WHO  GIVES ANY SUGGESTIONS 

 
November 9, 2005, 6:56 pm CST

Nita Mayo is Still Missing!!!!

We are  writing to you to tell you how desperate we are  to
find our Mom, Nita Mayo... 

  

It is now  3 months since our Mom went missing in the Sierra Mountains on Highway 108....the SAME highway that Carole Sund, Julie Sund, and Silvina Palosso were murdered in 1999.  (Yosemite murders).  The Carole Sund Foundation has also put up a reward for the Safe Return of our Mom.  Our  Mother's car was found with ALL of her belongings inside, but she was no where in sight...our Mom loves and lives for her family....this IS NOT a case of her walking away from life....this is either a case of some sort medical condition that has her disoriented and not knowing who she is (though she was in PERFECT physical condition before she left...she works at a hospital as a nurse), or she was abducted.  The area that her car was found in is a resort area with lots of vacationers.  We NEED to get the word across the nation to people that have possibly been in the area on August 8th, 2005.  People come here to vacation from all over the country.  If someone saw something on that Monday....they may never know to tell us because they do not know of her disappearance.   PLEASE HELP US!....WE ARE DESPERATE AND IN URGENT NEED.  Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. (You can also view more info about Mom at texasequusearch.org) If you have any information please call: 

Tuolumne County Sheriff's Department 1-800-228-3592 


Mom's website is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FindingNitaMayo/ 

 
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