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Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

Number of Replies: 489
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:16:57 am
Author : dataimport
They're there for you when nobody else is, and understand without  you having to explain. Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Share your story.

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December 11, 2005, 6:06 am CST

Another Search for Nita Mayo!!!!

Quote From: cindymay11

We are writing to you to tell you how desperate we are to
find our Mom, Nita Mayo...

It is now 3 months since our Mom went missing in the Sierra Mountains on Highway 108....the SAME highway that Carole Sund, Julie Sund, and Silvina Palosso were murdered in 1999. (Yosemite murders). The Carole Sund Foundation has also put up a reward for the Safe Return of our Mom. Our Mother's car was found with ALL of her belongings inside, but she was no where in sight...our Mom loves and lives for her family....this IS NOT a case of her walking away from life....this is either a case of some sort medical condition that has her disoriented and not knowing who she is (though she was in PERFECT physical condition before she left...she works at a hospital as a nurse), or she was abducted. The area that her car was found in is a resort area with lots of vacationers. We NEED to get the word across the nation to people that have possibly been in the area on August 8th, 2005. People come here to vacation from all over the country. If someone saw something on that Monday....they may never know to tell us because they do not know of her disappearance. PLEASE HELP US!....WE ARE DESPERATE AND IN URGENT NEED. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. (You can also view more info about Mom at texasequusearch.org) If you have any information please call:

Tuolumne County Sheriff's Department 1-800-228-3592


Mom's website is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FindingNitaMayo/

Another search is being organized for missing Hawthorne, NV woman, Nita Mayo. Saturday and Sunday, December 17th and 18th, the Mayo Family will be organizing a search in the Bridgeport, CA area. Anyone wishing to join in this search is asked to meet at the Walker River Lodge, 100 Main St. in Bridgeport at 9am. We are especially requesting people with Horses, ATVs, dog teams, and Jeeps to help us in the search for our Mom, Nita Mayo. We believe that Mom passed through Bridgeport on her way to Sonora Pass so would like to have this area searched. The best Christmas our family could hope and pray for is to have our Mom back home to enjoy it with us. This is why we are pleading for your help in our continued search for our Mother, we are DESPERATE and in urgent need of your support.  

There is a $10,000.00 reward for  the safe return of Nita Mayo. 
More information on Nita can be found at texasequusearch.org 

 
December 11, 2005, 4:13 pm CST

Broken Family

I have been battling with my mother and sister for a few months now. My sister and I have not talked since July of this year. My mother has always been jealous when anything good happens to us she gets upset. I was abused all of my childhood, and my mother never did anything about it. That is something that I cannot understand. Especially since I am a mother myself.  My mother tells lies between me, my brother, and my sister. It has gotten so bad that none of us talk much. The only one that I talk to is my mother which is only once in awhile. Can anyone give me any advise about how to handle her and my sister?? Has anyone out there been abused by a family member or boyfriend of your mother and she did nothing to help. I would like to have a healthy relationship with her and my sister, but there has been sooo much damage, I don't know where to start. 

 
December 11, 2005, 7:18 pm CST

Thanks for Reply THe meaning of family

Quote From: ritehere

 It sounds like your holiday season is not what you would like it to be. It's not good when families don't get along. You admit that your husband abuses you, but not your daughter. But if she witnesses it, it is a form of mental abuse, can you see that?  How old is she? How old are the other children? Does your husband also have a disability?
If you are the families only breadwinner, getting no sleep due to stress is not going to help your situation. You must think of yourself and your wellbeing. Give yourself the gift of kindness to yourself.
Have you tried the "Contact Dr Phil" board on the heading at the top of the page?
Write back and let me know.

  

Thanks for reply I wished I could reach dr phil but not know how.. My daughter is 21 and son is 19 he s the ones not put his nose our business.  When we are alone without Daughter around we are seem to be fine its lack of commication. I m trying to get out   just getting very very nervous how to beginning with.. The house is under my name my money ... not husband. I did go through lawyer few years back to begin with how to deal with it there is no hope because I have to pay him as support oh forget it I m not pay him as spouse support.   

My husband and I are doing just fine as long we are getting along really well.  There is alot of disagreement  o k if I left this house i will loose everything ok I m not sure whereabout you are. I m in canada ok. You may not know the law is. My daughter does abused me alot more than he is.  She doesnt see that she wants me out of marriage ok. what about her behavior hit slap me threw things at my face.. my son hardly ever touch me... he s good guy just attuide thats all not even harm. This house I have everything that belong to me I paid all hubby pay mortage right now till 15 more years to go oh man. Next year my son will be gone to college so  not sure whats the plan will be. One day I told him marriage is over he doesnt see it at all. He thinks I m just talking for nothing. I wanted to proved that I m well done and I can do it better .. even Im nervous about pets around I have he may harm  thats all my head ok. I wished I could walk out but home??? things are mine.. worry he may do damages.. He is on disabititly yes.. good pay more than me yes..  

I was hoping to get lottery  so I can get out no matter who cares. One problem other hand he s very good with his hands and cooking and big heart to help.  Other hand that he s negative he couldnt do much around the house  or going out as phobia attack.. he s starting get out bit time which I cannot wait lololol. He has damaged his feet cannot do around much sometimes he stuborn  do things that he should not have been.  I remember years years ago.. he told me we will be seperate after our kids are thier own. Well I m prepared I might be the ones doing it . Its hard as no supportive around the area we lived.I just loved dr phil  help women to get back on thier feet but he cannot do it we have to do it as he pleased if we want help from him. I wanted help from him as well. My husband will listened to him  if he had met him he will be there.. for sure. Oh well.  I hoped this 2006 my behavior and mind clear up make action.  

 
December 12, 2005, 8:30 am CST

Dear deafmom

Quote From: deafmom45

  

Thanks for reply I wished I could reach dr phil but not know how.. My daughter is 21 and son is 19 he s the ones not put his nose our business.  When we are alone without Daughter around we are seem to be fine its lack of commication. I m trying to get out   just getting very very nervous how to beginning with.. The house is under my name my money ... not husband. I did go through lawyer few years back to begin with how to deal with it there is no hope because I have to pay him as support oh forget it I m not pay him as spouse support.   

My husband and I are doing just fine as long we are getting along really well.  There is alot of disagreement  o k if I left this house i will loose everything ok I m not sure whereabout you are. I m in canada ok. You may not know the law is. My daughter does abused me alot more than he is.  She doesnt see that she wants me out of marriage ok. what about her behavior hit slap me threw things at my face.. my son hardly ever touch me... he s good guy just attuide thats all not even harm. This house I have everything that belong to me I paid all hubby pay mortage right now till 15 more years to go oh man. Next year my son will be gone to college so  not sure whats the plan will be. One day I told him marriage is over he doesnt see it at all. He thinks I m just talking for nothing. I wanted to proved that I m well done and I can do it better .. even Im nervous about pets around I have he may harm  thats all my head ok. I wished I could walk out but home??? things are mine.. worry he may do damages.. He is on disabititly yes.. good pay more than me yes..  

I was hoping to get lottery  so I can get out no matter who cares. One problem other hand he s very good with his hands and cooking and big heart to help.  Other hand that he s negative he couldnt do much around the house  or going out as phobia attack.. he s starting get out bit time which I cannot wait lololol. He has damaged his feet cannot do around much sometimes he stuborn  do things that he should not have been.  I remember years years ago.. he told me we will be seperate after our kids are thier own. Well I m prepared I might be the ones doing it . Its hard as no supportive around the area we lived.I just loved dr phil  help women to get back on thier feet but he cannot do it we have to do it as he pleased if we want help from him. I wanted help from him as well. My husband will listened to him  if he had met him he will be there.. for sure. Oh well.  I hoped this 2006 my behavior and mind clear up make action.  

 You're right, I'm in the USA, I don't know how your laws are. But I DO know that Canada has laws protecting families. You're daughter is 21 and probably out on her own, yes? It's possible that she sees that you don't have to take abuse from your husband, and wants you to help yourself now instead of waiting. Maybe she wants her brother to see what life is like without an abusive father. However, by becoming violent towards you herself, she loses credibility.  I think you all could use some help. Your household seems so sad, angry and desperate. If you scroll to the top of the page, in the brown heading there are several categories. If you put your cursor on "Contact Dr Phil", you will see a menu under it.  The menu consists of these threads: Be on the show, Be in the audience, Ask Dr Phil, Ask Robin, E-mail the show, Technical help, and Send a letter. I think if you go to one of those you will get a response. It may not be from Dr Phil himself, but may give you some contact information for help in your area. I don't know, I've never used that site. But try  it. He gets thousands of e-mails a day, so I'm sure he has staff members that read them first. It can't hurt to try.
 
December 12, 2005, 12:19 pm CST

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: smw8365

I have been battling with my mother and sister for a few months now. My sister and I have not talked since July of this year. My mother has always been jealous when anything good happens to us she gets upset. I was abused all of my childhood, and my mother never did anything about it. That is something that I cannot understand. Especially since I am a mother myself.  My mother tells lies between me, my brother, and my sister. It has gotten so bad that none of us talk much. The only one that I talk to is my mother which is only once in awhile. Can anyone give me any advise about how to handle her and my sister?? Has anyone out there been abused by a family member or boyfriend of your mother and she did nothing to help. I would like to have a healthy relationship with her and my sister, but there has been sooo much damage, I don't know where to start. 

I've been in a similar situation. The best advice I can give is to pull yourself out of the fray, take a break from "toxic" family members, and do what's best for you as long as you need to. Talk to someone who is impartial and someone who will keep your info a secret...a therapist is best. If you can't afford therapy then find a group but make sure it's confidential. Never, ever go to family members especially when gossip and lying is a factor. It'll only make things a lot worse. Family members are also "too close" to the situation and will only make things worse and will drive you nuts. Someone impartial will listen to you and also allow you to listen to yourself. Then you can recover and let go. The more you can recover and let go, the easier it'll be to not only forgive, but to set some boundaries with the family members who have caused so much damage. Refocus any anger and use that energy to recover. Also there is the sad possibility that it may never be able to be fixed. Are you prepared for that? What I mean is that you can only do so much...if you do a lot of work to fix the situation yet they don't, then the outcome's going to be a stalemate. As to the abuse...only YOU can say for sure what you remember had happened. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. But at the same time, you can't expect your mother or family to have the same point of view, especially if they're in denial or think they did nothing wrong. It's a hard road and you'll need to be strong. But the rewards of letting go, recovering and setting boundaries with family that doesn't change are immense. You'll walk away with a sense of control over your life, a new outlook, new abilities, and more confidence :) You can't control what other people do or say, nor can you make someone acknowledge something they're never going to acknowledge. I feel for you. But one thing you DO have absolute unlimited power and control over is the time you have and the choices you can make. Be strong and good luck!
 
December 13, 2005, 11:44 am CST

The Meaning of "Family"

Quote From: smw8365

I have been battling with my mother and sister for a few months now. My sister and I have not talked since July of this year. My mother has always been jealous when anything good happens to us she gets upset. I was abused all of my childhood, and my mother never did anything about it. That is something that I cannot understand. Especially since I am a mother myself.  My mother tells lies between me, my brother, and my sister. It has gotten so bad that none of us talk much. The only one that I talk to is my mother which is only once in awhile. Can anyone give me any advise about how to handle her and my sister?? Has anyone out there been abused by a family member or boyfriend of your mother and she did nothing to help. I would like to have a healthy relationship with her and my sister, but there has been sooo much damage, I don't know where to start. 

First of all, I want to tell you that there is always hope, that nothing is ever truly a "lost cause"... however, you have to know when enough is enough, because you don't deserve to keep being verbaly abused and/or mistreated by your mother or any other family members. This is not what family is supposed to be like; family should be caring and supportive. 

I know exactly what its like to have a mother who is jealous when good things happen! My own mother is like that, she doesn't want to hear anything good, she wants to hear negative stuff so that she can gossip about it. It sounds like your mother is similar, and when she doesn't have some gossip she makes it up, right?  

I'll tell you how I have recovered from my past abuse from my mother. The first thing I did was learn to stop allowing things that she did or said- or didn't say- to bother me. When I let the things she did or said bother me, I was giving her my personal power over my emotions, which in turn gives her more power and me less power. This is very difficult because this is a dynamic that you and your mother have had forever! I know it was very hard for me, but if I could do it, I know that anyone can.  Another thing was that I had to realize I was setting myself for dissapointment when I would tell her good news and I didn't get the reaction that I wanted... how come she never congratulated me before, but here I am giving her more good news, such as I was on the Dean's list at college, and she isn't happy for me? Hmm.. its because for some reason, I kept waiting for her to change, waiting for her to suddenly be happy for me... but its never going to happen. She was always jealous of me and that will never change. Instead, now, when we talk I ask her all about her. How is she? How is the weather? If she talks of some craft she's doing, I will ask her questions all about the craft even though I have no interest. This gives her plenty of time to talk about her favorite subject- herself- and it keeps her from getting anything out of me to b*tch about. I haven't heard one b*tchy thing about myself from other people in years. So, this is working for me! I know its hard, its very difficult to finally recognize and come to terms with the facts that our mothers are self centered, immature people... however, the sooner that you do come to terms with it, the better off you will be, because when you stop giving her the power to hurt you, it opens up new doors for  you and your own personal growth. 

I waited around for my mother to be proud of me. I waited around to hear that I was "good enough" or "smart enough" but thats not what she wanted from me- she didn't want me to be smart or good. She wanted me to fail so she could gossip about me. When I didn't fail, it fueled her jealousy. I urge you to take your personal power back from your mother and sister by following my advice- when you do talk to them, keep the conversation all about them. See how it works. I wish you the best!! 

 
December 13, 2005, 11:56 am CST

Family and inheritance.....

Quote From: catnipmouse

My mother, sister and I were always close esp. after my parents divorce.  We lived together until I got married.  Two years ago my mother could not afford to stay in the house she and my sister lived in, so she sold it and moved.  Prior to this move my sister and I had been equals in my mothers will to receive her only asset, the house.  When she moved she put the new house in her and my sister's name.    For nearly two years they denied it was intentional and said it was a "mistake" that they'd fix.  I asked several times about it, and finally one day the truth came out.  They weren't going to change it.  I've done nothing to deserve this.  Because I've been given no reason for this action, I have a strong feeling of abandonment.  My mother has had several strokes and I truly believe she isn't capable of the decison she made.  She parrots things that my sister has said about me "already owning a house" (my husband and I have a mortgaged house).  I feel this is a jealous and vendictive thing my sister talked my mother into.  My sister was horrible to me during my engagement.  When the house sold my sister also put the remaining cash from the sale into her own savings "because our mother did not have a savings account". (???).  I can not get past this because my mother says one thing to me when she's alone and something different in front of my sister.  When she's with me alone she cries and tells me my sister will not let her change the deed on the house.  I can't get over this because I don't know who is lying.  I am now estranged from them because dealing with this has a strain on my marriage.  I can't sleep and have nightmares, and can not get past this.  Suggestions?  Help! 

This must be very difficult for you, I can understand that. Your feelings of being betrayed and/or abandoned are valid. It seems like, since this has been going on for more then two years, it is likely your mother did make this decision on her own. Yes, she was probably talked into it by your sister... your sister probably rationalized this to your mom with this kind of thinking: you have a home, and if your mom passes, why is it fair that you have one and a half homes when your sister has a half of a home? Your mom probably thought this made sense at the time, she doesn't want to think of her other daughter as homeless, or having to pay you rent. Its very unfair that your mom didn't talk to you about this, though. My advice for you is to seek therepy for yourself to talk about all of these issues, because somewhere along the way, the 'closeness' between your sister and you turned into jealousy on her part. I doubt there is anything that you could do legaly to gain any inheritance since your mother made these decisions years ago. I'm curious to know why your mother is so totally dependant upon your sister for everything? Such as, why didn't she have her own bank account, etc.?  

Its understandable that you are hurt and estranged at this point. But, life is so short! When something happens to your mom, you will be very sad for losing all of this time. 

 
December 13, 2005, 5:16 pm CST

"Family"

Quote From: smw8365

I have been battling with my mother and sister for a few months now. My sister and I have not talked since July of this year. My mother has always been jealous when anything good happens to us she gets upset. I was abused all of my childhood, and my mother never did anything about it. That is something that I cannot understand. Especially since I am a mother myself.  My mother tells lies between me, my brother, and my sister. It has gotten so bad that none of us talk much. The only one that I talk to is my mother which is only once in awhile. Can anyone give me any advise about how to handle her and my sister?? Has anyone out there been abused by a family member or boyfriend of your mother and she did nothing to help. I would like to have a healthy relationship with her and my sister, but there has been sooo much damage, I don't know where to start. 

  

  

I know that there will be plenty of people who disagree and I respect their right to do so.  My mother was a lot like yours.  I don't see the point of having a relationship with someone who is incapable of respecting me or showing me the love that she does not have for me.  I believe, heart and soul, that some people just don't have it in them to emotionally connect with their child or love them for that matter.  And to expect a child to keep going back, knowing that the result will be the same, is cruel.  Sometimes, you need to love yourself, which is difficult when the people who are supposed to show you how to love yourself don't.  I applaud you for being a bigger person than I am.   

 
December 13, 2005, 5:18 pm CST

Reply

Quote From: jenoc99

This must be very difficult for you, I can understand that. Your feelings of being betrayed and/or abandoned are valid. It seems like, since this has been going on for more then two years, it is likely your mother did make this decision on her own. Yes, she was probably talked into it by your sister... your sister probably rationalized this to your mom with this kind of thinking: you have a home, and if your mom passes, why is it fair that you have one and a half homes when your sister has a half of a home? Your mom probably thought this made sense at the time, she doesn't want to think of her other daughter as homeless, or having to pay you rent. Its very unfair that your mom didn't talk to you about this, though. My advice for you is to seek therepy for yourself to talk about all of these issues, because somewhere along the way, the 'closeness' between your sister and you turned into jealousy on her part. I doubt there is anything that you could do legaly to gain any inheritance since your mother made these decisions years ago. I'm curious to know why your mother is so totally dependant upon your sister for everything? Such as, why didn't she have her own bank account, etc.?  

Its understandable that you are hurt and estranged at this point. But, life is so short! When something happens to your mom, you will be very sad for losing all of this time. 

Just have one question--what is most important to you? 

 
December 13, 2005, 5:26 pm CST

Short story

When I was four years old, my parents  allowed me to be held hostage in the bathroom of a bowling alley and sexually assaulted while they were busy bowling 

  

They allowed my cousin(who they knew molested me when I was six)to move in with us three years after he had done so. 

  

They interfered so much in my relationship with my daughter that she now lives with them. 

  

  

Give me one good reason why I should have a relationship with them. 

 
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