Message Boards

Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

Number of Replies: 489
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:16:57 am
Author : dataimport
They're there for you when nobody else is, and understand without  you having to explain. Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Share your story.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

August 14, 2005, 5:26 am CDT

my mistake

Quote From: wifey31

Please bear with me, as this is very painful to express. 10 years ago, I was raped by my Aunt's husband the night before they were to be married and never said anything. They had a party, everyone was drinking, I passed out and thought I was in a safe place (My aunt's house). When I woke up, he was having his way with me. I grabbed my clothes and ran out. So here I am, all of 31 years of age, now married to a man who refuses to attend those family functions because the rapist would be at the family gathering. Thats understandable, right? But for 7 years, my hubby hasnt came to any family functions, and it has really started to screw with my marriage, starting with the family taking pot shots at my hubby for not coming around (little do they know why!) So on my Dad's b-day, my grandmother kept belittling and berating my marriage and my husband, so I blew up, and the truth came out. The truth would've never came out if my hubby hadn't put his foot down about how he feels about this. Since I put my family in check, they obviously side with the rapist, and now I've lost the family I thought I had. This guy isn't even blood. We were a tight knit Italian family, but where's the love? My mom and dad told me that I should've just kept my mouth shut. What the f--- is that? Someone, anyone, what the hell is going on here? Yes I know I should've spoken up back then, but I love my Aunt so much, I didn't want to speak up and ruin her wedding day!

Hi, I posted you a response but in the wrong section, so if you go through the darlaash entry you'll see it. See ya! Lauren
 
September 2, 2005, 8:06 am CDT

Honey and Bees

Quote From: faybian

I'm npt quite sure what to do about this, if anything.  My husband and I have been married for

2 1/2 years.  His x-wife lives in anohter state with their 3 children.  Recently the oldest boy broke the law and had to go to court.  My husband drove to 4 hours to another state to be there for his son.  Subsequently he's been back and this last time he fell asleep on the couch.  He told me that he was tired and needed some sleep.  He's going back again because of another court date and is planning to stay all night go to court the next day and then return home.

 

I have voiced my anger with him for making the choice to sleep there " Handle your business then get on down the road" and I have asked him not to sleep there because its not right.  I've asked to accompany him on the trip, but he doesn't want to hurt her.  He said to me  " How would you feel if you were in her place?"  It would seem to me that his son could use all the support he could get.

He continues to ignore how I feel and I don't know what to do about it. 

   

My first post got lost..!  

 Try this.  

   

    Tonight, sit on his lap and apologize for freaking out. (They divorced for good reason!) and tell him that your proud of him for being such a good Dad to his son, and that your 100% happy that he is going to support his boy. Then tell him your freaked out, because the idea of him staying at his ex's house brought home to you what you could lose in a man like him, and it scared you.  

   

 Then give the man something to remember you by for his trip.  While he is gone. Your going to call him 2 times only.  To tell him he's a good dad, and get an update on what has gone on.  NO QUESTIONS about his ex.. okay?  

   

 and your going to get a book called "Light His Fire" by ellen Kriedman in the self help section of any book store-- GET IT !  

   

  Your attitude and support of him does more to protect your relationship than anything his ex could say to woo him back into her life.  keep in mind, she's going to remind him of her jealousy of you and throw a few snits, when she sees that grin on his face you left him.  

   

I'll even go so far as to bet he takes you with him.   Honey and bees... Honey and bees.. Okay?  

 
September 2, 2005, 8:27 am CDT

A family of bBears

Quote From: wifeandmom

I am the mom of a 13-year-old. I was remarried 2 years after being a single mom for 11 years. I raised my son the best that I knew how which I thought was wonderful! My son is a loving, caring, happy young man. As a single mom, we did everything together. My husband feels that I spoiled him to the point of him being self-centered, irresponsible, and not going to amount to anything but an adult child living at home. An example of a situation: when I suggest we play a game as a family, my husband accuses me of just wanting to entertain my son. I really miss the happiness and togetherness that I used to have with my son. My husband continually says that I must push my son to be more independent but that seems to mean let him be by himself and figure out how to entertain himself. We do things as a family but only if the idea comes from my husband. I feel there may be competetive feelings coming from my husband and possibly resentment of any time that I may want to spend with my son. I have asked my husband if that may be true and he denies it. I do want to say that my husband has so much to offer my son and us as a family. He is a very responsible husband and provider and a great role model for my son. I just wish that there could be a middle ground with some carefree playfulness as well as the lessons that need to be learned. I am currently looking for a family counselor and there are so many out there, I just don't know how to narrow it down. Does anyone have any sugestions for finding a good family therapist?

   

   

  Papa Bear, is not secure in his role.  He feels you are too protective of your son, and are too involved- this "Threat" is that your boy won't be strong, but a "mama's boy".  I went through the same thing a couple of years ago with my then 4 year old and my new husband.  My husband was right. I did baby my son too much. I did a lot of no good work, and my 6 year old cries like a baby over too much stuff now. He backs talks me, but not my husband.   

   

  I would suggest, to your husband that he and your son get involved in a father son thing like "Young Marines, or Boy Scouts, or something of that nature.  This way they have more of a one on one relationship, and so long as your husband is not physcially striking your son, or verbally abusive with name calling like "Stupid, or Loser" etc. Or teasing him in a mean way all the time--  Then your husband is probably more about being frustrated at your son's lack of playing alone- which can be a good exercise in character building self worth and self esteem in the right doses.  He's your man, so you know better than I.   

   

 Your husband is not wrong in his desires.  A lot of therapist often criminalize the man for being a male- and so long as your husband is not doing drugs, drinking, or other harmful behaviors, then there is no reason all this argument should be going on. He has a role to play in your boys life, and allowing him to do his job to raise that boy to be a man. Let him do it.   

   

 It is our duty as mom's to make sure we raise MEN, and that is why MEN were created to help us raise our sons to be men, and not over emotional wet blankets with no spine.  It's a 70/30 split at this point, and your son looks to you for protection. Just as my son did.  As moms we do our son's no favors. Life is tough and the sooner they learn to be tough, the better off they will be in the long run.  That is your husbands job.   

   

  If I were you, I would sit down with my husband and lay out some ground rules.  Like no hitting with a belt, and if your boy goes off the deep end in rebellion (as mine did) then find out your son's currency and use it.   If it's privacy, take off his bedroom door, if it's his collection-- confiscate it.   

Give your husband more power, and you hold the "Mother Bear Veto" where you can disagree with your husband, but you never discuss that infront of your son. Always a united front.   We women do not do our son's any favors when we don't allow our men to teach our boys to be men.  Even if it means a few spilled tears and a "That's not fair".   he's 13.. it's time.   

 
September 2, 2005, 8:44 am CDT

You and my mom are the same.

Quote From: elisza

July 25, 2005, 8:34 am PDT why can't i meet my real gamma?

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

 

 

 

You promised not to leave a stone unturned but I have yet to see a show on this particular theme: children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives as a result of a messy, violent divorce/separation of their parents.

 

 

 

 

I did not want to marry my husband because I found him very selfish. But after he raped me I decided to, to ‘save my honour’. (1968)

 

 

 

 

Bad move, yet I would do it again because despite the events in our marriage, three children were born. He wanted me to abort the first child because I was in Teachers College at the time. (1971) I found out and they put pressure on me to pull out. I refused and had my child and wrote my last exam within 24 hours. It was not easy because I have a neurological disorder called Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome. I can live with that but the idea that a man can think abortion is an option haunts me!

Secondly, in my 9th month, he insisted I cook him boiled potatoes…. It was so hot out, I

had spent the day in school, ninth month into pregnancy was HEAVY soo tired, etc. etc…. well, I gave in and a pot of boiling water spilled on my huge belly gluing my polyester gown to my flesh: I suffered severe burns and to this day I shiver when I think he blamed me for being clumsy and did not come to the doctor with me: I tell you this as an example for having said he was selfish.

 

 

 

 

Life went on. He raped me for my third child. (remember rape was legal at that time in Canada the police tell me 1976). I was not ready for this one as I had just given birth to my second (1975) and had started a good paying job as a special ed. teacher

 

 

 

 

I gave birth to my sole daughter in 1977 and she inherited my syndrome: needless to say I went full steam ahead to try to avert surgery for a severe scoliosis in 1983. By 1986, the world famous back surgeon said I had performed a medical miracle: I had sought out the help of Dr Jeno Tyjani, Alex Bowman’s swimming coach for help! Remember Alex Bowman won the world swimming  -gold in LA. Dr. Phil? Why did my husband refuse to share the work involved in her therapy? Why did he poison my girl’s mind saying I was trying to make a handicap out of her? Why was he making her deny her disability as though it would disappear?

 

 

 

 

I guess that’s another issue!

 

 

 

 

Seems that is water under the bridge for me now…. She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.

 

 

 

 

My issue is this! When my husband left, he vowed he would have me on the streets homeless! This happened! And I was recuperating from severe kidney problems undergoing surgeries for years and recuperating in Women’s Shelters. Not fun! I was made to look like the loser who could not get a life!

 

 

 

 

My husband waged a vicious war! Bt what hurts the most is the fact that t was not easy for me in many ways! But, I would do it over again to se them have a life!

 

 

 

 

Here is the show I would want to see Dr. Phil:

 

 

 

 

1-      show how a parent should never be victim of a war game In marriage

 

 

2-      show that it is an act of inhumanity and cruelty to continue this war and stop a loving gramma from seeing her grand-children

 

 

3-   explain the dynamics of anger, and confusion and the long term repercussions for grand-children robbed of a gramma like me!

 

 

 

 

With Family First etc. I feel I have found an ambassador for my values. I feel the pain of millions of gammas caught in this web of baseless hatred! Please count our tears and change them to laughter and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!

 

   

   

   

 Your probably going to report me for this, but so be it.. it must be said.   In one sentence you summed up the whole mess.   

   

 You start with "children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives"   

  

but then you BLAME GAME your divorce. Call your husband a rapist. nice.  

   

   You prattle on about all these medical issues-- (Focus on the self, not the problem with why your not an active grandmother)  then you complain about your daughter adding---  

   

 She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.   

   

  What does Dr Phil always say on his show ?  "You cannot fix what you don't acknowledge".  Then you add in..  

   

"and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!   

   

   So you don't see your son's kids either?  

   

   

       My mom-- when I try to talk to her about some of the things she did to me as a kid- The beatings, the neglect, the favortism between my sister and I, the destruction, her games-  My mother will laugh self conciously and will say "Where did you get that ? What an imagination"...   

   

and she does not see my children either.  She's so desperate, she tried to go behind my back and use my child's father to bring him to her during his visitations.  I called her a LOW RENT C**T for that one.  She's very "Jerry Springer"...  

   

She's running scared, and so long as she does not acknowledge what she did to me-- and what you did to your daughter--then your relationships will float along as they are, and that is YOUR Choice.  

   

   

   So long as you do not take SELF RESPONSIBILITY and Accountability for your actions- your choices, then we who were children when you had all the power-- take that power away from you by refusing to talk to you and allow you to harm our children by allowing you to see them.  Your head games don't stop with us, and we know that.   

   

 There is a reason you don't see your grandchildren, and until you face up to what YOU did- without the blaming of your husband, using your medical issues, medications, whatever you want to blame-  

   

  Until you take accountability and acknowledge your bad choices, you leave us-- your kids no choice. We cannot allow you to harm our children as you harmed us, so we cannot let you see our kids, and You never will.   I don't know who will be choosing your nursing home, but woe unto you, and my own mother as well.   

  

  

 
September 9, 2005, 3:17 pm CDT

Ease Up

Quote From: trinket

   

   

   

 Your probably going to report me for this, but so be it.. it must be said.   In one sentence you summed up the whole mess.   

   

 You start with "children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives"   

  

but then you BLAME GAME your divorce. Call your husband a rapist. nice.  

   

   You prattle on about all these medical issues-- (Focus on the self, not the problem with why your not an active grandmother)  then you complain about your daughter adding---  

   

 She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.   

   

  What does Dr Phil always say on his show ?  "You cannot fix what you don't acknowledge".  Then you add in..  

   

"and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!   

   

   So you don't see your son's kids either?  

   

   

       My mom-- when I try to talk to her about some of the things she did to me as a kid- The beatings, the neglect, the favortism between my sister and I, the destruction, her games-  My mother will laugh self conciously and will say "Where did you get that ? What an imagination"...   

   

and she does not see my children either.  She's so desperate, she tried to go behind my back and use my child's father to bring him to her during his visitations.  I called her a LOW RENT C**T for that one.  She's very "Jerry Springer"...  

   

She's running scared, and so long as she does not acknowledge what she did to me-- and what you did to your daughter--then your relationships will float along as they are, and that is YOUR Choice.  

   

   

   So long as you do not take SELF RESPONSIBILITY and Accountability for your actions- your choices, then we who were children when you had all the power-- take that power away from you by refusing to talk to you and allow you to harm our children by allowing you to see them.  Your head games don't stop with us, and we know that.   

   

 There is a reason you don't see your grandchildren, and until you face up to what YOU did- without the blaming of your husband, using your medical issues, medications, whatever you want to blame-  

   

  Until you take accountability and acknowledge your bad choices, you leave us-- your kids no choice. We cannot allow you to harm our children as you harmed us, so we cannot let you see our kids, and You never will.   I don't know who will be choosing your nursing home, but woe unto you, and my own mother as well.   

  

  

She may not report your letter...but I will add this  

   

Don't take out on this lady...what obviously belongs to YOUR MOTHER...  

   

Like your mother she did the best she could...she didn't abort her children...she chose to carry them and raise them...for that alone she deserves credit...  

   

Yes RAPE in MARRIAGE does happen and it's WRONG...I don't agree with calling them rapists, however that is my own personal view...I would call them control freaks who lack any form of respect for their partner... 

   

Health problems cause depression and then loaded with trauma can nearly drive people insane...  

You may be saying how would I know...I was an abused child three out of the four forms...the sexual abuse came from others and I hated and detested my mother, until one day I woke up and said to myself...she still has control of me and my life...best I find my own personal power and take control of MYSELF...not her.  I sought councelling and healing and it's taken me five years to forgive her and many others, however it's done.  It was a choice and has brought me peace.  

I confronted her, wrote too her and threw hissy fits over her choices and actions sought an apology and she didn't budge, so I did...I fixed myself...because I was the Problem...I allowed what she did to affect all areas of my life...she still denies it and throws in the odd comment...I have learnt to ignore it...some people never change and that is their CHOICE...I chose to CHANGE me and educate myself on human behaviour and how I could stop the pattern of ABUSE...for the sake of my children...All I had too do was acknowledge it for myself and get over my denial and start crying and healing...it was hard work and nearly sent me around the bend...but I'd do it again if I had too. 

I was the one who wore the brunt of mothers anger on all levels, my sister ran away and now has four children and she still allows my mother to CONTROL her and get under her skin...she even gone as far as threatening an anti violence order...and wanted me to be a part of the mudslinging...No thanks...I've healed my demons and found SELF CONTROL and ways too handle the situation with maturity and understanding.  

Have a go at me if you want...you need to talk with someone who can guide you on letting go of your anger and finding peace and you can report me for that...I think the majority would agree me...don't beat up on people because you have your own issues and don't know a way out...Calling someone a LOW RENT C...is really immature...I'd suggest before you consider this something to be proud of that you fast forward you life and hear your own children calling you that...you may say oh it won't bother me...it will and you will see what you've created through your own anger...  

Get off her back and go and sort out your own issues  

 
September 9, 2005, 3:30 pm CDT

With Compassion

Quote From: elisza

July 25, 2005, 8:34 am PDT why can't i meet my real gamma?

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

 

 

 

You promised not to leave a stone unturned but I have yet to see a show on this particular theme: children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives as a result of a messy, violent divorce/separation of their parents.

 

 

 

 

I did not want to marry my husband because I found him very selfish. But after he raped me I decided to, to ‘save my honour’. (1968)

 

 

 

 

Bad move, yet I would do it again because despite the events in our marriage, three children were born. He wanted me to abort the first child because I was in Teachers College at the time. (1971) I found out and they put pressure on me to pull out. I refused and had my child and wrote my last exam within 24 hours. It was not easy because I have a neurological disorder called Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome. I can live with that but the idea that a man can think abortion is an option haunts me!

Secondly, in my 9th month, he insisted I cook him boiled potatoes…. It was so hot out, I

had spent the day in school, ninth month into pregnancy was HEAVY soo tired, etc. etc…. well, I gave in and a pot of boiling water spilled on my huge belly gluing my polyester gown to my flesh: I suffered severe burns and to this day I shiver when I think he blamed me for being clumsy and did not come to the doctor with me: I tell you this as an example for having said he was selfish.

 

 

 

 

Life went on. He raped me for my third child. (remember rape was legal at that time in Canada the police tell me 1976). I was not ready for this one as I had just given birth to my second (1975) and had started a good paying job as a special ed. teacher

 

 

 

 

I gave birth to my sole daughter in 1977 and she inherited my syndrome: needless to say I went full steam ahead to try to avert surgery for a severe scoliosis in 1983. By 1986, the world famous back surgeon said I had performed a medical miracle: I had sought out the help of Dr Jeno Tyjani, Alex Bowman’s swimming coach for help! Remember Alex Bowman won the world swimming  -gold in LA. Dr. Phil? Why did my husband refuse to share the work involved in her therapy? Why did he poison my girl’s mind saying I was trying to make a handicap out of her? Why was he making her deny her disability as though it would disappear?

 

 

 

 

I guess that’s another issue!

 

 

 

 

Seems that is water under the bridge for me now…. She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.

 

 

 

 

My issue is this! When my husband left, he vowed he would have me on the streets homeless! This happened! And I was recuperating from severe kidney problems undergoing surgeries for years and recuperating in Women’s Shelters. Not fun! I was made to look like the loser who could not get a life!

 

 

 

 

My husband waged a vicious war! Bt what hurts the most is the fact that t was not easy for me in many ways! But, I would do it over again to se them have a life!

 

 

 

 

Here is the show I would want to see Dr. Phil:

 

 

 

 

1-      show how a parent should never be victim of a war game In marriage

 

 

2-      show that it is an act of inhumanity and cruelty to continue this war and stop a loving gramma from seeing her grand-children

 

 

3-   explain the dynamics of anger, and confusion and the long term repercussions for grand-children robbed of a gramma like me!

 

 

 

 

With Family First etc. I feel I have found an ambassador for my values. I feel the pain of millions of gammas caught in this web of baseless hatred! Please count our tears and change them to laughter and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!

 

I really hope you all find a way to forgive each other...even you forgiving your husband... 

  

The way he treated you was wrong...calling him a rapist is not healthy for your children...it doesn't make them feel loved or conceived out of love...words can be more damaging than the action alone... 

  

You obviously have the net at home...there are many web sites on forgiveness, abuse, how to handle resolution and how to find peace...and a great is the Drama Triangle...interesting reading... 

  

I wish you well...everyone has to heal their own pain and it's all about choice...Staying in Victim mode is very damaging...try writing a letter from the heart...I don't believe in BAD choices I believe in lessons and this world is only now starting to open up and talk about more effective ways of relating to each other...and the use of english language to describe things that happened too us... 

  

I hope your children see that they are not perfect...but then anger can blind us all... 

 
September 17, 2005, 4:22 pm CDT

Family

Quote From: wifey31

Please bear with me, as this is very painful to express. 10 years ago, I was raped by my Aunt's husband the night before they were to be married and never said anything. They had a party, everyone was drinking, I passed out and thought I was in a safe place (My aunt's house). When I woke up, he was having his way with me. I grabbed my clothes and ran out. So here I am, all of 31 years of age, now married to a man who refuses to attend those family functions because the rapist would be at the family gathering. Thats understandable, right? But for 7 years, my hubby hasnt came to any family functions, and it has really started to screw with my marriage, starting with the family taking pot shots at my hubby for not coming around (little do they know why!) So on my Dad's b-day, my grandmother kept belittling and berating my marriage and my husband, so I blew up, and the truth came out. The truth would've never came out if my hubby hadn't put his foot down about how he feels about this. Since I put my family in check, they obviously side with the rapist, and now I've lost the family I thought I had. This guy isn't even blood. We were a tight knit Italian family, but where's the love? My mom and dad told me that I should've just kept my mouth shut. What the f--- is that? Someone, anyone, what the hell is going on here? Yes I know I should've spoken up back then, but I love my Aunt so much, I didn't want to speak up and ruin her wedding day!

I always avoided message boards that had the word "family" in the title. 

It thought I would come here and read magical stories of perfect families 

who loved and supported each other no matter what.  Then my good friend "guilt" would appear and sit on my chest...(he weighs 475 lbs.) I am learning that families like that don't exist for the most part...I'm sorry for what you have gone through with your family. 

  

The other day as I sat in my therapists office lamenting the abandonment and betrayal of my family when my brother molested my son years ago, she said that behavior and reaction is the norm.  Family dynamics is a strange phenomenon...she told me of a woman who's soon to be brother-on-law molested her son and her own family closed ranks around him to "protect" him...he hadn't even married their other daughter yet...can you wrap your brain around that one???  Turns out he was pretty handy around the house and did a lot for his future parents-in-law...extracting yourself from that kind of toxicity can be excruciating but who needs it I say...I have bigger fish to fry.  Like speaking out to help make change to protect children in this world of ours.  I am actually grieving the lose of my family...I loved them...I have some good memories....but they don't love me...and they are not the people I thought they would be for me when I needed them.   

  

I wish you strength and joy in who you are!!!!! 

 
September 23, 2005, 4:05 pm CDT

god bless you girl..

Quote From: srndpty333

I always avoided message boards that had the word "family" in the title. 

It thought I would come here and read magical stories of perfect families 

who loved and supported each other no matter what.  Then my good friend "guilt" would appear and sit on my chest...(he weighs 475 lbs.) I am learning that families like that don't exist for the most part...I'm sorry for what you have gone through with your family. 

  

The other day as I sat in my therapists office lamenting the abandonment and betrayal of my family when my brother molested my son years ago, she said that behavior and reaction is the norm.  Family dynamics is a strange phenomenon...she told me of a woman who's soon to be brother-on-law molested her son and her own family closed ranks around him to "protect" him...he hadn't even married their other daughter yet...can you wrap your brain around that one???  Turns out he was pretty handy around the house and did a lot for his future parents-in-law...extracting yourself from that kind of toxicity can be excruciating but who needs it I say...I have bigger fish to fry.  Like speaking out to help make change to protect children in this world of ours.  I am actually grieving the lose of my family...I loved them...I have some good memories....but they don't love me...and they are not the people I thought they would be for me when I needed them.   

  

I wish you strength and joy in who you are!!!!! 

Dont worry, everything will work ok. You did the right thing.. 

 
September 25, 2005, 1:23 pm CDT

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT to the MEANING OF FAMILY BOARD

*1 More Yellow Ribbon*

On September 11, 2005 a new message board was established on drphil.com to SUPPORT OUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS in the military.

This is a forum for soldiers, their families other compassionate and concerned individuals for both mutual support and to talk about real things folks can do to help those who serve and protect.

Will you please join us? Who do you know that is in-harms-way? Tell us about them. We can do more to support our loved ones. We can make our voice heard and make their voices heard as well.

GO TO MESSAGE BOARDS page
CLICK BEYOND THE HEADLINES
CLICK News and Current Events
CLICK *1 More Yellow Ribbon*

Most people agree to support OUR TROOPS. That’s wonderful. But what does that mean? OUR TROOPS are individuals... every soldier is someone’s son or daughter. As we tie our yellow ribbons, let’s attach names to the sons and daughters collectively know as OUR TROOPS.

FAMILIES are also caught up in the war.

THIS WAR has hit our home. Our son Mike is in the desert. Until he returns safely the light on our patio shines day and night on a large AMERICAN FLAG tied with a YELLOW ribbon. We call it MIKE’S LIGHT.

Please light a lamp in your window or keep a porch light on, fly the flag proudly, and tie a yellow ribbon for those in harms way. We invite folks to post pictures of these tributes on the board.

What else can we do to support those who are sacrificing because of the war? Everyone can do SOMETHING. Please share your ideas.

When I asked our son what I could do for him, he said, “You speak for me!” Mike said I should tell people that each man and woman in the military has a job to do. They need the support of the people back home to get the job done!

Mike’s Mom
 
October 19, 2005, 11:25 am CDT

Leaving the kids behind???

I have two teens - one who will be 20 in a few months and the second who will be 18 in just six months.  The 20-year-old is inher second year of community college, lives at home and is not sure what she wants to do with her life after this second year.  The younger is a senior in high school and has just accepted a scholarship to a northern california university.  We currently live in Southern Cali.  I am a single parent.  Our entire family is on the east coast.  My soon-to-be-ex and I met here in Cali in 1980 and the kids have basically been raised here in Cali.  The dilemma - I want to move back to the east coast to be around my entire family, as I would want them to do also.  I sat them down and told them that it is financially difficult for me to live here and that the ideal situastion would be that they move with me, but they have to choose.  I also told them I was not attempting to abandon them and not trying to be selfish but in fact I wanted to be able to work and help them out financially as they make their way through college.  Here in California it is very difficult on my income.  The dilemma - I am feeling guilty about "leaving them behind."  Their dad is still here, has not been around a whole lot for the past year-and-a-half, but is making an "attempt" to try to see them more.  I told them I would be there in a phone call if they needed me and I would try to visit as much as possible.  Is this selfish or not a good move, seeing that it is just a year-and-a-half since their dad and I separated, that he moved in with the "other" woman and basically left us alone.  As I said, he is making an attempt or wanting to by leaving the other woman and wnating to be around the girls more.  He even wants to try to work things out between us but I am past that right now.  Help!!!!
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last