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Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:16:57 am
Author : dataimport
They're there for you when nobody else is, and understand without  you having to explain. Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Share your story.

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confused
June 9, 2007, 6:14 pm PDT

My Brother

My brother does not want to have a relationship with me for the following reasons, according to my oldest daughter:

My X was a loser.

I have a mental illness.

The fact that I put my child up for adoption when she was two years old.

The rest of my family is dwelling on this.

Long before these things happened, I was the black sheep.

A family should be loving (unconditionally), functional and supportive.

What right do they have to judge me when they don't know what happened?

I really would appreciate it if my brother told me himself instead of hearing it second-hand.

People tell me it is his loss.

My oldest daughter said he is too controlling and selfish.

She also said that his absence would be a blessing because of the fact that he is not supportive in any way.

In reference to the mental illness: I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from an abusive childhood and marriage.

He went to Vietnam years ago. I understand that this also is PTSD. He must be in denial.

This is a mental health issue called mental illness.

I just wanted to air this out and get if off my chest.

Thanks

 

 

 
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June 9, 2007, 9:02 pm PDT

It is his choice

Quote From: bibles

My brother does not want to have a relationship with me for the following reasons, according to my oldest daughter:

My X was a loser.

I have a mental illness.

The fact that I put my child up for adoption when she was two years old.

The rest of my family is dwelling on this.

Long before these things happened, I was the black sheep.

A family should be loving (unconditionally), functional and supportive.

What right do they have to judge me when they don't know what happened?

I really would appreciate it if my brother told me himself instead of hearing it second-hand.

People tell me it is his loss.

My oldest daughter said he is too controlling and selfish.

She also said that his absence would be a blessing because of the fact that he is not supportive in any way.

In reference to the mental illness: I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from an abusive childhood and marriage.

He went to Vietnam years ago. I understand that this also is PTSD. He must be in denial.

This is a mental health issue called mental illness.

I just wanted to air this out and get if off my chest.

Thanks

 

 

Was your brother contributing to your life in a possitive manner?  It doesn't sound like it.  Then good ridence.  We don't need negative people in our lives.  They can be toxic.  It's about the relationship not the blood connection.  In a dream world we would click with everyone and especially we want to be at peace with relatives. However, If they are not good for our mental or physical health then that is a deal breaker.  Just let him go!  Whatever.  He can be replaced with more joyful positive people who give encouragement and hope for the future instead focusing on the past.  I hope you find good mental health when and where you can!

 
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confused
June 14, 2007, 11:53 am PDT

How do I get my daughter to talk to me!

I have three children two girls and a boy, but the oldest who is 21 has been seeing a guy now for a couple of months.  The problem is everytime I try to take an interest she closes up and goes to her room.  This is my daughters first boyfriend and I just want to be there for her.  This is the first time I have had to deal with one of them getting a boyfriend or girlfriend and I have no clue what I am doing.

 

Everytime he comes round they go straight to her bedroom, I dont mind as I know that she doesn't want her younger sister hanging around as she hates it when she does it when her friends are around.  I'm worried about what is going on as I dont want her to do anything with out thinking about it or end up in trouble.  I started worring about her when her dad came home from work as he had forgotten his work and he saw them in the living room.  Lets just say my husband saw more of her boyfriend then he wanted to.  I dont think she knows that her father saw her but now i am worried about wha is going on especially when shes on her own with him.

 

I just would like her to know that I'm not going to try to break them up, but would like her to know that i'm here for her.  How can i get her to open up and not clam up everytime i mention the boyfriend word. 

 
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June 15, 2007, 9:19 am PDT

more on this subject

Quote From: kimode

I know this is a no brainer but i really need help getting the strength up to do what my heart tells me to do. I have been with my husband for 11 years and we have been married for 7 years.  i have 3 children from previous relationships and he has 5. my husband and my kids have gotten along in strange ways over the years   they hate each other than love each other   typical stuff. well recently my husband started drinking heavily and since i work 2nd shift i cant be here to keep an eye on things going on.  well last week my husband and my 16 year old have been having and issue thats 'none of my business'  well i tried to keep out of it until one day my husband got really drunk and beligerant towards me and my kids.  well my daughter was really mad about the things he was saying and she told me that my husband (who is 45) told her that he is in love with her and he knows its wrong and cant help his heart. well this crushed me and floored me and but me on protection mode of my daughter of course. well a couple days later she talked to him in private and she said that she told him that she sees him as daddy and is very uncomfortable with him talking like that.  than he didnt drink for a couple days and everything was fine than he drank again and told her he doesnt want to have sex with her just (excuse my language) wants to 'eat her p***'  when she told me this i freaked. still trying not to give him any indication that i know. just so you know my daughter has never had a boyfriend and is still a virgin and this whole thing makes her uncomfortable.  today behind everyones back he told her she looked sexy in her clothes  and he was sober.......i am afraid he could rape her if was too drunk....i know i should get out......but we live 600 miles from our hometown and i dont want to turn  him into the authorities....i just need help on how to do deal with this and get out. he has talked about suicide lately and i am guessing its because he knows his feelings are totally wrong to have.....he went and got a gun permit and bought a pistol. thus making this more touchy of a subject.  please  if anyones been through a similar situation please help me.  i have to keep this as quite as possible right now. so via email would be best ok?  thank you for listening.

me

well his love i think has turned to hate for her...he gives her five minutes to eat  breakfast and tells her to get out till five for dinner and puts her to bed at 8 pm and she got lippy like a 16 yr old girl would, and he shoved her. he wont let her do her dishes and cook like she has been hell i dont even know if he's let her take a shower at night. i cant get the money together fast enough to get the hell out of here.  check out my diary  please gimme your thoughts.
 
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June 16, 2007, 3:51 am PDT

Family Issues

   I mostly have a question and seek an OPINION other than MY own. I have a sister whom I care for very dearly. She has gone from relationship to relationship, even while still in a relationship. she has actually cheated and done every guy she has been with wrong. She is married at the moment, but cheated on the guy so much, that he went mad or crazy in a way. She went on vacation with her cheating lover to California, we being in Texas. She has a 3 girls and 1 boy, a 13 year old, a 11 year old, a 10 year old and a 7 going on 8 year old son. She used to take her daughters with her to do her husband wrong. The daughters know of almost every guy she cheated on him with, and have at one time or another met the lovers. Well we were all shocked to find out, that the LAST time she went out of state on vacation with one of her lovers, her husband molested the 3 girls, and actually had sex with 2 of them. Yes he is incarcerated at moment, but she, INSTEAD of helping her kids out through this,, JUST moved in her lover, and just last week paid 6,000 dollars to get her tubes UN-Tied to give this new guy some kids. So in 4 months, she came from vacation, admitted to husband she was having numerous affairs, husband molested the girls, she locked him up, same day he was out, lover moved in, gave him a 2007 Cadillac and paid 6,000 to get tubes un-tied.. NOW, am I the ONLY one who sees a BIG problem here.. Am I wrong to worry and BUTT IN into her life, or should I cut her off. I am tired and sickened from all of this.  I know she need help, WELL that is MY opinion.. Please send advice    
 
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June 17, 2007, 9:29 am PDT

daughter wont speak to me

 mt daughter wont speak to me, and wont allow me to see mt grandkids i ahevnt seen them for 3 months,i live 5 minutes from them, she is mad  over several reasons, she tells it like she is mad over only one,she claims to be mad at me  because i researched something on the net like she  has told me to do she said she had to get a job in a graphic arts design job,i looked up what was there and most of them wanted job experience,she had none, she had her college background,but not a job in that field yet, now she is telling people that  i said no one would hire her,those words were never used,if i said this how did she get the job she has now, and she could get hirde at any place she goes ,because she is very intelligent,  she is a licensed cosmatologist and very good at it, now why wont she speak to me, i never wanted her to leave the town we live in because any time somethng goes wrong hse would call me for help, if she is a long way from me how would i be there to help her,i know she wants to  spread her wings and that is very good,that she wants to better herself,i widh i had been that good at everything,      but my job as a mother  and grandmother has always come first,i am single was married to her dad for 29 years she is single with 2 little boys, i miss them both very much ,she wont even speak to me at all,just nasty messages and nasty text messages,help! the last time this happened it was6 months before she would speak to me,  i want my family to be together again
 
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June 17, 2007, 9:36 am PDT

looking for love

Quote From: savagechezz

   I mostly have a question and seek an OPINION other than MY own. I have a sister whom I care for very dearly. She has gone from relationship to relationship, even while still in a relationship. she has actually cheated and done every guy she has been with wrong. She is married at the moment, but cheated on the guy so much, that he went mad or crazy in a way. She went on vacation with her cheating lover to California, we being in Texas. She has a 3 girls and 1 boy, a 13 year old, a 11 year old, a 10 year old and a 7 going on 8 year old son. She used to take her daughters with her to do her husband wrong. The daughters know of almost every guy she cheated on him with, and have at one time or another met the lovers. Well we were all shocked to find out, that the LAST time she went out of state on vacation with one of her lovers, her husband molested the 3 girls, and actually had sex with 2 of them. Yes he is incarcerated at moment, but she, INSTEAD of helping her kids out through this,, JUST moved in her lover, and just last week paid 6,000 dollars to get her tubes UN-Tied to give this new guy some kids. So in 4 months, she came from vacation, admitted to husband she was having numerous affairs, husband molested the girls, she locked him up, same day he was out, lover moved in, gave him a 2007 Cadillac and paid 6,000 to get tubes un-tied.. NOW, am I the ONLY one who sees a BIG problem here.. Am I wrong to worry and BUTT IN into her life, or should I cut her off. I am tired and sickened from all of this.  I know she need help, WELL that is MY opinion.. Please send advice    
she is looking for love and acceptance.from anyone that will give it to her,yes she needs some help and abandoning her will not help. it will make the problem worse,  just be there when the pieces fall apart,because they will they always do,
 
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June 17, 2007, 12:57 pm PDT

Selfish daughter

Quote From: penelope3909

 mt daughter wont speak to me, and wont allow me to see mt grandkids i ahevnt seen them for 3 months,i live 5 minutes from them, she is mad  over several reasons, she tells it like she is mad over only one,she claims to be mad at me  because i researched something on the net like she  has told me to do she said she had to get a job in a graphic arts design job,i looked up what was there and most of them wanted job experience,she had none, she had her college background,but not a job in that field yet, now she is telling people that  i said no one would hire her,those words were never used,if i said this how did she get the job she has now, and she could get hirde at any place she goes ,because she is very intelligent,  she is a licensed cosmatologist and very good at it, now why wont she speak to me, i never wanted her to leave the town we live in because any time somethng goes wrong hse would call me for help, if she is a long way from me how would i be there to help her,i know she wants to  spread her wings and that is very good,that she wants to better herself,i widh i had been that good at everything,      but my job as a mother  and grandmother has always come first,i am single was married to her dad for 29 years she is single with 2 little boys, i miss them both very much ,she wont even speak to me at all,just nasty messages and nasty text messages,help! the last time this happened it was6 months before she would speak to me,  i want my family to be together again

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. It sounds like your daughter only wants to hear how wonderful she is and that she will be great at anything; she doesn’t want to hear the truth, even if the truth is just a simple fact such as a job is hiring people with experience. From what you have described, your daughter sounds very immature. She is cutting you off- punishing you and her children, because she is too immature and selfish to simply talk about whatever issue she has with you and to resolve it.

Do you think that perhaps she doesn’t know how to resolve an issue/disagreement? She only knows how to be angry and cut people out of her life?

My advice to you is this: I know it hurts to receive those nasty messages, so whenever you receive one, try not to allow the words to hurt you. I know that is difficult. I encourage you to write a short note to her saying something like, “I’m sorry I offended you, I truly didn’t mean to. I miss you and the children very much, please call anytime…” The key is to keep the note short and sweet; don’t explain yourself, don’t answer to any of the nasty messages that she has left for you. Send the note by mail. If you don’t hear from her within one month, do it again- send another note. Keep doing that once a month, because there is a good chance that one of your notes will be received on a day when she is feeling a soft spot in her heart for you. It is very sad that you have to tolerate her abuse but your precious grandchildren deserve to have you in their life. Don’t give up, keep trying!

 
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June 17, 2007, 1:04 pm PDT

big problem

Quote From: savagechezz

   I mostly have a question and seek an OPINION other than MY own. I have a sister whom I care for very dearly. She has gone from relationship to relationship, even while still in a relationship. she has actually cheated and done every guy she has been with wrong. She is married at the moment, but cheated on the guy so much, that he went mad or crazy in a way. She went on vacation with her cheating lover to California, we being in Texas. She has a 3 girls and 1 boy, a 13 year old, a 11 year old, a 10 year old and a 7 going on 8 year old son. She used to take her daughters with her to do her husband wrong. The daughters know of almost every guy she cheated on him with, and have at one time or another met the lovers. Well we were all shocked to find out, that the LAST time she went out of state on vacation with one of her lovers, her husband molested the 3 girls, and actually had sex with 2 of them. Yes he is incarcerated at moment, but she, INSTEAD of helping her kids out through this,, JUST moved in her lover, and just last week paid 6,000 dollars to get her tubes UN-Tied to give this new guy some kids. So in 4 months, she came from vacation, admitted to husband she was having numerous affairs, husband molested the girls, she locked him up, same day he was out, lover moved in, gave him a 2007 Cadillac and paid 6,000 to get tubes un-tied.. NOW, am I the ONLY one who sees a BIG problem here.. Am I wrong to worry and BUTT IN into her life, or should I cut her off. I am tired and sickened from all of this.  I know she need help, WELL that is MY opinion.. Please send advice    

No you aren’t the only one who sees a big problem here!!

Your sister’s husband is in jail for molesting the children, are the children receiving any counseling? Those girls need and deserve to have professional help. Without it, they will grow up thinking that they did something to deserve what their father did to them. Their mother is very self-absorbed and she isn’t looking out for their best interests, that is why you should consider getting involved. Do you live nearby? Do you have a good relationship with your sister? Is it possible for you to sit down and have a rational talk with her about the life-long consequences her precious children are going to suffer because of what happened to them? If it is possible, I urge you to remain calm and rational while talking to her, and remain on topic. Don’t allow her to change the topic to something else when the subject gets tough for her. She will try to do that so that she doesn’t have to deal with these serious issues.

The reason she had her tubes untied and wants to have more children is so that she will have distractions in her life, so that she won’t have to deal with the issues that she has created. She sounds so self absorbed and immature.

My advice to you is to reach out to your nieces. Develop a life-long bond with them by showing them compassion, let them know that you love them and that you want to see them live happy, productive lives. Encourage them in activities that they are good in, be their soft place to fall.

 
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June 18, 2007, 5:53 pm PDT

The Meaning of Family... Am I Doing The Right Thing??

Well. I am Brooke. I'm 16 and live with my amazing grandparents. Unfortunatley, my mother is a drug addict. and i was removed from what could be called a "crack house" at the age of thirteen. Today, June 18 is her 37 bday. the rules are that when she is straight, we can go out and eat or visit. I REFUSE to drive with her  becasue in December 2006, she almost killed me in a car accident. She almost hi 3 gaurd rails and probably 4 cars, things keep going downhill. today, we made plans and then a half-an-hour later she was all messed up on pain medication. So, i am sooooooo mentally,physically,and not to mention emotionally tired of it and I am going to try and walkaway from the situation.... but will that make me a bad daughter???? I have tried sooo much. and I NEVER give uo  hope. I care too much about everyone. even people hat i particularly don't like... but I just hope I am doing the right thing. I can no longer tell her not to be a drug addict. and the more I  care, the more she self-pitties herself. it is repetitive misfortune and I'm confised as what to do. I feel so lost. am I doing the right thing?? please keep me in your prayers. thanks... hugs,... Brooke Marie.
 
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