Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for your honesty.  At least someone else agrees with me about them being insensitive.  I thought it was just me being too sensitive.  Again, thank you. 

I loved a book I just read that shows the real meaning of family. It's called Mr. Right and My Left Kidney and is an inspirational story about a woman who married her husband late in life and then had to decide whether to give him a kidney. It's funny and sad and uplifting and shows what a true family is. People who read it and talked about it on amazon.com really loved it too.

I'm so sorry that you lost your son.  I don't think there is much worse in this world than a parent having to send a child off first.  As I was reading your post, I at first thought that your nearby family just was not able to talk to you about your son because they too were so upset that they just didn't know what to say.  However, at the end of your post you say that your son was gay and your family were strict Christians.  So, now, I'm not sure why they are being the way they are.  I'm sure you have your suspicions (that it is because your son was gay), but you never will really know unless you ask.  If you just assume this and never talk to them about it, your relationship with them is over.  I don't think it is something you can just sweep under the rug and forget about.  You have been very hurt by their behavior, and you will only be more bitter every time your see them or talk to them.  If you want to try to have the relationship with these family members that you had before your son died, then you have to be honest with them and tell them that you had been expecting personal phone calls from them when your son died, and even prayer meetings that would have helped you through such a terrible time (not that's it's over).  Ask them why they didn't call when your son died.  Be ready to forgive them if you can understand their reasoning; but also be ready to ask deeper questions if you believe their answers are not the true reasons. 

Thank you for replying.  Thank you for your condolences.  My extended family are not strict christians except for their son, my nephew.  His Mom, my sister-in-law, goes to the same church her son attends but the rest, my brother, their daughter and husband do not attend regularly.   Thank you for your honesty and you are right about the relationship is over if I do not confront them about my feelings.  It is like I have said to the grandson, when you love someone, you should be able to ask the hard questions and keep asking until you get to the truth.  I think in a way that is what has been the problem is not feeling the family kind of love from them that I thought was there and maybe being afraid to get to the truth.  But I have never been a quitter and I don't plan on starting now.  Again, thank you.  Your reply has really helped. 

  

1.          hi  me and my boyfriend was going out for 6 years and we dont get along good he calles  me    nams and wont live with me say i dont have any money and he dont wont to pay rent he lives with his 77 year old mum what do i do  please help me

DEAR WIFEY31,

I AM SORRY TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE OF "FAMILY" IN ABUSE SITUATIONS THERE IS SELDOM ANY "FAMILY" TO COMFORT YOU. I TOO WAS ABUSED BY AN UNCLE AND

A GROUP OF OTHERS FOR YEARS.SRA. I NEVER TOLD TILL I WAS GROWN AND ON

MY SECOND MARRIAGE. AT THIS TIME I FELT SAFE ENOUGH TO CONFRONT MY MOTHER

AS SHE NOT MY FATHER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS. ALL THREE YOUNG SISTER'S

BELIEVED ME AND WERE VERY VERY SORRY UNTIL I CONFRONTED MY MOTHER WITH

HER PART IN THE ABUSE. THAT WAS MARCH 22, 1992. MOTHER WAS VERY CALM AND

NEVER ADMITTED ANYTHING, DAD WAS RUNNING AROUND LIKE A CHICKEN WITH HIS

HEAD CUT OFF AND MY THREE YOUNGER SISTERS WERE FURIOUS AND ONE TRIED

TO THROW A KITCHEN TABLE AT ME. HAVEN;T SPOKEN TO THEM SINCE AT THEIR REQUEST!  LUCKY FOR ME AND YOU IS THAT MY HUSBAND & YOURS KNOWS THE TRUTH .MINE HAS SEEN  ME THROUGH SOME VERY VERY ROCKY TIMES.  YOU HAVEN'T

MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT THERAPY. I AM A TYPE A PERSONALITY AND THOUGHT

I WOULD JUST GUT IT OUT AND BE DONE WITH IT. SORRY VERY SORRY TO REPORT IT

JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN THAT WAY UNFORTUNTELY. SINCE YOUR HUSBAND IS YOUR

GREATEST ADVOCATE, I SUGGEST YOU AND PERHAPS HE LATER WITH YOU GO TO

THERAPY, A TRUSTED PASTOR (HOWEVER MINE OCCURED AT CHURCH), RABBI OR

A RAPE CRISIS SETTING TO ASK FOR HELP. TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS IT WILL NOT

GO AWAY WITHOUT WORKING VERY DILEGENTLY AT THIS MONSTER FOR SOME TIME!!!

IT WILL AFFECT YOUR MARRIAGE, FRIENDSHIPS, OBVIOUSLY FAMILY AND ESPICELLY

CHILDREN IF YOU HAVE ANY OR INTEND TO IN THE FUTURE. REMEMBER NOW THAT

-------IT-----------IS OUT OF THE BAG IT WILL BE LIKE A SHIRT OR BLOUSE YOU CAN NEVER

QUITE GET IT BACK INTO THE PLASTIC THE SAME WAY IT CAME OUT NOW MATTER HOW

HARD YOU TRY UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THAT BEFORE YOU TOOK IT OUT!  BY YOUR OWN WORDS YOU CERTAINLY DIDN'T THINK

YOU WOULD HAVE TOO AND I TRULY DO UNDERSTAND THAT I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN AND TELLING YOU IT WILL GET BETTER WON'T HELP YOU

RIGHT NOW. BUT PLEASE KNOW THERE ARE MILLIONS OF US OUT THERE FOR YOU TO

TALK TO. I KNOW I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO TALK TO YOU OFF THE BOARDS BY

EMAIL OR THE PHONE. USUALLY THE CITY YOU LIVE IN HAS A SUPPORT GROUP YOU

COULD START GOING TO, WHICH I FOUND INVALUABLE BECAUSE ONLY ANOTHER PERSON THAT HAS WALKED IN YOUR SHOES CAN UNDERSTAND EVEN A WORD OF WHAT

YOU ARE FEELING EVEN THOUGH THERAPISTS ARE TRAINED IT'S NOT THE SAME UNLESS THEY TOO WERE ABUSED. ABOVE ALL REMEMBER IT'S NOT THE AMOUNT OF TIMES IT HAPPENED, IT'S THE FACT IT HAPPENED AT ALL.   YOU NOR ANYONE DESERVES THIS.  I STILL AM ASTOUNDED IT CONTINUES TO HAPPEN & THE VICTUM IS USUALLY BLAMED AND BECOMES THE OUTCAST OF THE "FAMILY" BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO

"DEAL" WITH THE FALL OUT IF THEY ACTUALLY DEALT WITH THE ABSUER AS THEY SHOULD.

GOD BLESS YOUR HUSBAND BECAUSE HE WAS PUT IN YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON, AND I

BELIEVE ONE OF THOSE REASONS IS TO HELP YOU HEAL FROM THIS. I WISH YOU STRENGTH, LOVE, HOPE AND RELIEF FROM YOUR PAIN   JKFORREST

 

YES BY ALL MEANS TELL YOUR MOTHER. A DREAM CAN'T HURT ANYONE. DYING FROM

SOMETHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED WILL. I WOULD NOT BE OVERLY

ALARMED, HOWEVER, AFTER SAYING THAT IF YOUR MOTHER HAS NOT HAD A

COLONOSCOPY (LIKE KATIC COURIC ON THE TODAY SHOW" SHE SHOULD OR AT THE

VERLY LEAST VISIT A DOCTOR AND DISCUSS IT WITH HIM ESPECIALLY IF SHE IS NEAR

FIFTY.  REMEMBER THE SAYING"BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY" I SUGGEST THIS APPLIES

HERE. A VISIT TO THE DOCTOR FOR INFORMATION CERTAINLY WOULD BE HELPFUL.

I HOPE THIS HAS BEEN OF SOME HELP AS IT IS WHAT I WOULD DO. JK FORREST

I'd say that you are a head. In a relationship there has got to be respect. He has none for you. So drop him like a hot potato and get on with your life. He is a moma's boy. You deserve better than that. Nothing will change with him. Get on with your life.........

We don't have a problem with our 29 year old daughter getting married ... but she wants to get married next month.  My husband is working on a project in the ME and he cannot leave his job.  I don't want to be there without her father.  They have been engaged for 6 months but have been living together in the home they bought together for  2 years.  I need advice.  Thank you!

she is not pregnant.