Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

OH GOSH SUCH A LONG STORY..

MY MOTHER DIED WHEN I WAS 13. I HAVE A HALF SISTER, SHE GREW UP WITH HER DAD.

WELL AFTER MY MOMS DEATH I WENT FROM FOSTER HOME TO FOSTER HOME, WHEN I TURNED 18 WENT ON MY OWN. TOOK A COUPLE WRONG TURNS DOWN THE ROAD BUT MADE A U-TURN. HAD TO WANTED CHILDREN AND WANTED TO BE A GREAT MOM. MY BOYS FATHER WAS BAD I LEFT HIM, HE ENDED UP IN JAIL NOT SOON AFTER. NOW I AM SO HAPPY TWO SONS A HUSBAND ...EVERYTHING PERFECT.

BUT NOW, I FIND OUT AFTER 6 YEARS OF NOT TALKING TO MY SISTER THAT SHE IS A DRUG ADDICT. SHE LOST HER CHILDREN. TWO IN WHICH ARE LIVING WITH MY SISTERS DRUNK ALL THE TIME  FATHER THE OTHER MAJOR HEALTH PROBLEMS AND IN A FOSTER HOME SOMEWHERE.

THIS IS THE ACTUAL PROBLEM, MY OLDEST NIECE (13 YEARS OLD ) CALLS ME AND TOLD ME HER MOM HAS CALLED HER. THEY TALKED FOR HOURS AND THAT SHE WANTS TO COME LIVE WITH ME. SHE WILL DO WHATEVER I SAY , IN OTHER WARDS ME HAVING ANOTHER CHILD WITH ADULT ISSUES. SHE HAS STOLEN THINGS FROM HER FAMILY, SHE HAS SOLD HER BODY FOR MONEY AND DRUGS, SHE HAS A LONG LIST OF CRIMINAL RECORDS. SHE WANTS MY HELP BUT I HAVE TRIED TO HELP MY X BEFORE. I KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T HELP SOMEONE IF THEY DON'T WANT TO BE BUT SHE SAYS SHE WANTS TO BE. THIS IS MARYLAND I LIVE IN A SMALL QUIET TOWN AND SHE LIVES IN BALTIMORE CITY. BALTIMORE CITY IS REALLY BAD. I JUST DON'T KNOW. I DO NOT WANT MY CHILDREN IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS.

I DON'T WANT THE CHILDREN TO BE AROUND ANY DRAMA OF THIS. BUT AT THE SAME TIME I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE MY SISTER, ALSO I HAVE NOT TALKED TO HER IN YEARS OR SEEN HER. I KNOW HOW SICK PEOPLE CAN BE, THIS COULD BE A TRAP YOU KNOW, MAYBE RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO GET MONEY...I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF SHE WENT TO THE REHAB SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO OR MAYBE EVEN RAN FROM IT IN THE MIDDLE. I DO NOT KNOW ...WHAT WOULD YOU DO..PLEASE HELP.

Dear Dr. Phil,

You promised not to leave a stone unturned but I have yet to see a show on this particular theme: children locking parents out of the grand-children’s’ lives as a result of a messy, violent divorce/separation of their parents.

I did not want to marry my husband because I found him very selfish. But after he raped me I decided to, to ‘save my honour’. (1968)

Bad move, yet I would do it again because despite the events in our marriage, three children were born. He wanted me to abort the first child because I was in Teachers College at the time. (1971) I found out and they put pressure on me to pull out. I refused and had my child and wrote my last exam within 24 hours. It was not easy because I have a neurological disorder called Charcot Marie Tooth Syndrome. I can live with that but the idea that a man can think abortion is an option haunts me!

Secondly, in my 9th month, he insisted I cook him boiled potatoes…. It was so hot out, I

had spent the day in school, ninth month into pregnancy was HEAVY soo tired, etc. etc…. well, I gave in and a pot of boiling water spilled on my huge belly gluing my polyester gown to my flesh: I suffered severe burns and to this day I shiver when I think he blamed me for being clumsy and did not come to the doctor with me: I tell you this as an example for having said he was selfish.

Life went on. He raped me for my third child. (remember rape was legal at that time in Canada the police tell me 1976). I was not ready for this one as I had just given birth to my second (1975) and had started a good paying job as a special ed. teacher

I gave birth to my sole daughter in 1977 and she inherited my syndrome: needless to say I went full steam ahead to try to avert surgery for a severe scoliosis in 1983. By 1986, the world famous back surgeon said I had performed a medical miracle: I had sought out the help of Dr Jeno Tyjani, Alex Bowman’s swimming coach for help! Remember Alex Bowman won the world swimming  -gold in LA. Dr. Phil? Why did my husband refuse to share the work involved in her therapy? Why did he poison my girl’s mind saying I was trying to make a handicap out of her? Why was he making her deny her disability as though it would disappear?

I guess that’s another issue!

Seems that is water under the bridge for me now…. She has a Cinema degree now and is in Law school… but she won’t talk to me blaming me for things I cannot acknowledge.

My issue is this! When my husband left, he vowed he would have me on the streets homeless! This happened! And I was recuperating from severe kidney problems undergoing surgeries for years and recuperating in Women’s Shelters. Not fun! I was made to look like the loser who could not get a life!

My husband waged a vicious war! Bt what hurts the most is the fact that t was not easy for me in many ways! But, I would do it over again to se them have a life!

Here is the show I would want to see Dr. Phil:

1-      show how a parent should never be victim of a war game In marriage

2-      show that it is an act of inhumanity and cruelty to continue this war and stop a loving gramma from seeing her grand-children

3-   explain the dynamics of anger, and confusion and the long term repercussions for grand-children robbed of a gramma like me!

With Family First etc. I feel I have found an ambassador for my values. I feel the pain of millions of gammas caught in this web of baseless hatred! Please count our tears and change them to laughter and a child on a grammna lap listening to a story and looking at his father and what he did as a kid turning the pages on the photo album!

I was cleaning the house yesterday and I walked into my son's room and noticed that his diary was open and on his computer table. I decided to take a look and see what he has been writing about and boy was I surprised!!!

First, he talks about how he wants to be a university dean/president. What??? So all of these conversations I have had with him about how he's going to be a doctor have been for nothing and worthless?? So he's been lying to me when he said, "Yes mom, I do want to go to medical school." Is he kidding me about being a university executive? At 16, why is he even thinking about working at a university?!

 Second, he writes so much about sex that I want to throw his diary out the window, or better yet burn it to pieces. He uses such explicit language and talks about how he wants to "lick in between her legs and slowly slide into her feeling her warmth and wetness." WTH!!???? Where did my baby boy get such ideas from?  

Third, he talks about how he wants to get married around 30, have his first kid at 31, and his second at 32 or 33, and only have two kids. He talks about the kind of woman he wants to marry and writes about stuff that just irritates me. How does he know what type of woman he wants to marry, and when/how he is going to have kids???

 Oh, and he talks about how he wants to go to an out of state university. Yeah right, like I am going to let him go out of state. Did he forget about the times we talked about how he is going to go to an in-state university??

 WTH is he planning his own life without consulting with me and getting approval, lol?? Little boy thinks he is all grown up at 16 and can make decisions for himself. The stuff he wants to do is not what we planned on having him do and I badly want to talk to him about it, but my husband says that he will become angry if he finds out I read his diary, but I don't really care. What do you guys think?? I am afraid of letting my baby grow up.

My name is Alex, I am 15 years old, and I got into an argument with my mom on Saturday over whether or not I can buy a car. My mom was telling me that I should wait until 17 and I told her that I wanted a car now so that I could start when I turn 16 a few months from now, and she was saying no, and I kept saying yes, and it was a back and forth argument. Well, she was trying to shut me up and I became angry so I yelled at her and told her that I would get the car and she couldn't stop me because she was "nothing but a woman who thinks she has a career but really she is nothing at all. If my dad says yes then you can't do anything about it!!!!" I could clearly see how much pain I caused her when I said what I said. I could see it in the expression on her face. She said nothing and walked out of my room. Okay to make a long story short, I am SO, SO, SO, SO SORRY for what I said to her and I would do ANYTHING to take back the words I said, even give up my car, but I know that is not possible so I don't know what to do in order to apologize to her. This morning she was still angry and upset and she ignored me and avoided me most of the time, except when she really had to talk to me, lol. I was just angry that is why I said that. I didn't mean it and I love my mom and I think she is a really talented individual.

I don't know how to make it up to her, I feel bad when she ignores me and doesn't give me the love and attention she always gave me. I miss the morning kisses, lol. :( I don't know what to do about this, any suggestions????

Alex

I am guessing by your message that your parents are divorced. I say that because my parents are also divorced and using the other parent against one another can be painful, and attacking her personally makes her feel bad about her self. Something we sometimes forget is that moms are people too, they have feelings and they value what their children think of them.Also, we all say things at times we don't mean out of anger or being upset. The most important lesson for you to learn from this is that your mom cares for you , loves you. And no matter what you may be feeling at the time you get upset she has your best interest in mind. It's a mother's job to take care of and protect her child. Also, I can remember the excitement of getting my license and a car. Now looking back I realize how young I really was. Maybe your mom is scared for you to drive or maybe she has another good reason for wanting you to wait. I think the best thing would be to tell her you are sorry and talk to her about the problem without yelling. The older I become the more I realize the truth your mom really is your best friend. Not everyone has the kind of mom that cares...don't loose that. Just tell her you are sorry, make her a card or something sweet . Most of all mean it with all your heart. I wish you the best ... remember you have the rest of your life to drive a car, but only one mom. :)

Kim