Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

When raised by people you find out are not worthy of your respect,

then you can realize that you can CHOOSE who you want in your life.

They want to live in the lies most of the world lives in. And being

Italian should not make it different. Sure, close family ties LOOK

Nice on the outside... but consider who you really WANT around

you, your loved ones, and most of all your kids.... if you CHOOSE

to have them.

 

I know a girl who is one of 15 molested by their father.... she now

has kids, so do the others and the molesting is STILL HAPPENIN.

So see the picture you want to paint for yourself, don't just apply a

smile like lipstick,  know the truth is for your future family's safety,

 

Or else it will happen to your daughter and you will be blamed by her.... get the point?

 

Be glad they showed their true colors now, and not after it happens to your kids.

 

Good luck, you can be LOVE without PAIN!!!!!

 

 

 

My parents have done everything for me.. When I was deeply in depression they pulled me back out and made me a wayy better person..! They went through hell for the four years I was in high school, yet they never got anything in return.. What can I do, as a thankful son, to make up for all of the **** i made them go through in life?

Hello everyone.  I have left a message on here before and maybe someone may be able to help me.  Last night, I came home from work to a locked house and could hear my 17 year old daughter crying in the house. When the door got opened i was greeted by an extremely intoxicated husband and a 9mm pistol. When I asked what was going on my daughter screamed that he threatened to rape and kill her and he said yes and kill me too. than slammed the door in my face so i called 911. Needless to say he was arrested on drunken disorderly,  2 counts each of assault with gun and communicating threats.  I took out a restraining order (called  a domestic violence order) so he can NEVER have a gun again.  He is in jail with a $10,000 secured bond, which he will not get anyone to post for him, and I plan on letting him stay there until his court date in one month than having him involuntarily committed into a psychiatric facility.  He hasn't always been like this.  I just want him to get the help he needs. Something in his brain isn't right. we have been together 11 yrs and these change have gotten progressively worse in the past 6 months or so,  This last outburst stemmed from him believing that i am getting revenge on his infidelity over a year ago by cheating on him back because he has seen a cpl different men talking to me at work (i work at a convenience store) 

  Could something medica/psychological be causing this?  Did I do the right thing by having him arrested??  I feel that this is the only way to get him some help.  any thoughts??  please???  we live 700 miles away from our home state so family support isn't possible.

   thank you for your time and thoughts on this

Yes, you did the right thing. I can’t imagine how scared your daughter must have been, and how terrified you must have been, too. What other choice did you have? Your husband is unpredictable; one or all of you could have been killed by him last night. Right now, you are probably in a state of shock that this happened to you; this is the kind of thing that happens to other people. Please don’t doubt even for a moment that you did what is right!
You asked if some medical or psychological problem could cause his actions- the answer is yes, it is possible. Is he an alcoholic? Being completely honest with yourself, how long has he been an alcoholic? A person in late stages of alcoholism can become psychotic. Have you thought about what you will do if your husband become a sober person? Would you consider taking him back? That isn’t something you should be deciding right now, but you will face it in the future. Filing for a divorce would be reasonable; but at the same time, it is understandable that you feel sadness for the man he used to be. I’m sure that you shared some good times, otherwise you wouldn’t be with him. But the good times are over. Take care of YOU.

Speaking as a mom thats been put threw it with my son.  Tell them you are sorry, tell them that you love them then go forward and don't look back. My son carries a lot of guilt around and that bothers me as much as what he put me threw. His life is on a better track now and whats done is done. Make peace with yourself so you can go forward and have the life your parents want for you.

I have a sister who is three years younger then me.This past year she joined a weired church.I in past we have done allot of talking about the holidays and the fun we have with decorating and kids.Last year she changed she as quite an withdrawn when I tried to tell her about what i was doing for each holiday.I called her when halloween was close this year.She told me that she was not going to me about the holiday anymore and I was going against go to celebrate them I was going to go to hell if Celebrate them.That just made me mad.i Don't know what has gotten in to her.So  have made a decision I want to have fun in my life and celebrate the holidays enjoy talking to her during this time but find I can't not without her getting upset with me.So I have decided to not talk to her again until after the holidays so I can enjoy them and not hr her lecture me.She also said if she cuts us off meaning family she has her church family.am I wrong in not talking to her so I can enjoy my holidays????

I recently have gotten remarried, and have a 17 year old daughter.  I have been with my new husband for 3 years. The problem is the relationship between my daughter and my husband.  I think it has been destroyed.  They each have no respect for the other.  There has been lots of angry words said.  My husband thinks all children should respect adults and do as told.  My daughter I admit is "spoiled".    She ignores him when he says hi or how was your day or asks her to do some chore. She goes to her room and won't come out when is around. They have gotten into an argument and he backed her into a corner screaming at her, she lashed out and hit him. I got inbetween them to stop the argument. and told him he was never to do this again or he had to leave.  Unfortunately if did happen again and I asked him to leave.    Now she is afraid of him and tells me she hates him and wants him out of her life.  I do not know what to do.  I am at wits end.  Please help!

Has their relationship always been strained? You’ve been married for three years, but I’m curious to know how long you were together before getting married. Her age at the time you began this relationship with your now-husband could explain part of the reason for the way she responds to him. (Just a small part!) If she was 12, 13, or 14-ish and this man came into her life, demanding respect, she is going to resist his demand with all of her might. That attitude will be carried from year to year, as it has.
Is your husband against the idea of asking her to do things in a positive way? For example, instead of saying, “The dishes have to be done by 5:00 or else!” perhaps he could try, “I was thinking that your mom would be happy if she came home to a clean home, would you help me out by doing the dishes?” Is that something that your husband is willing to try, or is he 100% stuck in the “kids respect adults, period!” mode?
My advice to you is to seek family therapy ASAP. Your daughter is important to you, as is your husband; a professional can guide you towards happiness. You all deserve happiness! I wish you the best! 

IT ISN'T OKAY TO BECOME PHYSICAL OR AGGRESISIVE WITH YOUR TEEN.  HOWEVER SHE IS OLD ENOUGH TO BEHAVE APPROPRIATELY HERSELF.  YOUR SPOUSE SHOULD NEVER EVER GET IN HER FACE OR SCREAM.  BUT YOUR DAUGHTER SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO TREAT YOUR SPOUSE WITH DISRESPECT EITHER.  HONESTLY HAVING BEEN IN A SIMILAR SITUATION THE PROBLEM GENERALLY LIES WITH THE BIOLOGICAL PARENT AND NOT THE STEP PARENT.  AS THE PARENT YOU MUST SET THE TONE.  YOU DECIDE WHAT BEHAVIOR IS TOLERATED BY BOTH SPOUSE AND CHILD.  THEREFORE YOU MUST DECIDED WHAT BEHAVIOR IS EXPEECTED BY BOTH.  SIT THEM DOWN SEPERATELY AND TOGETHER AND LAY DOWN THE LAW.  BUT IF YOU AREN'T WILLING TO UNSPOIL YOUR CHILD AND TEACH HER ABOUT RESPECTING OTHER ADULTS THERE WILL CONTINUE TO BE PROBLEMS.  ALSO IF YOUR SPOUSE IS UNABLE TO BE MATURE ENOUGH TO IGNORE A SPOILED TEEN WITH AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM THERE ISN'T MUCH HOPE THERE EITHER.

I agree too, don't confront your son with this or you will lose so much trust. He will end up talking to you about anything as he wil see you as violatng his privacy.He might close you out and you might end up sorry for looking in the first place. It made me sad to read you want your son to forfull (your planned and map out life) you have for him. Children are not ours to keep, we are to love and guide them, not plan them as they turn into young adults themseves. They are not robots we put batteries in and make them walk to he sound of our own drum.

What he fantasizing about girls is *such* a private, private thing. 16 these days is the new 18. Kids mature at a much younger age than what they did in our days. What ever your son choses to do, you should be thankful that he doesnt want to sit aound and just do nothing or worse, end up with some criminal record. Appreciate him and guide him with love not expectancy.