Topic : The Meaning of "Family"

What a lovely person you are.

Just to see one who admits putting parents or family through some hell and want to show gratitude, seeking advice on how to do so, really touched my heart.   It is a credt to your parents for as right there - you show off some good upbringing.

If ever in doubt seek TRUTH. Assess what it is you want to say or do and go with it. The best resent you could ever get is showing them change. Your behaviour, how you speak them, what you do - go the extra mile. Tell them when its coming from your heart how thankful you are to have such great parents. Earn some money somewhere and instead of getting that new cd, get them a voucher for a dinner. Cook dinner? have a bath run for when they come home. Clean the house as a surprise.

Just communicate how much you love and appreciate the efforts they invested in you.

Some other parents might of given up much much sooner..

Peace to you and your family!

I back what Gods word says. When you leave your family (marrige) you cleave with your new family. They then become priority.. You should not have went to family do's on your own. Your poor husband didnt want to go because of what was done to you - yrs before. It was difficult for him knowin he has to mingle and socialise around the person (your uncle) who did this to you. On top of this, your family made fun of him not wanting to mix with your family?  I know you love your family dear and what happened to you is one adults fault. In your husbands eyes he probably feels you have pushed him away, your family critiise him and now your having maritial problems all because of what your uncle did. In my opinion, your husband has done nothing but defend his wfes honor. Your family whom you love and cherish so much and made such a priority not only disrespected your husband but now call you liar.

Nothing is going to change thier mind. Go home to your husband and show him how much you love him, get councelling for what the uncle did  and move fwd before that horrable act destroys your marriage.

Forgive him - not for him, for YOU.

I was so sad to read your experience. May God heal you.

Peace ~

I have cooked thanksgiving dinner for my large family for the past 9 years.  After Thanksgiving last year my husband and I separated to try and resolve some issues we couldnt seem to resolve while living together. My husband immediately went to my family and told a bunch of lies (and some truths that shouldnt have been shared), and before I knew it, I was "black-balled" from my family. I finally decided that the only way for me to gain their approval was to go back to my husband. It worked, for them. I continue to harbor the resentments but have been still hopeful that things would smooth over. I have had a lifetime relationship with my older sister who is not happy unless she dominates every situation.  I have learned to accept that, but my meekness has taught her that she can treat me like crap and come out shining.  Sooooo... yesterday, my brother called and said he wanted to buy the turkey,  so we discussed when he would have to order it to get it fresh, blah blah blah... today I received this email from my sister:

Apparently at least my Mom knew, because  when I asked her if she was going to come for dinner, she said, "I think Johnny (my brother) and I are just going to make the rounds".  I asked her if she was condoning my sister's actions, and she said she just doesnt want to get in the middle of anything. Really she has allowed my sister to control her, and can never stand up to her. For instance, 2 years ago, I allowed my male chihuahua to breed with my sisters female.  I was clear and specific when I told her that its customary for a breeder to get pick of the litter. I also said many times that we needed to talk about it because it is not uncommon for a chihuahua to bear only one pup. She said, "its not going to happen, and I dont even want to "go there". About halfway through the pregnancy I found out I had a malignant melanoma on my arm and had radical surgery as it was level IV. While I was recovering from that surgery, my beloved chihuahua contracted parvo. He only weighed 3 puonds to begin with and the vet could do nothing, so he died.  My sisters dog had as youve probably guessed, only one puppy, a male that looked just like rocco. When i tried to contact her, she avoided me and was always too busy to talk. At Christmas, the pup was being passed around and fought over by little children who didnt comprehend the danger to the pup. I said, I think we better let the puppy get some rest with his mama, and put him in my sister's room.  She had previously told me he wouldnt be ready to be weaned for another two weeks. When I reminded her of the "deal" we had made, she said, well, we'll talk about that when the pup is ready to go. A week later, I found out from another relative that she had given the pup to her grown son on Christmas, and he lives about 300 miles away. While I was there on Christmas, everyone there had knowledge that that was to be my nephews dog, but me.  Her response to that act was "I just had to do what I thought was right for the puppy, after all, rocco died of parvo, and she claimed it was all my fault, and besides, her son had a liver disease and needed a buddy, and I didnt even want anything to do with the puppy on christmas because I put him out of the kids' reach.  So, back to the point, my mom's response was, as usual, "I dont want to get in the middle of anything", again unable to take a stand in my favor as always and afraid to tell my sister she was wrong. The saddest part was that my nephew got tired of the dog and gave him to a stranger 6 months later.  My sister continued to say she didnt do anything wrong. After not speaking to her for several months, I called her and said lets just start with a clean slate- after all we are sisters and life is short..........  between then and now our conversations were strained and superficial, clear up to her thanksgiving trick.  So thats why i say I taught her how to treat me. I have a constant fear of the cancer showing up somewhere else, but  I am not afraid to die.  I am afraid I wont ever get to have a relationship with my sister because I am so angry. When i die, I want my life to have been an honorable one where people smile when they talk about me. My sister has manipulated the thinking of others in the family, and well, I guess I am afraid of not being missed. I know thats pretty egocentric, but it is the way I feel. Thank you so much for responding to my message and allowing me the chance to get the right thinking going so I can move on and enjoy my life for what is it. It is not perfect, nor am I, but I am learning it is mine to mold and shape the way I want it to go.. Thanks again, Kathy

My relationship with my father could be better. He divorced my mom (which i've come to terms with and understand), sends child support cheques to my mom for me (even though i'm 19 but i still live at home and go to college) and uses that as an excuse not to buy me anything, even when i ask for something i need he says, "don't i send your mom a chqeue every month?" well yeah, you do but have you considered that shes disabled and is unemployed and has no E.I. but manages to stay off social support? That cheque goes to the roof i live under, the food i eat and other neccesities that i understand and have no problem with. Sure she could use it to buy me clothes or school stuff, but then i wouldnt have any food that month, would I? I have my own job that i work on the weekends too, granted i could work more but school sometimes runs for 12 hours a day and i'm also writing my thesis. Anything i want, i pay for. If i need it and dont have money i wait till my next paycheck, i can't ask my mom, she has less than i do. By the way, my dad makes well over 60,000 a year (he won't tell me excatly how much) and lives by himself. When he visits my city (he lives in another province) it's to see his girlfriend that lives here which is fine, shes a good person, and we'll maybe go out for lunch or supper, but don't worry he's got the bill. It's a sad ordeal and it's all around money...well most of it......here's a good one.....I'm a pretty large chested girl, I'm 19 and i'm not what you would call skinny, but i'm nowhere near fat. whenever we go for supper and he has even just one glass of wine.....there's at least one boob joke directed my way, "you wouldn't need a life jacket! hehehe." jerk. it never fails either. It's just really kinda sad doncha think?

Well I'll try to make this short. My husband cheated and has been gone for a little over two years now. My younger sister and I are closer than my older sister and me. when this happen to me she was there for me and understanding. I called her whenever I felt sad but at the time she was living with our mom. she recently moved in with her bf and I feel she has changed and I told her that things would change when she moved in with him. I don't have a license but did have a license when  husband was around and he gave me the confidence to do that. When i returned on mat. leave that was the day of my road test. I couldn't change or rebook it so now I don't have my drivers license. My point being that since my husband left I feel like no one understands.  She believes that I can get it again and she even mimicks me when I say I don't have the confidence to and am scared to drive again. I thought she would be supportive but she makes fun of me. I really really want to drive again but my husband put me in a position where he made me feel so low and to me he was my everything and he made me feel not worthy.

My sister is divorced but she was 19  at the time and found a really good bf that would do anything for her. She has no idea what its like to actually be alone....yes I have my children which I would do anything for. She hasn't gone thru the same situation as me.  she doesn't understand that I'm not HER and not as strong or positive as her. I am only me......my family just says to get over the seperation and move on. I just feel like I can't talk to anyone anymore. they just expect my to be better by now. Some people are strong but I don't think I am. Trust me I've come along way but now my sister just says stuff like.....you should be past this....or come one its over. She is secure and doesn't have to worry about he bf cheating or being alone. She doesn't know what it feels like to have no one to confide in. We don't even hang out like we used to...she busy. today we were arguing bc she says I shouldn't be afraid to get my license and just do it......that I want my kids to be in activites and then call our dad for a ride....I don't bother her for rides .....she always offers so why does it make her mad? She says I shouldn't be asking people for rides. If your going to bitch about it than don't offe...right? I'm so sick of people always thinking it is so easy to get on with life after your husband leaves........he was my first so maybe its a little harder for me.