Topic : Toxic Family Relationships
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May 22, 2008, 9:28 pm PDT
 Quote From: jaimie1974 You ask if your husband is being unreasonable, or if you are. From all that youve described, in my opinion, both of you are being unreasonable. Your husband should NEVER have threatened to leave your marriage over this issue. That was wrong and totally unreasonable. On the other hand; if you talk about this cell phone bill all of the time, knowing that your husband doesnt have a magic wand to wave around and resolve the issue, perhaps he felt driven into a fit of saying things that he didnt really mean. That isnt an excuse at all- because what he said is still totally irrational; Im just throwing suggestions out there for you, things to consider for reasons why things are the way that they are. My guess is that if you approached your step son in a different manner- a kinder, gentler manner- perhaps you would, at the least, get an apology. An apology wont pay the bill; but I think your husband is right about that bill- you are going to either pay it or have your credit ruined because of it. You gave them that phone with the best of intentions. You love and care for your step son and his family; dont forget that! (All because of a cell phone bill!) There will come a day when you are compensated; your step son is still young, and he has his whole life ahead of him. I am sure that he feels terrible; he just doesnt have the money. My advice to you is to get a cell phone that is pay-as-you-go; that is the kind Ive used for years. Meanwhile, make arrangements to pay the bill down as much as you can, even if it is only $25 at a time. Youve got to learn to let this go, otherwise this anger will ruin your life. When you confronted him before, your step sons reaction was out of defensiveness. I suggest using what is called the validation method. It is like a compliment sandwich. For example, you might say something like, *Step sons name,* I dont like this tension and bad blood between us. I got you the cell phone because I worry about you and your family, I care about you all and love you. Please just hear me out. I feel disrespected by your actions, and I am so hurt by the harsh words you used with me. But I still love and care for you, you will always have a place in my heart. I know that you are a good person and that someday, when you are able to, you will make this up to me; Im counting on that. For now, I want us to put it behind us and to get back to our family life. .. I know that it might be very difficult to say those words- but forgiveness is so important. Not just for him, but for YOU too. You are hanging onto this anger and resentment, and it is making your life miserable. Finding the strength within yourself to forgive this young mans mistake will probably give you some comfort. Do you think that he wants this tension? I doubt it. I doubt that he did this on purpose. He could have given the phone back a long time before the bill was ran up; but you also could have shut it off, too. I wish you the best of luck in repairing your family relationship! I am not sure how responding to concerns works, but I have sent a similar message with NO response, and when I read yours, it pulled at my heartstrings. Having experienced something similar, to the tune of $6500, for my son and DIL, all I can say is that, over time you never forget the amount of money...you think mostly though about how you were treated. Mine has gone on for many years, and I theorize that as long as my daughter-in-law finds one thing after the other to fault me with, in her mind, she owes me nothing, even though when we were house-hunting for them, I was very clear about they owed me nothing until they sold or upgraded, which they did--and my son thinks he is doing his "job" by backing her up. There were many times I could have used the money they "promised" to pay back, and they are sure making more money than I do now. If I had the $6500 today that I loaned them years ago, I could actually retire...at 65, as it would pay off my car and my mobile home. But I got the same treatment you did, having their door literally slammed in my face , by my OWN son, with the daughter-in-law hiding the children somewhere in the house. As a result, I have not seen those grandkids for going on three years now. At the time I made the down payment on their first home, not a single other parent offered to participate (and there were four sets of parents at that time!), so I took it upon myself, with my then-husband's agreement to take a second mortgage on our home--with contingencies, of course, from him. Once divorced, it was part of the divorce decree to pay off that second. I wish my debt were only $7 or 800 dollars--not that the amount of money makes it any more right. I don't have the answers for you, but my heart goes out to you. You try to do the "right" thing, and you think you are helping...and when the end result is that YOU are the "bad guy" is insulting, hurtful, and for me, sometimes devastasting. Like I said, the money no longer means much, for I have lost greater than that...the important relationship with my grandchildren, but I have learned that you cannot buy love. I thought that I had already learned that, years ago with a stepdaughter, but I guess not. I have written many letters, and I simply keep them stored in my puter--it is more a venting than anything. I feel sad for you, for I know, from my own experience, you were only trying to do something good for the kids. I am very sad for me, too, because this result is not what I intended, and it has cost me more than money. It breaks my heart...and all I can tell myself, "all things happen for a reason"...I just don't know the reason. I feel sad for you and I feel sad for me, but I feel like your situation has HOPE...mine does not. Good luck and know there are people out here who care about you. Believe me, the money is nothing, the hurt is everything. Why these kids lash out at us, I will never understand...good luck, God Bless...and I hope it all works out...it CAN...stay strong, be rational, and try, at some point, to talk with your stepson...I am positive he would rather have a good relationship than the one HE has created...your kid (and he IS your kid in many ways) is in his 20s, mine are in their 40s! Love to you |
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May 23, 2008, 2:43 pm PDT
Let me tell you about the worst two days (well pretty close to the worst) I’ve endured in my whole life.
Of course I had been anticipating with such joy for months going to Atlanta for the Eagle concert since my lovely daughter had purchases us two VIP tickets at a cost of nearly $800 back in February.
Our only hitch in the whole thing was needing someone to watch her 10 month old baby while her and I enjoyed the 4 hour concert.
I had originally thought that my mom (great grandmother) could come to my house the day of the concert, stay with the baby until my husband, (grandpa) got home. She would only have the baby a few short hours then, and up until about noon the following day.
I figured daughter and I would leave early the day of the concert, drive down, get a room, get dressed, go to concert, return to room for sleep, get up early and head back home and be there by noon.
I called my mom to see if she would do that and with a bit of hesitation in her voice she agreed she could do that for us.
So everything was in place, now it was just the waiting the 3 months until the day of the event which was going to be my Mother’s Day/Birthday present.
At some point it was decided that maybe great grandmother would just ride to Atlanta with us and stay in the room with the baby. I’m not sure exactly how that came about but I believe it was to ease mother child separation as well as ease great grandmother’s anxiety of watching the baby for the first time.
In deciding on the second plan of action it was also decided that we would go down a day early so great grandmother would not be wore out with travel. After all she is 75 years young but you would think she was no older than 60 to see her and how she gets along.
The concert was on Tuesday evening and we arrived in Atlanta on Monday around 3 pm.
One the way down the baby was quit fussy being strapped in the car seat for the 5 ½ trip and we took several breaks along the way to give the child and us a break. Nothing worse than traveling down the highway trying to concentrate on driving and a crying child in the back seat. Knowing it’s getting on the drivers nerves as well as overwhelming great grandmother’s senses. She was not use to being around a baby in the least.
However we arrive unscathed. Within 15 minutes in the room the child, being an active, crawling, pulling up 10 month old, had bumped her head twice, once leaving a black eye on one side and a large knot of the other requiring holding the child and trying to apply ice. The mom at this point was about in tears since her baby had gotten hurt. Great grandmother’s nerves were completely gone, and I, the grandmother, was trying her best to calm and lighten the situation.
After the baby calmed and my daughter got herself together everyone decided they were hungry. So great grandmother decided she would give it a go and stay with the baby while mother and I went for food. It was rush hour and the streets were backed up horribly. We finally decided on a place we saw while setting in traffic and was able to go in, get an order to go and return to the hotel.
We were relieved when we returned to find there were no additional head injuries on the baby and great grandmother still was breathing at a pace not to much faster than normal.
I moved a bit of furniture around, which wasn’t easy since we were packed in like sardines so that my daughter and the great grandmother could eat at the desk and I took my food to the bed and tried to eat a bit while seeing that baby didn’t get any more injuries. Daughter and I both tried to feed the baby as we ate our meal. I got about ½ my salad ate before I just gave up and went back to concentrating on caring for the baby.
By this time the baby was tired and ready for bed for the night. It was about 6:30pm and the sun was still high in the sky so we used the curtains provided in the room to blacken the room so baby could sleep. Great grandmother was use to retiring for the evening at about this time anyway so that was not a problem for her. However, my daughter and I was not use to this at all but what could we do.
We tried to watch a bit of Television but the tube was right next to the baby bed so we couldn’t turn the volume up to hear it over the air conditioner. So we kind of watched “at it” killing time until we felt we could fall asleep.
Finally sleep came for us but not so much for the baby. About every 2 hours the baby would cry out in her sleep knowing full well she was in a strange bed. By 4 am the baby was fully awake and we were up to start the day.
After a couple of hours awake, the mother and baby went back for another hour or two nap but great grandmother and I were too awake to return to bed so we sat in the dark, read some news on the computer and waited as quietly as we could. We were able to make us some coffee quietly in the bathroom which was a life saver.
After everyone got up, dressed and had breakfast downstairs at the hotel it was a trip to the mall for the 4 generations of us. After the mall and back in the car once again the baby was very fussy and I thought we might get some take out to so that we could get the baby back to the room as soon as possible. However mother wanted to eat someplace else, and I understood that. Plus she said the baby usually does pretty well when out like that so a restaurant it was. All of us ordered the same thing and got our table and waiting on the food to arrive. The place was crowded with business men on their lunch breaks. Baby was being good and having food playing with things on the table, having a bottle and so forth. Our food arrived. We gave the baby one of it’s favorite crackers with for some reason this time the baby decided to put several pieces in it’s mouth. As luck would have it the baby began to gag and threw up everywhere. The mom and I rushed to get that cleaned up so that others in the restaurant didn’t loose their lunch at the site of it.
At that point I had lost my appetites completely. And as my daughter had been going back and forth trying to gather up enough napkins to clean up the mess, great grandmother said she be that things like this would stop my daughter from wanting any more children, she was sure of that.
Great grandmother loves to see things crumble when people try to do things that she thinks is just too much to even try. Nothing gives her more pleasure than to watch people learn “life lessons”.
We quickly finished up our meal and headed back to the room. It was getting about time for mother and I to start our showers and begin to dress for the concert.
About an hour after we returned to the hotel baby was napping and great grandmother began puking. She said her lunch just didn’t agree with her and this happens sometimes, blaming it on her gallbladder. She said when this happens she just has to “get it out” so she gagged herself so that she would throw it up. She did this several times, drinking water in between each session, to “wash it down” as she put it.
As my daughter started getting her suitcase out to get her new outfit out she got to wear to the concert, I said, I didn’t know if we should even go since great grandmother was so sick.
Great grandmother said, “Oh I hate for you to not go after all we’ve been through” and that was all she said. At that very moment the, while my daughter and I were trying to decide what to do, great grandmother’s throwing up episodes quickly increased, helping us along with our decision.
When out of the bathroom great grandmother told us this happens all the time and it passes quickly but in the bathroom I could hear her moaning and saying “oh, I’ve never been so sick along with more moaning.
I go downstairs to have a cigarette and think this over and my daughter came out side saying we need to get a wheelchair or something and get great grandmother to a doctor or hospital.
I went upstairs to see what was going on and at this point the puking was coming along without the need to gag herself and she was shaking. I asked if she was chilled or was it just shaking and great grandmother told me is was just uncontrollable shaking. I told her I though we needed to call an ambulance and she didn’t argue with me. So I figure she must be very ill to have us go that far instead of simply taking her to an emergency care center that would get us in and out quickly.
I called the ambulance and after a longer than expected time they arrived. My daughter and I went on to the hospital followed by the ambulance.
They service at the ER was fantastic and they all knew we had drove 6 hours and were planning on attending the concert. It was about 3:30 pm and the concert was not until 8 pm.
They quickly ran blood test, urine tests, x-rays and a bag of IV going. The ambulance drivers had given her a small dose of phegran to help with the nausea and not long after arriving at the hospital they gave her one other dose of some kind of medicine. I asked the nurse as she gave it if it made her sleepy and she said no. So I was still holding out hope that we could make the concert. Since they felt there was nothing serious and this would do the trick.
One nurse suggested my daughter and I take the baby and go on to the concert as soon as we got great grandmother settled back in at the hotel or if they admitted her this nurse promised to keep a very close eye on great grandmother and if anything came up she would call our cell phone.
I stepped back into the room and mentioned this to my daughter at which point great grandmother’s shaking became much worse. At this point I was becoming very suspect as to just how sick great grandmother really was.
All the test came back with good results other than her blood pressure was a bit high as was her blood sugar but we knew that happened quite often and great grandmother will not take medication for it, so what can you do. She also had a fair amount of stool in her colon but not enough to cause a blockage or anything.
Her blood pressure came down pretty quickly after she stopped throwing up and they decided they would for sure be releasing her.
About this time a bad storm started brewing outside. We were under tornado watches, then warning, and you could hear the horrible rain and hail coming down outside. The lights in the hospital flickered then went out completely, putting the whole hospital on auxiliary power. Even after they released great grandmother, they kept us at the hospital another 30 minutes or so until there were no more storm watches or warnings.
By the time we left the hospital it was 7pm or a bit later but great grandmother was feeling much better. She was now able to walk, earlier she could walk to the car to go to the hospital. She was no longer throwing up, she hadn’t since the ambulance arrived and the shaking completely stopped. My daughter didn’t want great grandmother to feel bad about blowing our trip so she told her that she had called and they refunded my daughter the $800 those special tickets cost. That was a lie.
They doctor gave her a prescription to get filled so that she would not have any more throwing up episodes during the night or on the ride home tomorrow but she didn’t want to get those filled at all. When she said for me to not fill the medications I was not surprised and in fact I said that I knew she wouldn’t want them filled.
While at the hospital those 4 hours the baby was pretty good, but would have fussy episode since she had had absolutely no nap but between my daughter and I we walked the floors around the ER enough during all that time to keep her half way happy.
When we arrived back at the hotel great grandmother suggested we load up and go on home since it was night time and the baby would sleep and not be fussy being strapped in the car seat so long. I can not understand if great grandmother felt so much better that she could take a 6 hour car ride she was not well enough to lay there at the hotel in bed, while the baby slept and let my daughter and myself go ½ mile down the road to the concert for which we had come to do in the first place. We had our cell phones with us, we were close enough to walk to the venue or back to the hotel, but great grandmother didn’t even come close to making that suggestion or any other kind of plan that would allow us to attend the concert.
I was undecided about the drive and knew that I had not had but a couple of short sleep periods the night before and had been up since 4 am.
It was about 8pm and my dreams of going to the concert, sitting in the VIP section was squashed forever. Disappointed can not describe what I was feeling. I was not ready to once again sit in the dark in a tight hotel room and brood about the ruined day. So I told great grandmother and my daughter that if they thought they could do it, let’s go home.
Saying I was tired, wore out but mostly upset can not even come close to expressing how I was feeling.
We loaded up and drove 6 hours home.
I didn’t say one word on the drive home, nor did great grandmother or my daughter. Great grandmother didn’t even burp, moan, need to use the bathroom or anything. It was a miraculous recovery.
I listened to her closely for the full ride home to see if I thought she was in any distress and only when I pulled in for gas and shut off the car did I hear two short moans just loud enough for my daughter in the back seat to hear her.
Not one time did great grandmother suggest another plan for going to the concert, she never said she was sorry for causing such a problem, or even suggest that her getting sick had ruined anything and how bad she felt about it.
When you gauge this on how a “reasonable” person would act or respond great grandmother just didn’t pass the smell test. I know I would have felt so bad about ruining the trip whether I could have helped it or not I would have said it over and over again. But this great grandmother failed to do it even once.
My daughter, “granddaughter” to great grandmother is very soft hearted and was so scared and worried about great grandmother. Of course my daughter couldn’t imagine that her grandmother would pull such a stunt and couldn’t understand why I became so outraged that I wouldn’t (couldn’t) speak.
Not only did I come out of this short changed and disappointed, but also the bad evil one for not buying great grandmother’s act.
I understand my daughter’s take on this one. I hope that one day she would understand mine as well. See I know great grandmother very well and she has pulled things like this over and over throughout my life. As a child when she was depended on to come through for me she would suddenly have some kind of illness or breakdown from too much pressure of having to step up to the plate.
Each time she would amazingly get better as soon as the situation had been rectified, she got out of her responsibility that was expected usually by someone else, me, stepping up and taking care of it so she wouldn’t have to. Classic passive-aggressive personality.
If my daughter took the time to really look at the whole situation she too would see it. Honestly I don’t want her view of her grandmother to be as tainted as mine has become.
Now you might ask why great grandmother would do this and I have several reasons why she might, knowing her as I do.
I could fill Dr. Phil's board with issues my mom (great grandmother is this story) but most would end like this story has.
Am I wrong for being extremely upset with her? How can I approach her so that she realizes she didn't get away with this scam? Any and all advice welcome...please.
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May 23, 2008, 6:26 pm PDT
This is my first time posting to this board and i hope im choosing the right category because it involves more than one subject matter. Heres my story. I relocated from Chicago to Florida last may and live with my mom and stepdad now. Reason being i was having difficult times financially trying to support myself, paying townhouse rent and various other bills. I always considered myself a strong person...to a certain point. I was driving my place to where i worked which was 40 miles away from me each way. I had a 10 year old car, couldnt even think of getting another. You can imagine the panic and fear i felt driving that car in the treacherous cold weather praying i would make it to work. THere were soo many mornings when i felt my anxiety was gonna overtake me. So i came down to Florida a year ago this Memorial day and when i first got here it was like a huuuge load was lifted. As you know with parents (mine are in their 80's), things are going to happen healthwise and their daily functioning routine gets harder and harder. My stepdad is 87, a WWII veteran, has diabetes, wears hearing aids and needs a walker to walk with. My mom is 83 and at the time being is fine physically and mentally. She has had her assorted illness like knee replacments, colon surgery, stomach surgery over the years and has lived down here and taken care of my stepdad for 26 years and all of family lived up north. My mom is one of these strong, independanty types and has never asked any of the family to come down here to help them out the whole time they have been here..
So i came down last May, took over the driving because my mom said she was always nervous about driving and my stepdad lost licence years ago when his eyes started failing. They have their various doctor appts like most people do and i was just so glad to be helping out that way as well as cooking meals, cleaning and doing other errands. I did have a short term job here from Sept to Dec. from a temp agency. Even though i was caring for my folks i still needed to bring in money to pay my bills that i had from before. Ok ..so the job stint ended in Dec, then my mom slipped on the floor after Christmas and fractured hip......had 3 rods put in and had to go to rehab facility for 2 weeks and i took care of my stepdad while she was there. I can appreciate what she has to go through on a daily basis regarding his needs. Needless to say she got home therapy for several weeks and i put the job search on hold since after Christmas because of her need for me to take care of things. I started looking again for job about 2 months ago and am gettting frustrated daily because i am not finding anything. I am listed through monster, career builder, jobs etc to name a few. I am also looking in daily newspapers, calling people, leaving messages. I am getting panicky because i need to pay my bills and i certainly dont want to ask my mom to pay for a thing because they are living solely on SS and a small pension he gets from the VA.
I am feeling pressure from rest of family......who all live up north, about the job situation. They should all know the economy is in the toilet and the job market situation is horrendous. They know my moms financial situation and for some reason, i could be wrong here, but i think they dont realize exactly what i am doing in regards to looking for a job. My son lives in Springfield IL with his wife and they just had a baby girl in March....im a grandmaa. I was so thrilled and have sent that bundle of joy soo many gifts here and there that i sent through mail and have several pictures of her that my son has sent me. Its just killing me that i havnt been able to just fly up there to see her. My stuation with taking care of my folks, the financial situation keeps me from just flying there but at the same time the guilt-ridden feelings i have because i didnt just drop everything and fly up to see my grandbaby. I know this is an awful long post but i feel like its starting to affect my moods....caring for my folks, not finding a job, not being able to just fly up and see my grandbaby. I use to love to hop on the puter at nite after the folks were off to bed and catch up on my email and go to various sites.....but for the last few weeks i have gone to my room, sat down on bed and just wanted to watch tv. I would love to get any unbiased advise, opinions from anyone that can see the big picture here. Thank you.
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May 23, 2008, 10:57 pm PDT
Quote From: camboyd Let me tell you about the worst two days (well pretty close to the worst) Ive endured in my whole life.
Of course I had been anticipating with such joy for months going to Atlanta for the Eagle concert since my lovely daughter had purchases us two VIP tickets at a cost of nearly $800 back in February.
Our only hitch in the whole thing was needing someone to watch her 10 month old baby while her and I enjoyed the 4 hour concert.
I had originally thought that my mom (great grandmother) could come to my house the day of the concert, stay with the baby until my husband, (grandpa) got home. She would only have the baby a few short hours then, and up until about noon the following day.
I figured daughter and I would leave early the day of the concert, drive down, get a room, get dressed, go to concert, return to room for sleep, get up early and head back home and be there by noon.
I called my mom to see if she would do that and with a bit of hesitation in her voice she agreed she could do that for us.
So everything was in place, now it was just the waiting the 3 months until the day of the event which was going to be my Mothers Day/Birthday present.
At some point it was decided that maybe great grandmother would just ride to Atlanta with us and stay in the room with the baby. Im not sure exactly how that came about but I believe it was to ease mother child separation as well as ease great grandmothers anxiety of watching the baby for the first time.
In deciding on the second plan of action it was also decided that we would go down a day early so great grandmother would not be wore out with travel. After all she is 75 years young but you would think she was no older than 60 to see her and how she gets along.
The concert was on Tuesday evening and we arrived in Atlanta on Monday around 3 pm.
One the way down the baby was quit fussy being strapped in the car seat for the 5 ½ trip and we took several breaks along the way to give the child and us a break. Nothing worse than traveling down the highway trying to concentrate on driving and a crying child in the back seat. Knowing its getting on the drivers nerves as well as overwhelming great grandmothers senses. She was not use to being around a baby in the least.
However we arrive unscathed. Within 15 minutes in the room the child, being an active, crawling, pulling up 10 month old, had bumped her head twice, once leaving a black eye on one side and a large knot of the other requiring holding the child and trying to apply ice. The mom at this point was about in tears since her baby had gotten hurt. Great grandmothers nerves were completely gone, and I, the grandmother, was trying her best to calm and lighten the situation.
After the baby calmed and my daughter got herself together everyone decided they were hungry. So great grandmother decided she would give it a go and stay with the baby while mother and I went for food. It was rush hour and the streets were backed up horribly. We finally decided on a place we saw while setting in traffic and was able to go in, get an order to go and return to the hotel.
We were relieved when we returned to find there were no additional head injuries on the baby and great grandmother still was breathing at a pace not to much faster than normal.
I moved a bit of furniture around, which wasnt easy since we were packed in like sardines so that my daughter and the great grandmother could eat at the desk and I took my food to the bed and tried to eat a bit while seeing that baby didnt get any more injuries. Daughter and I both tried to feed the baby as we ate our meal. I got about ½ my salad ate before I just gave up and went back to concentrating on caring for the baby.
By this time the baby was tired and ready for bed for the night. It was about 6:30pm and the sun was still high in the sky so we used the curtains provided in the room to blacken the room so baby could sleep. Great grandmother was use to retiring for the evening at about this time anyway so that was not a problem for her. However, my daughter and I was not use to this at all but what could we do.
We tried to watch a bit of Television but the tube was right next to the baby bed so we couldnt turn the volume up to hear it over the air conditioner. So we kind of watched at it killing time until we felt we could fall asleep.
Finally sleep came for us but not so much for the baby. About every 2 hours the baby would cry out in her sleep knowing full well she was in a strange bed. By 4 am the baby was fully awake and we were up to start the day.
After a couple of hours awake, the mother and baby went back for another hour or two nap but great grandmother and I were too awake to return to bed so we sat in the dark, read some news on the computer and waited as quietly as we could. We were able to make us some coffee quietly in the bathroom which was a life saver.
After everyone got up, dressed and had breakfast downstairs at the hotel it was a trip to the mall for the 4 generations of us. After the mall and back in the car once again the baby was very fussy and I thought we might get some take out to so that we could get the baby back to the room as soon as possible. However mother wanted to eat someplace else, and I understood that. Plus she said the baby usually does pretty well when out like that so a restaurant it was. All of us ordered the same thing and got our table and waiting on the food to arrive. The place was crowded with business men on their lunch breaks. Baby was being good and having food playing with things on the table, having a bottle and so forth. Our food arrived. We gave the baby one of its favorite crackers with for some reason this time the baby decided to put several pieces in its mouth. As luck would have it the baby began to gag and threw up everywhere. The mom and I rushed to get that cleaned up so that others in the restaurant didnt loose their lunch at the site of it.
At that point I had lost my appetites completely. And as my daughter had been going back and forth trying to gather up enough napkins to clean up the mess, great grandmother said she be that things like this would stop my daughter from wanting any more children, she was sure of that.
Great grandmother loves to see things crumble when people try to do things that she thinks is just too much to even try. Nothing gives her more pleasure than to watch people learn life lessons.
We quickly finished up our meal and headed back to the room. It was getting about time for mother and I to start our showers and begin to dress for the concert.
About an hour after we returned to the hotel baby was napping and great grandmother began puking. She said her lunch just didnt agree with her and this happens sometimes, blaming it on her gallbladder. She said when this happens she just has to get it out so she gagged herself so that she would throw it up. She did this several times, drinking water in between each session, to wash it down as she put it.
As my daughter started getting her suitcase out to get her new outfit out she got to wear to the concert, I said, I didnt know if we should even go since great grandmother was so sick.
Great grandmother said, Oh I hate for you to not go after all weve been through and that was all she said. At that very moment the, while my daughter and I were trying to decide what to do, great grandmothers throwing up episodes quickly increased, helping us along with our decision.
When out of the bathroom great grandmother told us this happens all the time and it passes quickly but in the bathroom I could hear her moaning and saying oh, Ive never been so sick along with more moaning.
I go downstairs to have a cigarette and think this over and my daughter came out side saying we need to get a wheelchair or something and get great grandmother to a doctor or hospital.
I went upstairs to see what was going on and at this point the puking was coming along without the need to gag herself and she was shaking. I asked if she was chilled or was it just shaking and great grandmother told me is was just uncontrollable shaking. I told her I though we needed to call an ambulance and she didnt argue with me. So I figure she must be very ill to have us go that far instead of simply taking her to an emergency care center that would get us in and out quickly.
I called the ambulance and after a longer than expected time they arrived. My daughter and I went on to the hospital followed by the ambulance.
They service at the ER was fantastic and they all knew we had drove 6 hours and were planning on attending the concert. It was about 3:30 pm and the concert was not until 8 pm.
They quickly ran blood test, urine tests, x-rays and a bag of IV going. The ambulance drivers had given her a small dose of phegran to help with the nausea and not long after arriving at the hospital they gave her one other dose of some kind of medicine. I asked the nurse as she gave it if it made her sleepy and she said no. So I was still holding out hope that we could make the concert. Since they felt there was nothing serious and this would do the trick.
One nurse suggested my daughter and I take the baby and go on to the concert as soon as we got great grandmother settled back in at the hotel or if they admitted her this nurse promised to keep a very close eye on great grandmother and if anything came up she would call our cell phone.
I stepped back into the room and mentioned this to my daughter at which point great grandmothers shaking became much worse. At this point I was becoming very suspect as to just how sick great grandmother really was.
All the test came back with good results other than her blood pressure was a bit high as was her blood sugar but we knew that happened quite often and great grandmother will not take medication for it, so what can you do. She also had a fair amount of stool in her colon but not enough to cause a blockage or anything.
Her blood pressure came down pretty quickly after she stopped throwing up and they decided they would for sure be releasing her.
About this time a bad storm started brewing outside. We were under tornado watches, then warning, and you could hear the horrible rain and hail coming down outside. The lights in the hospital flickered then went out completely, putting the whole hospital on auxiliary power. Even after they released great grandmother, they kept us at the hospital another 30 minutes or so until there were no more storm watches or warnings.
By the time we left the hospital it was 7pm or a bit later but great grandmother was feeling much better. She was now able to walk, earlier she could walk to the car to go to the hospital. She was no longer throwing up, she hadnt since the ambulance arrived and the shaking completely stopped. My daughter didnt want great grandmother to feel bad about blowing our trip so she told her that she had called and they refunded my daughter the $800 those special tickets cost. That was a lie.
They doctor gave her a prescription to get filled so that she would not have any more throwing up episodes during the night or on the ride home tomorrow but she didnt want to get those filled at all. When she said for me to not fill the medications I was not surprised and in fact I said that I knew she wouldnt want them filled.
While at the hospital those 4 hours the baby was pretty good, but would have fussy episode since she had had absolutely no nap but between my daughter and I we walked the floors around the ER enough during all that time to keep her half way happy.
When we arrived back at the hotel great grandmother suggested we load up and go on home since it was night time and the baby would sleep and not be fussy being strapped in the car seat so long. I can not understand if great grandmother felt so much better that she could take a 6 hour car ride she was not well enough to lay there at the hotel in bed, while the baby slept and let my daughter and myself go ½ mile down the road to the concert for which we had come to do in the first place. We had our cell phones with us, we were close enough to walk to the venue or back to the hotel, but great grandmother didnt even come close to making that suggestion or any other kind of plan that would allow us to attend the concert.
I was undecided about the drive and knew that I had not had but a couple of short sleep periods the night before and had been up since 4 am.
It was about 8pm and my dreams of going to the concert, sitting in the VIP section was squashed forever. Disappointed can not describe what I was feeling. I was not ready to once again sit in the dark in a tight hotel room and brood about the ruined day. So I told great grandmother and my daughter that if they thought they could do it, lets go home.
Saying I was tired, wore out but mostly upset can not even come close to expressing how I was feeling.
We loaded up and drove 6 hours home.
I didnt say one word on the drive home, nor did great grandmother or my daughter. Great grandmother didnt even burp, moan, need to use the bathroom or anything. It was a miraculous recovery.
I listened to her closely for the full ride home to see if I thought she was in any distress and only when I pulled in for gas and shut off the car did I hear two short moans just loud enough for my daughter in the back seat to hear her.
Not one time did great grandmother suggest another plan for going to the concert, she never said she was sorry for causing such a problem, or even suggest that her getting sick had ruined anything and how bad she felt about it.
When you gauge this on how a reasonable person would act or respond great grandmother just didnt pass the smell test. I know I would have felt so bad about ruining the trip whether I could have helped it or not I would have said it over and over again. But this great grandmother failed to do it even once.
My daughter, granddaughter to great grandmother is very soft hearted and was so scared and worried about great grandmother. Of course my daughter couldnt imagine that her grandmother would pull such a stunt and couldnt understand why I became so outraged that I wouldnt (couldnt) speak.
Not only did I come out of this short changed and disappointed, but also the bad evil one for not buying great grandmothers act.
I understand my daughters take on this one. I hope that one day she would understand mine as well. See I know great grandmother very well and she has pulled things like this over and over throughout my life. As a child when she was depended on to come through for me she would suddenly have some kind of illness or breakdown from too much pressure of having to step up to the plate.
Each time she would amazingly get better as soon as the situation had been rectified, she got out of her responsibility that was expected usually by someone else, me, stepping up and taking care of it so she wouldnt have to. Classic passive-aggressive personality.
If my daughter took the time to really look at the whole situation she too would see it. Honestly I dont want her view of her grandmother to be as tainted as mine has become.
Now you might ask why great grandmother would do this and I have several reasons why she might, knowing her as I do.
I could fill Dr. Phil's board with issues my mom (great grandmother is this story) but most would end like this story has.
Am I wrong for being extremely upset with her? How can I approach her so that she realizes she didn't get away with this scam? Any and all advice welcome...please.
Am I wrong for being extremely upset with her? Yes
How can I approach her so that she realizes she didn't get away with this scam? Why would you want to, she is your 75 year old Mother who has gastric problems and felt obliged to help you out and in my opinion after a horrendous time literally felt sick at the prospect of looking after an unhappy baby in a strange hotel room in a strange town . In her position I would have done something very similar. |
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May 24, 2008, 4:02 pm PDT
Quote From: mmcturk Am I wrong for being extremely upset with her? Yes
How can I approach her so that she realizes she didn't get away with this scam? Why would you want to, she is your 75 year old Mother who has gastric problems and felt obliged to help you out and in my opinion after a horrendous time literally felt sick at the prospect of looking after an unhappy baby in a strange hotel room in a strange town . In her position I would have done something very similar. WOW I don't know what to say to someone that says they would have done the same thing. WOW, is just all I can say. My goodness, I certainly hope I don't do stuff like this to my children as I age. Geez! I don't know how I would sleep at night knowing I caused my granddaughter to loose over $1000, plus ran up a hospital bill just to get out of watching a sleeping baby for 2 hours. I certainly learned how NOT to act, and hope others learn this as well. Maybe others who would do something like this will see how stupid was to act in such a way. A simple "I can't do this for you" would have saved everyone a lot of time, frustration, money and hard feelings. I guess some people would rather use passive aggresive behavior and manipulation to make a statement instead of simple words. Anyway, for those of you who have parents that act like this, my heart goes out to you. |
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May 24, 2008, 11:12 pm PDT
Quote From: camboyd WOW I don't know what to say to someone that says they would have done the same thing. WOW, is just all I can say. My goodness, I certainly hope I don't do stuff like this to my children as I age. Geez! I don't know how I would sleep at night knowing I caused my granddaughter to loose over $1000, plus ran up a hospital bill just to get out of watching a sleeping baby for 2 hours. I certainly learned how NOT to act, and hope others learn this as well. Maybe others who would do something like this will see how stupid was to act in such a way. A simple "I can't do this for you" would have saved everyone a lot of time, frustration, money and hard feelings. I guess some people would rather use passive aggresive behavior and manipulation to make a statement instead of simple words. Anyway, for those of you who have parents that act like this, my heart goes out to you. For someone who can only say Wow, you sure can say a lot :) I certainly don't want to have a message board argument here (call me Mrs Passive Aggressive) so will just remind you, you asked for comments and advice, you didn't specify we had to agree with your point of view. I jut wish my mother was alive and able to be part of my family like yours is and hope one day you will count your blessings. Lecture over. |
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May 25, 2008, 2:04 pm PDT
Quote From: camboyd Let me tell you about the worst two days (well pretty close to the worst) Ive endured in my whole life.
Of course I had been anticipating with such joy for months going to Atlanta for the Eagle concert since my lovely daughter had purchases us two VIP tickets at a cost of nearly $800 back in February.
Our only hitch in the whole thing was needing someone to watch her 10 month old baby while her and I enjoyed the 4 hour concert.
I had originally thought that my mom (great grandmother) could come to my house the day of the concert, stay with the baby until my husband, (grandpa) got home. She would only have the baby a few short hours then, and up until about noon the following day.
I figured daughter and I would leave early the day of the concert, drive down, get a room, get dressed, go to concert, return to room for sleep, get up early and head back home and be there by noon.
I called my mom to see if she would do that and with a bit of hesitation in her voice she agreed she could do that for us.
So everything was in place, now it was just the waiting the 3 months until the day of the event which was going to be my Mothers Day/Birthday present.
At some point it was decided that maybe great grandmother would just ride to Atlanta with us and stay in the room with the baby. Im not sure exactly how that came about but I believe it was to ease mother child separation as well as ease great grandmothers anxiety of watching the baby for the first time.
In deciding on the second plan of action it was also decided that we would go down a day early so great grandmother would not be wore out with travel. After all she is 75 years young but you would think she was no older than 60 to see her and how she gets along.
The concert was on Tuesday evening and we arrived in Atlanta on Monday around 3 pm.
One the way down the baby was quit fussy being strapped in the car seat for the 5 ½ trip and we took several breaks along the way to give the child and us a break. Nothing worse than traveling down the highway trying to concentrate on driving and a crying child in the back seat. Knowing its getting on the drivers nerves as well as overwhelming great grandmothers senses. She was not use to being around a baby in the least.
However we arrive unscathed. Within 15 minutes in the room the child, being an active, crawling, pulling up 10 month old, had bumped her head twice, once leaving a black eye on one side and a large knot of the other requiring holding the child and trying to apply ice. The mom at this point was about in tears since her baby had gotten hurt. Great grandmothers nerves were completely gone, and I, the grandmother, was trying her best to calm and lighten the situation.
After the baby calmed and my daughter got herself together everyone decided they were hungry. So great grandmother decided she would give it a go and stay with the baby while mother and I went for food. It was rush hour and the streets were backed up horribly. We finally decided on a place we saw while setting in traffic and was able to go in, get an order to go and return to the hotel.
We were relieved when we returned to find there were no additional head injuries on the baby and great grandmother still was breathing at a pace not to much faster than normal.
I moved a bit of furniture around, which wasnt easy since we were packed in like sardines so that my daughter and the great grandmother could eat at the desk and I took my food to the bed and tried to eat a bit while seeing that baby didnt get any more injuries. Daughter and I both tried to feed the baby as we ate our meal. I got about ½ my salad ate before I just gave up and went back to concentrating on caring for the baby.
By this time the baby was tired and ready for bed for the night. It was about 6:30pm and the sun was still high in the sky so we used the curtains provided in the room to blacken the room so baby could sleep. Great grandmother was use to retiring for the evening at about this time anyway so that was not a problem for her. However, my daughter and I was not use to this at all but what could we do.
We tried to watch a bit of Television but the tube was right next to the baby bed so we couldnt turn the volume up to hear it over the air conditioner. So we kind of watched at it killing time until we felt we could fall asleep.
Finally sleep came for us but not so much for the baby. About every 2 hours the baby would cry out in her sleep knowing full well she was in a strange bed. By 4 am the baby was fully awake and we were up to start the day.
After a couple of hours awake, the mother and baby went back for another hour or two nap but great grandmother and I were too awake to return to bed so we sat in the dark, read some news on the computer and waited as quietly as we could. We were able to make us some coffee quietly in the bathroom which was a life saver.
After everyone got up, dressed and had breakfast downstairs at the hotel it was a trip to the mall for the 4 generations of us. After the mall and back in the car once again the baby was very fussy and I thought we might get some take out to so that we could get the baby back to the room as soon as possible. However mother wanted to eat someplace else, and I understood that. Plus she said the baby usually does pretty well when out like that so a restaurant it was. All of us ordered the same thing and got our table and waiting on the food to arrive. The place was crowded with business men on their lunch breaks. Baby was being good and having food playing with things on the table, having a bottle and so forth. Our food arrived. We gave the baby one of its favorite crackers with for some reason this time the baby decided to put several pieces in its mouth. As luck would have it the baby began to gag and threw up everywhere. The mom and I rushed to get that cleaned up so that others in the restaurant didnt loose their lunch at the site of it.
At that point I had lost my appetites completely. And as my daughter had been going back and forth trying to gather up enough napkins to clean up the mess, great grandmother said she be that things like this would stop my daughter from wanting any more children, she was sure of that.
Great grandmother loves to see things crumble when people try to do things that she thinks is just too much to even try. Nothing gives her more pleasure than to watch people learn life lessons.
We quickly finished up our meal and headed back to the room. It was getting about time for mother and I to start our showers and begin to dress for the concert.
About an hour after we returned to the hotel baby was napping and great grandmother began puking. She said her lunch just didnt agree with her and this happens sometimes, blaming it on her gallbladder. She said when this happens she just has to get it out so she gagged herself so that she would throw it up. She did this several times, drinking water in between each session, to wash it down as she put it.
As my daughter started getting her suitcase out to get her new outfit out she got to wear to the concert, I said, I didnt know if we should even go since great grandmother was so sick.
Great grandmother said, Oh I hate for you to not go after all weve been through and that was all she said. At that very moment the, while my daughter and I were trying to decide what to do, great grandmothers throwing up episodes quickly increased, helping us along with our decision.
When out of the bathroom great grandmother told us this happens all the time and it passes quickly but in the bathroom I could hear her moaning and saying oh, Ive never been so sick along with more moaning.
I go downstairs to have a cigarette and think this over and my daughter came out side saying we need to get a wheelchair or something and get great grandmother to a doctor or hospital.
I went upstairs to see what was going on and at this point the puking was coming along without the need to gag herself and she was shaking. I asked if she was chilled or was it just shaking and great grandmother told me is was just uncontrollable shaking. I told her I though we needed to call an ambulance and she didnt argue with me. So I figure she must be very ill to have us go that far instead of simply taking her to an emergency care center that would get us in and out quickly.
I called the ambulance and after a longer than expected time they arrived. My daughter and I went on to the hospital followed by the ambulance.
They service at the ER was fantastic and they all knew we had drove 6 hours and were planning on attending the concert. It was about 3:30 pm and the concert was not until 8 pm.
They quickly ran blood test, urine tests, x-rays and a bag of IV going. The ambulance drivers had given her a small dose of phegran to help with the nausea and not long after arriving at the hospital they gave her one other dose of some kind of medicine. I asked the nurse as she gave it if it made her sleepy and she said no. So I was still holding out hope that we could make the concert. Since they felt there was nothing serious and this would do the trick.
One nurse suggested my daughter and I take the baby and go on to the concert as soon as we got great grandmother settled back in at the hotel or if they admitted her this nurse promised to keep a very close eye on great grandmother and if anything came up she would call our cell phone.
I stepped back into the room and mentioned this to my daughter at which point great grandmothers shaking became much worse. At this point I was becoming very suspect as to just how sick great grandmother really was.
All the test came back with good results other than her blood pressure was a bit high as was her blood sugar but we knew that happened quite often and great grandmother will not take medication for it, so what can you do. She also had a fair amount of stool in her colon but not enough to cause a blockage or anything.
Her blood pressure came down pretty quickly after she stopped throwing up and they decided they would for sure be releasing her.
About this time a bad storm started brewing outside. We were under tornado watches, then warning, and you could hear the horrible rain and hail coming down outside. The lights in the hospital flickered then went out completely, putting the whole hospital on auxiliary power. Even after they released great grandmother, they kept us at the hospital another 30 minutes or so until there were no more storm watches or warnings.
By the time we left the hospital it was 7pm or a bit later but great grandmother was feeling much better. She was now able to walk, earlier she could walk to the car to go to the hospital. She was no longer throwing up, she hadnt since the ambulance arrived and the shaking completely stopped. My daughter didnt want great grandmother to feel bad about blowing our trip so she told her that she had called and they refunded my daughter the $800 those special tickets cost. That was a lie.
They doctor gave her a prescription to get filled so that she would not have any more throwing up episodes during the night or on the ride home tomorrow but she didnt want to get those filled at all. When she said for me to not fill the medications I was not surprised and in fact I said that I knew she wouldnt want them filled.
While at the hospital those 4 hours the baby was pretty good, but would have fussy episode since she had had absolutely no nap but between my daughter and I we walked the floors around the ER enough during all that time to keep her half way happy.
When we arrived back at the hotel great grandmother suggested we load up and go on home since it was night time and the baby would sleep and not be fussy being strapped in the car seat so long. I can not understand if great grandmother felt so much better that she could take a 6 hour car ride she was not well enough to lay there at the hotel in bed, while the baby slept and let my daughter and myself go ½ mile down the road to the concert for which we had come to do in the first place. We had our cell phones with us, we were close enough to walk to the venue or back to the hotel, but great grandmother didnt even come close to making that suggestion or any other kind of plan that would allow us to attend the concert.
I was undecided about the drive and knew that I had not had but a couple of short sleep periods the night before and had been up since 4 am.
It was about 8pm and my dreams of going to the concert, sitting in the VIP section was squashed forever. Disappointed can not describe what I was feeling. I was not ready to once again sit in the dark in a tight hotel room and brood about the ruined day. So I told great grandmother and my daughter that if they thought they could do it, lets go home.
Saying I was tired, wore out but mostly upset can not even come close to expressing how I was feeling.
We loaded up and drove 6 hours home.
I didnt say one word on the drive home, nor did great grandmother or my daughter. Great grandmother didnt even burp, moan, need to use the bathroom or anything. It was a miraculous recovery.
I listened to her closely for the full ride home to see if I thought she was in any distress and only when I pulled in for gas and shut off the car did I hear two short moans just loud enough for my daughter in the back seat to hear her.
Not one time did great grandmother suggest another plan for going to the concert, she never said she was sorry for causing such a problem, or even suggest that her getting sick had ruined anything and how bad she felt about it.
When you gauge this on how a reasonable person would act or respond great grandmother just didnt pass the smell test. I know I would have felt so bad about ruining the trip whether I could have helped it or not I would have said it over and over again. But this great grandmother failed to do it even once.
My daughter, granddaughter to great grandmother is very soft hearted and was so scared and worried about great grandmother. Of course my daughter couldnt imagine that her grandmother would pull such a stunt and couldnt understand why I became so outraged that I wouldnt (couldnt) speak.
Not only did I come out of this short changed and disappointed, but also the bad evil one for not buying great grandmothers act.
I understand my daughters take on this one. I hope that one day she would understand mine as well. See I know great grandmother very well and she has pulled things like this over and over throughout my life. As a child when she was depended on to come through for me she would suddenly have some kind of illness or breakdown from too much pressure of having to step up to the plate.
Each time she would amazingly get better as soon as the situation had been rectified, she got out of her responsibility that was expected usually by someone else, me, stepping up and taking care of it so she wouldnt have to. Classic passive-aggressive personality.
If my daughter took the time to really look at the whole situation she too would see it. Honestly I dont want her view of her grandmother to be as tainted as mine has become.
Now you might ask why great grandmother would do this and I have several reasons why she might, knowing her as I do.
I could fill Dr. Phil's board with issues my mom (great grandmother is this story) but most would end like this story has.
Am I wrong for being extremely upset with her? How can I approach her so that she realizes she didn't get away with this scam? Any and all advice welcome...please.
Your experience sounds very disappointing! Are you a regular watcher of Dr. Phil? One thing that he would tell you is to not think of this experience as “one of the worst in my life.” Giving it that label gives it more power then it needs/deserves. Saying it was the worst experience of your life is like handing over your personal power to your mother on a silver platter, saying, “here, you got me!” There is no need to do that; no need to give your mother any power over you and/or your emotions. I certainly sympathize with you. You must have felt, and still feel, terribly disappointed as well as annoyed. However, I urge you to focus less on trying to get your daughter to ‘see’ how her grandmother really is and focus more on you and how you got yourself into this trap. From the moment that you asked great-grandma to watch the baby, you put all the control and power into her hands- it was a dangerous decision with an outcome that you could have predicted. Because your mother has been like this your whole life, what would make you think that somehow, magically, this one time would be any different? There was no magic potion or spell put upon her, making her suddenly the type of person who enjoys seeing others happy and fulfilled. It is understandable that you would want that to happen; that you would want your mother to be that way; but she isn’t. She never will be. She is 75 years old, she is set in her ways- nothing is going to change. There is nothing that you can do or say that will ever change your mother. (She would have to want to change; but why would she? This is working for her!) Since the one and only person you have any power/control over is you, I suggest that you begin putting your time, energy and focus on changing that way that you react and interact with your mother. This way, when she “teaches a life lesson” or sees people get what they deserve (in her mind, anyway) you won’t end up feeling sad, disappointed and emotionally abused. Again- I sympathize with you. The disappointment can’t even be measured. But you never should have asked her to watch the baby; she never should have been ‘needed’ in your plans. With all of your life experience in dealing with your mother’s antics, you should have known that relying upon her would be a disaster. There is no point in trying to prove to your daughter that her grand mother isn’t as great as she thinks; you won’t feel any better- although I know that you think you will. It won’t make any difference if your daughter said, “Oh wow, I see it all now!” Confronting your mother is acceptable, but what will the end result be? You know that she isn’t going to admit it, in fact, she might even get “sick” simply because you are accusing her. It is a waste of time and energy to even attempt to let her know that you know she was acting. In my opinion, you’d be better off putting it in the past, accepting your mother the way that she is, and never depending upon her again. You’ll all be happier in the end. I wish you the best, I understand how difficult this is- it isn’t easy to let go of all this pain and disappointment, but you’ve got to find a way to do that and make peace with the past. |
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May 25, 2008, 2:15 pm PDT
Quote From: badgrl2 This is my first time posting to this board and i hope im choosing the right category because it involves more than one subject matter. Heres my story. I relocated from Chicago to Florida last may and live with my mom and stepdad now. Reason being i was having difficult times financially trying to support myself, paying townhouse rent and various other bills. I always considered myself a strong person...to a certain point. I was driving my place to where i worked which was 40 miles away from me each way. I had a 10 year old car, couldnt even think of getting another. You can imagine the panic and fear i felt driving that car in the treacherous cold weather praying i would make it to work. THere were soo many mornings when i felt my anxiety was gonna overtake me. So i came down to Florida a year ago this Memorial day and when i first got here it was like a huuuge load was lifted. As you know with parents (mine are in their 80's), things are going to happen healthwise and their daily functioning routine gets harder and harder. My stepdad is 87, a WWII veteran, has diabetes, wears hearing aids and needs a walker to walk with. My mom is 83 and at the time being is fine physically and mentally. She has had her assorted illness like knee replacments, colon surgery, stomach surgery over the years and has lived down here and taken care of my stepdad for 26 years and all of family lived up north. My mom is one of these strong, independanty types and has never asked any of the family to come down here to help them out the whole time they have been here..
So i came down last May, took over the driving because my mom said she was always nervous about driving and my stepdad lost licence years ago when his eyes started failing. They have their various doctor appts like most people do and i was just so glad to be helping out that way as well as cooking meals, cleaning and doing other errands. I did have a short term job here from Sept to Dec. from a temp agency. Even though i was caring for my folks i still needed to bring in money to pay my bills that i had from before. Ok ..so the job stint ended in Dec, then my mom slipped on the floor after Christmas and fractured hip......had 3 rods put in and had to go to rehab facility for 2 weeks and i took care of my stepdad while she was there. I can appreciate what she has to go through on a daily basis regarding his needs. Needless to say she got home therapy for several weeks and i put the job search on hold since after Christmas because of her need for me to take care of things. I started looking again for job about 2 months ago and am gettting frustrated daily because i am not finding anything. I am listed through monster, career builder, jobs etc to name a few. I am also looking in daily newspapers, calling people, leaving messages. I am getting panicky because i need to pay my bills and i certainly dont want to ask my mom to pay for a thing because they are living solely on SS and a small pension he gets from the VA.
I am feeling pressure from rest of family......who all live up north, about the job situation. They should all know the economy is in the toilet and the job market situation is horrendous. They know my moms financial situation and for some reason, i could be wrong here, but i think they dont realize exactly what i am doing in regards to looking for a job. My son lives in Springfield IL with his wife and they just had a baby girl in March....im a grandmaa. I was so thrilled and have sent that bundle of joy soo many gifts here and there that i sent through mail and have several pictures of her that my son has sent me. Its just killing me that i havnt been able to just fly up there to see her. My stuation with taking care of my folks, the financial situation keeps me from just flying there but at the same time the guilt-ridden feelings i have because i didnt just drop everything and fly up to see my grandbaby. I know this is an awful long post but i feel like its starting to affect my moods....caring for my folks, not finding a job, not being able to just fly up and see my grandbaby. I use to love to hop on the puter at nite after the folks were off to bed and catch up on my email and go to various sites.....but for the last few weeks i have gone to my room, sat down on bed and just wanted to watch tv. I would love to get any unbiased advise, opinions from anyone that can see the big picture here. Thank you.
It sounds like you feel ‘stuck’ and depression has descended upon you. You’ve taken on a big role- being a caretaker is emotionally draining, and it isn’t even your “real” job. I don’t understand what you mean about your family pressuring you about getting a job? Do they not understand that someone needs to be there caring for your mother and father? Before you moved there, your mother did her best on her own? Or, did they have someone come in and help? My advice to you is to look in the phone book for home health services. It might take some investigating to find exactly what your parents are eligible for, but it will be worth it. Your step father, being a vet, might be eligible for some home health aid. Both your mother and step father might be eligible for home health care |