Topic : Toxic Family Relationships

I have a Sister in law from hell. When I saw this show, I just had to write in. My sister in law has brainwashed my brother against everyone in our family. this started almost 2 years ago. He thinks she does nothing wrong and that we are a bunch of liars. I am closer to my friends baby than I am my own nephew . My own nephew does not know me very well at all. But he knows HER family VERY well. I have try to get to know him, but she won't let me. She is afraid I will get GERMS on him. She is a germafobic. She made my son put hand sanitizer on his hands before he could play with my nephew. But when her family comes over they don't have to at all. They pick him up and hold him all they want without having to ask PERMISSION. yeah that's right I had to ask permission to hold him when he was baby. He has never been to my father's house. His GRANDFATHER. And my Mother has never had my nephew alone either for a visit. But HER family has. I know this sounds petty and stuff, but I needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

I am desperate not to lose my kids.  I have written you a few times trying to get on your show to tell my story.  I have two boys Zachariah 9 years old and Jarred 8 years old.  I am going through a 4 1/2  battle with my ex boyfriend over custody of my sons.  I moved to Hemet / San Jacinto area in 2003, to improve my children's lifestyle and education.  After my move I was unable to find work and I got on Welfare and they ordered me to go to child support for my kids.  Shortly after I received papers from my boys father saying he wants sole custody and that I was a horrible mother.  Through the years I have been back and forth to court and I have even lost a job because of this.  Most recently this July he took me to court saying that I was in contempt of court for failure to drop the boys off to him, when it stipulated in the court minutes that if I was unable to make it all I have to do is call him and he could come get the boys for his visitation time,  He refused to come and said it's not his responsibility to drive to get them it was mine.  When he came to get the boys on August 1,08  He told me as he was driving away that I wont get them back till Aug 23, when they go back to school.  The police told me that my court papers were to vague and that there was nothing they could do for me.  When we went back to court the mediator told me I was a horrible mother and that if I had no money to drive the boys to the drop off that maybe the father would be a better parent for them to live with and then maybe I would start showing that I want to be a parent to them.  Dr. Phil I am very frustrated with this whole thing and I am desperate no one wants to help me and everyone want to send me to legal aid, but all they do is the paperwork and that doesn't do me any good if the judge won't listen to anything I have to say.  I have pictures of my sons face after coming back from his dads house, where he has sores on his mouth and in the corner of his eyes.  His dad didn't take him to the doctor or anything.  My youngest son was diagnosed ADHD combined type Oppositional Defiant Disorder, his dad refused to sign the papers so he could receive therapy and medicine.  The judge made him sign the papers in front of him, before we could leave.  He took 2 months for me to get him to sign.  My oldest son is asthmatic and his dad was told by court and their doctor not to smoke around them and he still does and they end up coming home smelling of smoke and he tells me he doesn't smoke in front of them he quit.  He is trying to take them from me so he doesn't have to pay child support. He already has stopped paying me since February, and the last payment was for $54.00 when he suppose to pay $510.00 a month.   I don't know what to do.  I want to move out of state to Oregon in order to better my career and my children's schooling, health, and my mother's health.  I have family out there and they said that they can help me when I get there.  I don't know my rights and no one will help me.  I can't afford an attorney and I am scared to lose my children to their incompetent dad.  I just need help.  Please help me!!!!!  My boys don't want to go to him they just go because the courts tell them to.  The judges won't listen to me, they won't talk to my boys and I feel that no one cares that I am the only person who is stable in their life and that their father has no concern for their health, welfare or wellbeing.  For 3 years he had absolutely no contact with them, even when he knew my address and phone number.  PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! 

In Sept of 06, my step mother died of cancer and left a will dated 1973.  Two days later my sister(step sister) took my dad to a criminal lawyer and had numerous documents notorized. Leaving everything to her including his underwear and himself. I have documentation stating from a nueroligist in may of 06, that my dad was in capable of making disicion and could even realize what he said minutes ago, and should be institutionized. He could understand his wife had went to heaven. I also have a copy of a police statement that he couldnot comunicate with the officer over his death. This is a sad situation and happens everyday, and no one with a name or title even Dr.Phil wants to help me make a difference, so it does hapeen to someone else. The only people allow to handle matters like this should be probate lawyers, with a 72 hour investigation period! And during that time should investige a list of all family that may be involved. Notarys should not be allow to document and thing involving estates or wills, power of attny, deeeds, without proper investigation. What has happen to me and others in this situation should be consider criminal. I had to fight my sister to allow me to care for my dad,  it took me a month! And I thank god everyday for allowing me to do that, he died on my bitrthday May 07. And it was hard to say good bye, but he was'nt suffering any more. I didnot get much sllep the last week and giving him the morphine was hard. But as I lay next to him and take his last breath I knew he was in gods hands.  Please some one help me make a difference for the next family!!!!!! I am fighting to be heard and would like to start an advocate program for this cause. Thank You Paula

I am sick and tire of lawyers and judges!!!! Continue to fight !!!! I love my boys, and had many struggling times, continue to pray and ask God for his help. Get help from your local church, get plenty of statement from witnesses. And push Dr. Phil and Robin for good sound advice,  I am fighting to be hurd to! Dr. Phil son is a Lawyer Maybe he has some sound advice, document and record everything.  I do agree with you money seems to be the only thing that makes a differenceand its sad when you dont have it. But plaese go to church and get help. Research pro bono lawyers, there are not many I havent even found one for myself. Please dont give up and if I find something out I will let you know!!!!! Paula E

Your sisiter in law is very manipulative and makes a case to justify her actions. What i can't figure out is why men go along with it. Are they ill or just plain stupid not to see the manipulation. I would like to talk to you more about this but I am not sure how to go about it from this site.

 

I really enjoyed that show because everyone knows someone in a similar situation and it seems to happen to many men. It could be an insecurity issue or a form of mental illness. I hope Dr. Phil does a show on what makes these men tick and reject their families.

My Father is a controlling manipulative self centered jerk.   My sister married someone she didn't love at the age of 18 just so she could get out of the house and then my parents forced her to divorce him within three years ultimately driving her to drug and alcohol abuse...   My Dad has a nasty streak in him not nasty in the sense of abusing us it was a nasty/mean sense of humor purposely doing things just for the sheer pleasure of humiliating us in front of our friends and relatives .   He takes pleasure in ruining special occasions like weddings birthdays Christmas. Nothing is special or sacred to him.   Things weren't bad 100% of the time with Dad at times he was a lot of fun but he could also be a huge ass when he wanted to be.   My Mother became ill with cancer and he mellowed somewhat but when she went into remission he went back to being  a selfish and self centered jerk.   Mom died six years ago Dad changed completely he became much more reserved,loving and caring,it didn't last long..   He dated a few women nothing serious until three years ago he began dating his current lady friend (a woman my Mother hated with a passion BTW)  and now everything is all about her, and she's an even bigger self centered jerk than he is!     Since he began dating her I've seen him four times in three years and he hasn't visited me in two  years. However they visit her children almost every week and have flewn to California several times to visit her son.     My sister and I are only allowed to visit them when it's convenient for his " lady friend",my husband and I have to stay in a hotel or bring our camper and stay in a campground when we visit and we spend a few hours with them at dinner Friday or Saurday out of a three day weekend. Her kids can visit whenever they want and don't need permission.     I'm glad he has found someone who makes him happy but I don't like being treated like a second class citizen so I had it out with my Dad. He wouldn't talk to me in person so we argued over the phone.. instead of saying he was sorry, he hung up on me and didn't speak to me for months.   Last year on Father's day weekend we went to visit (with permission first) we rented a vacation home,Dad and his lady friend came over for a few hours on Father's day I made him a special dinner it was a disaster Dad ruined it like usual he acted like a jerk,I haven't been home since then.   My sister is clean and sober now she's found a wonderful Man and they are getting married soon. My Dad announced yesterday he and his "friend" will not be attending her wedding his " lady friends" son is flying in from California to visit that weekend and they would rather be with him. My sister is hurt and I'm furious I'm at my wits end with him I just don't know what to do anymore. I never thought I'd ever say this but  Dad has driven me to the point of despising him.   I have decided that for now if Dad can not attend my sisters wedding and can not be bothered with us I can not be bothered with him My husband and I had plans to pay a surprise visit to him labor day weekend. I cancelled our hotel reservations and we are going elsewhere we will not be visiting Dad and his friend.   Maybe my sister can be treated like crap and still welcome him with open arms but I can't. I'm in my early 40's I'm not that 16 year old girl that has to do what Mom and Dad tell her..   Since Mom died I have felt alone but never as alone as I feel now thanks to Dad.    I know the Bible says honor your Mother and Father but what if your father is like mine?

My first son was married 2 years ago & had his first son 5 months ago. I was ecstatic to be a first-time grandma.  The problem is we are SMOKERS.  I know how non-smokers feel about smokers & have tried many times to quit & eventually start again.  Since we became grandparents, we were told they will not bring my grandson to my home. We told them we will go outside & not smoke in the house if they come over, no good. We were told we have toxins in the house & that we could go to their house anytime & smoke outside.  The problem is everytime I call to go over on the weekends, it has to be late, when the baby is too  tired or early in the morning,  They go to her mothers every Sunday & some weekdays & we live in the same town.   Just to see the baby, I have gone 1-2 hours before work & they live 40 min. away.

I work full time nights & some days its hard to run around like that.  Holidays & birthdays are no more at my house.   They just had his christening in her mothers backyard.  My husband just went to the church.  It is killing me coming from a close Italian family & needless to say has caused so much arguing & stress because my husband sees me crying all the time.  My son says he is caught in the middle & has to side with his wife because it has caused them many arguments.   IS THIS NORMAL,  Everyone tells me because I dont have a daughter, they are closer to their family.  My husband didnt do this to his family.

ANY HELP OUT THERE?????

I HAPPENED TO READ YOUR LETTER WHEN I WAS WRITING MINE, 2 LETTERS AFTER YOURS.

EXCEPT IM A SMOKER, SO YOU CAN IMAGINE WHAT I GO THROUGH, MY 1ST GRANCHILD, SHE PUT A CLOTH OVER ME WHEN I HELD HIM BECAUSE MY CLOTHES SMELL & HAD TO SANITIZE AS SOON AS I WALKED INTO THEIR HOME. I AM SO SICK OVER THIS SO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.  MY KIDS GO THROUGH THE SAME THING JUST TO SEE THEIR 1ST NEPHEW & THEY DONT SMOKE.

I CANT BELIEVE MY SON GOES ALONG WITH LOSING HIS FAMILY.

MY FATHER WAS JUST LIKE YOURS,  ALWAYS JOKING ABOUT US IN FRONT OF PEOPLE BUT WAS MISERABLE AT HOME, HE WAS ALWAYS THE HIT AT PARTIES & WHEN PEOPLE SAID TO ME, YOU ARE SO LUCKY, YOUR FATHER IS SO FUNNY, MY STOMACH TURNED.  WHEN HE WAS DYING HE SAID TO ME,  WHY DO YOU ONLY REMEMBER THE BAD THINGS, WHAT ABOUT ALL THE GOOD THINGS I DID FOR YOU (WHICH HE DID). BUT THE HURT FROM THE BAD TIMES REMAINS.

      

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