Topic : Toxic Family Relationships

Hi, when I read your posting it broke my heart.  I am a Mom of 3 teenage daughters who chose 3.5 years ago to live with their Dad and step-mother.  The situation there is nasty, but they made such a fuss about never wanting to live with me again that I don't think their pride will let them change that.  But when I talk to them I get the same frustrations and pain as I hear in your letter.  I wish I could be there for you and give you a big hug.  You honestly don't have to go through this alone!!!  I can gaurentee you that there is someone out there who loves you!!  You sound very mature, even if you are rather angry. You talked about wanting counselling but they won't take you.  There are resources in most cities that are available to teenagers be themselves.  Like a teen help line, a local youth group or even an Al-Ateen..( A support group for kids with an alcoholic parent).  I know sometimes this is hard to do, but I think you have turned to the right place with this website!  

  You may not be in any immediate physical danger, but your emotional wellbeing is a stake!.... Find someone to talk to!!!!  I can be a caring substitute parent for you from a distance......but my goal is not to fill their role, rather to help you get healed enough that you stop taking their inadequacies out on yourself.  Under all that garbage there is a pretty good chance they love each other and you, they just honestly don't know how to handle it.  You are wise to say that this is just one side of the story, but it is your side......and even if you are not 100% innocent...because we rarely ever are....your fellings are still valid.   I want to see you strenghtened so that you can not just survive your teen years, but come out the other end a well adjusted healthy adult capable of making wise decisions.....even if your parents never get there themselves!  Please post me a reply.  I care very much and would not like for you to fall between the cracks.   Donner  

Lorrie.. 

   Check out  Dougy.org  and Kidsaid.com... these are sites that help kids deal with the issues you mention in your post.  Pass them on too.  

I do not know what else to odo, I am so sick of lies and false promises. I do not even know where to begin...I guess first of all, I am a 13 year old only child with both of my parents still together, they can barely stand eachotehr, I do not know why they bother. My dad has an anger problem, and my mom has an alcohol problem. My parents never really taught me HOW to clean, (that sounds like a lame excuse, but I don't know where anything goes in our house) My Parents constantly complain about me not doing work around here, Dad is never home, he works alot, and mom is just lazy and hippocritical. They yell for me to keep my room clean, but if a cat throws up in her room, she waits for "someone else" to clean it, and out of pride from dad, and my squimishness, it stays there for 2 weeks sometimes. They are always fighting about money, "mom spends money on beer, Dad spends money on unnecessary items" etc... I have ask mother numerous times to get us a counselor, get me appointments with doctors such as a dermatologist, dentist, orthodontist, etc... She was also supposed to sign me up for 3 sports, which I am too late for, and I've even asked to go back to church, and we will, she promises. Well, it is about 12:30 and mom came home, we got in a fight, and she told me "you both can go to hell" i confronted her and shes like "I never said that" but I heard her, and I wouldn't put it past her. I have ran away a few times, I have cut, I throw up, and after all that, I still manage to be one of the most recognized students by the faculty at my middle school. I do not know where else to turn, these are only a few of my problems. But for now- I will stick with this, and to leave you all one more note to comment on about how screwed up I am, and what a drain on society my family is, I, THE KID think my parents do not set enough boundarys, are not strict/tough enough on me, and I hate how I have lost all respect, I curse in front of my parents half the time, do not get yelled at. They don't try to teach me it is wrong. They figure just bcuz I am student council, High Honors, and National Junior Honor Society, I won't get into any trouble, but I have been cutting for a year, and throwing up for 6 months, no one has even gotten wind. I do not even remember the last time either of them sat down to talk about my life, and actually tried to get me to talk about it. I have never had the drug talk, never had the alcohol chat, and never had the sex lecture. Never--- But for some reason- after all the award winning parenting I get, mommy dearrest still has to say how terrible my friends are.  Please remember before you call social services, I am an angry teen, you are getting one side of the story, and I am not in any immediate danger. Please, help me, somebody, anybody... Thank you for listening...  

-me  

(ps. it really sux, ive been throwing up for 6 month, and Im still at least 10 pounds overweight)  

I do not know what else to odo, I am so sick of lies and false promises. I do not even know where to begin...I guess first of all, I am a 13 year old only child with both of my parents still together, they can barely stand eachotehr, I do not know why they bother. My dad has an anger problem, and my mom has an alcohol problem. My parents never really taught me HOW to clean, (that sounds like a lame excuse, but I don't know where anything goes in our house) My Parents constantly complain about me not doing work around here, Dad is never home, he works alot, and mom is just lazy and hippocritical. They yell for me to keep my room clean, but if a cat throws up in her room, she waits for "someone else" to clean it, and out of pride from dad, and my squimishness, it stays there for 2 weeks sometimes. They are always fighting about money, "mom spends money on beer, Dad spends money on unnecessary items" etc... I have ask mother numerous times to get us a counselor, get me appointments with doctors such as a dermatologist, dentist, orthodontist, etc... She was also supposed to sign me up for 3 sports, which I am too late for, and I've even asked to go back to church, and we will, she promises. Well, it is about 12:30 and mom came home, we got in a fight, and she told me "you both can go to hell" i confronted her and shes like "I never said that" but I heard her, and I wouldn't put it past her. I have ran away a few times, I have cut, I throw up, and after all that, I still manage to be one of the most recognized students by the faculty at my middle school. I do not know where else to turn, these are only a few of my problems. But for now- I will stick with this, and to leave you all one more note to comment on about how screwed up I am, and what a drain on society my family is, I, THE KID think my parents do not set enough boundarys, are not strict/tough enough on me, and I hate how I have lost all respect, I curse in front of my parents half the time, do not get yelled at. They don't try to teach me it is wrong. They figure just bcuz I am student council, High Honors, and National Junior Honor Society, I won't get into any trouble, but I have been cutting for a year, and throwing up for 6 months, no one has even gotten wind. I do not even remember the last time either of them sat down to talk about my life, and actually tried to get me to talk about it. I have never had the drug talk, never had the alcohol chat, and never had the sex lecture. Never--- But for some reason- after all the award winning parenting I get, mommy dearrest still has to say how terrible my friends are.  Please remember before you call social services, I am an angry teen, you are getting one side of the story, and I am not in any immediate danger. Please, help me, somebody, anybody... Thank you for listening...  

-me  

(ps. it really sux, ive been throwing up for 6 month, and Im still at least 10 pounds overweight)  

hmmm... I think I was just really upset the other night, I really don't think I have enough wrong to have this attention. I feel really guilty on this message board, i feel like like I'm hiding this from my mother, I mean, BOTH of my parents love me, I know, I wanted a cell phone, i got one, i wanted a guitar, i got it, i wanted a party, i got it. I think I just needed to blow of steam. The only thing wrong are the minor imperfections, and though it isn't good that mom drinks, Its a disease, and I do not blame her, yes, I get mad, but I know she doesnt do it to get me mad. I mean, right now, America's worst naturla disaster is happening, and Im complaining about this small stuff, it's not right, and I feel wrong being here, I do not want any one to tell me it isn;t wrong, i Kno it isnt wrong of me to be here, it  just doesnt feel right, so this will be my last reply, sorry it took so long to reply, I just saw this this morning and had to go to school.   

Counciling: I do not want it for me, I want Family Counciling, and I want my parents to attend marriage counseling, I think things would be better if they at  least attended. I thank you very much Donner for wanting to be there for me, and I appreciate you not trying to fill in time from your own daughters with me. (if that sounded bratty- it really wasn't meant to be :) ) You do not need to be worried for me, as I am more responsible than my mother at times, I can make good decisions, as I am not out getting high, having sex, or drinking. I am on the high honor roll, student council, and just about anything else you can think of. I have taken the SATs in the 7th grade, so as you can see, I am intelligent, and they don't need to be there to stay on top of me and make sure my work is getting done. Once again though, I feel I am betraying my parents by posting, so this will be my last post, I may change my mind down the road, and if I do, I will find you.. I will come back to read anything that may have been posted after this, but I will not post.. Thank you again..  

-tomcsik51  

Okay, I'll start by saying that I am 24 and I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years now.  I live at home with my parents and have been attending a local college since graaduating high school.   

My parents are super controlling and over protective and I don't know what to do about it!  They are so controlling that they never taught me how to drive, my boyfriend did when I was 21 years old, and I just got my first car in March of 2005.  My parents have a very strict curfew of midnight, not a minute late.   

My boyfriend lives an hour away from me and for 4 years he has done all of the driving in our relationship.  He got a new car in Oct of 2001 that already have 98,000 miles on it, just from driving to see me on weekends only.  My parents will not let me drive my car anywhere except to college (a 15 minute drive) and to the mall, and I must have the cell phone on me at all times because they are so scared something is going to happen to me.   

Recently my boyfriends car has broke down, so this weekend I was suppose to drive an hour to where he lives so that we can see each other.  However, my parents won't let me drive there because I'm "Not experienced enough and might get killed," therefore we can't see each other which jepordizes our relationship.  I am tired of it and don't know how to change things! 

When I ask about why I have a curfew of midnight I am told "its more for the respect of others in the house" when really I know that's not the case!  They are so scared and paranoid I am going to do something they don't approve of.   

Any comments would be appreciated!   

I would like to start out by saying I'm 29 years old and I'm looking for some advice on how to handle my family.  My parents have told me that they never wanted me and that I'm a total disgrace to them.  They kicked me out when I was 13, so I lived on the streets of a big city.  I turned to drugs to help me with my fears and now I'm clean.  They have wiped all my feelings, and emotions away from me.  I go through this life everyday wondering what I did.  My mom has ruined my life by telling my friends that I'm a slut, opening credit cards in my name, calling social services on me because my daughter fell off the slide.  My problem is that I am so afraid to touch anyone.  I can't hug, hold hands, or look people in the eye, but I have the biggest heart.  I make sure everyone around me is okay and doing well, but I'm dying inside and I don't want them to see it.  I had to take psych classes just to try to figure me out.  I want to ability to hug someone or receive a hug from someone without crying or having an anxiety attack.  I want someone to explain to me how to love someone and feel love.  I can't handle the pain of keeping this inside anymore.  I still talk to my parents, but they just abuse me.  My dad does whatever he feels like to me, and my mom is always calling me a Bitch.  I recently started to cut myself to release pain, that's when I realized I had to talk to someone.  I figured this is the best way.  I'm afraid of most people, won't give anyone the chance to get close to me or touch me because I'm afraid of touch altogether.  Please, some advice on this matter.  I don't want to live my life like this anymore.    

I would like to start out by saying I'm 29 years old and I'm looking for some advice on how to handle my family.  My parents have told me that they never wanted me and that I'm a total disgrace to them.  They kicked me out when I was 13, so I lived on the streets of a big city.  I turned to drugs to help me with my fears and now I'm clean.  They have wiped all my feelings, and emotions away from me.  I go through this life everyday wondering what I did.  My mom has ruined my life by telling my friends that I'm a slut, opening credit cards in my name, calling social services on me because my daughter fell off the slide.  My problem is that I am so afraid to touch anyone.  I can't hug, hold hands, or look people in the eye, but I have the biggest heart.  I make sure everyone around me is okay and doing well, but I'm dying inside and I don't want them to see it.  I had to take psych classes just to try to figure me out.  I want to ability to hug someone or receive a hug from someone without crying or having an anxiety attack.  I want someone to explain to me how to love someone and feel love.  I can't handle the pain of keeping this inside anymore.  I still talk to my parents, but they just abuse me.  My dad does whatever he feels like to me, and my mom is always calling me a Bitch.  I recently started to cut myself to release pain, that's when I realized I had to talk to someone.  I figured this is the best way.  I'm afraid of most people, won't give anyone the chance to get close to me or touch me because I'm afraid of touch altogether.  Please, some advice on this matter.  I don't want to live my life like this anymore.