Quote From: lisa_p_70 Our 16 year old daughter started seeing this boy "Dave " last year in school. After meeting him and giving hima chance , he has shown disrespect to me and my husband. Dave yelled at my husband , argued with us about "Missy" being grounded. Told us we are not fair to her . We also found out that they were planning on running away last year.
We were letting "Missy" see "Dave" , we let them go out to the movies , or just hang-out.Now we have restricted their time to school only.
How do we get it through to her that this isn't a real relationship? She is hurting herself and when she is seeing him she becomes grouchy and moody . No one understand why she is doing this.
Your decision to limit their time together is the right one, don't let her or anyone else talk you out of that decision. From what you explain in your post, it sounds like you did all the right things, by allowing them to go to the movies or just hang out at your home, etc. Those activities are privledges that respectful, responsible teens should get. But when mom or dad makes the rules- such as your daughter being grounded- there is NO place for the boyfriend to be yelling at your husband! What you say is what you mean.
It sounds like this boy is bad news!! I know that you must be thinking, 'why is my daughter choosing a boy like this?' etc... I know that I would feel the same way. Is this her first 'real' boyfriend? There are a few reasons why she might stay in this relationship even though it has caused problems in her family and makes her grouchy. One reason might be that she has low self esteem, if she doesn't think she can 'do better' then this guy, then she is thinking that this is as good as it will ever get for her and she should be glad she even has a boyfriend. Unfortunatley, this is the way too many young girls in our society think! Their rational is that a bad boyfriend is better then no boyfriend, but nothing could be further from the truth. Another reason she might be staying in the relationship is because he might be threatening her, he might be saying things like, 'if you break up with me, I would kill myself' or other people. That is a manipulation that abusive people use to keep people around, make them too afraid to leave.
I encourage you to stay strong with your rules. Even though kids don't like the rules now, they will be glad they had them later on in life. I know I did. I know it hurts to see your daughter choosing this crappy relationship; you want to see her happy. But she doesn' t think that she deserves to be happy. I urge you to seek a family councelor or a councelor that specializes in teens. If you do, you will never regret it, because this will help guide your daughter to make better choices not just for now, but for the rest of her life. Us moms can give good advice until we are blue in the face, but when our kids hear the same stuff from a councelor/professional, often times they will listen to them. Its really important that you not waste another day, that you do this soon. It sounds like she doesn't think she is worthy of a better relationship. I wish you the best!
