Topic : Toxic Family Relationships

I don't believe that you are wrong.  Your main concern should be your daughter.  Protect her from those that will make her life living hell!  You were raised by these people, you know what they can do to someone.  Walk away.  Even though these people are you parents that doesn't make them important when they are bent on destroying you.   

Do you have a safe group of friends?  Ones that will stand by you through the tough times?  These people are your family.  Blood is not the most important element. 

Your life with an abusive father should be telling you not to expose your daughter to these people.  Does your husband support you, stand up for you?  I pray so.  Be satisfied with what you have and move on.  Be happy and remember you are not them. 

  I am 50 yrs old now and I am still trying to undo-do the damage from growing up in a extremely abusive and dysfunctional family. My friends were my lifesavers! If it were not for the love of my friends, I would have killed myself. I spent most of high school trying to stay away from home as much as possible, doing drugs and drinking to try to drown the pain - I finally realized I was hurting myself in the end, not them and I refused to give them the satisfaction. I survived! I ran away for weekends, or a week, or a month once and they never asked me to come home. I was kicked out of the house 2 wks after I turned 18 with no money, no car and no place to go, I was lucky, my friends gave me a place to stay. I thought once I was out of the house I would be happier but I wasn't,  just because I wasn't living with them anymore didn't mean they weren't still in my head telling me how stupid, unlovable, and terrible I was. I joined the Air Force Reserves and it was the smartest thing I ever did. For the first time in my life I started to feel good about myself.  Then I had to come home again and things were worse then ever as far as my family was concerned. I found friends that treated me more like family then my family did. I was in my 2nd wk of basic when my parents split up, my mother wrote me a letter and said it was all my fault, that I ruined her marriage. It took a good counselor to point out to me that I didn't have that much power over anyone to do that. They were unhappy long before I came along. I'm the middle of 7 kids, 6 girls and one boy. I know how hard it is to be where you are right now but you will survive. I, too, have suffered more than I can say and I am still the scapegoat in my family in spite of being in the Air Force, working for the police dept as a 911 dispatcher, and  I have done a lot of good things with my life, I have done volunteer work when I could, but I still get treated badly by my family. I was lucky to find a good support group called Co-dependence Anonymous in 1990 which has greatly helped me and saved my life in many ways.  You didn't mention it but maybe if you haven't tried it yet, you could look into Ala-teen. I know it may sound corny or stupid but I've found often that when in crisis, I've prayed about it and then asked God to help me know the next right thing to do. It seems like the next day I found other possible solutions to my problem that I didn't see before.  Is there a relative that maybe you could stay with instead of going to Italy? I know it's difficult but hang in there! Good luck ! 

You're in my thoughts and prayers 

Maryann K 

About 10 years ago, my parents divorced becasue my dad was cheating.  A few months later, my mom began dating other guys and one of her boyfriends came to live with us. He had lived with us (almost 10 years) until a few weeks ago when he found out that my mom had been cheating on him with a newly divorced man AND a married man!  This had been going on for months.  My mom would tell us she was going to hang out with her friends or go out of town with them when all along it was with other guys.  Never in my life would I have imagined my mom to be this type of person.  She denies it up and down and refuses to talk with us about it.  We are not stupid and we know what is going on.  She is also an alcoholic and seemingly manic-depressive, which has made everything about a million times worse.  She still has my step dad over and they sleep together, yet she still sees--and stays the night with--the other guys (while denying it).  I have tried talking to her about it, but she does not value the opinion or advice of anyone...Like she's the absolute only person in the world who is not an idiot or something.  She is screwing up her life and I'm about to the point where I just want to say "FINE--DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT!"  In a way, I feel bad for her because she is freaking out all the time...But I also have no sympathy whatsoever for cheaters.  There is NEVER a reason to cheat.  But she doesn't seem to care about who she hurts so long as she is having a good time.  I don't know what to do...I am totally frustrated!!!  Our family desperately needs HELP!!!!!