I'm hoping somone on this board can help me - and fast!
My fiance and I have been together for over 2 1/2 years. When we first met I was finishing college and he was living with his parents over 7 hours away (he was 24) at the time. I had gone "away" to school and he had gone to community college and lived with his parents all of his life (although we lived in sepaerate states and did not meet until we were 22(me) and 24 (him).
Shortly after meeting and falling in love (4 months), we both found and took jobs on the opposite side of the country (together). This was a hard move for both of us as we were very close to our parents, but this was a good professional move for both of us. We spent two years across the counrty from our parents and they were great years for our relationship. We did live seperately for the first 6 months as we hadn't been togeether all that long and I was a little leery of becoming his "mother role" after him living at home all of his life. Anyway, we did move in togheter and he's great with chores and taking care of himself, etc. While away, he did have some issues being that far from home and missing his parents, etc. He would be pretty depressed for a few days after they would go home after a visit, etc. We both did somewhat, but it was easier for me as I had lived at college for 4 years (although, only an hour from my hometown.) - although, I;m also extremely close to my folks and talk to them daily. All in all though, it was a good two years in the new place and in those two years we fell deeper in love and got engaged.
Onwards, we decided to move back to the other side of the country to be nearer to family again. We both found jobs in a city almost exactly halfway between our 2 hometowns - 3 hours from each set of parents. This was 6 months ago.
Since moving back, living closer to home again, and planning our wedding - our arguments have increased immensely! 95% of our arguments are over in-laws - who to visit when, have we seen so and so enough, do we ever get to spend a weekend just us in our city, etc. I can't tell you how often we fight about this. There have been some small tensions between my fiance and my father also but they are somewhat minor and basically consist of my dad not being ready to share me with anothe rman and dad having a pretty dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I think this issue is getting ironed out though - I think my dad is realizing he needs to make more of an effort with my fiance.
I feel like a lot of times, my fiance would be happier if he could just move back into his bedroom. He has made it clear in the past that if I had not come into the picture, he would move up north near his parents in a heartbeat. I'm sure, besides me(i hope), my fiance would consider his parents his best friends. And normally, I woudln't see that as an issue for someone. But we constantly fight over how often to see them. He thinks every like 2 weeks we should be seeing them. Well, i guess that's fine but I also still want some "us" time (something I miss desperately about our days when we lived far away and only had each other). Another issue that comes out of this, is that we end up seeing his family more than mine (because if i don't pencil in weekends with my parents) he will book us up with plans with his folks. So my parents end up getting hurt feelings. **note - we usually spend whole weekends because it's a 3 hour drive one way to each parents house**
I just feel so trapped like the rest of our life is planned out so that we can spend equal time with everyone. His solution is we spend more weekends apart, me with my family and he with his - not every weekend, but I think he would be ok with every other weekend or one weekend a month apart. And I just don't understand that. To me, when you get married, you want to spend time together. I think his family does put some subconscious pressure on him. But for the most part, it's not guilt - it's him truly wanting to spend a lot of time with them.
What do I do? Are my concerns legitimate? His need to be near his parents all the time is not going to lessen - will I eventually jsut accept this? I adore my fiance - I probably haven't said that in this as I'm really angry right now (we just had another argument about this today). But I do adore him and cannot imagine my life without him - I feel like I couldn't live without him. He's my best friend in the world. Please, help. We are getting married in 2 months - is this cold feet?
