Quote From: lac1962I am a 45 year old Caucasion American woman whom married an Asian man from Hong Kong. Even though my husband came here to the USA when he was 16 years of age, he still hasn't got with the program yet! I have been with him 20 years now and 17 of them married. He was totally different before we eloped, but as soon as those papers were signed, "HE WAS ALL, ME, ME AND ME"..... I always come #8. What I mean by that is, first comes himself, then his job (works in restaurant for family), then come his parents, then come his brother and sisters, then come his nieces and nephews, then comes anyone of Asian descent, then comes his own children (if they were full-blooded Asian they may have come 2nd), then comes me.
He has never physically hit me, but the silence and the verbal and emotional abuse has taken it's toll. I have done everything in my power to try and save our marriage (even went to a marriage councelor for a year "bye myself", he wouldn't even do a single phone-conversation with councelor). I have 3 boys and 1 girl and now my daughter is feeling the effects from it, this is why I must seriously get out!!!
I need your help Doctor Phil. There is absolutely no talking to this man, when I say "we need to sit-down and talk" he just about laughs in my face, there is now way he is going to take advice from a woman never mind listen to one, especially an American Woman.
Our daughter is absolutely georgous (modeling material) and I, myself, need one of Doctor Phils "Extreme Makeovers". I have no slef-esteem left, whatsoever. I hate myself for allowing things to deteriate this far, and especially hate myself due to the fact that my daughter asks me on a daily basis, "mom, please lets just get out of here and leave these men to fend for themselves".
My heart breaks for her, but I try to explain to her that with no money we are unable to go anywhere. A few months ago, he took the check-book and all the credit-cards away from me, another one of his control tactics.
I was working 5 days a week, down to 3 days a week, down to 1 day a week, so I just left (It's because almost all the work has been completed here since "Hurricane Charlie" hit and it seems as though there is a depression here, in Charlotte County, Florida. Foreclosures went up 90% and taxes tripled since then and there are over 7,500 houses for sale here, not including the foreclosures which alone is 9,500 homes), and since I am not working, my husband hasn't spoken to me and has made his room on the sofa since. I think that the sofa part is the best thing that has happened in our relationship (will not tell him that) but, the "SILENCE" is another one of his control issues and it has broken the last straw on the camels back, so to speak.
I have taught myself how to tile and have made counter-tops for our kitchen, tiled Master-Bath and am 1/2 way done with guest bathroom/kids bathroom. I tell my husband that I have checked newspapers, online, etc. for a job, there is nothing out there, and that I am saving him a bunch of money doing all the tiling (due to Hurricane Charlie), and his responce is "your tiling doesn't pay my ******* bills!" I just want to puke when he speaks.
The race issue I can deal and live with but, the cultural issue I cannot live with any longer, and feel completely trapped.
I have written to the Tyra Banks Show trying to get my daughter into modeling, "this is my daughters goal and her dream", and I just know that she would be so good at it, but I would be embarassed for my daughter because of how I have let myself worth, and feel that I couldn't represent her in an up-lifting manner because of my appearance.
Please, Oh please Dr. Phil, help us. THANK YOU!!!!
Truly,
L & E Chan
I know its scary. But you need to leave. Honestly. Verbal and Mental is just as bad or worse than physical, if you ask me . Bruises heal. The memories of it are always there. You dont deserve that kind of treatment. You need to find someone you trust and tell them what is going on. Make a plan and go far far away without telling him where you are. Get a restraining order if you have to. Tell them you fear for your life if you have to. Do what you need to to get him away from you and your kids. I know what its like to live like that as a child. My mom was married to a guy from the time I was 2 until i was 4 that beat the hell out of her all the time, verbal, mental abuse as well. And I saw it all. And it stays with me even to this day. I'm 35 yrs old and I remember it like it happened yesterday. We had NO MONEY when we left. But my mom had a good friend that gave us the money to leave. We bought 3 bus tickets and me, my mom and little brother left and went to my grandmas house.It took her a long time to get away, but she did. And she is so much better for it. Its been 33 yrs since she left and she never looked back. You can do it. Just dont let him find out what you're doing. It could escelate the problem. I'll be praying for you! Keep me posted on how you are.
(Original Air Date: 09/20/07) Most everyone has thought about removing imperfections -- a nip here, a tuck there. But some people want plastic surgery to erase their ethnic identity! First up is James. He says he doesn’t want to change anything about himself because Asians are intellectually superior, and women should obey men. His wife, Roseanna, says he’s a controlling racist who demeans women, and she says she needs help before he corrupts their 11-year-old son. James says he’s ready to serve Roseanna her walking papers if she doesn’t become more obedient. Is James a controlling bigot or simply misunderstood? Then, Dr. Phil explores the pros and cons of eyelid surgery -- one of the most common cosmetic procedures for Asian women … and one of the most controversial! He talks to a woman who had a fold added to her upper eyelid, a plastic surgeon who performs these procedures and two guests who believe the surgery erases Asian heritage. Plus, Brad says he hates his nose, and he wants plastic surgery to look less Italian. His mother, Debbie, says she loves the way he looks -- big schnoz and all! Brad’s surgery is only a month away. Can Debbie convince him he's perfect just the way he is before he goes under the knife? Talk about the show here.
