Topic : Being a Good Friend

... my question is, has anyone ever been accused of being too much of a friend to their friend by their friend's own admission.  Complicated right,  but more confusing than I would like it to be.  I value a friendship, to where I give it my all.  Respect, helping, a  listening ear, try to participate in problem solving.  Is this too much?  I have a "friend" who says that he doesn't think friends should call each other everyday.  Perhaps he is correct.  But not for me.  I am not to annoy anyone with calling, but I do think staying in touch with a close friend is o.k. via telephone/email more than twice a week.  Am I too sensitive for a guy to think this.  This is not a gay type friendship at all.  However, I recently discovered that is what my friend was beginning to feel.  It is not true from this end.  I tried to listen to him talk about his failing marriage.  Sometimes he feels good about how I support him, for his happiness.  Then he flipflops and tells me he thinks that I was no good in talking with him about it.  I requested that we not speak of his wife and the marriage again.  I want them to be happy together, eventhough I see the poison he continually subjects himself too.  I was told that I was the only friend that listened to his sob stories.  Then the next day, I am blamed for not telling him what I really think about the marriage.  I did not entertain this thought because many times in the past, he has told me to shut up whenever I try and speak as I hear the wrongness. 

At this time, I am trying to get past the emotional feelings of a lost buddy.  I did better when I did not seek a close friendship after years of not having a buddy.  I dislike the uncomfortable inner self when I feel rejected by someone whom I care about.  My friend has not said the friendship is over, however I can not be apart of a team where there are rules of conduct.  I am a person who thrives off loving other people, whom I have found worthy of my friendship.  Not to sound arrogant, but stateing the truth.  It is better to be alone, than be confused about a "part-time" friendship where one's personality is stifiled, and rules are imposed by the other person.  I am not pathetic, you know why?  Because I have JESUS CHRIST and a dog with three cats to be my friends until...   Byll (Bill) 

I was online browsing some info on what it takes to be a good friend, when I stumbled upon this adorable website.

It's poems are sweet and short.

They take you back to t he good ole times of neighborhood friendships.

If you need that reminder on the basics of being a good friend, check this out!

http://www.tooter4kids.com/Friendship/What_is_a_friend.htm

Hello all!  This is my first time on this blog.  I have a friend whom I consider to be a good one, but its the things she tels me about that make me sick.  I have known her for just about 2 years now this summer.  She was dating a very nice guy, I thought they had the best relationship, until her and I got closer and she started to open up to me.  Turns out the whole time she was cheating on him with 3 different guys from work [all three of the guys are married]and one guy that she has known for a long time, and no one had a clue. They later ended up breaking up because he had suspicions[do you blame him?] Now she is dating the guy that she has known for a long time.   They have been together for 2 months now, and she is cheating on him with all the married men now.  Then she moved her boyfriends, befriends, girlfriend in, they have been living together for 1 month, now and her room mate went out one night and her boyfriend came to the house looking for her my friend said she was gone for the night, invited him in anyway then slept with her room mates boyfriend [HER boyfriends best friend] Then acted like nothing happened the next day, oh and did I forget to mention it was in her room mates bed? 

Now the thing I'm worried about is her going for my man when I'm not at home, as far as I know they have never done anything behind my back, but I'm not for shure.  There have been times when they were alown when my b/f had a broken leg and couldn't go anywhere, she was there to have a beer with him so I don't know what to think of all this?  I would never do this to a friend, and I would expect the same in return.  What do I do?  I just don't want to hear about the story's of her going off cheating because I'm losing the respect that I had for her. Am I being a bad friend for not wanting to let her vent to me anymore?  

Thanks for your time   Mandy : ]

No, you aren’t being a bad friend for not wanting to hear about her sexual escapades anymore- I don’t blame you! Your friend sounds like a young woman who has very little self-esteem, and she seeks sex as a form of approval.

Being a good friend does not mean that you just sit there and listen to her describe how she disrespects her body with married men. I think that being a good friend isn’t always easy, because there are times when, to be a good friend, you’ve got to speak up and give your friend a dose of reality- it is for her own good. My advice to you is this: first, if you think your boyfriend would have sex with this friend of yours, then you’ve got to take an honest look at the relationship that you have with him. If your ‘friend’ seduces your boyfriend, it isn’t her “fault,” she can’t force him to have sex with her- your boyfriend should have enough personal integrity to be able to say, ‘no, I’m committed to my girlfriend…’ I think that you should talk to your boyfriend and just let him know that because your friend has sex with many different people, it makes you a feel concerned that she might make advances towards him, and then, ask him what he would do if he were in a situation like that. Now, for your friend- this isn’t easy, but I have been in your shoes- I had a friend who was very much like your friend is. One night as we were getting ready to go out, I said to her, “Sometimes I worry about you…” and I went on to tell her why. My friend listened to what I had to say, and I think it was because I approached her in a compassionate way. I urge you to approach your friend in this manner. Let her know that you care about her and that you aren’t passing judgment, but, her actions seem out of control. If you don’t feel comfortable approaching her in this way, then the only other option is to change the subject when she starts talking about her sexual conquests. It won’t solve anything, but it is a temporary fix. Best wishes.

I'm a college student and I live in the dorms.  I live beside my roommate from last year.  We used to be friends but she was always really rude to me.  I ended our friendship last year because I couldn't stand how she treated me and my other friends.  A couple days go, I could hear her talking through the wall about one of my friends.  She was saying a lot of mean things.  She was talking about her plans to get all of his friends on her side and turn them against him.  I knew my friend and her argued a lot but my friend always talked to me about how he tried really hard to keep the friendship between the two of them going.  After hearing everything she said about him, I was shocked.  I felt like she was really taking advantage of how hard my friend tries to stay friends with her.  I felt like I had to tell him what she had said, so I did.  Now when I see my old roommate in the hall, she looks depressed.  She was depressed a lot last year.  I feel bad for what I've done.  Should I have told my friend what I had heard?

I have a problem. I HATE, HATE, HATE surprises and secrets. I don't trust them and they make me very stressed, anxious and worried. 2 of my friends are holding a "surprise". But it's stressing me out and yet they still refuse to tell me. I kinda have a small trust issue with them. Earlier last year, they had a surprise" which turned out to be something I saw as very horrible and I didn't like it one bit. It was lucky they finally told me. Even though they thought the idea would be funny, they finally told me what it was and I found it to be horrible and they deiced not to go through with it. Anyway, this new surprise is stressing me out and they're saying they won't reveal it for another couple of weeks. I've known for about 2 days and I'm already on the borderline of tears. I'm very upset at the both of them for keeping this secret despite my stress on the subject. Is it right of me to be upset at them? Or should I try my best to be okay with the surprise?