Topic : Being a Good Friend

Kathryn,

What you are talking about is an opinion.  Everyone has one and no two are alike.  If your friend's opinion is not causing you physical, mental or monetary harm then what's the problem.  She is entitled to her opinion just as you are and for the two of you to not be speaking over something as trivial as an opinion does not make for a very mature friendship.  You don't have to believe the same as each other to be friends but as a friend you need to respect that each of you have different ideas and opinions.  You seem to be more stuck on wanting to be right than being a friend.  I hope you work this out.

I have not talked to my (ex) best friend J in well over a year.  We were friends since we were 14 - we stopped talking at 28 (wow 14 years).  Basically, I was previously in a bad relationship for 6 years with a real jerk.  She always popped in and out of my life and would tell me to leave him, that I derserved better.  But then she started to make me feel stupid... I knew she was right but I had to make my own moves at my own pace.  During this whole time she was engaged to the "perfect" man, and had a perfect life.  I thought she was happy, she put on a whole show for me (now I realize it was meant to make me feel worse).  When I told her I broke up with my ex she told me her fiancee was a jerk the whole time!  I found out the truth about her engagement. 

 

Needless to say she left him and we moved in together with our mutual friend L as well.  J & L started taking drugs together (cocaine to be exact).  They both worked one job and spent every penny they had.  I worked two jobs and saved and never took any of the cocaine.  Then L stole J's bankcard and was taking money all the time.  I kicked L out and I was not nice about it either (we both aploigized later). 

 

Now we fast forward a bit lol  We all have kids now.  They are both single mothers and I am very happily married.  I was raised by my mother and have no judgements about single mothers... if anything I commend them very much.  Well J & L always acted strange around me.  Now I will really shorten the following.  They basically told me that I think I'm better than them and so on.  I never ever behaved that way.  I feel like I was judged just because I'm happy.  I lived the life they are going through... they were both raised in nice homes with both parents and I was raised in various apartments with a single parent.  I can't believe they would think I would ever look down on them.  I'm really hurt still.  I told them I don't want to talk to them anymore and like I said... it's been over a year now.  They tell people things about me.  It's so unfair. 

 

I really think that a good friend should be there for you during the GOOD and the BAD.  Both equally.  A good friend does not get jealous... and if they do they say to themselves (wait a minute - this is my friend and I will be proud of them).  I have felt jealous before and I caught myself.  I am still very angry and hurt.  I think I will read the "forgivness" section now and move on with my life lol.  No... really I will (c;

I posted my earlier message on the wrong board now that I think about it.  I do have a good friendship with my friend D.  We were practically raised together.  We talk about everything and I must say... she is one special lady.   She is the best listener and I have picked up on her talent.  I too have become a great listener.  We can trust eachother and we do not ever judge eachother.  We have never had a fight in 20 years I would say!  I love her so much and I think that plain old listening is what makes a good friendship.  Listening to the GOOD & the BAD.  And it's also important not to overload your friends with your talking too lol (c;

Can someone please tell me what are the unspoken rules of having friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship? My boyfriend tries not to but has felt jealous as I get on very well with my friend and I am insecure about some of his friends. I dont mind if they are unattractive but what happens when they are not and are a little flirtatous???????? Please give me your views?

Hi, These girls arent acting like friends. Friends make you feel good to be around not bad. You havnt done anything wrong jst choose your friends better next time. They have egg on their faces because of how things have turned out...thats their problem. Good on you for not doing drugs  and good on you for leaving a bad relationship. I think that's really bi***y that she put on how happy she was with her fiance while you were going through a rough time. Forgive them and get rid of bad feelings so they cant bother you anymore. Choose wisely next time. xx

I had the same problem when I was younger.  To be honest... I stopped having opposite sex friends (and I wonder how some of them are doing to this day).  That's a hard question.  I really think that it's better to just not do it.  It makes things a lot less complicated.  It's nicer to have friends that are couples... then if they break up later on that may leave you with a mutual friend (and someone who already knows the both of you) of the opposite sex.  I don't regret not keeping my guy friends.  I'm sure they are married now (most anyway) and life is just too busy to worry or add complications.  And thanks for your repley to my issue earlier (c; 

Hello there

I need some advice over a friendship that has caused me great pain recently.

At work, I used to hang out with a friend who used to discuss everything with me, all her thoughts and dreams and we had a good time. She got a bad review and everything began to change with her wanting me to agree with her that everyone hated her. She also became more distant although I kind of accepted this. Then one morning at work she told me not to come down and see her in the mornings, her boss was looking. She also booked up a gym class so that the previously very relaxed and spontaneous lunches we had, where we would talk about all this stuff were blocked.

On the same day, a co-worker questioned where I was, and I told them I was seeing this friend. I mentioned only part of the conversation we spoke about. I came clean with my friend that this had occurred, and her reaction was a kind of paranoid shutdown. No contact except by cell phone and no contact at all the next day. I actually refused the cell only rule - I just couldn't believe it and got frustrated...

 

I believe telling her of my indecretion was right, but she mentioned this to another friend (Friend B) (I know it gets complicated), and so that other friend B is reducing contact with me.

We then had a heart to heart and I was described as reckless, pushy in terms of maintaining contact - (which I regarded as saying this was almost harrassment) - and she mentioned my other friend B also had thought that I was pushy too. As I grown man, I fighting to hold back the tears on all fronts. I try and maintain contact with a lot of people, and I had mentioned to her that the gym class and the "dont see me in the mornings" ultimatum had "blocked" our friendship. I got the impression previously that she was jealous of the friendship that I had with Friend B, and mentioned my indescretion to affect that relationship negatively. By saying I was pushy, she is suggesting that I leave that person alone too. I feel weak and vulnerable. Its my turn to think no one likes me!

 

During our heart to heart she saw how very upset I was (couldn't speak) and in the end said nice things, and we have made a date for lunch in about four weeks. After being specific about the date during the heart to heart, she did suggest a closer date - but I have to admit, I think she might be doing that because I got upset, a kind of U Turn - it was still a couple of weeks away...

 

Thanks for any help / suggestions

This is a really unbalance relationship Dean, I am sorry but it really is. And the balance of power and control is not in your favor at all. Your "friend" is making all the choices, based on her needs, wants, desires. What she said about friend "B" may or may not be true, but in all honesty it really was not her place to be speaking for someone else, it is up to freind "B" to share her feelings with you not your other friend.

It sounds like both of these individuals are not compatiable friendship material.

You, may very well be right that she is jelous of any freindhsip outside the bounds of the freindship you have with her, if that is the case it is not you who is being possesive and controling, it is the opposite.

Honestly, you sound like a really nice person that places value on friendships, however, it is nto being recipocated, you are being hurt, and when that happens it is time to back away, and seek out freinds that are more in tune with you and want a balanced and healthy relationship.

There are many people that would cherish a friend that actually liked to be with them and be true freinds and not hurt feelings or place conditions and strings on the freindship.

I encourage you to become available to those people, that are more compatiable to you, and let  these two women go, back off hun. I'm thinking they are playing a game with you, and it can become ugly, especially if they do slap you with a harrasment charge, they are so not worth it!

Back off and stop any unecassary contact with them other than job related contact.

Like I said you sound like a likable person, and there are people out there who will appreciate your friendship, however, these two women are not them.

This sounds like a really dicey situation, and I am afraid that these two women really do not have your best interest at heart, again I really encourage you to back away and set up some clear boundaries.

Keep in touch, and wishing you some peace and serenity, and wishng that your real freinds will hurry up and let you know who they are hehe =).

Hugs

Tammy

 

hey

  my name is safouane i'm from maroc my probleme with girls is i dont know thetechnical to stay a long time with a girls