Topic : Being a Good Friend

Hi,

it is really hard not to hurt your friend if you really want to help her. Ask yourself what would be worse: lying to her and let her hurt herself or by him? Or tell the truth in a tactical manner by expressing what you feel and why! Argumentation is essential in these matters. You can't just go around and say: hey I think the man you are getting married to is a jerk! She would feel as if you attacked her. But sitting down with her and telling her that you have to get something of your chest is in my opinion the best thing to do. You can't change the truth of this problem and how you feel about it. But you can express the truth (that's the thing about the truth, wether you say it or not: it still is!).

Good luck with this. I understand it is not easy to do, but if she is a true friend and you only want to keep her from harm, just say so then. She will understand. But is she chooses not to do something with what you say, then it is her choice...

Hey.

I noticed your ad in the message board? Do you believe that a good friend will be found in this manner?

How do you see a true friend? Do you seek someone to spend your life with? Do you seek new contacts (just place a message an wait what happens?) Or do you need someone to talk to?

A friend is not the same as a mate to me... I learned what it means to have and be a friend. I dont have many, but the ones I have I can rely on and they on me.

My mail is with this message if you care to talk about.... well anything actually:P

A very good friend of mine had gotten herself into what I would classify as a "long distance abusive relationship". 

She has recently re-connected with a long lost flame and has started talking to him via the internet.  They are both from Iran, she moved to Canada when she was 15,  before that they had never even so much as held hands.  He apparently had many girlfriends that he did pretty much everything with,  but everyone, even he said that he never tried anything like that with her because she was different, special. They kept in contact for a while and then he broke it off. 

Just a few months ago she found him on line and has been smitten ever since, convinced that this guy is her destiny.  He claims to love her, but has absolutely no problem hurting her at will.  She basically has to beg him to talk to her or get his best friend to badger him into it.  It's bordering on pathetic.  She knows that he treats her badly, but she just takes whatever lame excuse he comes up with and continues to "love" him.  Those of us who care about her need help convincing her that she is better than this, better than him!

She knows that she should run but can't seem to get away.  No matter what this guy does she just rolls over and takes it.  There is nothing that she won't forgive!  She says that he has always been hot tempered and just need s to calm down.  And that if they were physically together she would know how to calm him down.

I'm just about at my wit's end watching her cry over this jerk, and I have told her that if I ever see this guy in person that I will hand him a beating he'll never forget for two reasons: 1.  You don't treat women that way.  2.  You don't treat my friends that way!

I, and even she is convinced that it's not her that he's in love with, it the memory of that 15 year old girl that he never got to be with.  Because once real life intrudes on his fantasy he get's angry and they don't talk for a week, and I'm left to pick up the pieces.

Please help!

Hello there, i always believe that friendship is something very important in our lives

we can't live alone, they have to help us in our problems or issues, they share with us the good and the bad, but it depends on how you choose your friends

actually, i didn't have a lot of friends in my life, a lot of them betrayed me and it was just about boys!!!!!

so after that, i prefered to have friends boys and not girls, but it's diferent because you can't tell anything to your friend, sometimes, it has to be a girl

once i had a friend, and she was so shy, and i was really happy with her, we used to go to the same school, we talked about everything and nothing, she understood me, and i felt that i don't need anyone else because no one can replace her but things always change, our ways separated and i always think that i wil never find someone like her

Be a good friend, so people will always have a good memory about you 

Please, I would like some advise on this.  What is the rule for treating someone to lunch?  A very good friend I have known for a long time, is married and I am not friends with his wife.  Sometimes he helps me with some personal things and to thank him I treat him to lunch.  But, the wife comes along and I end up paying for all the lunch.  I think that I should only be paying for his portion and he should tell her that he will take care of hers.  The last time we had lunch it was a thank you to him and I ended up paying for all of it.  We are getting together again soon in which she will come along again, he did something for me so I will treat him, but I don't think it's fair for me to have to pay for all of it again.  Anyone have thoughts on this as I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

This is how things work with him.  Whenever I come over to the area where they live, she always comes with us.  It has been decided by him, that she will come along, he says based on their culture - The fact that he is married and he is friends with someone who is single and younger than his wife.  He said that it has something to do with appearances, a married man going out with a single woman.  I don't see it that way at all.  I am not attracted to him sexually, so that would never happen.  I think it's a jealousy thing on her part and she probably doesn't want to be left out.  She and I are not friends and I wish to leave it that way.  So, there really wasn't any discussion between him and I about how I felt about her always coming along.  I do understand about significant others, but to always come along when you are not friends with them seems a little odd,  almost like it's forced socializing.  When I come over to his side and it's not a thank you lunch, they pay for my lunch, but it turns out that we get together for more thank you lunches, so I end up paying more times, for both of them.  I certainly do not want to come across as selfish or inconsiderate, I am in no way any of those.  I just want to find out what is fair.  I work near him so sometimes just he and I get together for lunch.  But, when he comes over to where I live, she is invited, but never comes out with him.  I have always wondered about that.  So, him saying that his wife has to always come along in my opinion is bull because she never comes over to my area.  There is something not right about that statement.  The issue here is the other person.  Since the thank you is to him why should I always have to pay for her lunch?

Marriage is a belief system and certain cultures do not approve of outside relationships with other people that are considered intimate, such a lunch dates, coffee chats, drinks to discuss work, sport activities, etc. It has nothing to do with being sexually attracted to him or not but just their beliefs. I would try to learn a little about that culture first, then you can understand better what your friend might be experiencing.

You are not being selfish or inconsiderate at all to expect certain things, but you must not be too disappointed when what you want is not the reality of the situation. Look at what is, not what you want ti to be like.

I have two really good friends, they are husband and wife, and because I am single they love taking me out because it is a given, its just me and thats all they have to pay for. But when you get a third person in on the equasion, whether by invite or default, it makes it complicated and unclear.

I think you might need to find another dining companion. LOL