Topic : Being a Good Friend

Recently my wife left me and took our kids and money. A friend of mine has helped me beyond what anyone would expect.  He helped me find a better job, he has filled my gas tank twice, he bought me $50 on a prepaid cell phone, bought me lunch, bought me household needs, gave me $90 cash, and he still wants to help with pet food, food for me, and wants to give me a cell phone on his family plan because prepaid costs too much.  Let me say I am very grateful to this man.  Without his help I'm not sure I would make it.  My dilemma is this; every time he does something for me, or talks with me on the phone, he invites me to church with him.  At this point, with all he's done for me, I almost feel obligated to go.  But, I'm agnostic. Second,  I was raised a Lutheran and he is Catholic.  I don't share the same beliefs he does.  If I went to his church, I would feel like a hypocrite and be very uncomfortable.  Do you think I should put my own beliefs aside because of what he's done for me?  I've always believed that you stand behind what you believe in.  I don't believe what he does. Should I make a compromise?

I notice that you didn't talk about your wife!!! and this is the important part. can you tell why she left?

Tell me, will your friend be always there for you? if he died are he going to let you all what he got?

i think that you made a great mistake, you mustn't count on anybody and i don't think that you can't find a job, he can help ok, but not always and as you noticed you feel sometimes like you're obliged to do what he wanted to and all of this because he's helping you

I'm sorry to say that but if someone wants to help he mustn't demand anything in exchange

you believe what you believe and no one has the right to judge it

think again i know that you prefer to be indepedant

Let me try and reply to your comments in order.  No, I didn't talk about my wife because she has nothing to do with my question; should I go to this guys church because he's helped me, even though I don't share his beliefs.  Why she left?  She will not speak to me when I call, so I can not give an answer for sure.  But she does have a mental disorder, most likely bi-polar.  She is extremely selfish, wants everyone to give her what she wants, and I won't do that.  Will me friend always be there for me?  I think that's the definition of friendship.  You next comment I can't make sense out of. "if he died are he going to let you all what he got?"  Not to be mean, but that makes no sense, so I can't reply to it.

Next, you stated you think I made a mistake.  What do you think that mistake is?  You did not say.  I did not say I counted on anyone.  I simply stated this man has helped me.  I did not say I could not find a job, I said that he helped me find a better one.  Next, he hasn't demanded anything from me.  He has asked several times for me to attend his church, but has never demanded it.  I appreciate any advice, but nothing you said holds any merit.  Again, I don't want to sound mean, but your response seemed judgmental and irrelevant to my question.

It is really great that you have a friend you can turn to in your time of need. Do you feel that he is truly a real friend, even if he didn’t want you to go to his church? You will probably answer ‘yes,’ because he has shown you great kindness. I think that you should not compromise your beliefs to go to his church. If you feel awkward; then it is time to stand on your own two feet without his help. What might make you feel better about this friendship is if you can begin to give something back to him besides going to church with him. For example, take him out for lunch or breakfast, (breakfast is the cheapest meal for a person on a tight budget!) or pay him back some of the money he has given you. It isn’t because he asked you to, it is out of the kindness of your heart. If those things aren’t a possibility at this time, then just remember this, he has been kind and generous to you, all you can do is provide the same kindness to him when he might need it sometime in his life. But don’t feel obligated to go to his church because of his kindness- religion is a very personal choice.  It is possible that your friend wants to "save" you, but you don't need saving; you've got to show him that. Best wishes to You!

I'm sorry cause I noticed that you didn't understand well my reply

I wanted to know at first, what is the problem with your wife, because for me, it's important than asking about going to church with a friend!!!!

I tried to ask you some questions because if you answer, you'll find what you want

I wanted you to understand one thing, he's your friend, he can help you, that's great but you don't have to go to church just because you're thankful,

A friend has to help you without waiting something in exchange

And in my opinion, I'd prefer that you find a job, so you don't have to wait somebody to help you and than, you won't be obliged to go to church or even to ask yourself that question

Whatever, I gave an advice. Take it or leave it

i cant believe that people have trouble assimilating the specifics of all faiths. "God" is in every religion, the only difference between religions is the way they communicate with "the Almighty". whether it be by burning candles and incence, or bowing in a certain direction to pray. of course these types of ceremonies may make you feel uncomfortable , but what would make you not want to be thankful for your friend who has done so much for you that you wouldnt give thanks to that particular face of "God" at least once?

 

i am an atheist, personally, but if devotees of "God" practice the very words that "He" commanded in an orderly fashion then i can appreciate their integrity.

 

i'm just babbling.

HI EVERY BODY,  I HAVE BEEN CHEATED BY 2 FREINDS BEFORE THEY WERE ACTING ON ME THAT THEY ARE HONEST AND LOVE ME BUT THEY WERE LIERS .........I REALY NEED AGOOD AND HONEST FREIND  MY E-MAIL IS:  dream_alone88@hotmail.com

Hey coachjoeh,

I live in Hawaii, and when someone nice(like your friend) does anything nice for us, we will repay them back by doing something nice for them. It may not be the same thing that he did but we will do something.

And the situation about church, well its up to you, really. but its really not necessary. Maybe what hes trying to do is get you back into your faith. Could be reverse psychology?. Maybe you should go back to your Church and get back into your faith , hopefully things will change around. Then when you get back on your feet, repay your friend back slowly but surely. If you need to talk more email me at s_kimchoy@yahoo.com.

 

 

Hi, I'm brokeninside

Will it be okay if I email you sometime. I really could use people to talk to, too, My email is s_kimchoy@yahoo.com.

I live in Hawaii

Aloha

brokeninside

Hi, I'm brokeninside

I would like to be your friend. Is that okay? I live in Hawaii, and I like to make friends. I have lots of friends here but I could use more. My email is s_kimchoy@yahoo.com. Email me sometime and I'll surely answer. Can't wait to hear from you.

Aloha

brokeninside