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Topic : Being a Good Friend

Number of Replies: 515
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:18:38 am
Author : dataimport
What does it mean to be a good "friend"? Has  someone shown you the true meaning of friendship? Share your story here.

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September 27, 2005, 6:56 pm CDT

Thanks.

Quote From: jettav

First, I know that you are just a kid and that is why I keep saying there are people out there who do care but unfortunetly sometimes we just have to stay consistent in trying to help some one til some one actually listens and she is a kid as well and the schools have the responsibility to report abuse as well as any other adult that knows about it, and if her parents do not know about it then maybe it is time for some one to be brave and tell them so maybe they can get her the help that she needs.Second, I am not a know it all but I will tell you that I have been through hell on this earth, going through abuse myself and I know exactly where this person is coming from, chances are she will not step out for help becasue of the fear whether it be because of this idiot of a guy or the fear of the unknown, I have experienced the loniliness and stress that this child is probably feeeling and I know by experience that there are people who care and will do something to help, I have also worked with teen agers who have been abused and has lived with fear, some going through a heck of a lot worse then I could ever imagine. And it takes years of therapy and guidance to start feeling good about one self and getting the guts to face the world with out shame, I am 42 years old and though I do not have all the answers, I know how it feels to be degraded and abused but I was one of the lucky ones who eventually found some one to listen and who believed me and worked with me and I am now a survivor with a heart and desire to see others triumph over this evil thing called "abuse" but for some, it has to take others to be their voice. I honestly think you are doing the very best that you possibly can and I think you are a good friend to this person but as you said, you are just a kid your self and I am only here to encourage you to keep seeking that help for your friend for if you don't and if she doesn't then I gaurentee, it won't get any better. By the sounds of your message, it seems to me the first thing that needs to be done, is to inform her parents, afterall this is their kid..........Just want to point out as well that these are message boards and because we only see words and no emotion or don't even know the people on a personal basis, it is just too easy to offend or to get offended, believe me, I have been on both sides of this issue. I am sorry that I have offended you but once again, I have been there when it comes to abuse and I DO know what I am talking about. I have just been exposed to too much abuse in my life whether it involved me or others.
First  thing on my mind right now, is get her in school with me. That will help me talk to her more..be more coherent. That's my first step and I think its a good idea, it will get her away from him for a while. I didn't mean to be sarcastic about your experiences, I know it's a hard thing to go through and I'm sorry for your pain; I didn't mean it the way you think I did. But anyway, thanks for writing to me about all of this, I'll just try my best and see what I can do.
 
September 27, 2005, 7:00 pm CDT

Being a Good Friend

Quote From: jettav

If you truly want to help your friend then you have to be able to present that facts of what is really going on. Now, don't get all bent out of shape, I just finished responding to two of your messages and they are contradictory when it comes to her parents, like I said, they either know or they don't and if they do know, then they are guilty of allowing the abuse to go on and they need to be reported in the same way that this guy is and if you go to a responsible adult that you have confidence in, you may get help with this and if the parents do not know, they NEED and DESERVE to know but in all honesty, if their daughter and this guy is living with them and she is being as abused as you have presented her then "how can they not know"? As you said, you are a kid your self and if all this is true that you are saying about this girl, I am sorry for you that you have been pulled into this situation but don't be afraid to step up to the plate for your friend which you have already started doing just by coming to the message boards asking for help but the next step is to be honest and not get so offended by responses that you don't like for I personally am only worried about an abused victim as you have presented here and everything that I have stated in my posts is based on my experiences and those who I know on a personal basis, All I have to say at this point is to follow your heart in the situation and whatever you decide to do or not to do, just remember it is about your friend, not about you and it is her well being that may be at risk here, don't be afraid to go out on a limb to help her and if you can't help her be consistent in trying to find some one who can. And if you do find some one to help here, be honest and don't leave any details out and don't try to protect the guilty, present the facts as you know them don't be contradictiry in your info casue it could harm the process for your friend.
I corrected myself, I'm not contradicting anything, and it's stupid to explain myself to you. Like I just replied earlier, I'm getting her in school and that's all I can do right now; I'll just see how it goes from there.
 
October 1, 2005, 1:19 am CDT

the true meaning of friendship

For me the true meaning of friendship is being there for one another in thick and thin in happy and sad being there ALL the time when they need you or want you there for them someone who listens and gives positave feed back someone who when you dont agree on something can argue constructivly without harsh words until you both agree on something in the middle someone that you can rely on and they can rely on you someone thats NOT judgemental and cares and when they upset you they still tell you they love you and their door is always open for you someone that will share everything "not men" throughout life without a blink of an eye someone you can go to and cry on their shoulders even if you dont know why your crying and it dont matter to them someone you call and talk to every day if you wish someone that you see often  "the reason I know this is because I HAVE one of those kinds of friends we have been friends like this for MANY years" and many more to come  take care Lori  

 
October 2, 2005, 1:25 pm CDT

MY FRIEND AND ME!!

I HAVE A FRIEND AND WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR LITTLE OVER A YEAR NOW. MY FRIEND IS A MALE. HIM AND I HAVE TRIED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT, MY MOTHER DISAGREES OF HIM BECAUSE HE IS NOT AMERICAN . HE IS FROM COSTA RICA, AND MY MOTHER DOES NOIT BELIEVE IN INTER RACIAL. WHICH I NEVER BELIEVED IN IT EITHER BUT I CAN'T HELP I HAVE FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM. WE LIKE EACH OTHER A LOT AND I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HIM SO MANY TIMES AND HE HAS DONE THE SAME FOR ME. MY MOM SAYS IF WE EVER DATE GET MARRIED OR HAVE KIDS SHE DOESN'T WANT HIM AROUND HER. WHICH MAKES ME FEEL REALLY BAD THAT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. HE NOW KNOWS HOW MY MOTHER AND STEP DAD FEELS ABOUT HIM, AND I BELEIEVE THAT IS WHY WE ARE ONLY FRIENDS AND NOTHING MORE. SO NO PROBLEMS WILL HAPPEN AND I FEEL THIS IS NOT FAIR. I AM 20 YRS OLD AND I SHOULDNT FEEL THIS WAY I HAVE EVEN LIED TO THEM TELLING THEM HIM AND I ARE NOT FRIENDS NO MORE. JUST SO HIM AND I CAN KEEP OUR FRIENDSHIP CAN SOMEONE HELP ME OR GIVE ME ANY ADVICE PLEASE. THANK U ANNA 

 
October 3, 2005, 9:10 am CDT

true friendship

Quote From: lovedove

I HAVE A FRIEND AND WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR LITTLE OVER A YEAR NOW. MY FRIEND IS A MALE. HIM AND I HAVE TRIED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT, MY MOTHER DISAGREES OF HIM BECAUSE HE IS NOT AMERICAN . HE IS FROM COSTA RICA, AND MY MOTHER DOES NOIT BELIEVE IN INTER RACIAL. WHICH I NEVER BELIEVED IN IT EITHER BUT I CAN'T HELP I HAVE FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM. WE LIKE EACH OTHER A LOT AND I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HIM SO MANY TIMES AND HE HAS DONE THE SAME FOR ME. MY MOM SAYS IF WE EVER DATE GET MARRIED OR HAVE KIDS SHE DOESN'T WANT HIM AROUND HER. WHICH MAKES ME FEEL REALLY BAD THAT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. HE NOW KNOWS HOW MY MOTHER AND STEP DAD FEELS ABOUT HIM, AND I BELEIEVE THAT IS WHY WE ARE ONLY FRIENDS AND NOTHING MORE. SO NO PROBLEMS WILL HAPPEN AND I FEEL THIS IS NOT FAIR. I AM 20 YRS OLD AND I SHOULDNT FEEL THIS WAY I HAVE EVEN LIED TO THEM TELLING THEM HIM AND I ARE NOT FRIENDS NO MORE. JUST SO HIM AND I CAN KEEP OUR FRIENDSHIP CAN SOMEONE HELP ME OR GIVE ME ANY ADVICE PLEASE. THANK U ANNA 

hello, anna :) i think you have to be patient most of all, to give time to your mom and step dad so that she will eventually understand you and this guy are friends and you are serious about getting married, too. there are always people who disapprove our behavior and choices, we can´t please everyone :) and often our parents have to face things they don´t want to, cos we children have to find our own ways in life we can´t follow our parents.  

  

we are all human beings with heart and soul, and searching for happiness. you are still young. be patient :) time will show you if this guy and you are meant to be. i strongly believe that true friendship and love are first of all based on equality and so they survive through anything :) im sure that even the toughest parents will finally be accepting once they see your determination and that you stand up for yourself as a responsible grown up person and not simply disobeying them or rebelling.  

  

you have to make some choices there and think about the consequences. listen to your heart always. i hope things will turn out for you the best way as soon as possible :) 

 
October 6, 2005, 4:00 pm CDT

Will he lose all his good friends?

 May not be under the right heading here but will give it a go anyway. I am the mother of an only child. He is 8 and 1/2 years old. I think he seems like a pretty bright, though sometimes too active child.He sometimes has issues in class for inattentiveness, but have had him checked by pediatrician who doesn't feel he is ADD etc.  Our problems with him lately relate to his his friends.  He seems to always want to play what he wants. I know, you're thinking only child syndrome,but he really wasn't always like this. The other guys are into playing road hockey, backyard soccer etc but ours never last more than 5 minutes and he's strutting off with an attitiude. I don't know if he has little self confidence, doesn't want to play unless he's the winner or what. He has always been a polite child but when they call after him he doesn't answer. I'm sure they are starting to label him as a brat or sook and am afraid he won't be asked to play anymore. We try to explain this stuff to him but he makes excuses up why he doesn't want to play. He always comes up with stuff like "nobody calls for me" etc. How do i get through to him? He is on a real ball team in the summer and has only lost it once during a championship when he was called out.
 
October 7, 2005, 12:06 pm CDT

too close to home

My boyfriend's sister and I have been friends for about 4 years and we have worked together off and on. Currently we both work for her uncle.   Lately she has been very rude and just out right mean to me specifically.  We had been discussing the possibility of obtaining grants for the purpose of starting a business together. A few days ago she was complaning about money as usual and made the comment,"Well my dad said he was going to let me run my own little resturant....."  I heard nothing else, I didn't want to hear anything else.  I couldn't believe after years of discussing this she just drops me!  Since then I just can't quit thinking about everything I have done for her (Mostly I regret giving her a dollar of my payrate when she was moving out and wasn't going to be able to get a raise) and how she doesn't deserve any hand outs when she can't even appreciate them.  I've tried to igonre her, but it's hard she lives right next door and is always asking her brother(my boyfriend) for something! How am I suppose to keep myself from saying or doing something I'll regret? 

 
October 7, 2005, 5:14 pm CDT

A Friend is a Treasure

For someone like me who has been an outcast for years, a true friend is a wonderful thing to find. A friend is someone who can accept you when you're happy, depressed or when you're going through PMS and will sacrifice at least his/her sanity and dignity to support you, but there is so much more to it than that sometimes. The best way I think I can say what a friend truly is is by quoting a poem I wrote for my friend Engie,

"Friends will still fight together when allies are no more.
They conquer the years
And conquer the foes;
Friends truly are forever.
So what is a friend?
Everything."
 
October 12, 2005, 11:09 am CDT

Being a Good Friend

yes someone has shown me the true meaning to friendship.it was YESYOUCAN.she is very nice and i can talk to her about almost anything.shes so fun to talk to.i wish i could i could tell her i love her but im to embarrassed.so ill just say i like her.YOU ROCK DONT EVER CHANGE!to me true friendship means when someone will stick with you through thick and thin and fight with you to the end.wont leave you when times get rough and will do anything to keep you in their lives.
 
October 12, 2005, 1:18 pm CDT

Boyfriend's sister......

Quote From: loveland

My boyfriend's sister and I have been friends for about 4 years and we have worked together off and on. Currently we both work for her uncle.   Lately she has been very rude and just out right mean to me specifically.  We had been discussing the possibility of obtaining grants for the purpose of starting a business together. A few days ago she was complaning about money as usual and made the comment,"Well my dad said he was going to let me run my own little resturant....."  I heard nothing else, I didn't want to hear anything else.  I couldn't believe after years of discussing this she just drops me!  Since then I just can't quit thinking about everything I have done for her (Mostly I regret giving her a dollar of my payrate when she was moving out and wasn't going to be able to get a raise) and how she doesn't deserve any hand outs when she can't even appreciate them.  I've tried to igonre her, but it's hard she lives right next door and is always asking her brother(my boyfriend) for something! How am I suppose to keep myself from saying or doing something I'll regret? 

You can keep yourself from saying or doing something you will regret by continuing to keep in  mind that you are the "bigger person".... Do not allow this person to have your personal power... When you allow someone else's behavior or attitude towards you p*ss you off, that is giving them your personal power.  

You considered starting a business together, but you didn't, and its a good thing because now it is obvious that she doesn't communicate effectively with you. That is the foundation of a business relationship! You have regrets... but you were doing what you thought was best at the time, and now that you know better, you will do things differently. Someone said this to me a long time ago: "The best revenge is living well." Its the truth! You say that you have tried ignoring her, but it doesn't seem to work. It must be hard because she lives right next door, and she is your boyfriend's sister, after all... This will be tough.. but you can do it. You need time. With time, you will come to view what has happened in the past with a different perspective, and you might even come to feel sorry for her. How sad that she gave up your friendship for some reasons that you have no clue. How sad that she takes from others and doesn't know how to give back to the world. How sad she doesn't know how to appreciate what she has. When you see it like this, you are LUCKY to not have her as a friend any longer. I wish you the best, keep your chin up!! 

 
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