Topic : Being a Good Friend

 I have "volunteered" to drive a neighbor to meetings, several times a week.  My previous experience is to share repsonsiability getting to and from  meetings, but this neighbor cannot share in the transportation due to a handicap.The problem is the neighbor does not want to be taken directly home after the meetings, but expects us to be out several hours beyond the end of the meetings.  I have no problem driving someone who needs a ride, but I can't be spending as much time away from my other responsibilities as they seem to be able to. 

   

I am at fault for giving in most of the time to the neighbor,  as we make convenience stops, that the neighbor drags out as long as possible (I can't see taking the neighbor home and then driving back to the same area to do errands), plus the neighbor and I often make this our "break" for the day, again which the neighbor drags out as long as possible.   

  

The neighbor does respect any mention of an appointment I may have. 

  

However the neighbor  is making me feel "used"  as they disregard me when I mention I want to get home because I do not feel well or have something I have to do around the property.  It is almost like the neighbor does not believe I have anything more to do than drive them to the meetings, etc. (still drag out the errands stop or break as long as possible) . 

  

It really upset me the day the neighbor couldn't attend one of the meetings and told me, "...I better not hear that you have..." 

  

Even when I say I have to go home, the neighbor "slow-pokes" around trying to delay getting home.   

 Being honest and up-front is one of the hardest things to do, but ALWAYS the best policy.
Tell your neighbor everything you have mentioned here. That you volunteered to take him/her to meetings, not run errands. Although you may not mind doing that once in while, you feel you are being taken advantage of due to the length of time your neighbor is taking up with these errands. Tell him/her that you realize you should have mentioned this earlier, because lately you've been tempted to tell little lies about needing to get home when the question of stopping somewhere after the meetings has come up. The truth is, you hate to tell lies and don't feel you need to justify why you can't be at their beck and call for errand runs over and beyond what you volunteered for.

This puts responsibility for the frayed relations on your neighbor's shoulders where it belongs. Your neighbor may be lonely and dragging out these excursions for that reason, but that doesn't mean you have to be a hostage to your neighbor's needs.

I need some help with this... 

  

I have a lot of good friends, but one of my best friends feeds off my emotions so much...and any time I get upset she gets in a bad mood, too.  If something bad happens to me, it ruins her good day.  Do you think I should be the one to put on a happy face for her or should she try and keep her good moods despite my problems? 

If you do,I ask that you please contact me! Everytime I get an online friend,I'm always the one to have to contact them.I will not always be able to answer your emails right away (I'm usually here Mondays-Saturdays at noonish time) but I PROMISE I will respond. 

If you want to know more about me,just ask! :) I'll be more than happy to tell you what you want to know. 

Hey everyone!! Ok I have this friend who has never had a boyfriend before. She is 21 and she isn't doing anything with her life(no job/license/school). So I tell her to go online and meet some guys in the area who are her age. So she tried a couple times and no go. She then got depressed and just kinda gave up. Then she meets this guy online and they talk for like a month. She says that she is falling in love with him, that he's the sweetest guy ever. But the catch is that he lives about 120+ miles from her. They want to meet and make things work. He is also only 18 years old and has never had a girlfriend before either(also doesn't have a license). She told me that she is totally in love. I respect her but doubt that you could ever truly love someone you have never met, heard the voice of and have only been talking to for 1 month online. I know what it takes to make a relationship work and that love takes awhile to really establish itself. I am married and have been with him for over 5 years so I know what it takes(I still don't know everything about my husband). However, when she told me this I was respectful and encouraged her to do what she feels is best(I didn't offer my opinion cause she didn't ask). But that's not the end of it. She told me that he is HIV positive and was born that way. This makes it soo much more complicated. I'm not sure how to tell her that she needs to find someone in this area who is her age and more appropriate. She wants to be married some day and have kids and she thinks he is the one. He also told her that she is the one for him as well and that they will make something work out.  
I just think it's risky being married to someone who has HIV and they could not have kids. I just don't think it's wise to be willing to give up everything for someone she has never met before. I worry that she will somehow get this from him. She seems to be wasting her time. She acts like she likes the fact that she can say she is "involved" with someone but she doesn't seems to really want true commitment. Cause she always picks the guys who live over 100 miles away....when there are TONS of guys in the area. I've told her over and over and over and over again that the more she is out of a relationship the more she will be in one. I have been trying to encourage her(she is VERY negative)for over 4 years that she will meet someone someday. She gets soo depressed and down and she acts like she cannot be happy or have any kind of future if she is alone. I've been trying soo hard to make her understand that she can be totally happy without a guy and she needs to get a job and get her license and focus on her life...not trying to land a Boyfriend. I told her being in a relationship is not a walk in the park it's damn hard work. She just seems to not understand at all what I'm talking about. It's just wierd that she always picks guys who live very far away and not close by. I've told her over and over again to find someone who lives close by but she NEVER listens to me!!! I give her sooo much advice and support that I'm just dead tired and she has gotten no where!! I just hope that she will get realistic about her life. Also she is relying on me for work. I wanted to start my own cleaning business by myself to earn money(I mainly rely on my husband for income and he makes quite a bit) and she suggested that she join me to earn money in order to get a car(her parents have two vehicles). She says that she needs my help in order to get started. She won't take no for an answer and then she uses the guilt trip on me. Now I have changed my mind about it and don't want to do it. I am really wanting to start a family and be a stay at home mom and raise my kids. I think that children are the most important thing and I just want to spend my life raising them. I just don't know how to tell her. She is totally relying on me to get her life started and that's not right. I just feel way tooo responsible for her and her life when I am married and have my OWN life to deal with. I wish she could just take responsibility and step forward and start her life. I just don't know how to tell her. She's VERY sensitive and I think it would be devestating for her. I have no idea what to do!!!  

 

 

I feel awful.  Last night I went out and ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in awhile.  My friend, "Bob,"  had a boyfriend named "Sean" for 6 1/2 years.  At one point around five years ago I lived and worked with both "Bob" and "Sean."  They were both very good friends of mine.  Bob and Sean recently (in the last few months) broke up and still work together.  Their break up was surrounding a supposed rumor that Sean was dating another boy ("James") that works with both Sean and Bob.  To make matters worse, the owner of the business that all boys work for is and was in love with James; when he heard the rumor about James and Sean, he suspended James.  Since this rumor that both boys enphatically denied, I have seen both James and Sean together. They have both told me that they are a couple and are worried what people will think.  They have stopped by my house and have eaten dinner.   I have told Sean that he must tell Bob about his new boyfriend because Bob should hear it from Sean first.  Sean agreed, however, did not tell him.  Sean has been lying to Bob about his new relationship with James for a few months.   Only a few people know first hand about Sean's new relationship.  I consider myself a friend to both Bob and Sean, however, last night when I ran into Bob I told him about Sean's new relationship.  I feel awful for doing this as I don't feel it was my place to disclose the information.  If I were Bob, however, I would want someone to tell me.  Bob was thankful for my disclosure and told me that the only reason he was staying in town was because he thought he might patch things up with Sean and that Sean had lead him to believe this.  After I told Bob, I immediately called Sean to let him know I was the one that told Bob and to apologize.  Of course Sean said it would be okay, but I think he was just shocked and didn't know what to say.   I'm not sure how to repair my relationship with Sean.  I know he must be furious and both Sean and James will have to deal with issues at work when Bob tells his other co-workers.  Was it totally wrong for me to tell Bob about Sean?  And if so, is there anything I can do to make things better for all men involved and myself?

 This may be a bit long, and a little vague.

I have a friend who is experiencing some serious problems, alcohol and drug abuse.
She is facing DUI charges here.

My main concern is that of her daughter, 4yrs old.  Someone looking from the outside might say "call family services" for the sake of the child.  At least with being able to watch the child when she goes off on her outings, I know she is safe, and with the "hoopla" of our child services its like taking her from one bad situation, to another.

She has had a boyfriend who she accused of domestic violence, and believe me I dont see that as being true, infact she dropped charges of a FRO, she did have a TRO against him.  This was all done against the advice of her attorney.

Recently she informed me that she went back to the "boyfriends" (can you spell TOXIC) house for the weekend into tuesday of this week, on wednesday she informed me it was all great and that they made ammends.   Well Friday she told me that it happened she was raped(?)
She goes from normal to physcotic(sp) in a matter of minutes, maybe even secounds.

My question is this what would you do, if you had a friend in crisis, like this?

I know the choice I am thinking of doing will cost a friendship, but possibly save a child.

I am always in tears thinking of this, and losing sleep because of the worries I have for the child.

Any advice would be great.

 How are you, sure why not try and start a friendship via Dr. PHil site.

I am not on the puter too much, for I dont have the patience to wait (dial up)

BUt hey lets give it a try.

Have a nice day.

OKAY! E-mail me sometime at razuberrineko@hotmail.com 

I'd love to here from you! 

So,whatcha into? Like,what are your hobbies? 

Hi! 

Have you thought about that your friend might be making your problems into her problems unconsciossly? Maybe you should discuss this with your friend (if you feel prepared to face the conflict and deal with possible consequences?) and see where she is coming from. It's not doing neither of you any good to your friendship if you are that bothered about this. Something for you to think about now and see if you think my opinion is right for YOU or not. 

Wish you all the best/ Jenny