Message Boards

Topic : Being a Good Friend

Number of Replies: 515
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:18:38 am
Author : dataimport
What does it mean to be a good "friend"? Has  someone shown you the true meaning of friendship? Share your story here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

November 1, 2005, 3:38 pm CST

Verge of losing your very best friend

   I am a female in my 30's and my very best friend is a male in his 40's. We have been very close best friends for almost ten yrs now. I have been there for him through thick and thin no matter what the problem is I have always been there and vice versa. Within the last  year all we have done is argue about anything and everything. We can not talk without having an arguement. I am soooo scared that i'm on the verge of losing my very best friend and I don't know what I can do to keep that from happening. If anybody has any suggestions on what it is I could do to keep this from happening, I would be very much appreciated.
 
November 5, 2005, 4:12 pm CST

outside help

Quote From: moms2bones

 This may be a bit long, and a little vague.

I have a friend who is experiencing some serious problems, alcohol and drug abuse.
She is facing DUI charges here.

My main concern is that of her daughter, 4yrs old.  Someone looking from the outside might say "call family services" for the sake of the child.  At least with being able to watch the child when she goes off on her outings, I know she is safe, and with the "hoopla" of our child services its like taking her from one bad situation, to another.

She has had a boyfriend who she accused of domestic violence, and believe me I dont see that as being true, infact she dropped charges of a FRO, she did have a TRO against him.  This was all done against the advice of her attorney.

Recently she informed me that she went back to the "boyfriends" (can you spell TOXIC) house for the weekend into tuesday of this week, on wednesday she informed me it was all great and that they made ammends.   Well Friday she told me that it happened she was raped(?)
She goes from normal to physcotic(sp) in a matter of minutes, maybe even secounds.

My question is this what would you do, if you had a friend in crisis, like this?

I know the choice I am thinking of doing will cost a friendship, but possibly save a child.

I am always in tears thinking of this, and losing sleep because of the worries I have for the child.

Any advice would be great.

Hi there 

  

I don't think you should go to child services.  First of all, it doesn't seem to me that the child is in any danger.  Secondly, almost all children love their parents, be they wacky, manic-depressive, alchoholics, or whatever.  Children want to be with their parents.  Finally, the chance of child services placing the child on a permanent basis are slim to nil.  All you will have succeeded in doing is damage your friendship while sending the child on the horrible ride of multiple foster homes. 

  

If you truly are concerned about the welfare of the child and are a good friend, then make yourself into the child's unofficial aunt.  There's no reason you can't offer to babysit sometimes, take the child on outings, make sure she is well-fed and healthy.  The child wins an additional caregiver, and your friend may come to her senses with a bit of extra help that may give her some extra space to think. 

  

  

 
November 7, 2005, 4:37 pm CST

A good friend

I know a lot about being a good friend and friendships!  I love it when my friends can spend time with me, we hang out together, we go shopping, to the movies and scrapbook together, it is a lot of fun when we can get together and just have fun with each other, laugh and be silly together.  My friends even cheer me up when I am feeling sad, blue and depressed.  Friends do nice things for you because they like you, and a true friend like you for who you are, and always there for you, day or night. They listen to you even when you complain  I even wrote an article about friends one time.  I am very thankful to so many nice and good friends that are nice to me! I am blessed to have so many good friends in my life! Ü
 
November 9, 2005, 1:04 pm CST

I hope this is right

      My friend went to a party on Saterday with me.  She had invited a friend she had been chatting with for a while. She liked him, but never had met him.  I became mad at the party when I met him because she had never met him, but truely believes she likes him. My friend is 13, this guy it 18.  Without my knowledge, she went off with this boy.  She went and got into his car and drove around for the time of the party.   

     My brother works at Wegmans and this guy had too.  It turns out that he is a sexual preditor and has 56 charges against him ONLY from working at Wegmans.  He could have more from other ocations.  

     I tried talking with my friend in school.  She wouldn't even listen to me.  She didn't care what he had done.  I went down to the principle's office and I talked with my priciple and she told me that I did the right thing.  But now that I am thinking about it, I don't know.  She is so pissed at me that she won't even look at me.  I know that it is better for her to be safe and mad than raped or killed, but I am not sure.  

     It doesn't help that my mother had told me Saterday not to call or talk to anyone in school about it.  My mom didn't want me to loose a friend.    

   ~Anyone have any advise they can give me?~  

 
November 9, 2005, 7:08 pm CST

Hi I'm Shorty

Quote From: airose05

      My friend went to a party on Saterday with me.  She had invited a friend she had been chatting with for a while. She liked him, but never had met him.  I became mad at the party when I met him because she had never met him, but truely believes she likes him. My friend is 13, this guy it 18.  Without my knowledge, she went off with this boy.  She went and got into his car and drove around for the time of the party.   

     My brother works at Wegmans and this guy had too.  It turns out that he is a sexual preditor and has 56 charges against him ONLY from working at Wegmans.  He could have more from other ocations.  

     I tried talking with my friend in school.  She wouldn't even listen to me.  She didn't care what he had done.  I went down to the principle's office and I talked with my priciple and she told me that I did the right thing.  But now that I am thinking about it, I don't know.  She is so pissed at me that she won't even look at me.  I know that it is better for her to be safe and mad than raped or killed, but I am not sure.  

     It doesn't help that my mother had told me Saterday not to call or talk to anyone in school about it.  My mom didn't want me to loose a friend.    

   Anyone have any advise they can give me?  

Hi I just read ur post and it sadens me that ur friend dose not see how much you care about her. And in ur post you said that she is mad and will not talk or look at you. I am sorry but I agree I rather her be mad and not talk too you for a while then be raped or killed. I was raped and I can tell you ur friend is VERY VERY lucky nothing did happen. But please make sure make her look you in the eyes and tell you nothin ever happend. If she can not or seems too unease when she talks then you will know something did happen. She and you have ur whole lives ahead of yourselves and if she can't see that you care then she is no friend at all. I am glad you posted in here and I hope everything works out? feel free too check out my profile in here and hope too hear from you soon Bye for now Shorty/Tina 

 
November 12, 2005, 12:07 pm CST

Now 11/12/05

Quote From: shortylock

Hi I just read ur post and it sadens me that ur friend dose not see how much you care about her. And in ur post you said that she is mad and will not talk or look at you. I am sorry but I agree I rather her be mad and not talk too you for a while then be raped or killed. I was raped and I can tell you ur friend is VERY VERY lucky nothing did happen. But please make sure make her look you in the eyes and tell you nothin ever happend. If she can not or seems too unease when she talks then you will know something did happen. She and you have ur whole lives ahead of yourselves and if she can't see that you care then she is no friend at all. I am glad you posted in here and I hope everything works out? feel free too check out my profile in here and hope too hear from you soon Bye for now Shorty/Tina 

I also know how it feels.  My father mulested me when I was 7 and that could be another reason I am so worried about her.  Nothing happened with her, she didn't get hurt or anything.  I would think that she would say no to going out with him if something had happened.  But I can do no more to help her and the rest is up to her.  I will be there if she would like to talk, but I can't do any more than that...............!
 
November 12, 2005, 12:47 pm CST

You did a good thing

Quote From: airose05

      My friend went to a party on Saterday with me.  She had invited a friend she had been chatting with for a while. She liked him, but never had met him.  I became mad at the party when I met him because she had never met him, but truely believes she likes him. My friend is 13, this guy it 18.  Without my knowledge, she went off with this boy.  She went and got into his car and drove around for the time of the party.   

     My brother works at Wegmans and this guy had too.  It turns out that he is a sexual preditor and has 56 charges against him ONLY from working at Wegmans.  He could have more from other ocations.  

     I tried talking with my friend in school.  She wouldn't even listen to me.  She didn't care what he had done.  I went down to the principle's office and I talked with my priciple and she told me that I did the right thing.  But now that I am thinking about it, I don't know.  She is so pissed at me that she won't even look at me.  I know that it is better for her to be safe and mad than raped or killed, but I am not sure.  

     It doesn't help that my mother had told me Saterday not to call or talk to anyone in school about it.  My mom didn't want me to loose a friend.    

   Anyone have any advise they can give me?  

You did only what a friend would do. You talked to someone about your concern, and that is a giant step. Your friend may not understand what you have done for her right now, but know this, one day she may realize that you were being a true friend and only trying to help. If this guy has 56 charges against him why is he not in jail? I think you should also bring your concerns to the police, because if he has done this for that many times, what is to say he won't one day seriously hurt someone or even kill them. Sexual predators do eventually evolve to do more harm as time passes, thank goodness nothing has happened to your friend. I hope she doesn't plan to continue seeing this guy thinking that there is nothing wrong. I would also let the parents of your friend know what is going on so that they may intervene and try  to put some sence into her. She is only 13 years old and unable to comprehend adult decisions, she is still trying to find herself, unfortunately in the wrong places and with the wrong people. I would, for now just do as your mom requested and not talk to her right now, as she won't listen. Let things calm down for a while, maybe your friend will realize what a good friend you are and start to talk to you again. I know it is hard for you right now, but you are young and time will heal all wounds. But do talk to her parents!!! Tell them your concerns and tell them that you are only being a good friend. They will understand, as they too want only the best for their daughter. If the parents don't know, how are they to help. Try it. Good luck and know you are a good person even though it does not feel like it right now. Take care. Yvonne
 
November 13, 2005, 5:00 pm CST

any advice?

I would like some feedback from fellow members... 

  

I have been friends with a woman who I know is interested in me.  We have flirted gently for the past year and a half and recently it has gotten a little flirtier (is that a word?).   

  

The problem is that she has a boyfriend of 4 years (who I have never met) and is a little frustrated with that situation however she is still in the relationship.  She says he isn't the problem but that things are perfect with him but its his family.  So thats her quick background. 

  

I know she is interested in me and lately we have been talking on the phone until 2 in the morning, going for lunch each day and meeting for coffees at night.  Nothing of a physical nature has happened, not even close however the feelings are there for both of us.  I am not sure how to handle this because I am very interested and friends who know her say the same about her. 

  

I don't know what to do...on the surface I know I shouldn't get involved and respect that relationship however the instinctual feelings I have are telling me to pursue it and thus far I have been, mildly anyways.  Any advice would be appreciated. 

 
November 13, 2005, 9:06 pm CST

Here Is A Thought

Hi I'm Shorty. I just read your post. My question too you is. Do you feel strong enough too go for this? And do you feel your friendship is strong enough too go through this? Because once you tell eachother u want too persure theys feelings and act on them there is no turning back. So my advice too you is too think long and hard before you and her move foward. Maybe you should continue too have coffee and talk on the phone for a while then if you both still feel the same then talk and see how you both feel and go from there. Well hope it works out and its allways best too remain freinds then too do something too ruin it. Take care Shorty,....
 
November 16, 2005, 11:52 am CST

Being a Good Friend

Quote From: rupertt

   I am a female in my 30's and my very best friend is a male in his 40's. We have been very close best friends for almost ten yrs now. I have been there for him through thick and thin no matter what the problem is I have always been there and vice versa. Within the last  year all we have done is argue about anything and everything. We can not talk without having an arguement. I am soooo scared that i'm on the verge of losing my very best friend and I don't know what I can do to keep that from happening. If anybody has any suggestions on what it is I could do to keep this from happening, I would be very much appreciated.
MAYBE YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND ARE MORE THAN FRIENDS??? DID YOU CROSS THAT FRIENDSHIP LINE????
 
First | Prev | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Next | Last