Quote From: faith2718 OK, me & my fiance just got done fighting over this, now i need so different veiws. We got our apt in July '05 since then on and off his good friend has been staying here sleeping on the couch. He came over new yrs eve, and has only been back hm 2 times to get fresh clothes. Heres the problem...hes 19, and has no job. My take is, hes 19, he sleeps on our couch, watches our cable, eats our food and uses our internet...of which we pay for, not him! He just recently started helping around the house, therefore my finace isnt as hard on him now. *confused* Before my finace told him we cant afford to feed him anymore, yet we still do. Has told him he needs to get a job, and has spent not even a full day looking for one. Now my fiance is telling me how good his freind has been to him in the past and how his friend is actually saving us money. My finace gave his truck back, so there we save about $200/month and $300/month on daycare. Yet we have one car, which he can use bc i work nites now to stay home with my daughter therefore he doesnt watch her. He watched her for a few wks a while back..for FREE, i called it payback for me letting you basically live off me. Am i wrong??? Then my fiance tell me, that were helping him in his time of need!!! What need??? Hes a lazy 19 yr who doesnt want to work. Come on! But he tells me all guys go throught this phase in life after high school...not all guys! Then he has the odassity, to tell me that maybe were taking advantage of his friend! Bc hell watch our daugher sometimes. I'm like, are we even living in the same apt??? Now if he just lost a job or his home, then yeah id understand, but he hasnt. Hell sleep til 11, 12, 1pm then get up stay on the couch, watch tv and play on the computer. My finace is making me feel like the bad guy here, when im not. Were struggling right now bc of the extra money that were dishing out while his friend is here. My fiance will tell him one thing then go back on...hell say one thing to make me happy then turn around and take it back like hes trying to make his friend happy. Now he tells me to kick him out bc obviously he cant do it. Am i the bad guy here? Or am i right in what i say?
Go for it, kick him out!! So what if you look like the "bad guy"... someone has to do it, and you can't allow what he might think of you to keep you living in a situation that could, eventually, end your marriage!! This lazy kid is taking advantage of both of you for one reason: because he can. If and when you do kick him out, it won't even matter-- he will either go home or find another friend to mooch off of. Its not like you will be destroying his life... however, if he keeps staying with you, he might destroy your life. That is my perspective on this situation. You are right, he is a lazy 19 year old... and no, not all men go through this phase, and thats because not all of them are given the opportunity to!
I urge you to save yourself. It would be easy to say that you don't want to look like the bad guy, however, at some point in life most husbands hide behind their wives, and most wives hide behind their husbands... atleast once in a married life. Go ahead and give your husband this "out" by being the one to tell him to go.
I have another suggestion. It sounds like your husband is a nice man, but some people might take his kindness for weakness. (like in this situation!) I suggest that you read dr phil's book, "relationship rescue," to help strengthen your communication with each other, it can make your marriage much stronger in the long run. I wish you the best!
