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Topic : Being a Good Friend

Number of Replies: 515
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:18:38 am
Author : dataimport
What does it mean to be a good "friend"? Has  someone shown you the true meaning of friendship? Share your story here.

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September 14, 2005, 5:57 am CDT

all you can do is show options and support

Quote From: jettav

CHILD ABUSE is wrong and a shameful and if you allow this to keep going you are just as guilty as the abusers themselves. her parents are abusing her mentally as well as this loser of a guy. He needs to go to jail and this girl needs a safe haven, which would you whether have, her hating you or her losing her life over something that may have been prevented? There IS something you can do, call the police or children services, document everything that you know and see and reach out to some one til some one listens and takes action, I am assuming that you are about her age and may think that there is nothing you can do, but you can be her voice, talk to your parents, or go to the school, somebody needs to step up to the plate here and get this girl some help, A true friend will help, especially in a situation like this. Also, if they are having sex, he is doing this with a minor, what is the law in your state on this situation? Her parents need children services called on them, they are unfit parents, this child is going to die if some one doesn't step up and intervene, So what if she hates you forever, I am sure she is scared and crying out for help, imagine yourself in her situation. You could be the one to save her life. A true friend would go out of their way to help a friend in a desperate situation like this, Please do something for her, talk to somebody and don't stop til some one listens, she is being abused and could be harmed for a lifetime,maybe even lose her life, happens all the time in this society.
calling the cops wont help in this situation, only hurt. all you can do is show your friend her options and support her in whatever she chooses. Bad things happen to teach us lessons we cannot avoid it and if we do then we never learn. Let her know shes worth leaving , theres lots of options better than being treated like crap, and this guy wil never change. theres battered womens shelters out there. trust me the police doesnt care that this girl is scared to leave a bad man. maybe she should go on dr. phil, i would love to see the advise he gives a girl in this place. but its true she has to make the decision to leave its all about growing strength. being alone and broke is alot less scary than being with a mean person that doesnt like or respect you. good luck :)
 
September 14, 2005, 8:14 am CDT

Being a Good Friend

Quote From: glassmaker

calling the cops wont help in this situation, only hurt. all you can do is show your friend her options and support her in whatever she chooses. Bad things happen to teach us lessons we cannot avoid it and if we do then we never learn. Let her know shes worth leaving , theres lots of options better than being treated like crap, and this guy wil never change. theres battered womens shelters out there. trust me the police doesnt care that this girl is scared to leave a bad man. maybe she should go on dr. phil, i would love to see the advise he gives a girl in this place. but its true she has to make the decision to leave its all about growing strength. being alone and broke is alot less scary than being with a mean person that doesnt like or respect you. good luck :)
But she is a minor and being abused!!!! And ANYONE who allows this to continue is a partner in crime. Somebody has to step up and do something for this CHILD. It would be different if it were two adults, but this ABUSE involves a child. At least try and be her voice, Giving advice is good, being there for her is good but she is young and I am sure terrified for her life............................
 
September 21, 2005, 1:15 pm CDT

Being a Good Friend

Quote From: jettav

But she is a minor and being abused!!!! And ANYONE who allows this to continue is a partner in crime. Somebody has to step up and do something for this CHILD. It would be different if it were two adults, but this ABUSE involves a child. At least try and be her voice, Giving advice is good, being there for her is good but she is young and I am sure terrified for her life............................
You think I'm not terrified for her life? How am I a partner in crime; because she won't listen? She's not the same person anymore, I barely get to see or talk to her anyway. I'm trying to get her into school with me but she won't do it. So, I have to just wait until she needs me, if that ever happens. It could be in a few days, months, or even years.
 
September 21, 2005, 1:23 pm CDT

Being a Good Friend

Quote From: jettav

CHILD ABUSE is wrong and a shameful and if you allow this to keep going you are just as guilty as the abusers themselves. her parents are abusing her mentally as well as this loser of a guy. He needs to go to jail and this girl needs a safe haven, which would you whether have, her hating you or her losing her life over something that may have been prevented? There IS something you can do, call the police or children services, document everything that you know and see and reach out to some one til some one listens and takes action, I am assuming that you are about her age and may think that there is nothing you can do, but you can be her voice, talk to your parents, or go to the school, somebody needs to step up to the plate here and get this girl some help, A true friend will help, especially in a situation like this. Also, if they are having sex, he is doing this with a minor, what is the law in your state on this situation? Her parents need children services called on them, they are unfit parents, this child is going to die if some one doesn't step up and intervene, So what if she hates you forever, I am sure she is scared and crying out for help, imagine yourself in her situation. You could be the one to save her life. A true friend would go out of their way to help a friend in a desperate situation like this, Please do something for her, talk to somebody and don't stop til some one listens, she is being abused and could be harmed for a lifetime,maybe even lose her life, happens all the time in this society.
I'm just as guilty? Her parents are WONDERFUL. We're only human, we make mistakes. If you knew who I was talking about, you'd change your mind, you don't know what you're talking about. Yes, I'm asking for advice and I'm thankful for responses, but how am I guilty? I've talked to her, SHE WON'T TALK TO ME. She doesn't go to school so how can I go to the school? The school is a zoo anyway. Some social service wouldn't do anything to help her, they'd just take them for all they got! I know her life is in danger, I'm not an idiot.. and I am a "true" friend. But how can I help when I barely ever see her? You tell me that. And her parents are my family too, so don't run your mouth about people you don't know.
 
September 21, 2005, 4:27 pm CDT

Being a Good Friend

Quote From: cecelia

I'm just as guilty? Her parents are WONDERFUL. We're only human, we make mistakes. If you knew who I was talking about, you'd change your mind, you don't know what you're talking about. Yes, I'm asking for advice and I'm thankful for responses, but how am I guilty? I've talked to her, SHE WON'T TALK TO ME. She doesn't go to school so how can I go to the school? The school is a zoo anyway. Some social service wouldn't do anything to help her, they'd just take them for all they got! I know her life is in danger, I'm not an idiot.. and I am a "true" friend. But how can I help when I barely ever see her? You tell me that. And her parents are my family too, so don't run your mouth about people you don't know.
I am saying that you need to keep trying to get her help until you find some one that will listen and help her, Too many times people say there is nothing they can do about an abused child but one can talk and keep looking for help for some one. Believe me, I know what it is like to see one abused and I certainly will not sit around and say there is nothing I can do. There has got to be somebody that can help get her out of that situation, she is 16 years old and gettting beat by a 25 year old idiot who is aloud to get by with it and he knows it and he WILL continue to do it. I have a cousin who was molested/raped by her biological father and she realized at the age of 12 that this wrong and she went to several people before any one listened to her and she is now 30 years old reaping the consequences, going to therapy trying to love herself and to get on with her life. And she hasn't even seen her no good father since she was 13 and he STILL has control of her. your friends life is in danger and any parent who allows this to go on in their home are lousy parents and they need help themselves. Maybe you can go to them and ask them to let her live some where else. If they truly and honestly care they will get help. I am tired of KIDS being abused and others standing by not doing everything they possibly can to help them, KEEP talking til some one listens or the girl is not going to be around to see her 21st birthday, believe me, I know, I have seen my bio mother abused. I was abused, I worked with a little girl who was beat by her mom's boyfriend and she was barely recognized in the hospital, KEEP trying til you get her help. Thre are people who care. They system sucks but there are people out there who would be kind enough to get her out of there, If nothing else, the guy is breaking the law for sleeping with a 16 year old girl and that is rape. I am sorry I have offended you but I hate abuse and this girl needs out of that home. and so what if she doesn't talk to you, you can still get some body in there to get her out of there. I didn't say it was easy but she deserves a chance to survive this idiot and no good of a manipulative punk who is getting away with CHILD abuse. Don't give up on getting help just because she isn't talking to you, this guy has complete control of this girl and with out help, she will never get out of there. I think I would still go to the school counselor even though she isn't in school, if they don't know the situation then they can't help, at least give it a try. I don't know if you go to church or not but a good pastor will know how to get help as well. I am basing my concerns and thought on the fact that you posted about a 16 year old getting abused by a25 year old and if I remember your first post correctly, the parents are aloowing this to happen in their home, You can think negative about me all you want, I really don't care, but I care about children getting abused and if everything that you said is accurate this child isn't going to live through this and if she does, her life will be destroyed, enotionally, physically and mentally, no chance of living a good productive life because no one was willing to go the extra mile. Have you ever read the book, "A Boy Called It"? The author just slipped my mind but it is about his life and he has more books as well. It's a good book, sad but good. Maybe you can even do a google search on getting one help, I don't know, but don't think you can't do something, you can even if it is just talking til some one listens.................................
 
September 22, 2005, 7:49 am CDT

Wait a minute...

Quote From: cecelia

I'm just as guilty? Her parents are WONDERFUL. We're only human, we make mistakes. If you knew who I was talking about, you'd change your mind, you don't know what you're talking about. Yes, I'm asking for advice and I'm thankful for responses, but how am I guilty? I've talked to her, SHE WON'T TALK TO ME. She doesn't go to school so how can I go to the school? The school is a zoo anyway. Some social service wouldn't do anything to help her, they'd just take them for all they got! I know her life is in danger, I'm not an idiot.. and I am a "true" friend. But how can I help when I barely ever see her? You tell me that. And her parents are my family too, so don't run your mouth about people you don't know.
 Her parents are wonderful!? These are the same morons that allowed this 25 year old manipulative abuser to live with them and basically rape and beat their 16 year old daughter under their very noses? Her parents are your family too? I thought you were her "best" friend?
Jettav, I think someone's yankin' your chain.
 
September 22, 2005, 8:16 am CDT

Being a Good Friend

Quote From: ritehere

 Her parents are wonderful!? These are the same morons that allowed this 25 year old manipulative abuser to live with them and basically rape and beat their 16 year old daughter under their very noses? Her parents are your family too? I thought you were her "best" friend?
Jettav, I think someone's yankin' your chain.
yes, I know. Whatever the case, if these events are really taking place and no one is doing anything about it, then they are setting this girl up to fail and to continue to be manipulated and chances are she will lose her life and if she is lucky enough maybe just her sanilty, if she hasn't already. I am sick of people saying they can't help some one in need when in all reality there is help out there, it is just a matter of some one being consistent and determined to get the victim out of the situation. It may not be easy but definelty worth the effort. Any way, this person can yank my chains any time she wants, it doesn't change the fact that this abused minor is in an unhealthy environment and if all this is true, the girl will suffer worse and worse as times go by, Any parent who allows a 25 year old man to beat up their child, especially a minor, needs a whole ot of help and they can receive that help behind bars, It is child abuse on the man's side as well as the parents side, they are allowing it to happen, They certainly sound like a sick bunch of people and their daughter is paying the ultimate price. Are there any monitors on this thing that can offer this person some help and some agency's/ resources? I may be having my chains yanked but if this child is really being tortured like this, somebody needs to step up to the plate and get her out of there. We as adults choose our path of living but our children live what they learn and this girl doesn't stand a chance in life. Good thing I don't know this family cause I would fight til this girl was out of their custody!
 
September 23, 2005, 9:40 am CDT

Too much bragging?

Hi. I am here asking for help with a problem with my best friend. She and I have been friends for 12 years now. I am 34 and she is 36. We have ALWAYS got along so well, but recently I feel she has been bitten by the I'm so much better than you bug.  

 

She decided she wanted to go to college. I told her I would back her all the way and that I am here for her anytime and I have been. I believe that good friends should be allowed to brag to each other now and then about their accomplishments without the other one getting upset. However, I do believe that with ANYTHING there is such a thing as too much. I mean, she calls me up soooo often bragging about her accomplishments. I have continued to brag on her, but am finding myself feeling almost smothered by her need for my compliments. I too have thought about taking classes next semester, so it isn't at all a jealousy thing on my part. I have no doubt there would be times I might feel the need to say, hay...I aced that test I thought I did so lousy on., but to boast about it all of the time..not my cup of tea.  

 

She does still ask me how I am, but I feel she really isn't interested in what I have to say about my life anymore. We once had so much in common. We were both at home and had our kids at home and there was just so much to talk about. It would be so sad to let this get in the way, but it already is. I know she feels my distance...but how do you tell a friend, I'm sorry but you are just bragging way too much? Do you let them know? Perhaps she doesn't even realize she is doing it, although if you could hear her, you would wonder how it would be missed.  

 

I guess what I need to know from all of you is...how do I handle the situation? Mention it or remain quiet? Become less and less available until she gets the picture? I just don't know what to do. I DON'T want to hurt her feelings. She has been through a lot in her life and I know that would hurt her. Thanks so much...hope someone out there can help. 

 

Sincerely, 

Worried in Missouri 

 
September 23, 2005, 11:04 am CDT

Being a Good Friend

Quote From: jamrod

Hi. I am here asking for help with a problem with my best friend. She and I have been friends for 12 years now. I am 34 and she is 36. We have ALWAYS got along so well, but recently I feel she has been bitten by the I'm so much better than you bug.  

 

She decided she wanted to go to college. I told her I would back her all the way and that I am here for her anytime and I have been. I believe that good friends should be allowed to brag to each other now and then about their accomplishments without the other one getting upset. However, I do believe that with ANYTHING there is such a thing as too much. I mean, she calls me up soooo often bragging about her accomplishments. I have continued to brag on her, but am finding myself feeling almost smothered by her need for my compliments. I too have thought about taking classes next semester, so it isn't at all a jealousy thing on my part. I have no doubt there would be times I might feel the need to say, hay...I aced that test I thought I did so lousy on., but to boast about it all of the time..not my cup of tea.  

 

She does still ask me how I am, but I feel she really isn't interested in what I have to say about my life anymore. We once had so much in common. We were both at home and had our kids at home and there was just so much to talk about. It would be so sad to let this get in the way, but it already is. I know she feels my distance...but how do you tell a friend, I'm sorry but you are just bragging way too much? Do you let them know? Perhaps she doesn't even realize she is doing it, although if you could hear her, you would wonder how it would be missed.  

 

I guess what I need to know from all of you is...how do I handle the situation? Mention it or remain quiet? Become less and less available until she gets the picture? I just don't know what to do. I DON'T want to hurt her feelings. She has been through a lot in her life and I know that would hurt her. Thanks so much...hope someone out there can help. 

 

Sincerely, 

Worried in Missouri 

personally, I would let it go. I know it can get annoying at times, but really in my opinion, itis no big deal, let her brag or whatever it is she is doing, she may not be doing it to hurt you or to make you feel less imporant and even if she is, that is her problem, not yours. Be happy with your self and go after your own dreams and desires, worring about something like this I think is a waste of time and energy, put your time and enegy into your self and your family, when she says something about her accomplishments, just make a nice comment and go on with a new conversation or whatever.
 
September 23, 2005, 5:17 pm CDT

Thanks Jettav....

Quote From: jettav

personally, I would let it go. I know it can get annoying at times, but really in my opinion, itis no big deal, let her brag or whatever it is she is doing, she may not be doing it to hurt you or to make you feel less imporant and even if she is, that is her problem, not yours. Be happy with your self and go after your own dreams and desires, worring about something like this I think is a waste of time and energy, put your time and enegy into your self and your family, when she says something about her accomplishments, just make a nice comment and go on with a new conversation or whatever.

Thanks Jettav...I agree that I need to be thinking about my dreams. I guess you are right..this isn't a big deal, it has just changed how I feel about her in a way. I don't know . Maybe it shouldn't bother me so much. I have tried to go on with a new conversation, but I feel nothing much on this end is of interest to her anymore. I do really appreciate your insight...it got me thinking. Thanks. 

 

jamrod 

 
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