Topic : Being a Good Friend

I think being a good friend is being there when you and your friend get introuble instead of running away from the situation.

Being a good friend is not lying to them and being loyal.

Being a good friend is never putting someone infront of that friend and letting them know you'll always be there for them.

Hi Fred,

Like you, i'm disabled too. I have to use a wheelchair all the time. Here in the Netherlands, it's hard to find a girlfriend. Women are often very demanding here. But it's true: you have to look how you present yourself. I have to work on that too. You are right that Dr. Phil did not have a show on that subject yet, but I stronly disagree that he would not see us as equal. (That's what I understand you're saying,  from one of your prevous messages). I am very certain that Dr. Phil see's us as equal people. Maybe we should ask for him to talk about this subject. I think i'm going to leave a message here, to give them a good idea for a show.

Regards, Jo

It is wonderful that you acknowledge/admit that you tend to have a negative personality, because as Dr. Phil would say- you cant fix what you dont acknowledge. Now that you are an adult, and you have admitted to this problem, you cant use the excuse that you learned it from your mom. That excuse isnt valid anymore; its all in your hands now!

Do you have a job? If not, consider volunteering. Or even volunteering on a day off. In my own personal experience, I met new friends by volunteering in my community. This is a great way to meet new people! I volunteered to put returned books on the shelves at the library; this brought me a lot of self confidence and self esteem because while volunteering, people would tell me how much they appreciated me (always great to hear!) and how helpful I was, etc. I came into contact with many positive people, and their attitudes rubbed off onto me. I urge you to make a conscious effort every day to give out at least 5 compliments to other people, whether you know the person or not. Tell your cashier that her necklace is beautiful; ask your neighbor if they are having a good day- when you force yourself to be positive, it eventually comes natural to you. Best wishes!

Hi, I am here to share my situation and hopefully to get some advice since I am so confused as to what a good friend should do.  I have been friends with my best friend for over 10 years.  She is a single mother of two kids, both from different fathers.  Throughout the years of our friendship, she has been involved in very unhealthy relationships.  There has not been a time that she has had time to be on her own, she tends to go from one relationship to the next.  She was with the father of her first child throughtout high school and a couple of years after we graduated.  She then started dating the father of her second child and they broke up a couple of years ago.  For the last couple of years she has been dating this man which is the source of my confusion.

 Since I work and go to school, it is hard for us to get together as often as we did before, however, we try and meet up about once a month for dinner.  While she was dating this guy, every time we went out to dinner, her phone would not stop ringing.  He would constantly call her to see what she was doing, even though he was told she was going to go have dinner with me.  One time,out of all the many times she has not had a drink, she decided to had a glass of wine with her dinner.  Later that night she called me crying.  This man had gone over to her house and started calling her a drunk, threw her on the floor, dragged her into the bathroom and held her face up to the mirror telling her she was a "fucking drunk." I told her she needed to break it off and get a restraining order against him.  Did she listen to me? No.

A couple of months ago, she called me crying in the middle of the night asking me to go pick her up at a city about 2 hours away from where we live. I did not stop and think about driving by myself in the middle of the night to go get her.  As I arrived, I got a call from her saying she was being transported to jail! I stopped by the police station to get her belongings and to get information as to how to bail her out. I went to bail her out and it was on our way home that she told me everything about this man. 

This man had told her he was divorced, that was a lie, he was still with his wife.  The wife found out about him being with her and asked to meet her.  Apparently, the wife and my friend agreed to share this man.  The night my friend called me to go pick her up, they were all on their way to spend the weekend at a cabin.  They stopped to get something to eat and the man started humiliating her in front of his wife.  She got tired of it and starting walking away and this man came after her and threw her on the ground.  She got up and slapped and scratched his face.  When the police came, they took her in because he had the scratches on his face.  That night, she spent the night at my house.  I asked her once again to get a restraining order and to change her number.  She said she would but all she did was change her number. 

It was after this that she went back to try and work things out again with the father of her second child.  Needless to say it didn't last very long. This weekend, she came over to my house for a cookout and she had started telling me she had started talking to this other man again.  I was furious but held back on saying anything because I feel no matter what I say she is not going to listen to me.  She told me how he talked to her sister about how sorry he was about what happened and that he loved her so much.  He also told her that he is in the process of getting a divorce and wants to marry her.  I told her to take some time to be by herself, go back to school, spend more time with her children.  It just seems as if though she needs to be in a relationship. I told her that just because thats what her life has been before it does not mean it is a life she has to keep living.  She just doesn't seem to listen to me anymore. 

My dilemma is the following, am I being a bad friend by refusing to accept this new relationship of hers?  I just feel that by not accepting him, I am not going to be as involved in her life.  For example, I am  getting married soon and I told her that just because she takes this man back does not mean I am going to accept him. I told her I could not forgive him for what he did to her and that I did not want him to go to the wedding.  I also feel that if she stays with him and something else happens to her, I am not going to be there for her.  I have tried to make her realize that she deserves to be loved and respected but that she has to love and respect herself before anyone else does.  Sorry the story is so logn but any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

Hi, I am here to share my situation and hopefully to get some advice since I am so confused as to what a good friend should do.  I have been friends with my best friend for over 10 years.  She is a single mother of two kids, both from different fathers.  Throughout the years of our friendship, she has been involved in very unhealthy relationships.  There has not been a time that she has had time to be on her own, she tends to go from one relationship to the next.  She was with the father of her first child throughtout high school and a couple of years after we graduated.  She then started dating the father of her second child and they broke up a couple of years ago.  For the last couple of years she has been dating this man which is the source of my confusion.

 Since I work and go to school, it is hard for us to get together as often as we did before, however, we try and meet up about once a month for dinner.  While she was dating this guy, every time we went out to dinner, her phone would not stop ringing.  He would constantly call her to see what she was doing, even though he was told she was going to go have dinner with me.  One time,out of all the many times she has not had a drink, she decided to had a glass of wine with her dinner.  Later that night she called me crying.  This man had gone over to her house and started calling her a drunk, threw her on the floor, dragged her into the bathroom and held her face up to the mirror telling her she was a "fucking drunk." I told her she needed to break it off and get a restraining order against him.  Did she listen to me? No.

A couple of months ago, she called me crying in the middle of the night asking me to go pick her up at a city about 2 hours away from where we live. I did not stop and think about driving by myself in the middle of the night to go get her.  As I arrived, I got a call from her saying she was being transported to jail! I stopped by the police station to get her belongings and to get information as to how to bail her out. I went to bail her out and it was on our way home that she told me everything about this man. 

This man had told her he was divorced, that was a lie, he was still with his wife.  The wife found out about him being with her and asked to meet her.  Apparently, the wife and my friend agreed to share this man.  The night my friend called me to go pick her up, they were all on their way to spend the weekend at a cabin.  They stopped to get something to eat and the man started humiliating her in front of his wife.  She got tired of it and starting walking away and this man came after her and threw her on the ground.  She got up and slapped and scratched his face.  When the police came, they took her in because he had the scratches on his face.  That night, she spent the night at my house.  I asked her once again to get a restraining order and to change her number.  She said she would but all she did was change her number. 

It was after this that she went back to try and work things out again with the father of her second child.  Needless to say it didn't last very long. This weekend, she came over to my house for a cookout and she had started telling me she had started talking to this other man again.  I was furious but held back on saying anything because I feel no matter what I say she is not going to listen to me.  She told me how he talked to her sister about how sorry he was about what happened and that he loved her so much.  He also told her that he is in the process of getting a divorce and wants to marry her.  I told her to take some time to be by herself, go back to school, spend more time with her children.  It just seems as if though she needs to be in a relationship. I told her that just because thats what her life has been before it does not mean it is a life she has to keep living.  She just doesn't seem to listen to me anymore. 

My dilemma is the following, am I being a bad friend by refusing to accept this new relationship of hers?  I just feel that by not accepting him, I am not going to be as involved in her life.  For example, I am  getting married soon and I told her that just because she takes this man back does not mean I am going to accept him. I told her I could not forgive him for what he did to her and that I did not want him to go to the wedding.  I also feel that if she stays with him and something else happens to her, I am not going to be there for her.  I have tried to make her realize that she deserves to be loved and respected but that she has to love and respect herself before anyone else does.  Sorry the story is so logn but any advice would be greatly appreciated :)