Topic : Betrayal

Hello, I would so much apprciate any advice and help. My best friend has hurt me badly and I dont know how to confront her. We work at a small office and I am willing to be mature and discuss the issue but not sure she will.

Two years ago her a one of our bosses were working on a huge deal and the deal fell through. My friend was furious at the time because the other company blamed our office and she wrote in GREAT detail who she spoke with date etc. in case a law suit came about. Now two years later there is a lawsuit against our company for breaking contract. Our boss remembers me working with her on the deal. I honestly had nothing to do with it at all. My friend is more than happy to go along with my boss memory {I think the boss really doesnt remember} My friend has destroyed all the documents..proof..files anything that would have her name on it just so she isnt part of the lawsuit. She has put me in position were I have no proof it wasnt me..not documents to back me up etc. I am more hurt that she would do this to me. Stab me in the back like that. It is very important for me to let her know how deeply she has hurt me. I do remember the facts and she is lying and more than happy to blame me. I truly loved her. I never thought she would do such an evil thing to me. How do I confront her? I pray about this issue daily. I am so hurt. Please help . Thank you.

Girl, I know you think life sucks, but it will get better.  Do you KNOW how many kids at your school that have some of the same issues that you have?  I am betting there are many.  When I was in school I knew 3 people who pulled out their hair; 2 cutters and about 1/2 dozen with eating disorders.  Ten with drug and alcohol problems and while I don't remember anyone on depression meds, there were some that should have been.

The ones who think you are a "freak"?  Don't worry about them, it wouldn't matter if you didn't have anything going on at all, they'd still find something to pick on.  It's just the way they see the world.

There are the others who are tooo worried someone will find out their "freakish" secrets so they keep their mouths shut and their heads down while those run their mouths about other people.

 

As for your sister; You can be angry with her.  She did something wrong that hurt you.   But eventually, for you, not for her necessarily; you need to forgive her.  AND it's entirely possible she is having some sort of problems that she may need counceling for; revealing hurtful things about ones family after having it explained to her why she shouldn't ; is a seriously aggressive and angry thing to do.

Also...tell your mother what she did so that your Mom can get to the bottom of this behavior.  Your sister is damaging herself when she destroys her relationships with her family.

 

It hurts, my own brother told everyone on the playground (after we'd had an argument) that I still sucked my thumb( I was in 4th grade).   WOW!  I thought my life was over.   Guess what?   I actually laugh about it now. *he could really be a jerk sometimes though*

I forgave my brother and love him lots now that we're grown up.

 

Have you talked to your school councelor about what happened,?  You'd be surprised at how helpful they can be in these situations!  Good luck, and quick healing.

When a friend betrays you, the personal pain eventually becomes bearable, but if that betrayal ends up hurting your family members(because of YOUR relationship with the betrayer) WOW!!! You just have no idea how deeply furious you are with that person.  Just gut level antipathy, and nothing really makes it better.  

A woman I believed to be my best friend ended up undermining my authority with my oldest daughter(after my "friend" and I had a falling out over her daughter and mine's behavior).  I had a vehicle that my daughter was allowed to drive to school and the rule was she had to ask if someone could ride in the car, and she had to be where she was supposed to be when she took the car.  Consistantly when my friends' daughter and mine were together they were breaking the rules.  My friend's daughter stole from me, once a expensive pair of costume contact lenses, and on more than one occassion CD's.  Finally; after a dozen incidents I'd had enough and banned her from my house and car.  Well of course that didn't sit well.  She began a Machivellian campaign with my daughter to let her know what a "Tyranical B****" I was.  Long story short; she spent the better part of 6 months prior to my daughter turning 18 , giving her cigarettes and saying I was ridiculous for not letting her smoke (later found out she was also telling her that smoking weed was no big deal either)`, when my daughter turned 18 she basically "ran away " to go live with this woman and her daughter.  Because golly, they are so much more fun.

I said "OK, but you leave the car keys and the cell phone."

And let her go.

My daughter spent several years in a totally dysfuntional environment where my ex=friend was arrested for possession, terrorised by her abusive husband and where her daughter got pregnant at 16 and dropped out of school.  The end of that was when my ex-friend's daughter cheated with my daughter's boyfriend and betrayed their friendship. 

My daughter finally moved out of that woman's house.  We are rebuilding our relationship slowly because of many many things that happened while she was under this womans influence.

But I really wish death and dysmemberment and all types of plague on the person I knew to be my friend.  Basically, I wish upon her the same consideration she bestowed upon me and my family.

I haven't spoken to her since all of this, I doubt that I would ever do so.  So I basically I understand her anger.

This is a long story, but I will try to keep it to the important facts:  So myself and two other girls have been best friends since high school (20+ yrs.)  One of the girls "Beth" has discovered her husband has cheated on her, with another girlfriend of ours (not the third girl, but one whom we all met a few years ago.)  So she is choosing to stay with her husband  and work things out, which is great! I'm all for saving a marriage if at all possible.  But the problem I am dealing with is this:  My husband is good friends with the husband of the girl Beth's husband cheated with.  Which puts me somewhat in the middle.  My husbands wants me to join him when he socializes with the "Smiths"  But my best friend says she will end our friendship if I am willing to have ANY contact with her husbands mistress.  If I am even in the same room as her.  I feel comfortable being around the Smith's.  My best friends husband is so disrespectful of her and their marriage and she is so focused on how it is HER fault and her husband was targeted.  So I really don't respect or like her husband much.

Is it totally wrong of me to be willing to be around the Smith's with my husband.  I am not friends with the mistress outside of this.  It is strictly when I am with my husband because he is good friends with her husband.  IF I never join them on social events/parties my husband will be upset with me, he thinks I am choosing my friend over him???

Shouldn't my friend understand my situation and not put me in the middle and make me choose between upseting either her or my husband? 

It's pretty ridiculous that you didn't do anything wrong and you are now the one in the hot seat.

Tell your friend to grow up. She's the one who decided to stay with her husband. HER husband is the one who cheated, not you, not your husband, not your husband's friend and not even the mistress!!! This woman had NO vows her Beth's husband. Beth's husband had vows with Beth.

Tell your friend to take a hike off the irony plank...seriously. She is the one staying with her stinking cheating husband...why should she get to hang around a lousy cheater but you can't?

I'm sorry, but your "friend" is being ridiculous. Tell her that if you can't hang around the mistress, why would you want to hang around her husband?!?!? They are both guilty of the SAME THING!!!

Your "friend" is a hypocrite.

OK, if I am reading you correctly, all the documents proving who was working on the project were destroyed by your "friend"(I will take issue with that woman being any type of friend to you later)?  If that is the case, what proof does your boss have (outside of his "remembering") that you actually DID work on the account????  If you had nothing to do with it, your name would not be on any of the papers, right?  If your name IS on the papers that are connected to this deal gone south, there are two conclusions that can be drawn.  #1.  You did work on the deal, and have incredible memory problems.   #2.  SOMEONE forged the papers with your name on them.

 

I would suggest that you approach your boss first and state to him that you did NOT work on that particular project and you would like to see the papers or anything that proves that you did; simply because you don't believe that you should be maligned professionally if you were not at fault.  I'm not saying try to prove that your "friend" did anything.  Just that you did not.

 

Secondly;  this woman is NOT your friend.   She is an ambitious ladder climber and has no qualms about throwing you into the wolf-pit and climbing out of the pit over your bones.  Stop with the scratchy hair shirt and move on.  You learned a terrible lesson about trusting the wrong people, and maybe you can use this experience to be able to recognize when someone is truely a friend and not a "fiend".  I am pretty certain that a confrontation with this woman will not go well for you since she seems to have a pathological ability to lie and twist things to suit herself.   Leave her alone.  Don't socialize with her.  You may eventually be able to forgive her but MORE importantly you need to forgive yourself(because I'm hearing that you blame yourself to somedegree that she had the ability to hurt you)  YOU did nothing wrong!

 

At anyrate, in case you are being held responsible legally for this fiasco at your job, you ought to consult an attorney as well.

 

 

 I agree, it also sounds a bit like Beth has no control of he own marriage/life so she wants to excercise contol over what she can....her friend

Beth needs to grow up

Thanks for your advice. I have spoken with the boss and made it clear I was not working with her and that her memory is wrong. She has nothing other than her memory that she is going on. Unless my "best friend" forged papers with my name. I know of no such documents though.

The thought of possibly going to court was/is scary but I know I had nothing to do with it and try to trust in God on the issue. But.....the part of my best friend trying to do something so nasty and evil to me is so hurtful. I just want to let her know how hurt I am. but I am unsure how to confront her. i really loved and trusted her with all my heart. Like a sister.

Oh yes, very keen! I totally agree...

I'm new at this Dr.Phil site. however i came on here in hope for help.
My name is Emma Corrigan and i'm only 17 years old. I'm not sure if this message even belongs in the group, but all i know is i was betrayed by severl friends.
You see, since i was a little girl I have always felt the need to hold close at least one best friends, and anyone else doesn't matter. Over the years I have friends however after about a year they would get angry at me in some way and leave me to fend for my self. This last year i had grown very close to 3 friends. We went through good times and bad together. the two boys were dating eachother throughout the year, and I felt that they didn't belong together. They had many problems, and alot of the time i got very emotional over the fact that they were dating. I had grown close to steph, and we both disaproved of the realationship, and would talk about it from time to time, saying how they don't belong together. However, last friday, steph did the unthinkable. She told the boys everything me and steph ever talked about, and blamed it all on me. Now everyone hates me...
I'm so tired of being betrayed over and over, i'm starting to give up hope in people and dont beleive i will ever find a real friend. I'm torn up inside over these this, since I really loved my "friends" when i go to be at night, i wish i would stay asleep forever, never to wake upand remember they are out there talking about me and hating me. I dont know how to handle my emotions which doesn't help either. I just cry and cry and don't know where to turn to. Life feels like it will never get better... if anyone has any advice on how to help me... either email here.. emma-sen@hotmail.com or i will check back on this message... thanks alot...
Emma