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Topic : Betrayal

Number of Replies: 232
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:05 am
Author : dataimport
What do you do when a trusted friend stabs you in the back? Give them a chance to explain? Or end the friendship?

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April 30, 2007, 11:14 am CDT

SO CONFUSED. DONT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE

OK I NEED SOME HELP PEOPLE. OK- THIS IS WHATS GOING ON....

LAST YEAR, MY HUSBAND (OF 5 YEARS, AT THE TIME) MET UP WITH A FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL. THEY SWAPPED NUMBERS AND BEGAN KEEPING IN TOUCH. DURING THIS TIME, I WAS AWAY AT SCHOOL FOR 6 MONTHS. WELL, I EVENTUALLY CAME HOME. (I CAME HOME EVERY WEEKEND) WELL, I HAD NOTICED THAT HE WAS ALWAYS ON THE PHONE!! LITERALLY, ALWAYS!! ALL DAY AND MOSTLY ALL NIGHT. I WOULD ASK HIM WHO HE;S TEXTING OR TALKING TO AND HE WOULD ALWAYS SAY HIS SITER. OR HE WOULD SAY "A FRIEND".  OUR FIGHTS WOULD JUST ESCALATE. AND HE WAS CONSTANTLY ACCUSING ME OF BEING THIS HORRIBLE JEALOUS, PSYCHO WIFE. AND I WAS NEVER JEALOUS BEFORE. I THOUGHT MAYBE I WAS BEING OVERLY AWARE OF STUFF BECAUSE I HAD BEEN GONE SO LONG. I DONT KNOW. ANYWAYS, MY SISTER GOT MARRIED IN VEGAS SO WE ALL WENT TO ATTEND. IT WAS SO BAD TO WHERE I HAD TO BEG HIM TO LEAVE HIS PHONE OFF AND LET HIM KNOW THAT THIS WAS VERY IMPORTANT. DO NOT GET ON THAT PHONE. EVEN WITH YOUR SISTERS. I DON'T CARE. STAY OFF THE PHONE. WELL,  LONG STORY SHORT , HE WAS ON THE PHONE THE ENTIRE TIME!! TO THE POINT WHERE MY GRANDMOTHER AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY WAS ASKING ME WHO HE WAS TALKING TO. I WAS ACTUALLY EMBARRASSED. WELL, I CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT IT AND CALLED HIM RUDE!!  WE GOT INTO THIS BIG FIGHT. NEEDLESS TO SAY, OUR TRIP WAS PRETTY MUCH OVER. WELL WE GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL AND HE PASSED OUT DRUNK. I DECIDED TO GET ON HIS PHONE.

 

I READ HIS TEXT MESSAGES. I WAS SOOO SHOCKED. YOU SEE, MY HUSBAND IS NOT A LOVEY-DOVEY PERSON, IT'S HARD FOR HIM TO SAY I LOVE YOU TO ME. WELL, THESE TEXT MESSAGES WRE FULL OF, "I WISH YOU WERE HERE. I WISH WE WERE TOGETHER. I MISS YOU. CAN'T WAIT TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN. I HATE IT HOW WE ARE APART. " ETC. ETC.

 

SO, PRETTY MUCH, I CAUGHT HIM. I TEXT HIM, A BUNCH OF EXPLICITVES AND SAID WE ARE OVER.

 

WELL, HE APOLOGIZED AND WHATEVER... I PRETTY MUCH MADE HIM DECIDE. AND HE SAID, OF COURSE HE PICKS ME. SO I MADE HIM CALL HER IN FRONT OF ME TO BREAK UP WITH HER. HE SWORE UP AND DOWN THAT HE NEVER MET HER. IT WAS ALL TEXTING AND PHONE CALLS.

 

LONG STORY SHORT, I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER WITH HER, BUT I CHECKED OUR PHONE ACCOUNT AND LEARNED HE WAS STILL TALKING TO HER. I CONFRONTED HIM AGAIN A MONTH LATER, AND HE SAID THIS TIME THEY WERE ONLY TALKING AS FRIENDS. SO HE SWORE AGAIN THEY NEVER MET AND HE WOULD BREAK UP WITH HER AGAIN.

 

WELL, THIS HAPPEND ONE MORE TIME.

 

AM I THE FOOL OR WHAT??

 

BASICALLY... HE SAID THIS TIME (3 MONTHS AFTER THE FIRST TIME I CAUGHT HIM TALKING TO HER) THAT THIS WOULD BE THE LAST TIME. AND FOR A FEW MONTHS, I BELIEVED HIM. I WAS STILL INCREDIBLY JEALOUS, BUT WHEN I CHECKED THE PHONE RECORDS, HE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH. I BEGAN TO BELIEVE HIM AGAIN.

 

WELL, LAST WEEK (ON OUR 6 YEAR MARRIAGE ANNIVERSARY) I GOT NOSEY AND CHECKED THE ACCOUNT. I FOUND OUT HE WAS TALKING TO HER AGAIN. I WAS FURIOUS.

 

SO I CONFRONTED HIM-AGAIN- AND HE SAID THAT THE LAST TIME HE SPOKE TO HER (WHICH WAS THE DAY OF OUR ANNIVERSARY) HE TOLD HER THAT HE CAN'T TALK TO HER ANYMORE. THIS TIME FOR SURE. IT CAN'T GO ON BECAUE WE ARE CONTINUING TO WORK ON OUR MARRIAGE. AND SHE JUST ISN'T HELPING. AND THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO LIE TO ME ANYMORE.

 

I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY IRONIC THAT HE TELLS ME THIS THE DAY I FIND OUT HE WAS STILL TALKING TO HER. WELL, ITS BEEN TWO WEEKS AND THIS STUPID GIRL KEEPS CALLING AND TEXTING. HE SAYS HE DOESN'T ANSWER AND DOESN'T TEXT HER BACK, BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK HE MAY EITHER USING ANOTHER PHONE OR CALLING FROM WORK. PRETTY MUCH, I DON'T TRUST HIM ALL OVER AGAIN. AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.

 

I WANT TO CALL HER UP AND JUST CUSS HER OUT TO LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE. AND AT THE SAME TIME, IT'S SO HARD TO BELIEVE MY HUSBAN. HE AREALLY HAS CHANGED THESE PAST FEW WEEKS AND WE HAVE BEEN GETTING ALONG BETTER THAN EVER.

 

SO I DON;T KNOW WHAT TO DO. SHOULD I CONTINUE BELIEVING MY HUSBAND HAVE FAITH THAT HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH. THAT HE'S NOT TALKTING TO HER??? SHOULD I CALL THIS GIRL AND TELL HER TO LEAVE HIM ALONE?? I MEAN, IF HE DID REALLY TELL HER TO LOSE HIS NUMBER, WHY DOES SHE CONTINUE TO CALL AND TEXT??

 

ANYWAYS... SORRY IT'S SO LONG...BUT PLEASE HELP!! PLEASE!!

 

THANKS EVERYONE WHO READ THIS AND RESPONDS!!!

 
April 30, 2007, 4:55 pm CDT

Betrayal

I think Jaimies approach is the best approach. If you call all ready to rumble, you will get one. You dont that. I think I would ask myself, first, before dialing, what is it you hope to gain from this conversation
 
May 1, 2007, 6:13 am CDT

Betrayal

Quote From: zoey123

OK I NEED SOME HELP PEOPLE. OK- THIS IS WHATS GOING ON....

LAST YEAR, MY HUSBAND (OF 5 YEARS, AT THE TIME) MET UP WITH A FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL. THEY SWAPPED NUMBERS AND BEGAN KEEPING IN TOUCH. DURING THIS TIME, I WAS AWAY AT SCHOOL FOR 6 MONTHS. WELL, I EVENTUALLY CAME HOME. (I CAME HOME EVERY WEEKEND) WELL, I HAD NOTICED THAT HE WAS ALWAYS ON THE PHONE!! LITERALLY, ALWAYS!! ALL DAY AND MOSTLY ALL NIGHT. I WOULD ASK HIM WHO HE;S TEXTING OR TALKING TO AND HE WOULD ALWAYS SAY HIS SITER. OR HE WOULD SAY "A FRIEND".  OUR FIGHTS WOULD JUST ESCALATE. AND HE WAS CONSTANTLY ACCUSING ME OF BEING THIS HORRIBLE JEALOUS, PSYCHO WIFE. AND I WAS NEVER JEALOUS BEFORE. I THOUGHT MAYBE I WAS BEING OVERLY AWARE OF STUFF BECAUSE I HAD BEEN GONE SO LONG. I DONT KNOW. ANYWAYS, MY SISTER GOT MARRIED IN VEGAS SO WE ALL WENT TO ATTEND. IT WAS SO BAD TO WHERE I HAD TO BEG HIM TO LEAVE HIS PHONE OFF AND LET HIM KNOW THAT THIS WAS VERY IMPORTANT. DO NOT GET ON THAT PHONE. EVEN WITH YOUR SISTERS. I DON'T CARE. STAY OFF THE PHONE. WELL,  LONG STORY SHORT , HE WAS ON THE PHONE THE ENTIRE TIME!! TO THE POINT WHERE MY GRANDMOTHER AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY WAS ASKING ME WHO HE WAS TALKING TO. I WAS ACTUALLY EMBARRASSED. WELL, I CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT IT AND CALLED HIM RUDE!!  WE GOT INTO THIS BIG FIGHT. NEEDLESS TO SAY, OUR TRIP WAS PRETTY MUCH OVER. WELL WE GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL AND HE PASSED OUT DRUNK. I DECIDED TO GET ON HIS PHONE.

 

I READ HIS TEXT MESSAGES. I WAS SOOO SHOCKED. YOU SEE, MY HUSBAND IS NOT A LOVEY-DOVEY PERSON, IT'S HARD FOR HIM TO SAY I LOVE YOU TO ME. WELL, THESE TEXT MESSAGES WRE FULL OF, "I WISH YOU WERE HERE. I WISH WE WERE TOGETHER. I MISS YOU. CAN'T WAIT TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN. I HATE IT HOW WE ARE APART. " ETC. ETC.

 

SO, PRETTY MUCH, I CAUGHT HIM. I TEXT HIM, A BUNCH OF EXPLICITVES AND SAID WE ARE OVER.

 

WELL, HE APOLOGIZED AND WHATEVER... I PRETTY MUCH MADE HIM DECIDE. AND HE SAID, OF COURSE HE PICKS ME. SO I MADE HIM CALL HER IN FRONT OF ME TO BREAK UP WITH HER. HE SWORE UP AND DOWN THAT HE NEVER MET HER. IT WAS ALL TEXTING AND PHONE CALLS.

 

LONG STORY SHORT, I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER WITH HER, BUT I CHECKED OUR PHONE ACCOUNT AND LEARNED HE WAS STILL TALKING TO HER. I CONFRONTED HIM AGAIN A MONTH LATER, AND HE SAID THIS TIME THEY WERE ONLY TALKING AS FRIENDS. SO HE SWORE AGAIN THEY NEVER MET AND HE WOULD BREAK UP WITH HER AGAIN.

 

WELL, THIS HAPPEND ONE MORE TIME.

 

AM I THE FOOL OR WHAT??

 

BASICALLY... HE SAID THIS TIME (3 MONTHS AFTER THE FIRST TIME I CAUGHT HIM TALKING TO HER) THAT THIS WOULD BE THE LAST TIME. AND FOR A FEW MONTHS, I BELIEVED HIM. I WAS STILL INCREDIBLY JEALOUS, BUT WHEN I CHECKED THE PHONE RECORDS, HE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH. I BEGAN TO BELIEVE HIM AGAIN.

 

WELL, LAST WEEK (ON OUR 6 YEAR MARRIAGE ANNIVERSARY) I GOT NOSEY AND CHECKED THE ACCOUNT. I FOUND OUT HE WAS TALKING TO HER AGAIN. I WAS FURIOUS.

 

SO I CONFRONTED HIM-AGAIN- AND HE SAID THAT THE LAST TIME HE SPOKE TO HER (WHICH WAS THE DAY OF OUR ANNIVERSARY) HE TOLD HER THAT HE CAN'T TALK TO HER ANYMORE. THIS TIME FOR SURE. IT CAN'T GO ON BECAUE WE ARE CONTINUING TO WORK ON OUR MARRIAGE. AND SHE JUST ISN'T HELPING. AND THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO LIE TO ME ANYMORE.

 

I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY IRONIC THAT HE TELLS ME THIS THE DAY I FIND OUT HE WAS STILL TALKING TO HER. WELL, ITS BEEN TWO WEEKS AND THIS STUPID GIRL KEEPS CALLING AND TEXTING. HE SAYS HE DOESN'T ANSWER AND DOESN'T TEXT HER BACK, BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK HE MAY EITHER USING ANOTHER PHONE OR CALLING FROM WORK. PRETTY MUCH, I DON'T TRUST HIM ALL OVER AGAIN. AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.

 

I WANT TO CALL HER UP AND JUST CUSS HER OUT TO LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE. AND AT THE SAME TIME, IT'S SO HARD TO BELIEVE MY HUSBAN. HE AREALLY HAS CHANGED THESE PAST FEW WEEKS AND WE HAVE BEEN GETTING ALONG BETTER THAN EVER.

 

SO I DON;T KNOW WHAT TO DO. SHOULD I CONTINUE BELIEVING MY HUSBAND HAVE FAITH THAT HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH. THAT HE'S NOT TALKTING TO HER??? SHOULD I CALL THIS GIRL AND TELL HER TO LEAVE HIM ALONE?? I MEAN, IF HE DID REALLY TELL HER TO LOSE HIS NUMBER, WHY DOES SHE CONTINUE TO CALL AND TEXT??

 

ANYWAYS... SORRY IT'S SO LONG...BUT PLEASE HELP!! PLEASE!!

 

THANKS EVERYONE WHO READ THIS AND RESPONDS!!!

You love your husband I can see that.  Yes call her I agree. Be prepared for her to lie to you. She may know full well about you. And want you out of the picture so she can have your husband to herself. Do you have kids with him? Is he worth fighting  for? Will he go for couseling? Find out where he go off track. Remind him he promised you till death do us part. Your marriage can survive this. It will take some work ....counseling. He needs to hear from someone else how hurt you are. So sorry you are going thru this.   MB
 
May 8, 2007, 11:59 am CDT

Lost Best Friend

Dr. Phil,  I had a really good friend that was always there for me and tried to stay in touch.  I decided at the young age of 19 to get married.  He tried very hard to talk me out of it.  During that time he was struggling thru some very hard times, instead of worrying about himself he was trying to help me.  In the end when he needed me the most I let him down.  He telephoned my home late one night, he was in trouble and really needed mine and my family's help.  Instead of listening and offering him a place to stay, I hung up on him.  I turned my back to him.  I have tried so hard to find him over the past 15 years, I owe him a apology and I will not stop till I have given him that.  Please Help.  His name is Kenneth Julian, from Carlsbad, NM.  His age is 37 years, and I have heard he is living in Fort Worth, Texas.  Please help.
 
May 16, 2007, 8:56 am CDT

Any Advice?

If anyone has any advice on how I can get rid of my husbands nasty secretary, I would greatly appreciate it.  I have been with him for 4 years, and he owns his own business.  This secretary that he has had since before I was around has widdled her way into our relationship and won't keep her nose out of places it doesn't belong.  Up til about a year ago we got along for the most part, but then she figured that being a cow to me was going to make things better I guess.  This is the same woman that threw my baby shower!  She is so decieving, back stabbing, and two faced.  I can't even go down to my husbands shop anymore because I can't stand to be anywhere near her.  I have never had a passion to hate someone so bad in my life.  Needless to say, I'm sure you all have figured out that my husband doesn't seem to think that it is a big deal and will never have the balls to fire her.  She is down right snotty to him, and all of his employees.  Numerous employess have already quit because they can't stand her attitude.  She isn't allowed to answer the phone anymore because many of his consumers will not talk to her on the phone because she is always so mean and rude.  He acts like that he could never find someone else to do what she does.  It makes me want to puke.  I say grow a spine, but when I say things to him like, she has caused numerous problems between him and I, he just gets mad and tells me to not let that kind of sh** get to me, and quit trying to win the popularity contest.  ARGHHHHHHHH!  She just had a baby last week ( Poor Baby!) so she will be gone for a little bit, but I want to know how to get rid of her permanent.  She is a horrible, horrrible person.  Someone please help.  I want her gone.
 
May 16, 2007, 4:16 pm CDT

betrayed by my best friend.

i had a best friend for just about 10 years. we never ever fought and we always supported eachother. we we like sisters and we always said we'd be best friends for ever.

so i dated this guy for just about a year and him, my best friend and i were all friends. we'd take trips together and they were the greatest friends i could ever ask for... so i thought.

eventually i met someone else and i couldnt help how i felt about him. so my boyfriend and i tried to make it work because we were really serious and we couldnt just give up on eachother. but unfortuanly, it didnt work out. after we broke up, he was having a really hard time dealing with it. so i asked my best friend to look after him to make sure he was okay. they were never that close and only knew eachother through me, so i never thought anything would happen between them, espeically since he admitted he was still deeply in love with me.

so weeks past and they spent A LOT of time together, which didnt bother me that much. but then when i started having a hunch that something was up i kept asking my best friend if anything was going on. she constantly said no and she said that she'd tell me if anything happened, but assured me nothing ever would... of course about a week later i found out they were going on behind my back. i was so mad that she lied to me... and not just once - several times!

so, i tried for months to move on and forgive them. but they kept lying to me and doing things behind my back. so i just cant speak to them anymore. and apparently they're together which i couldnt care less what they're doing. but im really heartbroken over loosing my best friend... and i didnt just loose one, i lost both of them.

i just cant beleive that the people i trusted the most in my entire life hurt me so deeply. i dont think i could trust anyone ever the same, which is really sad because i used to be a really trusting person.

- 3rin

 
May 21, 2007, 12:51 pm CDT

What do I do?

I've never posted to a message board before but have something I'm obsessing over right now and really need to "talk" - thought this might be a place to start as I really have no one I can talk to this about - you'll see why.  I have been married for 20 years and have a great life.  My husband and I have some friends who have also been married 20 years our kids are friends from school.  I have always been attracted to the husband of the couple and I felt he was to me as well.  But being that we are married, etc. I never acted on my feelings.  Well long story short we ended up alone a few nights ago and expressed our feelings to each other.  One thing led to another....  Anyway, now I can't stop thinking about him and I feel my husband is suspicious.  We are very good friends with this couple and see them frequently - awkward.  I know I have to put this out of my mind and move on but I'm having a hard time.  Any words of wisdom?  Aside from knowing what I did was wrong and feeling bad - I can't stop thinking about him and I know I have to get past this -
 
May 24, 2007, 11:32 am CDT

Betrayal

Quote From: lucky8960

I've never posted to a message board before but have something I'm obsessing over right now and really need to "talk" - thought this might be a place to start as I really have no one I can talk to this about - you'll see why.  I have been married for 20 years and have a great life.  My husband and I have some friends who have also been married 20 years our kids are friends from school.  I have always been attracted to the husband of the couple and I felt he was to me as well.  But being that we are married, etc. I never acted on my feelings.  Well long story short we ended up alone a few nights ago and expressed our feelings to each other.  One thing led to another....  Anyway, now I can't stop thinking about him and I feel my husband is suspicious.  We are very good friends with this couple and see them frequently - awkward.  I know I have to put this out of my mind and move on but I'm having a hard time.  Any words of wisdom?  Aside from knowing what I did was wrong and feeling bad - I can't stop thinking about him and I know I have to get past this -
Well I have never cheated on my husband but if you did try and see it from another perspective. What if your husband cheated on you with the woman who you are friends with. Would you want him to tell you? Keep it a secret? Continue to be friends and act as though it didn't happen? I would say for me I would cut these people out of my life. I couldn't see the man I betrayed my husband with laughing and being his friend. If he can do that what does it say about who he is anyway. You never say in your post that you love your husband and are concerned about his feelings. When you say you can't stop thinking about "him" what do you mean? You want him ?or the guilt of what you did?
 
June 12, 2007, 7:40 am CDT

STABBED IN BACK VERY HURT

Hello, someone who I thought was one of my best friends lied and stabbed me in the back. We work together she was working on huge account. The account fell through she was devastated and very worried about it costing her job. that was 2 years ago. Fast forward to now.The other company involved has sued for the account not going through. The manager my "friend" was working with at our company could not remember all the details but informed me that my "friend" helped her remember it was me working on the account. My "friend" has shredded all documents all the proof that she was involved. I wasnt EVER involved in this meeting/account. I am devastated that my "friend" would try to put me in a law suit situation when she has all the proof to clear our manager, our company, herself. I am so hurt. I tried several times to bring up issue but she says she doesnt know what I am talking about. I am afraid to push issue because she has the manager convinced it was me. You hear about people being worngly put in prison all the time. {I dont think it would get to that} but if it was so bad that I would have to go to prison because of her lies it hurts so very deeply that she would let that happen. I loved her like a sister. I cant sleep. I am just so hurt. PLEASE HELP
 
June 12, 2007, 8:30 am CDT

Betrayal

Quote From: leeameee

Hello, someone who I thought was one of my best friends lied and stabbed me in the back. We work together she was working on huge account. The account fell through she was devastated and very worried about it costing her job. that was 2 years ago. Fast forward to now.The other company involved has sued for the account not going through. The manager my "friend" was working with at our company could not remember all the details but informed me that my "friend" helped her remember it was me working on the account. My "friend" has shredded all documents all the proof that she was involved. I wasnt EVER involved in this meeting/account. I am devastated that my "friend" would try to put me in a law suit situation when she has all the proof to clear our manager, our company, herself. I am so hurt. I tried several times to bring up issue but she says she doesnt know what I am talking about. I am afraid to push issue because she has the manager convinced it was me. You hear about people being worngly put in prison all the time. I dont think it would get to that but if it was so bad that I would have to go to prison because of her lies it hurts so very deeply that she would let that happen. I loved her like a sister. I cant sleep. I am just so hurt. PLEASE HELP

 

Wow!  This is terrible for you! 

 

Just last night, I was Googling, 'gaslighting.'  i clicked on the third result and Boom!  Amazing info popped up.  I clicked away and there was a huge section about bullying in the workplace.  Lots of info. No doubt, your co-worker is wanting to cover her butt at your expense.  How very nasty of her. 

 

I don't know what to suggest to you, but I do believe you need to fight like mad...somewhere there must be a scrap of info that will assist you...

 

Good luck to you...

 

ssoganty

 
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