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Topic : Betrayal

Number of Replies: 232
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:05 am
Author : dataimport
What do you do when a trusted friend stabs you in the back? Give them a chance to explain? Or end the friendship?

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June 12, 2007, 9:47 am CDT

Betrayal

Quote From: leeameee

Hello, someone who I thought was one of my best friends lied and stabbed me in the back. We work together she was working on huge account. The account fell through she was devastated and very worried about it costing her job. that was 2 years ago. Fast forward to now.The other company involved has sued for the account not going through. The manager my "friend" was working with at our company could not remember all the details but informed me that my "friend" helped her remember it was me working on the account. My "friend" has shredded all documents all the proof that she was involved. I wasnt EVER involved in this meeting/account. I am devastated that my "friend" would try to put me in a law suit situation when she has all the proof to clear our manager, our company, herself. I am so hurt. I tried several times to bring up issue but she says she doesnt know what I am talking about. I am afraid to push issue because she has the manager convinced it was me. You hear about people being worngly put in prison all the time. I dont think it would get to that but if it was so bad that I would have to go to prison because of her lies it hurts so very deeply that she would let that happen. I loved her like a sister. I cant sleep. I am just so hurt. PLEASE HELP
Get a digital tape recorder. Play nice at first with this friend get her to tell you what she told your manager. Maybe she will slip up and lie. Whatever you can learn may help you in where to look for backup. Who was it she was dealing with at the other company. Someone some where knows something to clear you. Right now lay aside thee the hurt and pain so you can get what you have to done. Later when it comes out ....the truth... then you can cut this woman off. And tell her how she hurt you. Right now she could care less. She is selfish and manipulative so open your eyes and don't let her stab you again. Sorry ...the world is so mean even people we think are friends or family will step on us.
 
July 5, 2007, 10:43 am CDT

how do you repair a friendship of betrayal?

I recently lost my best friend due to a man. And i've been trying to talk to her for that last couple of months. I’m lead to believe that she really hates me. Her family tells me to just leave her alone because she doesn’t want anything to do with me any more. We’ve been friends for 8 years. We met and it was like we already knew each other. And we had been close net up until 2006. We had our fallouts during the years but I would always step up and fix our friendship. I really love this girl a lot and i'm not willing to let things go unsaid. I did my wrong and so did she. But I feel like that we should be adult enough to talk about it and either work on our friendship or get an understanding and  move forward without the friendship. I’m hurt and I really need to know what she is thinking and feeling about this whole thing. But she is not and I mean is not willing to talk to me. What do you have any advice for me?

 
July 12, 2007, 2:54 am CDT

Should I Be Friends With Them Again?

Sorry for the long post, but I just need to get this off my chest.

 

I've been kind of struggling with this for some time now and would like to get a second or third opinion on my situation. . . . . . . .

 

I am no longer talking to my so-called friends due to some great misunderstanding. There were 3 friends, let's call them Nicole, Amy, and Tamara, we were all mutual friends. It has been almost 2 years since we last spoke. I have known Nicole the longest out of all of them. We were friends for 5 years at the time. I knew Amy for almost 4 and Tamara for 2 years. We would always go out whether it was for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, to the movies, to the bars/club, etc. Sometimes I would question our friendship since both Nicole and Amy would make me feel dumb or talk down to me at times calling me "slow" or looking me up from head to toe like they were jealous of me or using me for things they needed but when I needed something from them they weren't available most of the time and Tamara was hardly ever around despite that she was working her way through school and was always tired which I understand that. Sadly, Tamara was the only decent friend who was nicer to me even though we hardly got to spend time with her.

 

To make a long story short, Amy had been dating this guy (let's call him Adam) and she was going to hook me up with her at-the-time boyfriend's cousin (let's call him David) who had just been signed to the Chicago Bears at the time. She never did set me up with him and Nicole told me that it wouldn't be a good idea to date him since I would have to worry about groupies, him cheating on me, etc. Then 2 or 3 weeks later I hear from Amy that Nicole hooked her up with him and at the time Nicole would hardly call me or answer my phone calls during that time. I felt so betrayed by both of them and was on a revenge.

 

Sooner or later I hooked up with one of Amy's exes who I met online and told Adam that she was still talking to one of her ex boyfriends but I never told him that she was sleeping with him too. Then that one day that ended it all was when both of them called me on 3-way asking me if I told Adam that she was still talking to her ex. I had a bad day at work,  my boss pretty much yelled at me for a simple mistake and the guy who I was dating at the time was being a jerk. I told them I didn't say anything to him about that and felt that she was accusing me of saying that even though Nicole told me that she told Adam that she was still talking to her ex while with him. I told them I felt like they couldn't trust me and that they didn't deserve my friendship since I am a caring and giving person and that true friends wouldn't do that. They both were trying to calm me down and was telling me that they weren't trying to accuse me of anything, etc.

 

After that episode, they both kept calling and e-mailing me but I never responded until one time I picked up the phone and Nicole told me that her father had passed. I told her at the time that I would come to the funeral but when I spoke with Amy, she was very rude on the phone with me asking me howcome I wouldn't answer her phone calls, respond to her e-mails, etc. and I told her that I was going through a deep depression, which I was at the time, and she acted like she didn't believe me. So, I felt that it wouldn't be right to go to the funeral otherwise there would be some feeling of awkwardness. Tamara was dodging everyone's calls at the same time since she was going through a depression and then a few months later she would text message or call me and I wouldn't respond since she did the same with me and if I talked to her then I would have to talk to Nicole and Amy as well so I left it that way and never spoke to any of them since then. Should I e-mail them and apologize or just forget about it and move on? I feel guilty about the whole situation and felt like I blew this out of proportion. I felt like I burned my bridges with them. As of now, I have reunited with some good friends from college and am happier with them to be honest and actually feel like I can be myself around them. Thank you for the advice!

 
July 15, 2007, 4:37 pm CDT

Let Her Know You Care and Let Her Come To You

Quote From: jaimie1974

My advice to you is this: if she is refusing to talk to you, and her family tells you to just leave her alone, then you have to walk away from this relationship. I understand how difficult it is, because you dont have closure; but you cant wait for her to decide that she will give you closure- you have to find a way to make peace within yourself and give yourself the closure that you need. You are thinking, how do I do that? This is how you do it: you write a letter/note and send it through the mail to her. Dont put a return address on it; because if she sees that it is from you, she might just chuck it. Also, ask someone else to write her address on the front OR type it; that way, she wont recognize your handwriting. This gives your letter more of an opportunity for being read. Dont write anything that you dont want the whole world to know; because you dont know who she will share it with. My advice to you is to be short, simple, sweet, and to the point. If you want this friendship to be revived, and frankly I dont understand why you would; but if you do, then you are going to have to apologize. In your letter, to get the best results, remind her of the good times that you shared and simply tell her that you want more of those times. Dont go on and on; keep the letter to one page. This is really all that you can do- you cant force her to communicate with you. If you dont hear from her within one month of sending the letter, then you have to move on and make peace with the fact that you and this friend have outgrown each other. Best wishes to you. (p.s. I hope you've learned that no man in worth losing a friend!)

I know how this is-- granted, I didn't lose the friendship because of a romantic rivarly issue-- but none the less, the poster above me is completely correct in that you have to state to her that you are ready and willing to talk about the issues when she is ready. Let her know that you have something to talk about when she is ready, and then LET HER COME TO YOU.

 

Don't call, write, txt. message-- just let her be. Eventually she will come around. If she doesn't then you just have to chalk it off to a life experience that hurts, but none the less did you some good. I hate to say it, she doesn't sound like that great of a friend if she allows ONE man to come between you.

 

Men come and go-- at varying lengths of time-- but in the end it is always a girlfriend that you can count on. Or at least that should be the case. Please let us know how this goes.

 

 

 
July 15, 2007, 6:55 pm CDT

Betrayal

Quote From: jaimie1974

Do you feel any regret over the decisions that you made regarding these friendships? Or, do you feel justified in your decisions? In my personal opinion, whether there would be awkward tension or not at the funeral, it would have meant a lot to your friend if you were there. Going to the funeral would have been for her and out of respect for her deceased father; not for Amy.

As for the whole talking-to-the-ex situation, why lie about it? You DID tell her boyfriend that she was talking to her ex; but when confronted about it, you totally lied. You are justifying your decisions by saying that they werent good friends to you, but you werent a good friend either because you stooped to their level. You could have and should have simply walked away from these people if they didnt treat you right. If you go through life with a get even mentality, youll never experience the joy of a true friendship, because we all make mistakes sometimes- but when you make a mistake or recognize that youve used poor judgment, the right thing to do is to admit it and apologize for it. Not lie about it.

So your question is should you apologize to them or just move on; what are your feelings about either of those decisions? If you choose to move on without apologizing, you have to make peace with yourself. If you apologize, there is a chance that you will be sucked back into the drama.

Thank you for the prompt response! I have been thinking about it and to be honest, I am glad that I have made the decision to not regain our friendship because it made room for the true friends I have now. Yes, going to the funeral would have been for respect of her father and not necessarily and specificaly for Amy and Nicole but it was better to not see them at that time as well-things could have gotten ugly but at least I said "sorry to hear about your loss" rather than not saying anything at all.

 

I have been comparing them and the good friends I have now and feel very pleased that I made that decision otherwise it would have been hell all over again and things are getting better for me as time go on. For example, I'll be attending graduate school this fall and just recently met a really nice and caring man through one of my good friends which is going great so far! So, that was then and this is now, I don't regret not being friends with them but if I see them on the streets I will definitely just say "hi!" and move on. Thanks again! Take care!

 
July 27, 2007, 9:11 pm CDT

A Betrayal Triangle

My friend Monique (Code Name) and I made a pack before we entered seventh grade, stating and I quote "No matter what happens we'll be friends for life." A few weeks into the school year and Monique had made a new friend, (we weren't in the same classes) and I'll admit that I was a tad jealous, but that soon passed. I began to make new friends and as the school year went on Monique got more defensive. She told me were to sit and who I was sitting with. Namely whoever she was sitting with. So one day I took a leap of desperate faith and sat with two of my new friends rather the Monique. She was really mad, and told me that if I didn't sit with her tomorrow it wasn't going to end well. So the next day I sat with her, and as usual I wasn't included in any conversations, so I began to read a book I had recently started. Monique snatched the book from me and told me "You can't honestly be reading while we're talking. Were you even listening to me?!" To which I replied "Did you adress me in a direct manner?" Her only answer being "NO!" So I snatched my book back and left. Monique and I fought  for our whole seventh grade year, and eventually she called me for the final time. She was screaming and yelling, telling me "Whoever hangs up first ends this friendship." To which I replied "Then you have a long time to wait." And she hung up. My new friend Riley who I had confided in was a great support. But now we're in 8th grade and Riley has turned away from me and back to her old friends who dissed her. So I've crawled back to Monique and now I'm suffering in her hands once more without Riley's help. I feel bad for possib;y hurting Monique's feelings, but Riley's crushed mine. I trusted to be there for me and now she's gone and left me for the wolves. I don't really know what to do. Advice would be well recieved.

 
July 27, 2007, 11:12 pm CDT

Spotted

Quote From: spottedstar

My friend Monique (Code Name) and I made a pack before we entered seventh grade, stating and I quote "No matter what happens we'll be friends for life." A few weeks into the school year and Monique had made a new friend, (we weren't in the same classes) and I'll admit that I was a tad jealous, but that soon passed. I began to make new friends and as the school year went on Monique got more defensive. She told me were to sit and who I was sitting with. Namely whoever she was sitting with. So one day I took a leap of desperate faith and sat with two of my new friends rather the Monique. She was really mad, and told me that if I didn't sit with her tomorrow it wasn't going to end well. So the next day I sat with her, and as usual I wasn't included in any conversations, so I began to read a book I had recently started. Monique snatched the book from me and told me "You can't honestly be reading while we're talking. Were you even listening to me?!" To which I replied "Did you adress me in a direct manner?" Her only answer being "NO!" So I snatched my book back and left. Monique and I fought  for our whole seventh grade year, and eventually she called me for the final time. She was screaming and yelling, telling me "Whoever hangs up first ends this friendship." To which I replied "Then you have a long time to wait." And she hung up. My new friend Riley who I had confided in was a great support. But now we're in 8th grade and Riley has turned away from me and back to her old friends who dissed her. So I've crawled back to Monique and now I'm suffering in her hands once more without Riley's help. I feel bad for possib;y hurting Monique's feelings, but Riley's crushed mine. I trusted to be there for me and now she's gone and left me for the wolves. I don't really know what to do. Advice would be well recieved.

Having a friend treat you shabbily is really tough, having two friends do that is even worse.

You sound like a very mature young lady, and realize that although friends are important, they do not have the right to treat you unkindly, just because they think they can.

It sounds like your freind was posturing for her new friends, adn she was using yu as the prop, imply because she felt safe doing so, as she felt that you would not retaliate and hurt her.

Know what hun, every relationship, and mean ALL relationships need good communication to grow and be healthy for every one. Furthermore, the communication needs to be honest.

What that means is you have to tell Monique how you honestly feel when she treats you roughly, adn although you treasure her as a friend, having her hurt your feelings really makes it dificult to be happy around her.

It would also seem that you and Riley are in the same leaky boat, you both felt it necassary to go back to the friends that treated you badly.

In any event if you wish to continue your friendhip with Monique, talk to her, if she is truely your Heart freind, she will listen and take your feelings into consideration, next time she feels the need to "show off" for her new friends.

If Riley and you resume a friendship, let Riley know what it is you expect from a friend, loyalty is obviously very important to you, so share that with Riley, if she finds she tossed a potentialy great friend overboard for some not so great friends.

Also, speak to Monique about what you expect from a friend, Loyalty, respect, fun!

You also metioned that you had Two new friends?

The one you didnt mention, might be the one you should be talking about, she may be the one that turns out to be the best friend you are seeking =) .

Let me know how things go for you, yu really do deserve a good friend! Heck you Deserve a bunch of good friends!

You sound like someone who is a very caring and sensative friend, and those kind of friends are really hard to come by.

Let me know how things are going for you, and I wish you all the very BEST!

Hugs

Tammy

 

 

 

 
July 27, 2007, 11:16 pm CDT

spottedstar

Doh! reread my post, shoulda used spell check. I am sorry, forgive the typos as I tend to be a terribel typer and it is late LOL.

I should be sleeping, just wanted to reply to yur message so it would be there when you logged on next time.

Hugs

Tammy

 
July 28, 2007, 9:51 pm CDT

Worst Wedding

Next week I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid in my childhood friend Janice's wedding. Things were running smoothly until just a few nights ago. This requires a little backstory.

A little less than a year ago I was at a small gathering with friends, Janice including. As the designated driver I had trouble keeping up so I fell asleep on the couch. One of Janice's friends thought I was passed out drunk and attempted to molest me. He only got his hand down my pants before I woke up and created a scene. He admitted to what he did, so there is no question whether or not it happened.

Since this incident Janice has not stopped being friends with him. I think in her mind because he never got very far that his actions were bad but excusable. I think failing at what you set out to do doesn't lessen the action. She knows I hate him but continued to invite him even to events that she knew I would be at. This is something I've been stewing about for a year now.

A couple nights ago I had enough and didn't handle myself very maturely. In front of everyone at my friends house I told him that he wasn't invited to anywhere where he could see my face. Then I threw him and his bike off the porch. He retorted that he would be at Janice's wedding and I told him that he was NOT invited to Janice's wedding anymore. After he left I apologized to Janice for uninviting a guest to her wedding, but told her this was something we needed to talk about. She replied, "Well, this is kind of complicated because he's our groomsman."

Apparently everyone has known all along and were instructed to keep it a secret from me.  They were assuming that it would be too late when I found out and I couldn't back out. I have never felt so betrayed in my life. They wanted to sit there while I walked down the aisle with my molester in front of my family, my partner, and all my friends. It's disgusting to me. Even though she has since offered to take him out of the wedding I told her I wasn't going to be her bridesmaid and my family and I wouldn't be attending her wedding. I feel betrayed by everyone who knew about this but I also feel incredably guilty not taking part of the wedding. I also don't want everyone sitting around talking about how I need to "just get over it."

Should I try to save this friendship? Should I be friends with ANY of these people? How do I just get over it? Should I just do the wedding and work the details out later?
 
July 29, 2007, 6:16 pm CDT

WOW!

Quote From: overmyrover

Next week I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid in my childhood friend Janice's wedding. Things were running smoothly until just a few nights ago. This requires a little backstory.

A little less than a year ago I was at a small gathering with friends, Janice including. As the designated driver I had trouble keeping up so I fell asleep on the couch. One of Janice's friends thought I was passed out drunk and attempted to molest me. He only got his hand down my pants before I woke up and created a scene. He admitted to what he did, so there is no question whether or not it happened.

Since this incident Janice has not stopped being friends with him. I think in her mind because he never got very far that his actions were bad but excusable. I think failing at what you set out to do doesn't lessen the action. She knows I hate him but continued to invite him even to events that she knew I would be at. This is something I've been stewing about for a year now.

A couple nights ago I had enough and didn't handle myself very maturely. In front of everyone at my friends house I told him that he wasn't invited to anywhere where he could see my face. Then I threw him and his bike off the porch. He retorted that he would be at Janice's wedding and I told him that he was NOT invited to Janice's wedding anymore. After he left I apologized to Janice for uninviting a guest to her wedding, but told her this was something we needed to talk about. She replied, "Well, this is kind of complicated because he's our groomsman."

Apparently everyone has known all along and were instructed to keep it a secret from me.  They were assuming that it would be too late when I found out and I couldn't back out. I have never felt so betrayed in my life. They wanted to sit there while I walked down the aisle with my molester in front of my family, my partner, and all my friends. It's disgusting to me. Even though she has since offered to take him out of the wedding I told her I wasn't going to be her bridesmaid and my family and I wouldn't be attending her wedding. I feel betrayed by everyone who knew about this but I also feel incredably guilty not taking part of the wedding. I also don't want everyone sitting around talking about how I need to "just get over it."

Should I try to save this friendship? Should I be friends with ANY of these people? How do I just get over it? Should I just do the wedding and work the details out later?

With friends like that who needs enemies?! Sheesh that is callous, manipulative and shallow, she really your friend?!

Wow, this man tried to cause you serious physical, emotional and mental harm! He should be avoided like the plague! Gawd, I can just imagine what some girls have gone through that have passed out at a party he was attending! Geez!

No freaking Way! Gawd Hun this is must be absolutely awful for you, was reading the part were your "friends" kept it a secret and this is the man that was to escort you down the isle?! No freaking way!

OK, so she tried to make amends by taking him out of the wedding once the "SECRET" was exposed!

Uh Thanks, But no Thanks!

Stay away from these people hun they are poison and do not have your best interest at heart, and you are so right when you said an incomplete crime is still a crime and the criminal has no place amongst decent, caring, loving people.

Unfortunately from were I am sitting your friends condone his actions, and made absolutely no reprove of his actions whatsoever!

No, you do not have to feel guilty over someone else's callousness, and selfish behavior.

I would not be friends with any one that supports an individual that thinks it is ok to rape someone who is unconscious, whether they were unconscious from drink or otherwise!

You begin to heal from this by speaking to a rape counselor, even though the act was not completed the intent was there, and that has effects on how we view ourselves and the world around us too!

You also, begin healing from it by finding good people to get to know, and become friends with.

As for the wedding, would you want to put your family "unknowingly" amongst people that thought it would be ok if the man that attempted to violate you escorted you down the isle?

think if your family knew about this they would hit the roof too! You deserve way more respect and consideration than that!

You have absolutely nothing to prove to these people! Not one dang thing. Grieve the hurt and loss of a friendship that you wished was true, speak to a counselor about this incident, get out and meet some new people, there are good people out their just like you that would cherish the friendship you have to offer them!

Let me know how things are going for you!

Hugs

Tammy

 

 

 

 
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