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Topic : Betrayal

Number of Replies: 232
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:05 am
Author : dataimport
What do you do when a trusted friend stabs you in the back? Give them a chance to explain? Or end the friendship?

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July 30, 2007, 6:22 pm CDT

Thanks Tammy, But Nothing's Better

Quote From: tammy_anne

Doh! reread my post, shoulda used spell check. I am sorry, forgive the typos as I tend to be a terribel typer and it is late LOL.

I should be sleeping, just wanted to reply to yur message so it would be there when you logged on next time.

Hugs

Tammy

I've been trying to talk to Monique but shhe prefers that we push it "all under the carpet''. I've been trying to tell her that I won't stand to be treated like her rag doll anymore, but she still insists on standing over me. Just the other night we went to the fireworks and she decided that we were going with her "other best friend", they totally abandoned me. I followed them in the back and just felt like I wanted to cry. Then I ran into Riley and her new group of friends. She asked me what was up with the frown and the first words out of my mouth were "Save me!" I stood with their group and explained my sitch to them. Riley didn't like it one bit, said that Monique "needed to be more open" or at leats acknoledge my exsistance. Surely enough Monique found me ten minutes later, grabbed the back of my shirt, and began to drag me through the crowd of people. At this point a few tears slipped but I pushed them back. Monique watched me like a hawk and made sure we stayed clear of Riley. To add to all this my mom's been in the hospital and I haven't been able to stop crying-which is sooo not me-and none of my friends have the maturity I do to try and help me through the situation. They tell me it's okay, but she's been sick for a year and she may have to have sugery. Riley's been trying to help me and she's supposed to hang out with me sometime, but she's always busy with her other buddies. I refuse to turn to Monique considering what happened the last time I told her something personal-don't ask, not pretty-I have no where to turn. I feel like I'm locked in a dark room, and the moon 's turning black as well.

Don't Know Where To Go,

Ce

 
August 2, 2007, 12:00 pm CDT

Star

Quote From: spottedstar

I've been trying to talk to Monique but shhe prefers that we push it "all under the carpet''. I've been trying to tell her that I won't stand to be treated like her rag doll anymore, but she still insists on standing over me. Just the other night we went to the fireworks and she decided that we were going with her "other best friend", they totally abandoned me. I followed them in the back and just felt like I wanted to cry. Then I ran into Riley and her new group of friends. She asked me what was up with the frown and the first words out of my mouth were "Save me!" I stood with their group and explained my sitch to them. Riley didn't like it one bit, said that Monique "needed to be more open" or at leats acknoledge my exsistance. Surely enough Monique found me ten minutes later, grabbed the back of my shirt, and began to drag me through the crowd of people. At this point a few tears slipped but I pushed them back. Monique watched me like a hawk and made sure we stayed clear of Riley. To add to all this my mom's been in the hospital and I haven't been able to stop crying-which is sooo not me-and none of my friends have the maturity I do to try and help me through the situation. They tell me it's okay, but she's been sick for a year and she may have to have sugery. Riley's been trying to help me and she's supposed to hang out with me sometime, but she's always busy with her other buddies. I refuse to turn to Monique considering what happened the last time I told her something personal-don't ask, not pretty-I have no where to turn. I feel like I'm locked in a dark room, and the moon 's turning black as well.

Don't Know Where To Go,

Ce

It sounds like monique is not so much a freind as a person that likes to have possesions.

An example I can give is my two dogs, no I am not saying people are dogs, but I will use my pups as examples lol.

Each of my dogs has thier own toys, but perfer to steal each others and not let any one else have them. It can be quite fusterating as one gets growly and the other cries, for his toy.

It seems that they are incapable of sharing, and are very possesive.

Funny thing is if either of them ignore the fact that they had a toy stolen the dog that stole the toy in the first place loses interest. Then the dog that stole the toy moves on to what he really wants to play with or do, ignoring the other dog, because the reaction is not what they wanted.

What does that mean? Well, it means that if M see's you with someone else she gets posessive and buts her way in to take you away from the other person. It is selfish behavior and unconsiderate of your feelings. However, when the percived threat has passed M loses interest.

So, having said that M is not looking at you as a person with feelings and friendship material, rather like my Dogs she sees you as a possesion that no one else is allowed to play with. furthermore, she has absolutly no right to be humiliating you publicy or otherwise, by grabbing you by the shirt and dragging you through people! 

Sorry, hun, time to find a real friend and stop letting this girl treat you so badly. You are not a toy, you are a person and deserve to be treated as such. As for Riley she is a casual freind, which is ok, now you can focus on finding your real best freind, and she is out there no worry about that, just have to keep your eyes and ears open to find the person that will treat you with kindness and respect, and likes to do the fun things that you do too =) .

You are absolutly correct in your assesment that M is nto the person to be turnign to, time to remove this person out of your freinship circle completly.

I truely am sorry about your mom and hope all is well with her! Having a parent become ill is truely difficult and sad. I most certainly will keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers and pray that everything works out for the best for both of you!

Hugs

Tammy

 

 

 
August 10, 2007, 7:27 am CDT

Oh girl-I have been there!

Quote From: bellacoo

I recently realized that my best friend of 7 years wasn't a true friend after all. 

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years because of her. 

My boyfriend and were having problems and he went to her to talk to but instead of talking to me about the problems that we were having decided that she would be better.  She was always involved in our problems and believes every fight we have is always about her.
I never had the guts to tell her to step back and stay out of our problems because i thought she was being a good friend however her and my boyfriend started to get close and he realized that he had feelings for her. 

So due to the lack of communication and lack of love in our relationship we broke up. 

Instead of being there for me she was there for him and when i needed a shoulder to cry on she wasn't there. 

Finally when confronted by myself she said "i didn't come to see you and wasn't there for you because..."  my ex-boyfriend had told her not to come near me. 

This caused me great pain and for this reason i realized she wasn't a good and true friend. 

Now my ex and i have gotten back together but we are having the same problems as before due to her interference. 

  

Any advice on how to save my relationship with my friend and boyfriend would greatly be appreciated. 

  

Girl-I had the same scenario-except it was my best girlfriend of 15 years messing with my MARRIAGE.  I painfully had to make a choice.  She is no longer my friend-and I have my husband.  He did not have feelings for her except for friendship-but they would go behind my back and talk about fights he and I had had, etc.  Please cut this toxic person out of your relation with this man, or she will meddle until you break up again.  It gives her power if she trumps another woman-she probably has low self esteem.

Talk to me girl!

 
August 16, 2007, 7:27 pm CDT

Not In the Shadows Anymore.

Quote From: tammy_anne

It sounds like monique is not so much a freind as a person that likes to have possesions.

An example I can give is my two dogs, no I am not saying people are dogs, but I will use my pups as examples lol.

Each of my dogs has thier own toys, but perfer to steal each others and not let any one else have them. It can be quite fusterating as one gets growly and the other cries, for his toy.

It seems that they are incapable of sharing, and are very possesive.

Funny thing is if either of them ignore the fact that they had a toy stolen the dog that stole the toy in the first place loses interest. Then the dog that stole the toy moves on to what he really wants to play with or do, ignoring the other dog, because the reaction is not what they wanted.

What does that mean? Well, it means that if M see's you with someone else she gets posessive and buts her way in to take you away from the other person. It is selfish behavior and unconsiderate of your feelings. However, when the percived threat has passed M loses interest.

So, having said that M is not looking at you as a person with feelings and friendship material, rather like my Dogs she sees you as a possesion that no one else is allowed to play with. furthermore, she has absolutly no right to be humiliating you publicy or otherwise, by grabbing you by the shirt and dragging you through people! 

Sorry, hun, time to find a real friend and stop letting this girl treat you so badly. You are not a toy, you are a person and deserve to be treated as such. As for Riley she is a casual freind, which is ok, now you can focus on finding your real best freind, and she is out there no worry about that, just have to keep your eyes and ears open to find the person that will treat you with kindness and respect, and likes to do the fun things that you do too =) .

You are absolutly correct in your assesment that M is nto the person to be turnign to, time to remove this person out of your freinship circle completly.

I truely am sorry about your mom and hope all is well with her! Having a parent become ill is truely difficult and sad. I most certainly will keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers and pray that everything works out for the best for both of you!

Hugs

Tammy

 

 

Tammy,

I did it. M and I aren't hanging out anymore, actually, she said she never wants to speak to me again...and that's okay! I told her straight out that "I'm not something of possesion, that's slavery, and in our days, abuse! M, I'm not going to be your little tag along anymore! I have my own opinion and can speak for myself and what I want..." At this point she started screaming some words that really shouldn't have been said into the phone. "You're a b***h! All you care about is your f***king pride! Get over yourself." So I told her calmly. "No, M, get over yourself and get an attitude check!" I hung up, and for a long time have been sort of depressed. So I started writing poetry and found that I'm like super good at it. I started hanging out with some new buddies (Kay and Leanne) and they're really great to me.bI'm ready to walk into the new school year with the light shining on me, not hiding in the shadows. Thanks for the advice!

So Happy,

Sienna

 
August 17, 2007, 10:30 am CDT

Sienna

Quote From: spottedstar

Tammy,

I did it. M and I aren't hanging out anymore, actually, she said she never wants to speak to me again...and that's okay! I told her straight out that "I'm not something of possesion, that's slavery, and in our days, abuse! M, I'm not going to be your little tag along anymore! I have my own opinion and can speak for myself and what I want..." At this point she started screaming some words that really shouldn't have been said into the phone. "You're a b***h! All you care about is your f***king pride! Get over yourself." So I told her calmly. "No, M, get over yourself and get an attitude check!" I hung up, and for a long time have been sort of depressed. So I started writing poetry and found that I'm like super good at it. I started hanging out with some new buddies (Kay and Leanne) and they're really great to me.bI'm ready to walk into the new school year with the light shining on me, not hiding in the shadows. Thanks for the advice!

So Happy,

Sienna

I am so happy for you, and you did M a real favor by letting her know that her mena and manipulatice ways are not fair, fun or healthy, hopefully she will learn from this experience and treat her freinds with more respect and dignity in the future. I think if she continues doing these things she is going to find that she has fewer and fewer real friends. I am so happy that you stood up for your rights and needs and in such a mature and respectful way! That is so dang awsome girl! I think you are going to find that more and more good, fun people are going to see the new you and are going to be like wow! I want to be freinds with her! Hehe. Awsome on the two new friends that you have made, I hope they know what a treasure of a friend they have in you =).

Poetry is an awsome talent to have, it can lead to many wonderful things, make sure to share it with teachers and friends, and find a magazine you would like to see your poetry in, you never know, one day someone will read a poem by you and say wow the world has got to see this one!

I would like to see some of your favorite peices too, if you are not to shy to share them =).

Woot you! I am so very happy for you!

Hugs

Tammy

 
August 22, 2007, 4:39 am CDT

this is my story!

when i was 13 i got to know Linda.. We became friends.. The relationship me and her had was a rocky one but we were friends for years.. But then I heard from my bestfriend.. that is her ex and my ex that she had told him something..

 

1) she told him that when i was with him , i was going to break up with him months before he broke up with me..

2) she told him a story he knows the truth about because he was there.. she twisted it. and said that i had been pregnent with him not telling him about it that i lost the child in his home..

 

the story there was when i became his girlfriend i was allready pregnant.. something he knew about.. and he knew who the father was to.. One night I lost that pregnancy at his home.. in his bathroom.. he was there for me through that horrible night..

Me and him are bestfriends today.. And I believe or in a way know she has always been jelaous about our good friendship because it had been her boyfriend first.. (ps: i became his girlfriend a year after she had cheated on him and in a way dumped him ) .. and she always tried to be better then me..  She still believes that the story she told is true.. even when my bestfriend knows it is not.. because he was there.. he know how the story goes..

Betrayal like that will never be forgiven because he is a very important person to me and when a friend tries to break that bond between me and him.. they are over and out in my circle of people..

 
September 30, 2007, 1:07 am CDT

Betrayal of a friend

It can be one of the worst pain to experience because a friend is usually closer than a brother or sister. And the pain can be intense and deep. So when you experience the pain, cry if you have to, go to your God and talk and read what you consider Holy and sacret. Find that thing that brings laughter to your heart, that thing or person who makes you laugh, or those old movies that made you feel like a million bucks. My movie is "PRETTY WOMAN" and "HOW STELLA GOT HER GROVE BACK". These movies do it for me everytime that is if it is a man thing. Even if I have been betrayed by a girlfriend, these movies seem to do it for me. I love jazz and I will get online and surf sites while listening to some of the best jazz that I get from my music station. So find what makes you feel better about yourself and stay with it until you feel better if it is a week, a month or a year...stick with doing things that make you feel better and stay away from "friends" for awhile and don't allow yourself to be vunerable for awhile at least until the wound has healed. And keep on smiling and soon your heart will be smiling too!
 
October 21, 2007, 6:14 pm CDT

Betrayal to the fullest extent

Almost every friend I have had in my life as screwed me over, as well as some family.  You can extend a hand for so long but that doesn't matter, are they actually your friend?  Who knows today they are tomorrow they arn't.  The people who know the most about you hurt you the worst.  It is so sad that people have to be that way.  I am so over life and what life has to offer.  I have a hard time even going to work these days because I am so sick of the bullshit that people have to say!  I am absolutely over it.  Today I got rid of one of my good friends it was hard.  I have stopped being friends with so many people it isn't even funny.  I have one friend left but I am unsure if she is even my friend.  It seems the only time she has time to talk is when it's convenient for her.  I hang out with my boyfriend and his one good friend most often.  Sometimes it would just be nice to hang and do something with one of the girls.. Ya know?  I am just over the people out there in the world.  Everyone is a liar!  It's ridiculous.  Is there anyone out there that doesnt' consistently lie? I have been hurt pretty badly by friends & a few family members, is there a way to ever let go and trust people?  When people talk to me I in the back of my head just think wow what a load of crap!  I usually try not to talk to people because I catch the lies, I see the bull, it's hard to deal with knowing that your "best friend" is sitting there lieing to your face.    I mean honestly it takes some nerve!  I am kinda bitter, upset, hurt, frustrated, angry.  It is draining to me to always second guess people but when you get burned by some many people it's very hard to trust them or anyone ever.  Will I ever get over being bitter and hating  those people?  Will I ever be able to give my full trust again?  Is it a good thing to give full  trust in people?
 
October 22, 2007, 7:01 pm CDT

How Can you expect to much from someone?

Quote From: jaimie1974

First thing I want to address is this statement: It seems the only time she has time to talk is when it's convenient for her.  Why is that so bad? Would you truly want to talk with your friend if it was at an inconvenient time, a time when she is distracted, busy, finishing a meal?
It is possible that you have extremely high expectations of friends. My advice to you is to write down what characteristics are most important to you in a friend. When you write it down and have it in front of you in black-and-white, it can be very helpful because the information becomes more like evidence for you to examine.
It is sad that youve been betrayed and hurt many times, however, it is good that you realize that you are bitter, and that you want to learn where to go from here.
It isnt true that everyone is a liar. The best advice I can give you is to expand your circle of friends. Going outside of your comfort zone is difficult, but if you do it slowly, taking baby steps, it is possible to reap great rewards.
Do you have any female friends at this point? Are they the type of people that you would like to get to know better? A good way to get to know others is to ask them questions and show them that you are truly interested in their response. People are drawn to friends who show an interest in what they have to say. Be positive and encouraging, avoid negative statements. This can be hard- it is so easy to be a negative type of person and complain about everything. It takes a lot more energy to be positive, to look for the good things around you. You can make this change if you really want it, though, and I highly urge you to give it a try. I wish you the best! Leave those lying friends in the dust and move forward, making a conscious decision to live a better life.

My expectations of a person is not to lie, not to tell other people the stuff that is suppose to be between you and I, Call me, make an effort, It shouldn't always be me calling you or asking when we could aside time to get together it works two ways.  I have one female friend, and I have a work girl friend but thats it because all the other friends were always getting into trouble with drugs and alcohol, other ones were busy trying to sleep with my boyfriend and guys I was dating at the time and the other ones chose there boyfriends over there girlfriend who was always there for them and in the end the guy they left there friends for didn't even want them. Was it worth losing a friend who would do anything for you?  I haven't met one person yet who doesn't seem to lie except for my dad.  I believe that it isn't always a bad thing for people to call at there conveiences I mean't that the only time she trys calling is when nobody else comes through and she has nothing else to do.  Or she will not call for 2 months and I end up calling.  It's not always my responsibility to do that it's mutual.  Come on be serious in 2 months you didn't find 5 minutes to call me?  Hard to believe.  It is kinda unfortunate that I have had so many bad experiences with people I mean because I used to be so fun and always wanted to do stuff but  now it almost seems as if I don't want to do anything.  A lot of people say if you fall off a horse get back up, how many times are you willing to fall off a horse before you think it's bad idea and decide not to do it again?  Not to mention my first love cheated on me and got a girl pregnant, that hurt so bad!  I mean it's hard to just sit there at some point and carry on like everything is ok which I did for awhile that got me no where except the dumb girlfriend who lets her bf cheat on her and still stay with him.  One of the friends that tried going after the guys I dated ALWAYS would try to do everything better than me.  It never worked, the harder she tried the more she failed but it sucked because I was the one who was always there for.  She used to call me crying when we were in HS and say ever since you graduated everyone is so mean to me, they won't even talk to me when your not around why did you graduate early?  Blah Blah Blah.  I helped her when she was sad and we had some of the most fun times in my life, little did I know when I wasn't around she was trying to get with every guy I dated and had interest in. I even helped her when she miscarried.  One time she even sunk so low we were drinking and I got really tired and the guy I was seeing called me she took my phone from the room I was in and talked to him for hours on the phone and I didn't even know my phone was gone.  Thats not all she deleted his number out of my phone and put it in hers.  I woke up wondering where my phone had went asked my friends at the house and no one knew where it was  I found it in the room she was sleeping in looked and seen the incoming call had said there was a 3 hour call and I didn't recognize the number because it wasn't saved. Dialed the number on her phone which was right next to mine and it showed his name.  She never had the number before because I had just started dating him.  SHADY!  I used to be so excited to hang out and be with friends, bf's and family but now it's like I rather be in a bubble away from all the BS and drama.  I absolutely HATE liars.  It's not hard not to lie.  I used to get along with everyone, I was a social butterfly.  I think that I was taken advantage of and mis treated and back stabbed so many times because I was nice and just let everything go that now I can't take it anymore. I want to be able to trust people but I can't.  The harder I try to social the more bs, drama and lieing I find out there.  I am so over it.  It is honestly makes me so tired and fed up and it almost makes me wonder how people were brought up half the time.  I am only 20 years old and wow I have 60 more years of this, I will have a stress induced heart attack or something.  I don't want that to happen.  I miss having the girls day out, getting nails done or shopping but if it means that I have to be lied to or anything that I have already gone through than no thank you I rather be alone than have to put up with anymore bs.  The boyfriend I have now is really good for me and supportive of me in anything I do, which is awsome but sometimes boys don't understand what the girl friends do.  Errr.. It is just so hard!  I don't always want to second guess what people say I want to be able to have a good friend where the phone works both ways and be able to hang out when they don't lie and just the everyday stuff.  I was raised that you don't lie, if you borrow money you pay it back as soon as you can even if it is only a penny, be a good person to and a good friend so I mean I really don't feel like any of my expectations are to high. 

 
November 15, 2007, 6:27 pm CST

Say something or let it go?

My daughter came home from the bus stop today and told me that she was no longer friends with a friend/neighbor's daughter.  The mom moved to the neighborhood 1 year ago and considers me one of her "best friends."  We do things together as families and I thought our relationship was good.  I asked my daughter why she and "Lexi" weren't friends.  She told me that Lexi said, "My mom said that you are sassy brats and we aren't allowed to play with you or go over to your house anymore."  Do I say something?     

 
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