Topic : Betrayal

My expectations of a person is not to lie, not to tell other people the stuff that is suppose to be between you and I, Call me, make an effort, It shouldn't always be me calling you or asking when we could aside time to get together it works two ways.  I have one female friend, and I have a work girl friend but thats it because all the other friends were always getting into trouble with drugs and alcohol, other ones were busy trying to sleep with my boyfriend and guys I was dating at the time and the other ones chose there boyfriends over there girlfriend who was always there for them and in the end the guy they left there friends for didn't even want them. Was it worth losing a friend who would do anything for you?  I haven't met one person yet who doesn't seem to lie except for my dad.  I believe that it isn't always a bad thing for people to call at there conveiences I mean't that the only time she trys calling is when nobody else comes through and she has nothing else to do.  Or she will not call for 2 months and I end up calling.  It's not always my responsibility to do that it's mutual.  Come on be serious in 2 months you didn't find 5 minutes to call me?  Hard to believe.  It is kinda unfortunate that I have had so many bad experiences with people I mean because I used to be so fun and always wanted to do stuff but  now it almost seems as if I don't want to do anything.  A lot of people say if you fall off a horse get back up, how many times are you willing to fall off a horse before you think it's bad idea and decide not to do it again?  Not to mention my first love cheated on me and got a girl pregnant, that hurt so bad!  I mean it's hard to just sit there at some point and carry on like everything is ok which I did for awhile that got me no where except the dumb girlfriend who lets her bf cheat on her and still stay with him.  One of the friends that tried going after the guys I dated ALWAYS would try to do everything better than me.  It never worked, the harder she tried the more she failed but it sucked because I was the one who was always there for.  She used to call me crying when we were in HS and say ever since you graduated everyone is so mean to me, they won't even talk to me when your not around why did you graduate early?  Blah Blah Blah.  I helped her when she was sad and we had some of the most fun times in my life, little did I know when I wasn't around she was trying to get with every guy I dated and had interest in. I even helped her when she miscarried.  One time she even sunk so low we were drinking and I got really tired and the guy I was seeing called me she took my phone from the room I was in and talked to him for hours on the phone and I didn't even know my phone was gone.  Thats not all she deleted his number out of my phone and put it in hers.  I woke up wondering where my phone had went asked my friends at the house and no one knew where it was  I found it in the room she was sleeping in looked and seen the incoming call had said there was a 3 hour call and I didn't recognize the number because it wasn't saved. Dialed the number on her phone which was right next to mine and it showed his name.  She never had the number before because I had just started dating him.  SHADY!  I used to be so excited to hang out and be with friends, bf's and family but now it's like I rather be in a bubble away from all the BS and drama.  I absolutely HATE liars.  It's not hard not to lie.  I used to get along with everyone, I was a social butterfly.  I think that I was taken advantage of and mis treated and back stabbed so many times because I was nice and just let everything go that now I can't take it anymore. I want to be able to trust people but I can't.  The harder I try to social the more bs, drama and lieing I find out there.  I am so over it.  It is honestly makes me so tired and fed up and it almost makes me wonder how people were brought up half the time.  I am only 20 years old and wow I have 60 more years of this, I will have a stress induced heart attack or something.  I don't want that to happen.  I miss having the girls day out, getting nails done or shopping but if it means that I have to be lied to or anything that I have already gone through than no thank you I rather be alone than have to put up with anymore bs.  The boyfriend I have now is really good for me and supportive of me in anything I do, which is awsome but sometimes boys don't understand what the girl friends do.  Errr.. It is just so hard!  I don't always want to second guess what people say I want to be able to have a good friend where the phone works both ways and be able to hang out when they don't lie and just the everyday stuff.  I was raised that you don't lie, if you borrow money you pay it back as soon as you can even if it is only a penny, be a good person to and a good friend so I mean I really don't feel like any of my expectations are to high. 

My daughter came home from the bus stop today and told me that she was no longer friends with a friend/neighbor's daughter.  The mom moved to the neighborhood 1 year ago and considers me one of her "best friends."  We do things together as families and I thought our relationship was good.  I asked my daughter why she and "Lexi" weren't friends.  She told me that Lexi said, "My mom said that you are sassy brats and we aren't allowed to play with you or go over to your house anymore."  Do I say something?     

I posted a while back about a not so great friend of mine named Monique or M. To sum things up I broke off the friendship and decided to move on to better friends. Everything was going great until a few weeks ago.

My boyfriend and I have been dating since September and we're pretty much like glue and paper. I asked him to keep the whole thing quiet for the first couple weeks since I was unsure of what my friends would think. We kept the whole thing on the DL until the night of one of the football games. He scored a spectacular touch down and in his excitment scooped me up and kissed me. It wasn't until he set me down that I noticed M smirking at us. I was polite and waved but she just walked off. Later that night my friend Leanne told me that she had heard M say that I didn't deserve my boyfriend and that she could totally take him if she wanted. I waved it off as one of her meaningless threats and to my luck my friends thought Just (my bf) was perfect for me.

The whole thing started at a party where M was continously flirting with Just, so I got a little defensive. He told me not to worry, that she wasn't his type. I had left to go find Leanne so we could go home when all of a sudden I look up and M grabs right a hold of Just and says to me: "He needs a better girl than you, you're just a little puppy like bitch." Then she...kissed him. He pushed away and put his hands in the air and at that point my rope snapped. I slapped M so hard she fell on the floor. Just grabbed me and walked me out of the party and to our quiet spot. Ever since I've been very protective of Just and don't feel like myself. No matter how many times he tells me that his heart is mine I can't beleive it.

To top it all off she told my teachers that I went on an unexcused vacation so now my grades are in trouble too and I'm a Honor Society student and get high honors every semester. So please help would be nice.

Ce

I just recently formed a decsion with what I thought was my dear friend.  That she is a habitual liar and has no self respect!  Here's the story.  About a year ago I had helped her get out of her bad relationship and had a rental available and had her sign a lease.  In the agreement my husband and I stated that she was able to pay her monthly payment of $800.00 in two installments.  Since we both work at the same job we were both paid bi-weekly and we told her that she could pay $400.00 each payday.  I also provided furniture for her and her children and a few other necessary item's that I had availabe to give her.  Over the past year she has habitually not paid her rent on time and I always had to ask for the payment on the following Monday.  I used to be a single parent so I know how times get hard but I managed and always paid my rent on time and all my utitilies even if that meant that my child would eat and I wouldn't.  Now it has come to the point where she is still $400.00 behing on rent and has told me over the past few month's she would pay it back so that the money wouldn't come between our friendship.  So, we are in the last month and I was expecting and extra $200.00 at the beginning of the month and the other $200.00 at the end and of course once again she has failed to comply.  I feel she has honestly taken advantage of our friendship and that she is only telling me sob stories for which I'm tired of hearing.  Been there done that and I can honestly say she has not put in the effort to have the money to pay me back.  Over this entire year I have been nothing but kind hearted to her with taking her to lunch and buying to taking her to the movies and paying for her ticket and anything else with not expecting anything in return.  I knew times were rough so I was being a good friend and I'm a very giving person.  The last payday I actually had to show up at her house because I was in fear if I didn't collect on the Friday she would have the weekend to possibly spend that portion of the rent money.  As I was in the house I noticed that she had "cable" tv and had a computer that her son was accessing the internet.  That was a slap in my face because I thought to myself that she still owes me $400.00 yet she has money to have cable and the internet?  To me those are NOT a necessity, they are a luxury.  Needless to say I was not happy with her and wrote her a letter telling her my thoughts on the matter.  She then didn't speak to me for "2" day's and another friend of mine said that she was probably mad at me.  Mad at me?  They stated that since I basically told her she shouldn't have calbe or internet she was going to take offense to it and that's why she hasn't spoken to me.  This brings me to the next issue.  When she moved into the rental in the beginning we didn't charge her for a deposit because we knew she had just left her spouse and helped her out that way but also we helped her get Direct TV.  Her credit was soo bad that she would have had to put a deposit down for $250.00.  So, out of the kindness of our hearts we opened an account for the rental and she was to pay the bill every month.  Since I had the falling out with her on the rent I decided to call Direct TV and check on the status of that.  I got the worst shock ever!  The last payment she made was in September and they shut the service off and the account is now in collections.  IN MY HUSBANDS NAME!  They said that to pay it off we would have to come up with $430.00 because there was a service contract and late fee's.  This made me cry soo bad for the fact that I was the stupid one who trusted her to keep up with this bill and then my sorrow turned into anger because she knew she hadn't paid on that bill since September and come to find out her boyfriend got a Cable company in to get her service.  She blatantly still has yet to make a payment on that bill and never ONCE mentioned that she was late, the service got shut off or that it went to collections.  How did she not know?  The bill was sent to the rental!  When I confronted her she used the poor me factor once again and that she didn't have the money to pay it and I told her she wasn't ruining her credit she was now ruining my husbands.  She then ensued into a screaming match with me and stated that who was I to tell her that she can't have the internet and that the only reason she had it was so her daughter could do her school work on it.  She just didn't get it!  I couldn't believe her and I just cried and then left as she slamed the door behind me telling me she would get me money for which I don't believe her.  I have tried to be a good friend in telling her that she needed a second job so she could simply afford those extra things and that it was rough and she just did the "let me just say what she needs to hear and then this will be over with" thing.  Unreal!  My children ran up a cell bill and I knew how much it was and put in overtime at work so I knew I could cover paying that bill yet for month's she's done nothing in trying to pay us back for the $400.00 she still owed.  It's like she isn't sorry for ruining my husbands credit now?  Or doesn't even feel bad about not paying back what she owes in rent.  She has "3" children and what I would love to do is throw her out on her butt but then I see the kid's.  It truly breaks my heart that after all I've done this is how she thanks me.  Can someone give me their thoughts on the matter.  I know what I should do but would just like some others advice.  I'm just very hurt right now and very, very disappointed at someone I thought was a great friend to me.

Hello, I just read your post.  I couldn't sleep so I decided to surf around on Dr. Phil, and find me a place to rest..Sounds like you are a lot like me, too genous and end up getting screwed...I think after this, you would of learned a whole lot...that even with friends, one can't go to those lengths to help a person out.  I mean, it's nice, but sometimes we need to take a long look at the situation first..Giving too much, sometimes also can enable them in the end..I know it's hard not to help..but, perhaps help only so much..so far..

It's really disappointing and hurtful, when we see that the friend we thought they were..just isn't..it leaves us feeling so foolish...I do that too, I believe so much in that person..and when, they let me down..I wonder, why was I so blind?  Why was I so stupid?  I tell you though, going through this a few times..cures me..I've been let down by a few ppl recently...and I will talk about soon, in anost...But, let me say this, I know how you're feeling...Just try, and remember YOU are the GOOD person..THEY took advantage of you...and that's wrong...hopefully, you will get everything that is owed you....you just be happy about yourself, and it's THAT person...that really screwed up...and just hold that inside of you..the fact that YOU are  that GOOD person..and remember this, but next time also be careful..friend or not, we can't always give them the world..

Dee

the hurt caused by a friend?  I mean, we all hear about getting over the hurt caused in a guy/girl relationship...but, how about just 'friends'?  of the opposite sex?  Some ppl may think, that it's wierd to have this reaction...reaction of sadness, hurt, feeling of being really stupid, and feeling used...How does one get over this?  I guess, the answer is 'time'...I know on the Dr. Phil show once, he said not to hold out for 'I'm sorrys'...because, some ppl just don't get it..some, ppl they will never get that..

How do you justify being in a friendship for so long, and it to turn out like it did?  Did we want to make believe it was a 'good' friendship?  anyway, just some thoughts..up late, and need to try and sleep again...

Dee