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Topic : Betrayal

Number of Replies: 232
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:05 am
Author : dataimport
What do you do when a trusted friend stabs you in the back? Give them a chance to explain? Or end the friendship?

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February 22, 2006, 12:23 pm CST

For the kids

Quote From: i_am_1

Hi,  

   This is my first time here. I am real confused about my situation, depressed,and some times thinking I am losing my mind. Sept. 1st  I left an abusive relationship of 20 years. My husband is an alcoholic and went to the bar every day.  As much as 300-600 dollars would go over the bar every month. I would not be able to shop some weeks.  I also got in to the drinking because that was the only time I got to spend with him. We have two children 16 & 14 their social life depended on who was sober enough to drive them if they had some ware to go. I left in 2000 for all the same reasons and we went to counseling , he convinced us to go back to our home and he would change. Well by 2002 it was back to the same. We never talked, I was to fat and stupid. He actually convinced me I was fat and ugly, sex was nonexistent unless he was drunk. I got to the point I would not leave the house. I had a heart attack and decided I could not take the stress anymore and left. 

    A month after I was gone he started a relationship with my best friend  This girl knew everything she sat and cried with me at times over something he did to me. Now I am told it is my fault they are together. Because I got so upset that they were only dating (not having sex) that I pushed them to it. He said there is nothing wrong with him being with her. We are not legally divorced or separated and I don't think it's right.  What kind of  morels is he teaching his kids.. We lived in a small town everyone turned their back on me because of his sob story. Now I have no one. Every time I think of them together I cry. How can I get over this? At times my heart actually hurts over it. any advice will help. 

Hi -I read your post and feel so sad for you.  But at the same time I am elated that you now have a chance to move on and find happiness and take care of yourself and your children properly. 

Children grow to emulate their parents--don't you want tthem to see you as strong and willing to stand up for yourself, rather than willing to put up with the emotional abuse and alcoholism? 

My husband grew up in a family where both parents were alcoholics, physical abuse was the only physical touch he ever saw between his parents.  It has taken a lot for him to overcome, and even now he still struggles with many leftover issues because of them. 

 

I wish you luck and much happiness, you are worth it!  Sometimes the worst thing at the moment is the best in the long run.  good luck and keep posting .we are here for you     

 
February 22, 2006, 4:51 pm CST

My Best Friend is now dating my son

I met a very wonderful girlfriend at my last place of employment.  She and I became fast friends, we had many common interests. I could talk to her about anything. My son at the time was living several states away. He and I always had a very close relationship and I was always worried about him, since our communication was always far apart. When my son came back home I was very excited and talked non stop about him to my friend. I wanted them to meet, because I knew that she'd love him as much (and like)  I did.  We went out to dinner, my friend, my son and I, several times. Since my son was newly back, he spend alot of time home alone and I wanted to spend time with him. They seemed to hit it off and also became friends. I was oblivious to the attraction that was happening between them.  My other children would often comment about them and I'd tell them it's silly. She was 36 and he was 25. I never thought of my son as a sexual person and never thought that my friend would think of him like that either. My son told me that he was attracted to her and I told him then I thought he would be in for heartache because she wouldn't do that to your friendship. Boy, was I wrong!!! They both began a journey all their own and have pretty much left me out of it. She is now living with me and my son. Everyday gets harder for me. I no longer feel close to my friend or my son. It's been almost a year since they started dating. At first they assured me that our friendship would continue and that I'd always be important, to now we almost never talk. My friend and I haven't had a meaningful conversation in 4 months. My friend, my son and I exchange pleasant morning conversation and then we go about our day. They both tell me, it's me doing all this. I'm beginning to think that maybe it is, but I can't hear any negative things she may say about my son. My son says if they ever break up it'll be my fault, since I'm having such a hard time excepting this. Does any one have any advice about how I can come to terms with this? How I can have a friendship with both of them? I feel that they both betrayed me and made me feel used. I've thought about moving out, but my friend says that she'd move out first. Then we're back to, I'd be the one responsible for breaking them up. I do want to continue my friendship with my friend. Am I crazy to believe that this can happen?
 
February 23, 2006, 1:33 pm CST

Will and Grace gone WRONG

This is the 1st time I've ever done anything like this, but I just didn't know what else to do. I'll try to make it brief. I moved down to Fort Lauderdale , Fl for college in Oct. 2002, this is when I encountered my 1st TRUE dose of backstabbing best friends. His name was Alain we had a short friendship, about 7 months before he ultimately got me evicted from student housing at the college we went to, and then left me to go back to his hometown. We were joined at the hip, we did everything together. After he left I was devastated I invested all of myself in our friendship and was alone.

  

 

 A few months later I meet Andy. The reason I am writing this today. Just like Alian, Andy is a gay guy, and just like Alain, Andy and I hit it off instantly. We were best friends real fast, who hung out everyday and talked a few times a day. I knew I didn't want another Alain relationship so I wanted to maintain some distance. But, little did I know Andy was not that kind of friend. You know the kind of friend who surprise visits you and then wants to hangout all day and do everything with you, even if you don’t'. Well, that’s him. I'm pretty much the opposite of that , I enjoy my space greatly ,but, with Andy I didn't mind too much. (There were a number of times when he would just show up at my door unannounced and I wouldn't answer, but he would peek through my blinds and say “I can see you come out" and I would, until I eventually stop pretending not to be home).

  

 

Around Oct of last year Fort Lauderdale was hit by a devastating hurricane and my apartment was declared unlivable, I lost 90% of my clothes, most of my furniture and a lot of my sanity. On, top of having to move in with him and his boyfriend in their apartment, we were rendered power-less, there was no electricity for 13 days. I think this strained our relationship greatly, I was stressed out beyond the max; homeless, school wasn't going well, and I had no clothes or money or even a TV. to watch or air conditioner to think in. I finally found a place to live, (10 streets north of Andy) and started to rebuild my life. I went home for Thanksgiving and Christmas break, only to come back to Florida facing more stress than when I left.

  

 

Over Christmas break Andy went to see his family in New York . His friend of a few years went with him (another gay guy named Eric). They had an awesome time, which made me jealous.  They went to bars and drank and explored the city. I was jealous, because Andy is 26 and I'm 21, I like to go out, dance, drink, flirt, whatever but he say's "he’s over that". He never wants to go out, (I can count the number of times we have been out on my hands, and we've been friends for roughly 2 years) If I'm lucky we may go to the movies, but even that’s died down since his new job. After their New York trip Eric needed a place to stay, so he moved in with Andy.

  

 

Things have gotten really bad now, I'll call him on Sunday, and he won’t call me back until Wed. I know that might not seem like a big deal, but it kills me every time. He works at Blockbuster and gets free movie rentals, so we would have movie nights a few times a week; it’s been 3 weeks since our movie night! And now when we do hang out, its like, he’s tired of me he gets annoyed after a few hours. (All of which happened with Alain as well) But I swear I haven’t changed since he’s known me, I don’t know what it could be. To add gasoline to the fire Eric lives there now, and is now Andy’s live in best friend. They now have inside jokes, and check out guys together. Now it’s like Andy won’t see me without Eric.  Andy is well aware what happen to Alain and I, and what he did to me, so for Andy to start resembling  Alian’s behavior devastates me.  Like I said I don’t have many close friends, infact including Andy I have 2. I have been single all of my life and never really dated, so I basically have a lot of time to think about this alone.

  

 

So I guess here is my situation, we don't hang out anymore like we use to. I'm not saying I want to do everything together like we use to some space is fine. But, I just feel like he just pushed me away. He replaced me with someone else. Someone who maybe doesn't bitch and complain like me, or who has fewer issues, or who is a better friend-match than me. It hurts on so many different levels, because he really is my only close friend down here, I don't really have anyone else and the fact that I just went through this with Alain kills me inside. I can't take having this happen to me twice, in a row. I cry about it a few times a day, and I think he could care less a bout me at this point. I honestly do. I'm dead to him; he has a new best friend, a better best friend. Like people take the time to want to know me, and when they do, they want out. I never had this problem before but I can't escape it now. I talk to some of my old friends and things are as they’ve always been.  I love him dearly, and don’t want to loose him, but I need to know what’s going on. If you can help me and my situation I would really appreciate it. I’m sick of crying everyday, Thanx

  

 

  

 

  

 
February 23, 2006, 2:20 pm CST

be happy

Quote From: poburbank

I met a very wonderful girlfriend at my last place of employment.  She and I became fast friends, we had many common interests. I could talk to her about anything. My son at the time was living several states away. He and I always had a very close relationship and I was always worried about him, since our communication was always far apart. When my son came back home I was very excited and talked non stop about him to my friend. I wanted them to meet, because I knew that she'd love him as much (and like)  I did.  We went out to dinner, my friend, my son and I, several times. Since my son was newly back, he spend alot of time home alone and I wanted to spend time with him. They seemed to hit it off and also became friends. I was oblivious to the attraction that was happening between them.  My other children would often comment about them and I'd tell them it's silly. She was 36 and he was 25. I never thought of my son as a sexual person and never thought that my friend would think of him like that either. My son told me that he was attracted to her and I told him then I thought he would be in for heartache because she wouldn't do that to your friendship. Boy, was I wrong!!! They both began a journey all their own and have pretty much left me out of it. She is now living with me and my son. Everyday gets harder for me. I no longer feel close to my friend or my son. It's been almost a year since they started dating. At first they assured me that our friendship would continue and that I'd always be important, to now we almost never talk. My friend and I haven't had a meaningful conversation in 4 months. My friend, my son and I exchange pleasant morning conversation and then we go about our day. They both tell me, it's me doing all this. I'm beginning to think that maybe it is, but I can't hear any negative things she may say about my son. My son says if they ever break up it'll be my fault, since I'm having such a hard time excepting this. Does any one have any advice about how I can come to terms with this? How I can have a friendship with both of them? I feel that they both betrayed me and made me feel used. I've thought about moving out, but my friend says that she'd move out first. Then we're back to, I'd be the one responsible for breaking them up. I do want to continue my friendship with my friend. Am I crazy to believe that this can happen?
Hi, you should be happy that your son found a girlfriend who has all the qualities you would have looked for in a friend!--you don't say how old you are, but their age difference isn't that big of a deal. I think the only problem with the situation is that you are letting them live with you.  You are way too in each others business and space...time for them to move on and out!  
 
February 27, 2006, 3:55 pm CST

backstabbing.

Quote From: jenoc99

Keep her at a distance! 

You know that she isn't going to pay you money. (You don't say why she would give you money anyway... but the point is, you know that she isn't going to!) If its money that she owes you, just cut your loss now and be done with her. She brings on more stress than its worth, right? There is no amount of money that could make her tolerable. If she emails you, just delete it. Dont' respond. She wants you to respond, she wants to "get" to you... dont' give her what she wants!  

she owes me 600.00 for a phone bill and she has known about it fo a year. and she is pulling other in to this as well.
 
March 3, 2006, 10:15 pm CST

about friends

i think that being a good friend is just as imporntant as having a good friend like you sayed sticking together but also if you make mistaks forgive and forget.thar is a guy i know we used to be friends but since he stoll from me notonce or twice but three times and he stoll from my sister three times and my digatal camra disaperd around the time when i met him.it was after the 6th time that i stoped talking to him.my point is a friend should not let a thing like money get betwen you when its in small amountsand now a few of my other friends respct me a litle more becouse of it  

money comes and gose but your friends are there forever 

just do what youcan to prove your a good friend and thay might help you when you need it 

 
March 10, 2006, 8:22 pm CST

An old friend and a new problem.

I am not sure where I should put this, but this seemed like the best place because I feel like I am betraying my boyfriend Andrew in a way. Yesterday I was having lunch with my parents when I ran into this guy I used to be friends with. Well, long story short, I used to love this guy very much. He and I haven't hung out for a year and a half. But when I saw him yesterday, I got the same feeling I used to get. My heart pounded, and I was happy to see him. I felt all of the things I used to feel. But I don't know why. I am Andrew's girl now. I love Andrew very much. Why do I still love this other guy when he just dropped out of my life with out an explanation? Are my feelings for this other guy wrong? Why do I still feel them? I have been in love with this guy for nearly 3 years now. I am fairly sure that I would never cheat on Andrew with him, but I wouldn't want to be alone with him and have the temptation.  

 
March 11, 2006, 11:36 pm CST

bad friend

time ever doing anything like this, i had a friend who we were very close and well i live in australia and it can get hot here and this one day it was 40 deg and real humid. I was at her house in the morning and we both have small bubs, she asked me to take her to shop which was 5min around the corner. I agreed. We were at the shop for about hour when my bub started getting really tired and hungrey. the trip home for me would take about an hour with no airconditioning. Anyway i asked what she needed to do and explained my circumstance. She said that she could walk home and shed done it heaps of times. At first i refused saying it was too hot, but after long disscussion and her saying no she doesnt want a lift back i decided to go. Well the next day i get a message from her saying her son had heat stroke and was really sick because of me. Her and her partner rang my house abbusing me and yelling at me. I was so upset and appologised but she and her partner just kept yelling. Wel this kept going on for weeks, rude messages so i wasnt going to put up with it and started being rude back. I know not the most mature thing to do but i just acted instead of thinking. I soon found out that she just lies all the time and fabricates everything to her partner, twisting stuff so he gets angrey and in turn ends in argument. I was so hurt by what they did and think about it often. i'm so angrey at the immature nature of her actions and wish people could see her for the lies that she says. I know thats mean but i always cop it because she lies. That day she walked home she told her partner that i never offered her a lift and just took off. Since then i found out lots more stuff that she lied about and it really hurts that a friend would do that. i know i should have never left even though she insisted i did but i was in tears appologising and she just keept yelling and calling me very rude names
 
March 17, 2006, 4:47 am CST

Am I just jealous?

 I have a friend that lives in another state.  She seems to constantly have this need to connect with my boyfriend.  Now, my boyfriend has cheated on me in the past and we broke up.  We worked things out and things are much better and I do trust him.  She knows all of this past drama.  First I found an ecard that she sent him with a naked woman on it....saying, " I started without you".  Her and I discussed that one and I had to explain to her that was not appropriate to send to someone else's boyfriend.  She said she was sorry and she didnt know.  Then about 6 months later, I found another ecard from her to him with little floating hearts back and forth saying "how well they fit together".  I then had to discuss that with her as well.  Again, she didnt know this was wrong.  When I find all of these cards from her, I also search out to see what he sends back and I cant find where he is sending anything to her.  Now, she does not have a cpr anymore and she has taken it upon herself to start calling him almost everyday.  She still calls me, but calls him on his cell when he is at work.  Again, I cant see where he is the one calling her.  Now, I wouldnt even think about calling one of my friends boyfriends or husbands on a regular basis.  Nor, would I ever send them such ecards.  So I am wondering am I just being jealous?  I used to have such a jealousy problem and I have worked very hard on it.  I dont want to be over-reacting.  But, it just doesnt feel right to me.
 
March 17, 2006, 9:35 am CST

To Janice

Quote From: janice1018

 I have a friend that lives in another state.  She seems to constantly have this need to connect with my boyfriend.  Now, my boyfriend has cheated on me in the past and we broke up.  We worked things out and things are much better and I do trust him.  She knows all of this past drama.  First I found an ecard that she sent him with a naked woman on it....saying, " I started without you".  Her and I discussed that one and I had to explain to her that was not appropriate to send to someone else's boyfriend.  She said she was sorry and she didnt know.  Then about 6 months later, I found another ecard from her to him with little floating hearts back and forth saying "how well they fit together".  I then had to discuss that with her as well.  Again, she didnt know this was wrong.  When I find all of these cards from her, I also search out to see what he sends back and I cant find where he is sending anything to her.  Now, she does not have a cpr anymore and she has taken it upon herself to start calling him almost everyday.  She still calls me, but calls him on his cell when he is at work.  Again, I cant see where he is the one calling her.  Now, I wouldnt even think about calling one of my friends boyfriends or husbands on a regular basis.  Nor, would I ever send them such ecards.  So I am wondering am I just being jealous?  I used to have such a jealousy problem and I have worked very hard on it.  I dont want to be over-reacting.  But, it just doesnt feel right to me.

Dear Janice 

I had to write after reading your message.  You are NOT overreacting and you are NOT jealous.  Over-reacting, jealous...this sounds exactly like what someone like your friend would say to try to make it look like it is YOU with the problem when it is their behavior that is wrong.  I don't believe that she didn't know the cards were inappropriate.  Even if you gave her the benefit of having not known with the first one, then why did she continue to send more cards after you told her it bothered you? You say you can't find anything to indicate that he is calling her or sending cards to her.  But there is something he isn't doing that he should do and that is to tell her to stop contacting him.  If he isn't willing to do this then I see lots of red flags going up. Especially since he already has the history of cheating.  If he really cares about your feelings he would not accept any more phone calls and should not open any e-cards he gets from her.  If he is not willing to do this for you I would seriously question  this relationship.  It isn't worth it if he does not give top priority to your feelings and well-being.Also, you certainly don't need this girl for a friend.  I'd show her the door really quick, and if it hits her in the butt on the way out..well, she deserves it!  You sound like a good hearted person.  You deserve so much better for yourself. 

Julie 

 
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