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Topic : Betrayal

Number of Replies: 232
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:05 am
Author : dataimport
What do you do when a trusted friend stabs you in the back? Give them a chance to explain? Or end the friendship?

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April 25, 2006, 11:11 am CDT

How could she do that to me?

My best friend and I have been close for over a dozen years.  She has always been there for me in the past until recently...  My husband and I split up and are divorcing.  He went to stay with my best firend and her husband until he could get a place of his own.  Within two weeks of him moving in there his girlfriend starting coming over there VERY frequently and no one, not even her, decided to let me know.  In fact, he was allowed to sleep with her and have her spend the night at my best friends house.  My best friend wouldn't return most of my calls, she didn't want me to stop over there because he could be there or show up, I had rules on what I could talk to her about, etc.  He could talk about me freely (which he did) with her and in front of her - he had no stipulations whatsoever while he was there...  I finally find out about it a month later from my three year old daughter.  I get upset because she didn't tell me herself - she had the audacity to get mad at me and yell at me...  "I'm not his f'in babysitter.  What was I supposed to call you every time she came over here?"  etc. etc.  How could she have his back and turn her back on me - support him and be there for him while I was left out in the cold.  I feel totally replaced by his new girlfriend...  It feels like he ripped me out of the picture and taped her in...  How can I forgive my best friend, who - by the way - started to have tons of time for me when he moved out.  She started emailing me and calling me frequently after he left.  I wasn't good enough to be her friend while he was there, but now I am????  I just don't know what to do. 
 
April 28, 2006, 8:33 am CDT

Betrayal

Quote From: krystena

My best friend and I have been close for over a dozen years.  She has always been there for me in the past until recently...  My husband and I split up and are divorcing.  He went to stay with my best firend and her husband until he could get a place of his own.  Within two weeks of him moving in there his girlfriend starting coming over there VERY frequently and no one, not even her, decided to let me know.  In fact, he was allowed to sleep with her and have her spend the night at my best friends house.  My best friend wouldn't return most of my calls, she didn't want me to stop over there because he could be there or show up, I had rules on what I could talk to her about, etc.  He could talk about me freely (which he did) with her and in front of her - he had no stipulations whatsoever while he was there...  I finally find out about it a month later from my three year old daughter.  I get upset because she didn't tell me herself - she had the audacity to get mad at me and yell at me...  "I'm not his f'in babysitter.  What was I supposed to call you every time she came over here?"  etc. etc.  How could she have his back and turn her back on me - support him and be there for him while I was left out in the cold.  I feel totally replaced by his new girlfriend...  It feels like he ripped me out of the picture and taped her in...  How can I forgive my best friend, who - by the way - started to have tons of time for me when he moved out.  She started emailing me and calling me frequently after he left.  I wasn't good enough to be her friend while he was there, but now I am????  I just don't know what to do. 
She felt guilty, that is why she didn't call you.  She knew you were getting divorced and probably didn't want to hurt you even MORE by telling you had already moved on very quickly.  It would be different if she knew he was cheating on you but he's not, you are getting divorced and he happens to be staying there.  Yeah she could have told him, he needs to cool it down a little in front her because she is your best friend but she didn't.  You can be upset but nothing that should be taken out of portion.  HE is the one that you are mad at, apparently?  Because you still care that he is moving on and you apparently are not.  Yeah it's quick but what can you do?  He will no longer be your husband?  Your friend will always be your friend.  YOU can't let your ex husbands actions let that ruin your friendship.  She made some mistakes, yeah but I can guarantee she felt guilty not telling you and probably felt guilty for him being there, so that is why she didn't talk to you much because she didn't want to lie about him but she also didn't want to be the one that told you and hurt you.  She kept it to herself.  THAT is no reason to give up on your friend.
 
June 5, 2006, 11:11 pm CDT

Betrayal

Quote From: scaredicat

chances are it is a duck !!!!! 

  

You did not have to explain that to her 

she knows and he should be the one to say  

Hey no more or not like this ! 

  

  

I do not believe you are being jelious. But there is something you might want to think about.  This "Relationship" she has with your boyfriend may be onesided.  She could be doing this to think he is cheating on you again so you will dump him and make it a clear path for her to take and get him.  I had a friend that was after my fiance for years and she tried everything even using my family to help spread lies so i would dump him. Come to find out it was only a one sided relationship and it was coming from her side.  I would set down and have a conversation about it with him.  If you have been with him long enough you know when he is lying.   If he is not lying then i would ask him for your peace of mind would he not talk to her anymore.  IF he truly loves you and there is nothing going on then he would gladly do it to prevent a rift in your relationship.  Then you need to make sure she is out of the picture permintly also.  Good luck with this and may god be with you.
 
June 9, 2006, 8:51 pm CDT

Today's Show on Loving Dumb

What I've been feeling's kind of related. I realize now, why my friendship with this certain guy has kind of diminished over the years. I've always wanted to go back to things the way they were, but today's show kind of woke me up and nudged me to move on. He told me that I'm one of the very few that knows him really well. Even if that's true, it seems that our "chemistry" (can't really say that it's chemistry 'cause we're just good friends instead of in a romantic relationship) has been broken and that he, like the guy in the audience that Dr. Phil queried, is ready to move on. The reason I put it under "betrayal" is because I've felt somewhat betrayed that our friendship has weakened. Like I'm not good enough anymore. It still hurts, but at least I know what's going on and shouldn't be clinging on to a relationship past. Anyone? And this is my first post. :) yay!
 
June 10, 2006, 12:51 pm CDT

Betrayal

Quote From: kimiona

What I've been feeling's kind of related. I realize now, why my friendship with this certain guy has kind of diminished over the years. I've always wanted to go back to things the way they were, but today's show kind of woke me up and nudged me to move on. He told me that I'm one of the very few that knows him really well. Even if that's true, it seems that our "chemistry" (can't really say that it's chemistry 'cause we're just good friends instead of in a romantic relationship) has been broken and that he, like the guy in the audience that Dr. Phil queried, is ready to move on. The reason I put it under "betrayal" is because I've felt somewhat betrayed that our friendship has weakened. Like I'm not good enough anymore. It still hurts, but at least I know what's going on and shouldn't be clinging on to a relationship past. Anyone? And this is my first post. :) yay!
The diminishing of your friendship isn’t because you are not ‘good enough’ anymore. It is because people grow and change, and when you don’t grow and change together, then you grow and change apart from one another. Your friend just isn’t the same guy that he used to be, and it is time to move on. This is painful, but it happens to friendships often. Please know that it has nothing to do with your worth as a person or as a friend, it is just one of those things that happen.
 
June 12, 2006, 10:43 pm CDT

Having troubles finding friends

Hi all, I'm new to this site but thought it would be the best place to come to "let off some steam". 

I'm 24 years old and I have trouble finding and keeping new friendships.  The main reason for this is that I have alot of troubles getting close to and trusting people because of my bad history.  I always have trouble saying the simple word NO to people.  Eg. to a "friend" borrowing money or asking for a lift in my car.  It always ends up being me saying yes to them once then my "friends" using me for money or whatever else they can get out of me.  I think I am just being too nice to people and just can't say no.  I know one day this will make me become a stressed maniac as I continually get used by friends and partners.  I always think if I say no to people, they won't like me or want to be my friend 

  

Any tips on how to say no to people and get my trust back in people and make some life long friendships??? 

 
June 13, 2006, 4:01 am CDT

some ideas

Quote From: clhockey82

Hi all, I'm new to this site but thought it would be the best place to come to "let off some steam". 

I'm 24 years old and I have trouble finding and keeping new friendships.  The main reason for this is that I have alot of troubles getting close to and trusting people because of my bad history.  I always have trouble saying the simple word NO to people.  Eg. to a "friend" borrowing money or asking for a lift in my car.  It always ends up being me saying yes to them once then my "friends" using me for money or whatever else they can get out of me.  I think I am just being too nice to people and just can't say no.  I know one day this will make me become a stressed maniac as I continually get used by friends and partners.  I always think if I say no to people, they won't like me or want to be my friend 

  

Any tips on how to say no to people and get my trust back in people and make some life long friendships??? 

I had the same trouble when I was younger.  One thing you can do if saying "no" is hard: 

  

Tell people you will have to get back to them. Then you have a little time to think of an answer if it is something you really don't want to do.  You can say "sorry, I'm a little low on cash right now".  Or "I have to be somewhere at 5:00 so I can't give you a ride today".  Keep in mind, you don't have to say  "no" to everything.  That would be overcompensating.   But if something is putting you out, or if you genuinely think someone is using you and not a real friend then don't give in. 

  

If you say "no", people will respect you and know that they can't walk over you. If they don't want to be your friend then, you can assume that they aren't the kind of people you would want in your life anyway. True friends don't take advantage-it should be a give and take relationship.  So look carefully and see if these people give back to you too. People who do things for you are the ones you might want to give that ride to, but slow down on doing it for the users,  As far as lending money goes, I'd be real cautious about that.  That should be limited only to people you are very close to and can trust enough to know they would pay you back,  There are VERY few people I would put in that category. So expect to say "no" to almost everyone on that one. 

 
June 13, 2006, 4:08 am CDT

jenoc 99 is right!!!

Quote From: jenoc99

The diminishing of your friendship isn’t because you are not ‘good enough’ anymore. It is because people grow and change, and when you don’t grow and change together, then you grow and change apart from one another. Your friend just isn’t the same guy that he used to be, and it is time to move on. This is painful, but it happens to friendships often. Please know that it has nothing to do with your worth as a person or as a friend, it is just one of those things that happen.
You are making the diminishing of the friendship into a problem about you.  Like jenoc99 said, people do change and then go in different directions.  Yes, it hurts, but don't make this about you.  Maybe he has some kind of problem, maybe he outgrew the friendship, maybe he has a girlfriend he is very close to and feels uncomfortable about your friendship.  Who know?  But the one thing you shouldn't do is take it so personally and thinking something is wrong with you.   This is life, and people do grow apart.  Move on and get to know new people.  Good luck.
 
June 13, 2006, 8:15 pm CDT

i lost my friends

I had to leave school because i was very suicidal this year because i was being beat up eveyday by students and teachers was treating my like garbage so i left the place.Now i herd 3 weeks ago that the teachers at my school was saying not nice things about me to the students and now i lost all my friends and no one ever talks to me on msn anymore.........anyone got any advice? 

 
June 13, 2006, 8:17 pm CDT

I lost them

I had to leave school because i was very suicidal this year because i was being beat up eveyday by students and teachers was treating my like garbage so i left the place.Now i herd 3 weeks ago that the teachers at my school was saying not nice things about me to the students and now i lost all my friends and no one ever talks to me on msn anymore.........anyone got any advice? 

 
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