Topic : Betrayal

find out if they were your friend to begin with

My boyfriend, Nathan and I were together for three and a half years.  He was also my third serious relationship.  (Just when I thought three times was a charm.)  He started a job as a full time touring drummer two years ago, and went from being the most kind, unselfish person to a pure narcasist.  The first flag was indicated when he downloaded porn on MY computer, not his, mine!!  The second flag was an inappropriate online flirting game with a much older woman with three kids.  This continued with other women since his start in the rock star scene.  A week ago, one of his fans came to Atlanta from Virginia on her way down to Chile, South America.  He was caught in a kiss with her and inappropriate dialogue exchanged between the two.  Bare in mind, I lost my mother since the beginning of this whole downward spiral.  She died a year and a half ago, and I'm still devastated over it.  He wouldn't drive back to Atlanta from Valdosta, GA after a show when my mother was in the final stages of her existence.  That was a time I really needed him by my side.  I'm an only child living with my dad.  He's ALL I have left.  I'm twenty six going very shortly on twenty seven, and I'm scared to lose another person I care very deeply about.  Regretfully, I caught him by hacking through his email.  I shouldn't have to invade my partner's private thoughts to sleep a little less tight at night.  He's done nothing to earn my trust and respect because he won't talk to me about his feelings while he's away.  He sugar coats the truth until he gets caught.  I've been through ENOUGH for two years.  I'm ready to bury everything of his, mine and our past to overcome the fear of being another man's doormat.  My heart is absolutely broken, and I miss my mom.  She had an over eating disorder, and was a child of alchoholics.  I never suspected she would die from skin cancer because she hardly ever went outside.  She was too ashamed of herself to socialize much.  I think that's why Nathan is scared.  He thinks I might turn out the same way. 

You say in your last line that you think Nathan is scared.  It sounds to me like you are making excuses for a guy who has not been a real boyfriend to you at all. 

 

Let's face the facts, shall we??  Nathan has been nothing but a LOUSY boyfriend to you!! 

 

1. He has has not been there for you during your time of need (when your mom passed away)

2. You have caught him cheating (you have come across email, pictures etc).

 

Why are you making excuses for this guy? 

It's time to kick Nathan to the curb and move on with your life. 

Girl... You are only 26... you got plenty of life ahead of you. 

Get rid of this A$$ clown and move on and FIND A REAL MAN WHO WILL BE THERE FOR YOU.

Also find some friends and go back to school... get on your life and leave this loser behind. 

 

Cricket

I agree with cricket if hes not gonna treat you like a real women with respect....then why hold on to this pile of dust any longer? just let him blow away into the wind with the rest of his crap.........your worth way more than this guy who wouldn't even be there when your mother passed away..by the way I'm sorry about that. I know it hurts because you might see the good in him buried down deep but belvie me you can't change him he can only change himself........let him go...hes hindering you rather than helping you. Be strong you will be fine and once this ends your will be very happy....I had to do what you might have to do and belvie me its worth it......I have a feast rather than a crumb now and i wouldn't change it for the world......look ahead not behind.

I would just like to say that I know how you feel...I had the same thing happen to e a few weeks back.  My very best friend of 10 years slept with a guy that I was interested in.  I don't know what your friend did but I do know this...If she/he is your true friend then you should definitely give them a chance to explain...Real friends are hard to come by and I know that I wouldn't just leave my friend hanging like that...there will b bigger things to overcome, so give them the benefit of a doubt.

 When I was 13 I woke up every morning with the sun in my face. Everything was normal. I ussally checked my email to. Well it all started like this.

 

 

 I go to this camp every year. And this one year I went there I meet a guy named Daniel. We were really good friends that whole week. We talked to each other none stop. Well the week ended. And we emailed each other. Everything was going fine. Until he completely stopped emailing me.

 

Then a couple of years had pasted. Then last Dec. I was invited to a wedding. And guess who was there? It was Daniel. He didnt even say "hi" to me.

 

Now I have realized. What a waste of my time!

Hello.. I know exactly how you feel... but my betrayal cut deeper.. I was betrayed by my best friend of 10 years with my husband for over a year. They had an affair where it began as a "booty call" and ended with her trying to get him to divorce me and marry him. (She was already engaged). Now I have a very hard time meeting new people and trusting anyone of them around my husband. I don't want to be the one to introduce him to his next fling. I am building up my trust, but that is an area that I believe will take many more years so that I feel comfortable. The thing is, I introduced them and since she was also a cop (like my husband) and wanted to "learn" more about the street, I trusted both of them enough to do "ride a longs" and that's when the trouble started. Am I ever going to feel secure enough to have a friend and not wonder if she's letting my husband know that she's "available"? I didnt think that my ex best friend would do this, and to be honest, I felt she was too ugly for him.. which is mean, but when we met, he was very picky about the people he went out with.. and their looks. I know that my husband would never stray again because he knows it would be the end..and we have worked so hard to build it back up... and frankly, now he acts completely different.. he's totally into me where before, I knew he loved me, but he never really showed it.  I just do not want to be around a female that would "offer" it up to him like my ex best friend did.. knowing my husband, that's the only way he went for it -- was because she made the first move.. He may have done it before with a  stranger, but not with someone I was best friends with, that could tell me.. does that make sense?  How do you find someone and gain that trust to where you dont always wonder..?? I also trusted her because her first husband cheated on her with his secretary. It made me think that she wouldn't do that to someone if she'd been through it before.  Anyway, an old friend just moved back to the area and I really want to rebuild a friendship with her. We went to college together 20 years ago. I want to be friends, but will I always wonder ???

I moved to Las Vegas when I was 14, and next door to me lived a girl who instantly became my best friend. I basically moved in due to my moms increasing drug habit. I loved her mom very much so, she took me in as her own. When I was 15 I got a job and then dropped out of school to take a second job. I met my husband at 16 and we lived together rite away. I had my 1st son at 18. My friend and I where very close I told her everything. She always was around. She used to tell me that my husband was gorgeous, but i thought nothing of it, stupid me. I didn't think that way, but unfortunately that's all I think about now.

Well we had a great marriage, but taking in my sister and his brother became stressful for my ex. I then got pregnant with my 2nd son, and in the beginning I heard my husband talk to a girl on the phone after "working late" the previous day. I left that day, pregnant with a 3 year old and  my little sister. No money and no where to go. My friends took me in, and I moved 6 times, before having my son at 6 months, due to all the stress. In the hospital my "friend" and husband left the hospital together. Only for my to find out 2 months later that they slept together, I have not had no closure on this. I just cut them off. I haven't even seen her or her mom (who i miss) in 4 years now. How do i get over this? I have let it happen again with my other best friend. I do not have any contact with them. But it consumes my life daily.

I have been hurt by many friends over the years as well. I have not been betrayed by one with my husband as you have, but I have pretty much been abandoned by several for no good reason. They just decided to get rid of me. It makes me not trust people. It makes me not try to make new friend and not want new friends. I just wanted to say that I sympathize with you.