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Topic : Betrayal

Number of Replies: 232
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:05 am
Author : dataimport
What do you do when a trusted friend stabs you in the back? Give them a chance to explain? Or end the friendship?

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December 7, 2005, 8:24 pm CST

Lying friend

 My friend of 18 years recently got divorced.  Prior to that she had an affair with a man from another state.  Her 3 children are in a dilemna as she has now gotten involved with another man.  She can't seem to stand being alone.  Her daughter came to talk to me the other night and vented her frustrations as when she woke up Saturday morning this man was sleeping with her mother.  The mom now says that she has talked to her children and they are okay with everything, but  if so, then why does her daughter come here?  I don't trust her and I think she is lying.  This just happened this week, and now she is going to Vegas with another friend.  Do I need this friend in my life?  She has done this to her children more than once and still says she was wrong to have the man sleep there, but I think she will do it again.  Her own sister and brother will have nothing to do with her. 
 
December 8, 2005, 8:26 am CST

Betrayal

Quote From: dac07172

 My friend of 18 years recently got divorced.  Prior to that she had an affair with a man from another state.  Her 3 children are in a dilemna as she has now gotten involved with another man.  She can't seem to stand being alone.  Her daughter came to talk to me the other night and vented her frustrations as when she woke up Saturday morning this man was sleeping with her mother.  The mom now says that she has talked to her children and they are okay with everything, but  if so, then why does her daughter come here?  I don't trust her and I think she is lying.  This just happened this week, and now she is going to Vegas with another friend.  Do I need this friend in my life?  She has done this to her children more than once and still says she was wrong to have the man sleep there, but I think she will do it again.  Her own sister and brother will have nothing to do with her. 

I think sometimes that you dont need certain people in your life, maybe you are better off without her, but you have been friends for 18 yrs and understandably that would be hard, maybe you should take a break from her and see how you like it. Good luck with it. 

  

 
December 8, 2005, 9:38 pm CST

who need someone else problems

Quote From: female24

I think sometimes that you dont need certain people in your life, maybe you are better off without her, but you have been friends for 18 yrs and understandably that would be hard, maybe you should take a break from her and see how you like it. Good luck with it. 

  

Girl get out of there before you be sorry and mad at yourself later, take it from me i've been there before for 3years and it feel like forever. My daughter is the same way i called them the desperate females because they always need a piece of meat and a half of man to keep them satisfied for that moment  only thinking of themselves. know matter how much you try to show her what she doing not only to herself but her kids she just don't care.you don't have to give birth to a child to be a mother to a child and from what i read you are more of a mother than she is.believe me we were all kids once and we know when something ani't right so for her daughter to feel comfortable  talking to you there was something wrong with what mom did.me being a mother of a little girl it's hard for me to get out there dating because you can't tell now days so you don't know who your bring home around your kids especially your angel.as a mother of a little girl what kind of examples she trying to teach her thats its ok to have a diffrent when you get trid of the others.leave girl i know it's hard but think about yourself because thats all she's thinking about and if your friendship means anything to her she would see your point real clear.my preys are with you and the kids god bless
 
December 10, 2005, 1:09 pm CST

Betrayal

Quote From: oceanblu

I was betrayed by someone i grew up with since we was about 8years old. i'm now 24years old and a single mother. i found out that my so call friend at the time was sleeping with my soon to be daughter father. what so disrespectful about the whole thing is that i had to find out by calling a cell phone i thought was his only to her her voice on the voice -mail. just when i thought things was picking up between us they both betrayed me.i later confronted him about it and of cause like a man he deined the whole thing and she moved to her mom house so i never spoke to her about it until i was about 4months preganant and my other friends was telling her about my baby shower and she knew she wasn't ninvitied. so she finally got the balls to come to my house 2am and wan't to tell her side. of cause she blaming him and he's blaming her. i then knew the type of people i was dealing with and i knew either one of them care anything about my feelings.so i keep them both on a short leash. we're friends again and i put it all in god hand. even though i feel some kind of betrayal when i'm around both of them. how can i fix that feeling 

something similar happened to me not long ago. i was in a bad relationship with marc for a few months and had to get out but had no where to go. A friend from work said that she had a room to rent and i was welcome to it. i packed my things while he was at work and i was gone.  after a few months of living in cindys apartment he and i started to be able to be friends and put  the past in the past and agreed that maybe we were better friends but he still told me he had feelings for me.  I was seeing someone new and was having a few problems there and marc was there with a bottle of wine and chocolate to make me feel better and to talk to me about this new relationship. Cindy and marc were huge support for me and talked to me about my options.  

that same night that marc came over to make me feel better, they both wanted me to go out and get my mind off things so i agreed and went out with them exepecting a fun night at the bar with friends.  

that night cindy and marc decided to go home together and leave me at the bar without a ride home and not even a goodbye- all of a sudden they were both gone.  i was 20 miles away from home with no money and no coat as it was in the back of his car that we took to the bar. i had to hike 20 miles all the way home in november with no coat with my roomate and my X boyfriend getting it on in his apt. (wich was once our apt) 

i never forgave either of them for kicking me when i was down. i moved out as soon as i could and never spoke to him again and when she came home the next morning it was not a pretty scene to say the least... 

you are more than entitled to feel betrayed. that was a very low thing they did to you.  

neither of them have a right to blame anyone except themselves. not one of them care about your feelings they are self absorbed in themselves and couldnt bother to take 2 mins and consider your feelings.  

i dont know the story about your babys dad and why you arent together but it sounds like youve been through alot what ever the story is.  

confront them, dont hold any feelings back, after all they obviously didnt hold anything back when it came to hooking up so why should you censor yourself for the sake of their feelings. i wouldnt keep them on a leash at all, id let both of them go.  

unfortunately you cant fix the feeling of betrayal, its one of the worst feelings ever. the only thing that helped me through my hard time with marc and cindy was starting fresh and putting BOTH of them in my past. as long as they are both in your lives the feeling will always hang around.  

there are plenty of girls out there who would never do anything to hurt you and value your freindship and there are guys out there who will love you and respect you. these people who did this to you are not the last people alive that will be your friends and you owe them absolutely nothing. 

  

  

 
December 11, 2005, 7:31 am CST

Friends

I am wondering exactly what causes me to attract the friends that I do?? Since leaving high school, I have had many friends. Many have been very good friends, but we never seem to stay in touch. It's easy once your married to get lost in ones daily lives and not devote enough time to keep a friendship going. I thought alot about this and decided to contact an old friend way back in 2003 and really work at making the friendship a go. We became closer than ever and even though I was married and she was single, we did  a lot together. It was almost as if she became my sister and also became a part of my family as a whole. She came with me and my husband to Christmas parties at my work, I tried to introduce her to the great guys I work with etc.  We always thought it was neat that her and my husband had gone to school together to get their peace officers license. My husband always said that he didn't remember her at all even though she swore they were the "best of friends". (which now we know isn't true--that she is dillusional).  

This is quite a story, so please bear with me. :) The entire year of 2004 was truly hell in my marriage. I was very unhappy and my husband didn't seem to care at all about me. It was like over night there was a complete change in him.  You see, my friend and I started seeing a lot of each other around November of 2003, the change in my husband came when I had major surgery in January of 2004.  I thought that maybe it was my hormones and depression that caused a rift between us.  BOY WAS I EVER WRONG.  This friend that I had known for almost 10 years began a secret affair with my husband in January of 2004. For the entire year, and into 2005 (January-February-March) They snuck around, sleeping together behind my back, even though she continued to be my friend and he was married to me. You see, she told him many things that were untrue about me and he believing them -- and seeing a free "piece" bought into it... That was until we went out on his birthday in Jan  of this year.. and a comment I made about "birthday nookie" set her off. I could tell she was extremely angry, not at me, but at my husband.  THat was when I sat back and started looking at the relationship between her and my husband for the last few months. I remembered my feelings and comments I made to him about her not calling me anymore and that when she did, she would slip  and say she talked to him about this or that.  When I questioned him, I was told that I was jealous and they were just really close friends.  She would ask me if we could share my husband and I would say absolutely not...She also made off the wall comments TO MY CHILDREN and to my husband's ex-wife about her being their 2nd mom.... In June of this year, he told me the entire truth.  This was after I discovered the lies and the affair (In February)... knowing in my heart it had been physical, but not knowing when they had the time.  

 

My husband and I have been through counseling and have decided to work it out. I love him with all of my heart , but as we all know it's hell building back the trust factor when so many things have been lied about... He would go to her house when getting off of work (they were both cops) and would call her//she would meet him at convenient stores while he was on duty.  

One of the many things that I have problems dealing with is that he used the job I encouraged him to get against me to be with her.  I honestly believe that he will not do it again, but I still have anger about the entire situation. I never was able to confront her face to face and that bugs me...  

 

Now that you know my story.. I am trying to move on and to trust friends again.  Needless to say, for quite a while, I didnt even want a female friend/co-worker to be around my husband. I guess it's that i still dont trust him.  I truly value friendship and believe in order to have a good marriage, we both should have friends -- but not of the opposite sex.   

 

How do I trust someone enough to get close to them again? We are meeting people who could be potential friends that are couples (ABSOLUTELY NO SINGLES).  That helps.  Last night, in fact, we had our Christmas party for the first time without my ex-friend.  A friend and her long time boyfriend came with us.  I work with the lady and she is really sweet and caring. I know she has been thru the same thing, because we have talked about it at work -- how badly it hurt and what happened.... she ended up divorcing her ex-husband because the girl got pregnant.  I would hope that she wouldn't do it to someone else, but my ex-friend also got divorced years ago because of her hubby leaving her for another woman. I thought she wouldn't  put anybody else thru that pain, but boy was I wrong..  

 

How do I be very cautious without destroying the friendship all together?? When they left the christmas party, she hugged me then turned to hug my husband. He looked at me and patted her on the shoulder. It's still a sensitive subject, but I cannot help it. How do I be cautious without destroying a beginning friendship????  After all of this?? 

 
December 20, 2005, 10:57 am CST

Betrayal

me and my friend have been friends since first grade.  we did everything together we talked everyday.  She got a new job where she worked with mostly guys.  she introduced me to this guy that worked there and we started dating.  we kinda got sercious and he was really nice well my friend started talking to his brother.  my exboyfriend for on and off for 5 years came back and wanted to work things out and i love him so i wanted to two.  I told the guy that my friend introduced me to that I didn't want to be with him.  I didn't know he was going to be a psycho.   

           He called my ex and told him a alot of horrible things about me which he did not believe.  Than he called my friend and told her that I had talked about her behind her back and that I had some really hurtful things about her and called her some really bad names.  At the time we were supposed to get an apartment together,  well she told me about it and i explained to her how she was my best friend and that he was just mad because i didn't want to be with him ( because the last time i talked to him he told me he was going to mess up my life like i had messed up his) and he justwanted to take her away because he knew i was so close to her.  She acted like she believed me but i haven't talked to her since.  It seems like if she was my best friend she would of believed me and not a guy that she had only knew for 3 or 4 months.  what should i do I've already explained myself but it hurts me so bad that she won't even talk to me.   

 
December 20, 2005, 11:05 am CST

Betrayal

Quote From: cef3125

I am wondering exactly what causes me to attract the friends that I do?? Since leaving high school, I have had many friends. Many have been very good friends, but we never seem to stay in touch. It's easy once your married to get lost in ones daily lives and not devote enough time to keep a friendship going. I thought alot about this and decided to contact an old friend way back in 2003 and really work at making the friendship a go. We became closer than ever and even though I was married and she was single, we did  a lot together. It was almost as if she became my sister and also became a part of my family as a whole. She came with me and my husband to Christmas parties at my work, I tried to introduce her to the great guys I work with etc.  We always thought it was neat that her and my husband had gone to school together to get their peace officers license. My husband always said that he didn't remember her at all even though she swore they were the "best of friends". (which now we know isn't true--that she is dillusional).  

This is quite a story, so please bear with me. :) The entire year of 2004 was truly hell in my marriage. I was very unhappy and my husband didn't seem to care at all about me. It was like over night there was a complete change in him.  You see, my friend and I started seeing a lot of each other around November of 2003, the change in my husband came when I had major surgery in January of 2004.  I thought that maybe it was my hormones and depression that caused a rift between us.  BOY WAS I EVER WRONG.  This friend that I had known for almost 10 years began a secret affair with my husband in January of 2004. For the entire year, and into 2005 (January-February-March) They snuck around, sleeping together behind my back, even though she continued to be my friend and he was married to me. You see, she told him many things that were untrue about me and he believing them -- and seeing a free "piece" bought into it... That was until we went out on his birthday in Jan  of this year.. and a comment I made about "birthday nookie" set her off. I could tell she was extremely angry, not at me, but at my husband.  THat was when I sat back and started looking at the relationship between her and my husband for the last few months. I remembered my feelings and comments I made to him about her not calling me anymore and that when she did, she would slip  and say she talked to him about this or that.  When I questioned him, I was told that I was jealous and they were just really close friends.  She would ask me if we could share my husband and I would say absolutely not...She also made off the wall comments TO MY CHILDREN and to my husband's ex-wife about her being their 2nd mom.... In June of this year, he told me the entire truth.  This was after I discovered the lies and the affair (In February)... knowing in my heart it had been physical, but not knowing when they had the time.  

 

My husband and I have been through counseling and have decided to work it out. I love him with all of my heart , but as we all know it's hell building back the trust factor when so many things have been lied about... He would go to her house when getting off of work (they were both cops) and would call her//she would meet him at convenient stores while he was on duty.  

One of the many things that I have problems dealing with is that he used the job I encouraged him to get against me to be with her.  I honestly believe that he will not do it again, but I still have anger about the entire situation. I never was able to confront her face to face and that bugs me...  

 

Now that you know my story.. I am trying to move on and to trust friends again.  Needless to say, for quite a while, I didnt even want a female friend/co-worker to be around my husband. I guess it's that i still dont trust him.  I truly value friendship and believe in order to have a good marriage, we both should have friends -- but not of the opposite sex.   

 

How do I trust someone enough to get close to them again? We are meeting people who could be potential friends that are couples (ABSOLUTELY NO SINGLES).  That helps.  Last night, in fact, we had our Christmas party for the first time without my ex-friend.  A friend and her long time boyfriend came with us.  I work with the lady and she is really sweet and caring. I know she has been thru the same thing, because we have talked about it at work -- how badly it hurt and what happened.... she ended up divorcing her ex-husband because the girl got pregnant.  I would hope that she wouldn't do it to someone else, but my ex-friend also got divorced years ago because of her hubby leaving her for another woman. I thought she wouldn't  put anybody else thru that pain, but boy was I wrong..  

 

How do I be very cautious without destroying the friendship all together?? When they left the christmas party, she hugged me then turned to hug my husband. He looked at me and patted her on the shoulder. It's still a sensitive subject, but I cannot help it. How do I be cautious without destroying a beginning friendship????  After all of this?? 

I know what you are going through it does make it hard to trust your husband.  It makes you think how could he love you and do that.  Next time you let a friend in just don't spend so much time away from your husband make time for him so he feels special.  Being friends with non-singles will help you to.
 
December 28, 2005, 7:56 am CST

I Just have to say

well since high school I Have been friends with MW.  He was the cutest thing I ever saw and he knew I had a crush on him.  We talked every night and we hung out at school and on weekends. He was my best friend. And his friends were my friends.  Well he would come and go, his dad was in the military and no matter what when he got home he would find me.  And it was like he never left.  Well, he moved back home to be closer to his grandfather and he decided to join the military.  I was heart broken.  He left and I sent him letters every day talking his ear off.  He came home for christmas and we ended up getting together.  Well he ended up going to Iraq, talk about nerve racking.  I wrote him every day, sending him packages, he called when ever he could, and we decided that we were going to get married.  So we started planning a wedding.  Well he come home and called me on a friday, he said he would call me on monday.  Well that phone call never came.  Three weeks later he called me and said we had to talk.  He ended up cheeting on me.  We broke up with mean words to each other.  I Hated him.  As time went by I found out that he got married and was expecting a baby.  I didn't know what to say.  I was mad how could he move on that quick.  I met some one and needless to say that didn't work out.  But days later my ex called me.  He was my best friend and we talked like nothing before.  Well then I talked to his wife. She sounds good for him.  But she told me that she was the one he cheated on my with.  That was hard.  But you know what I love MW, He is my best friend, and forgiving him is what I needed to do so that I can move on with my life.  Funny how when you think that something bad happens and you feel betrayed.  The truth is, if they are truley your friend they will feel the same way.  And feel bad by betraying.  I told MW wife that I wasn't upset about him cheating on me as a Girl friend but by cheating on my as a friend.  Needless to say we talk once a week and we always tell each other we love each other.  Because we do.  As friends. 
 
January 3, 2006, 5:10 pm CST

Fiancee looking at other womens behinds!

This is my first post.    Im newly engaged but we've been together for 4 yrs.  I keep finding my fiancee looking at other womens behinds, when I am with him.  We have been to couseling and discussed this, he knows it is disrespectful to me, and that it hurts my feelings.   We decided that I was to elbow him when he does it and ask him "what are ya looking at"?  And trust me, I do it, and he always denies it, and gets very angry with me when I corner him.  He says I am very attractive, and very sexy, so why does he continue to do something that hurts me so much?  Does anyone have any advice of what I can do to get him to stop that?  I want to stop the feelings of rage, and hurt that I feel when he does this to me.   Please help! 

Jody 

 
January 12, 2006, 6:48 am CST

family betrayl

I am new to this, but I needed a place to vent and I need some advice. What better a place than the Dr. Phil message boards. I have been married twice and am currently going through my second and last divorce! I don't have any siblings, but have become close with my cousin. We don't have a big family, so she has been like a sister to me for the past 9 or 10 years. I am almost thirty, she is in her mid 20's.  We have absolutly been inseprable and have talked a couple of times a day and spent countless hours(even vacations) together.NOW to my problem at hand. When I decided to leave my husband 6 months ago due to my lonliness and unhappiness, she decided to stop talking to me. Her reason being, she couldn't understand my unhappiness, I had everything(in her eyes). A nice home, husband, money, kids, dogs, a brand new Tahoe, WHAT MORE COULD I WANT! I started seeing someone, and she said she wasn't comfortable with me being with someone else etc...  All my fault (even though we tried couple and individual conseling) I feel the guilt of losing not only my husband, house, wonderful life etc... for my happiness, but now I have lost my best friend and cousin in the process.What am I thinking???...........Then, I find out that she and my (still) husband talk all the time, and sleep together. She confesses her undying love for him and finds nothing wrong with the situation. EXPLAIN THAT TO MY DAUGHTER! So, now all the guilt I have been feeling over this has been for what? I am the messed up one who lost my best friend because of the decisions I made. If that was the case, instead of making me feel all the guilt, what about telling me her true feelings and the real reason why she doesn't talk to me. I am sure you can imagine the tension at the family holidays. AM I WRONG or is something not right with this picture?
 
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