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September 25, 2007, 7:08 pm PDT
For Hunter
I was surprised that Dr. Phil & Bishop Jakes didn't give you more direct suggestions for dealing with the negativity that has trapped you. In the long-run, their advice about setting goals is good - it sounds like you're stuck and that could help you improve your circumstances. But whether your life situation changes or not, you need some tools for changing your perspective so you aren't weighed down by a negative, critical spirit, that unfortunately, may not change even as life improves. Changing it requires insight (you sounded like someone who is capable of that), new choices, and practice over time.
Here's my recommendation: Make a deliberate effort to cultivate gratitude EVERY DAY. Each person experiences both positive events and circumstances and negative events & circumstances. Contentment comes from what you choose to focus on (the key word in that sentence is CHOOSE).
If you choose to dwell on the negative, you will spend your life miserable and frustrated with your circumstances, yourself and others. On the other hand, if you recognize the ways in which you are blessed each day, you can live a life of contentment, grateful for the many good things, small and large, that brighten your life. If you are having a hard time thinking of anything to be grateful for, let me get you started with these:
*you are (by all appearances) able-bodied and healthy, mentally and physically
*you have at least one friend who likes you enough to come with you to the show
*you are articulate and (presumably)
*you live in a country where you have opportunities to change/improve your life - you are not trapped by a repressive government, desperate poverty, political unrest, racism or a caste system, a complete lack of schooling, mental illness or impairment, or any number of other similar things that limit options for so many around the world.
*you have a place to live with safe, running water, electricity, etc.
*you have eyesight that allows you to see beautiful things around you.
*you have hearing that allows you to hear the voices of friends, whatever music you most enjoy, and many other wonderful things.
*you have enough money (presumably) to meet your basic needs (compare this to the 1/6 of the world's population that live on less than $1/day, the 8 million who die each year because they are so poor they cannot afford the basic things necessary for survival, or the 800 million who go hungry every day).
Even on the most dreary of days filled with irritating people and frustrating circumstances, you have blessings enough to be called indecently rich - not in money (though compared to so many in the world, you are rich in that as well), but in good things.
Start listening to what you are saying to yourself. Then make a conscious choice to stop the negative critiques of everything & everyone and to replace them instead with regular reminders and grateful declarations to yourself about the positive things in your life. As TD Jakes might put it:
"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (from Philippians 4).
When you practice this (and any new habit takes practice), you'll find your perspective changing and you'll discover that your life is so much better than you ever realized, whether your circumstances have changed dramatically or not!
May this bring you the joyful, content, fulfilled life you long for.
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Is everything in your life feeling predictable and humdrum? Are you lacking excitement in your job or in your marriage? Well, Bishop T.D. Jakes, author of Reposition Yourself: Living Life Without Limits, says you have the power to create the life you want! Bishop Jakes has one of the fastest-growing mega churches in Dallas. He’s a moviemaker, playwright, Grammy winner, best-selling author, and a person who inspires Dr. Phil. Get to know Bishop Jakes as he and Dr. Phil speak with guests who are ready to reposition their lives. First up are Kelly and Bobby, who are on the verge of divorce. Kelly wants out of her marriage because she says Bobby is not providing for the family, and they’ve acquired a huge amount of debt. Is divorce the answer? Next, Hunter says he’s the most negative man on the planet, and he’s been mad for 10 years! How can he escape his rut? Then, if you own a gun and keep it in your home, Tiffany has a powerful message you don’t want to miss. Can sharing her tragic story save her from the guilt and self-blame she feels? Talk about the show here.
