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Topic : 12/20 Cranky Kids

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Created on : Friday, September 21, 2007, 12:19:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/26/07) Do you wish kids came with a manual? Dr. Phil shines the light on the biggest mistakes parents make, and along with Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of Mending the Broken Bond, he tells parents how to calm the atmosphere in their homes. First up, Renee says her 3-year-old son won't behave, unless her husband, Brian, is around. What do they need to do to get his behavior under control? Next, Angie, mother to three kids, says her youngest child's tantrums can last up to 30 minutes. Could Angie's guilt be contributing to her son's behavior? Then, Shannon joins Dr. Phil via Web cam to get help with her 4-year-old son, Branson, who screams, kicks, hits, bites and calls her names. What is the big mistake she makes? And, Michael, is a stay-at-home dad to 3-year-old McKenna, who throws tantrums daily. Could he be to blame for her outbursts? Plus, Suzette and Tony's 5-year-old son, Malachai, has already been kicked out of three preschools, because he hits teachers, throws toys and won't follow the rules. Find out what in-home video cameras caught on tape, and why Malachai's parents say it's "disturbing." And, see what happens when Dr. Lawlis makes a house call to Eve, whose 10-year-old daughter, Julia, tells her, "I wish you were dead." Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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December 27, 2007, 4:34 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: sckfloyd

I have five kids of my own, and in response to your statements I would like to say AMEN!!!

I agree with you
 
December 27, 2007, 4:39 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: mommybyrd13

I saw mckenna  and i could't help but think she is really trying to tell someone any one something  her actions kind of gave me a chill i hope some one will listen to her cries.and talk to her
Young kids don't understand but they have to learn you can't give keep trying to reason your children she will be young once.
 
December 27, 2007, 4:42 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: tiffany_2007

I can understand some items not being negotiated, but by the time they are teenagers how do you not face the "negotiations". There is almost everything you can debate now, and I don't mean fight but talk about the pros and cons of everything and rules of getting a new item. Like now of days its normal to have cell phones, so I would image children and parents go through alot of negotistions on this issues. Bed times on weekends, school sports, how they dress, make up, going to party's. But you may negotiate with these items and not even realize it.

 

Even when they are children you should be teaching them how to make there own choices. Like picking there clothes, you pick 2 outfits and then let them make the final choice (toddler years). You set the limits and let the child make the choice within those limits, so everyone is happy and the child feels better about everything.

 

By setting rules without talking (maybe you do talk) you cause fear in a child that when a problem happens you maybe the last to hear about it. Kids are going to mess up, its all a learning thing, even has adults we mess up.

I agree with you because it won't be fair if they don't learn to make choices for themselves if they have a voice. But it is a good idea they learn
 
December 27, 2007, 4:46 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: tiffany_2007

I can understand some items not being negotiated, but by the time they are teenagers how do you not face the "negotiations". There is almost everything you can debate now, and I don't mean fight but talk about the pros and cons of everything and rules of getting a new item. Like now of days its normal to have cell phones, so I would image children and parents go through alot of negotistions on this issues. Bed times on weekends, school sports, how they dress, make up, going to party's. But you may negotiate with these items and not even realize it.

 

Even when they are children you should be teaching them how to make there own choices. Like picking there clothes, you pick 2 outfits and then let them make the final choice (toddler years). You set the limits and let the child make the choice within those limits, so everyone is happy and the child feels better about everything.

 

By setting rules without talking (maybe you do talk) you cause fear in a child that when a problem happens you maybe the last to hear about it. Kids are going to mess up, its all a learning thing, even has adults we mess up.

Learning no is tough but it is a learning thing
 
December 27, 2007, 5:50 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: evora_anne

Idon't think that she really means it when she says it..I think that that was all she could think of to say at the time.  She was reaching out for help.  Generally she is trying to tell me something when she says this.  We are still working on the communication..Thank you for your concern.  She knows that she would be lost without me as I would be without her...we are a great team.
In afew years Julia with be in those teen years myQuestion is what are you going to do? I have to say I lost my mom 15 years after when I was 10 now I'm in my thirties. Believe me the teen years are coming before you know it . She will get to that puberty age
 
December 27, 2007, 6:07 pm CST

I have to say

Quote From: sckfloyd

I have five kids of my own, and in response to your statements I would like to say AMEN!!!

Kid need bounderies in life. They have to learn to behave in society. When it means I don't have $200 for shoes it means don't have 200. You need money for other things. Reasoning your child is hard but he needs to hear no
 
December 27, 2007, 6:11 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: tina2010

In afew years Julia with be in those teen years myQuestion is what are you going to do? I have to say I lost my mom 15 years after when I was 10 now I'm in my thirties. Believe me the teen years are coming before you know it . She will get to that puberty age
To evoranne she will be a teenager before you know it. What will you do one day once she hits it I would to know
 
December 28, 2007, 9:41 am CST

Video tapes

Maybe cause it was the parents video taping, but did it seem like some of it was egged on. I have watched alot of these shows about troubled children and when its home video tape all I can think of is, you would stop this fight if you walked away and dealt with your child when they have calmed down. But sometimes I think these parents egg it on and I wonder if they even act like this when the camera are off, I would like to believe they do, but also the parent say yep this is a normal day for us. I would walk away from my child if they have lost it that much cause I'm only going to make it worse by standing there asking them reallly stupid questions. Maybe I'm the only one that notice this or think this. I wish Dr Phil atleast covered this.

 
December 28, 2007, 6:03 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: tina2010

In afew years Julia with be in those teen years myQuestion is what are you going to do? I have to say I lost my mom 15 years after when I was 10 now I'm in my thirties. Believe me the teen years are coming before you know it . She will get to that puberty age

I am listening to her better and taking the time to hear what she is really saying.  She is not saying that she wants me to die anymore...It is typical for children to get mad at thier parents and say mean things to them, but she really is not doing this anymore, she is using her words now and working on saying what she is really feeling.

I know that the teen years are coming and there are psychologists in our area that can work with her on these issues oif need be.

 
January 3, 2008, 3:59 pm CST

Really- no negotiations

Quote From: tiffany_2007

I can understand some items not being negotiated, but by the time they are teenagers how do you not face the "negotiations". There is almost everything you can debate now, and I don't mean fight but talk about the pros and cons of everything and rules of getting a new item. Like now of days its normal to have cell phones, so I would image children and parents go through alot of negotistions on this issues. Bed times on weekends, school sports, how they dress, make up, going to party's. But you may negotiate with these items and not even realize it.

 

Even when they are children you should be teaching them how to make there own choices. Like picking there clothes, you pick 2 outfits and then let them make the final choice (toddler years). You set the limits and let the child make the choice within those limits, so everyone is happy and the child feels better about everything.

 

By setting rules without talking (maybe you do talk) you cause fear in a child that when a problem happens you maybe the last to hear about it. Kids are going to mess up, its all a learning thing, even has adults we mess up.

My oldest has a cell phone and he is 15 years old.  We didn't negotiate the phone.  We told him no until we decided we would get him a phone and he got it for Christmas.  My two girls, 12 and 13, try to engage in negotioations all the time with me.  I refuse to negotiate with them.   They do not have cell phones and tell me about every week they are the only kids in school without one!! It's So sad!!  I believe negotiation starts and ends in a power struggle.  Each person trying to win.  This doesn't belong in raising children.  I believe it lowers respect for the parent. When my 13 year old comes down the steps and her shirt is too low and Ican see any amount of cleavage--I turn her around and she changes.  We don't negotiate these important issues.  I go to her school and many girls are coming out of their tops and I wonder how their parents let them leave the house dressed this way!   Raising teens is hard but we have always managed to stay the course and so far so good!  

In your statement "by setting rules without talking you cause fear..."  Your right I don' t ask my childrens opinions about the rules.  We parent the children not placate them. 

 
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