Topic : 12/20 Cranky Kids

I communicate with my children and step children to ensure that they know exactly why I am doing what I am doing when I do whatever it is that I do. I also give them several options on how and what they want to do. They have the right to choose as long as they are willing to except the end result. I have found that when they do get into something they know they shouldnt have they come to me immediately for advice. Their dad is the do it my way no other option guy, he does not know who they are only who he expects them to be. Good luck with that approach when the opposite sex gets thrown in. Actually at 14 it allready has in one way or another and that is the best time to have that communication line open and in a supportive matter. Our children have the right to make choices even bad ones, it is our job to guide and redirect with dignity and love. Try it out and see what you discover, try not to get upset in front of them. Be a parent not a warden, maybe I read it wrong but thats the way it sounds. You said you and your husband are both that way, who do the children find comfort in? Good cop-Bad cop? All I am saying is dont knock it till you try it. You made it sound like children dont deserve to have a say in their life when in fact it is their life. The children I saw today were trying to get attention that they should of been getting anyway. They demand it in anyway they can get it. They are smart and they get smarter with age and they will get it. Lots of young teens that cant get attention go out and get pregnant. Parents can only stop that by connecting with their kids and having a relationship with them. Some say dont let them out of the house, but they will skip school if they have to, just to get your attention. Best of luck.

When I saw this program I felt so bad, how can we help this generation, raise the new generation, I wold like to share, I told my children several times in their lives, t hat if they choose to be a parent, it will be the "ONE OF THE HARDEST JOB YOU WILL EVER DO IN YOUR LIFE " out of 3 of my adult children, only 1 has chosen to be a parent. At present time: "My Adult child's words Are" Why did I wait so long to have children, (they are in their 30"s ) WE are tired, This is hard, ("Oh, God" the baby powder is all over the bedroom, "mom it was brand new.!".. Please move by us! (West Coast to Middle Area) Please Parents TRY your hardest to do one of the hardest job you will ever do, What a reward you could have for being a good parentwhen they are grown they may say to you:" "I am so sorry for all the crap I put you thru, T Thank you for NOT letting me do that, I love you so much." Than they call , To check in? Could it be for them after all this time ......to know in this crazy world we are still here? Or do the adult children you worked so hard to raise, finally realize, their parent are not here forever. DON'T GIVE UP! Do what ever you can to be a success PARENT

I agree completely with you. Abusing children by hitting them, is immoral. It's not discipline, it just teaches fear.

I think that is the best way to deal with tantrums, my son is 2, and I often get comments, even by strangers at resteraunts, that people are surprised by my son's behaviour. He doesn't throw tantrums like most children these days that are his age. I am a single mom, I dont really have the time or energy for unwarranted tantrums, lol. I dont have any family support, so Ive basically been 'winging it' when it comes to raising my son. I remember the 1st time he tried to throw a tantrum, I was walking in the apartment hallway w/ an armload of grocery bags and he threw himself down schreeching because he wanted to be carried. I stoppped looked at him and calmly said, "well Zack, these bags r really heavy, so when ur done, Ill be at home" I walked away to put the bags away. They really were heavy! lol. I cant recall him ever throwing another tantrum. He does however get upset, and I allow that. I try and show him a better way to express himself though by redirecting him, or asking him to use his words. I think maybe parents often mistake genuine expression for tantrum throwing, and the situation gets confused and escalated for the child. A kid neeeds to be able to vent his frustration, sadness, anger hurt etc w/o punishment for it. Parents should remember, dont punish him for expressing his feelings negatively, just teach him to positively express himself.

I like your style of raising your son, you are a good mom. And just basied on your name I'm a big fan of Laurell K Hamilton too. Unless this is your real name lol.

Amen to the post about kids drooling on our heads and getting "the look" if we don't think it's cute; not only is that painfully true, it made me hee-haw!!!  WHY do parents even have all these kids today???  Obviously they want to spend all day either working and commuting or running around the restaurants, malls, pools, museums, and other public places not intended for small children -- LEAVE THE CHILDREN AT HOME... 

Some of us have made a conscious choice not to have any, so please don't impose yours upon us; ugh!!! 

 

Speaking to the subject of the show, something is very wrong when so many kids are so obviously cranky and unhappy; my siblings, friends, and I enjoyed a very peaceful, traditional upbringing w/o all the drama.  We knew the rules and boundaries and respected authority and weren't driven (literally) all day and night.  Parents are stressed out (and woefully misguided), kids are stressed out, and they BOTH stress me out.

Well why don't you just smack all us "Breeder's" on the hand for disrupting your life.  BOOHOO.  Get over it.  Some parents need help.  Children do not come with manuals, but I guess when your perfect like you are, your mom and dad did not need one.  You are a vile hypocritical person to judge others when you have no children.  But I guess because you were a "perfect" child, then you can be so high and mighty to be a "perfect" parent.....hypothetically. 

 

I am not so self righteous to say that I am perfect, my two living chidlren are not perfect.  They occasionally have tantrums and we do have problems stemming from the loss of our third daughter who died of SIDS.  For me, I am the type of person who likes to hear from others in my same situation, hear what advice they have to give, or what advice they were given that works for them, and then I can adapt it to fit me. I am not opposed to continually strive to help my children and myself be better, more loving, carling human beings

 

People do not need to be scolded by presumptious, self righteous, all knowing goons.  Your disgust for children, who happen to be just that, innocent children, is what is wrong with this world.  Your mentality, that children should be rarely seen and never heard, fosters children to grow into adults who cannot make their own decisions because mommy did everything for them.  They are never given the choices to make for themselves. 

 

In fact, I was in line at the store with my son when I let him count out the change he had saved up to buy the toy he wanted.  I heard sighs of disgust, people stomping away because it was taking too long, and general bad attitudes.  I was making this a learning experience for my son so he could count change, unlike the cashier waiting on us who could not give us the correct change for a $5.50 item when I gave her a twenty.  One person commented that I was doing some good by taking the time to teach him, the rest exhibited a disgust for children in general. 

 

There will be no getting through to you, nor do I really desire to.  I wanted to state my piece and let others know they are not alone.  Rather then isolate these parents further, why not try to help them.  You will then be able to pat yourself on the back about helping the future generations.  As opposed to hindering them.

IThe main question is Dr Phil and everyone else "What is a parent supposed to do to be calm when kids are out of control and there is no help for the parents?"  Good times is never possible when adult or parents raising kids have no help and have tried everything and nothing is working. He can't answer this question and therfore can't give any adivce so he is focusing on the kids and missing the problem with the adults.

 

don't tell me to count to 10,  don't tell me to walk away, don't go to a happy place, Those books don't help either,,,it does not work. We are so stressed and with no help other then my wife what do we do?

I see it as the biggest problem to making parenting better.  You never seem to get that point.

 

Simply put I will give you a typical day:

I,Male, unemployed for 2 time in 1 year.  I get no pensions or stock or severance pay from compaines becasue I am a contractor.

I am sole support financially for my family. now no job no money ( I do get unemployment but that does not help us survive).

All my bills are late and I get shut off notices on all utilities.

HOuse is in foreclosure and no bank or financial institution in country will lend me money for 2 reasons no JOB and Poor credit because  I don't have the money to pay bills and mortgage. I hope the banks close forever.

I can barely put food on the table. I beg everyone for money just to get by.

My son soils his underwear 4-6 times a day and refuses to use the toilet at 6 years old. I have to keep buying underwear or diapers. most of my unemployment money is used here.

I have creditors/lawyer offices calling and threatening me every day about my bills.

No Health Insurance for the adults, kids have via state, so what is a parent supposed to do. Can't afford insurance and the compaines don't care, State has a backlog of 15 month waiting list for adults.

 

 

Now answer how is a person supposed to survive in life and be able to be calm when parenting  when their entire life is crashing down and no one can help. Kids see it I can't keep it away from them teh only thing I can tell them is that the truth is no one will ever be there to help them and they better learn to survive on their own.

"Obviously they want to spend all day either working and commuting or running around the restaurants, malls, pools, museums, and other public places not intended for small children -- LEAVE THE CHILDREN AT HOME... "

 

Are you serious, what do you think small children are what dogs that you can just tie in the backyard when we have to live our lives? You don't think that parents need to bring there children with them when they go to the store, mall, and museums? Oh i guess cause we had children we should be banned from these places right, we cant eat out anymore right.

 

So sorry that being in public around you hurts you so much. OH WAIT ITS PUBLIC EVERYONE IS ALLOWED THERE SO GET USE TO. How about this you don't like being around children how about you stay inside in your private area and don't bug us out in public, with all your self righteousness, and how what you know how to raise children, please have one first before you know who it really is.

I'm hoping that they will do a show about self injury soon
And not show it as a thing crazy people do.
Because it's a form of coping.
and I'm a  cutter and I just think that since there are so many that there should be a show about it.
In this episode he mentioned cutters because that one kid was slapping himself
I just think it would be great if he followed up on the issue.