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Topic : 12/20 Cranky Kids

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Created on : Friday, September 21, 2007, 12:19:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/26/07) Do you wish kids came with a manual? Dr. Phil shines the light on the biggest mistakes parents make, and along with Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of Mending the Broken Bond, he tells parents how to calm the atmosphere in their homes. First up, Renee says her 3-year-old son won't behave, unless her husband, Brian, is around. What do they need to do to get his behavior under control? Next, Angie, mother to three kids, says her youngest child's tantrums can last up to 30 minutes. Could Angie's guilt be contributing to her son's behavior? Then, Shannon joins Dr. Phil via Web cam to get help with her 4-year-old son, Branson, who screams, kicks, hits, bites and calls her names. What is the big mistake she makes? And, Michael, is a stay-at-home dad to 3-year-old McKenna, who throws tantrums daily. Could he be to blame for her outbursts? Plus, Suzette and Tony's 5-year-old son, Malachai, has already been kicked out of three preschools, because he hits teachers, throws toys and won't follow the rules. Find out what in-home video cameras caught on tape, and why Malachai's parents say it's "disturbing." And, see what happens when Dr. Lawlis makes a house call to Eve, whose 10-year-old daughter, Julia, tells her, "I wish you were dead." Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

December 16, 2007, 11:10 am CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Has anyone noticed that in the last 20 years when spanking has been labeled as child abuse, that more kids have just gotten out of control? Coincidence? I don't think so!!! When I was in elementary school, I don't remember there being any kids in my classes throwing tantrums and cussing the teachers. Now, in the public schools, that's the norm and parents are afraid to take control of their children.

 

My parents spanked me and I NEVER got in trouble at school because I knew if I did, I'd get worse when I came home. I wasn't abused, I was disciplined, and I very rarely had to be spanked because I knew what would happen if I did something stupid.

 

I have 2 boys, 7 and 5 and I can say truthfully that they have NEVER EVER thrown a temper tantrum. Why? Because they knew from the beginning what was expected of them. We have always been able to take them anywhere, restaurants, church, stores,etc., because we know they will behave themselves. I can take my kids to the beauty parlor while I get a perm and they will play together and entertain themselves quietly. I have a friend who is pregnant with baby number 4 and she can't control the 3 she has now, so I don't know what will happen when the new one arrives. She can't take her kids to the store or a restaurant or church without them screaming and throwing tantrums. The last time I visited her at her house, we couldn't carry on a decent conversation because her almost 2 year old was having a fit the whole time, and tried to bite her and kept hitting her in the boob. She always has a list of excuses ready for why her kids act like demon spawn; " He's tired, he misses his dad ( who by the way travels 75% of the year and when he is working in town, he works late hours and is rarely home), she didn't get enough sleep last night, blah, blah blah." It's all a bunch of hogwash. I was at her house in the summertime, and her almost 2 year old was throwing a fit because my friend had cut up his hamburger for him and he didn't want it cut up, he wanted to eat it by himself. So he refused to eat it, and instead of lighting up his rear end, or sending him to bed without supper, she gave him an ice cream cone!!! Yeah that's showing him Mom!! Then he didn't want her to feed him the ice cream cone, he wanted to eat it by himself ( "he wants to be independent'" that was her excuse for that one) so he proceeded to have another fit. My kids were looking at him like he had 3 heads and we decided to make our exit. He was still screaming 5 minutes later when we left!! Her oldest child, her daughter, was diagnosed with mild hearing loss in one ear a few months ago, so now that's the excuse for her behavior. Yeah, what was the reason 3 years ago when her hearing was normal, for her to throw fits?

 

It doesn't take a crackpot child psychologist to figure out what's wrong, just a little common sense, which is totally lacking in society today!!

 

 

 
December 16, 2007, 12:43 pm CST

Cranky Kids

All parents should watch "Nanny 911" ....their troubles would be few.
 
December 16, 2007, 3:43 pm CST

All parents do is give excuses

Look I know it is not easy so you can't take the easy way out. You have to step up and pay attention to what is going on. He/sn\he doesn't understand. Iknow it is not easy raising kids but somebody has to stand on their two feet and do it so please make an effort. I know you can't raise your kids 24 hours you decided to have kids so live withit. They are young an innocent they will only be young once
 
December 16, 2007, 3:45 pm CST

I have a comment

I know it is tiring but they are your kids
 
December 16, 2007, 3:59 pm CST

I have to say

I know you can't raise your kids 24 hours aday 7 days aweek  but you have to do it well too bad that you can't be there  step up and keep explaining to them  until they get that throwing a tantrum is not going to work anymore teach them to work things out. Teach them to understand. It is too hard but you have to it and I know it is not easy  but pay attention try to calm the kids down and try to explain and guide them and help the situation. Because nowa days your lives are hectic and you are not doing your kids any favor teach them that they can't have what they want  teach them there  are certain things are priviledges and teach your children How the way the world works like dr. Phil would say. Like they have to stop on red and go on green wait on yellow. Life is all bout work  you only work eight hours mothers get apart time job so you canbe there for your kids more because they are only young once. When they get older you will work more working 12 hours is too much work 7 to eight hours  it is only morning and afternoon. Day turns into night you only get 365 days a year 52 weeks 
 
December 16, 2007, 4:05 pm CST

I have to say

You can't keep your kids unattende you can't take them to a store becase they throw a fit. Well you need to teach them how to behave in public you can't leave them at home they can't fend for themselves they are young kids that don't know any better they have to learn not to open door to strangers . when they get older they will learn to fend for themselves they will learn not to talk to strangers they will learn to stand on their own when they are older
 
December 17, 2007, 8:08 am CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: yoshiyoshi

If you spanked your kids on the butt they'd learn something alright. Might = right, and if their parents can terrorize them, there's no reason they can't terrorize other children at their school. It's how you build a bully.

Really? Interesting philosophy you have there. Do you have kids?

 

I spank my kids and they aren't bullies. Wake up!!!

 
December 17, 2007, 9:30 am CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: almostcrazy

Really? Interesting philosophy you have there. Do you have kids?

 

I spank my kids and they aren't bullies. Wake up!!!

I have kids, and I was a teacher and school administrator for many years. In my experience, there is a high correlation between kids who are spanked and kids who act out aggressively. My favorite parents were the ones who came to school threatening physical punishment for their kid, when the KID was physically aggressive at school. Nothing like hitting a child to teach him not to hit! I have also seen kids who were spanked become extremely submissive and lack the motivation or confidence to do anything.

 

Just because you don't believe your kids are bullies doesn't mean spanking is a positive form of discipline. There are MANY things that are different between now and 20 or more years ago. Children see MORE violence, not to mention extremely poor role models, on television. Some parents spend less time actually plugged into their kids' lives. Kids are dragged around places where they are expected to be self-sufficient, quiet, and ignored (like the mall) for inordinate amounts of time. We are letting kids grow up to fast and they are given too much power too soon. Your personal observation does not constitute a cause and effect conclusion. There are MANY factors that go into how a child will behave, not just whether the parents choose to beat them into submission.

 
December 17, 2007, 10:46 am CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: julie1418

I have kids, and I was a teacher and school administrator for many years. In my experience, there is a high correlation between kids who are spanked and kids who act out aggressively. My favorite parents were the ones who came to school threatening physical punishment for their kid, when the KID was physically aggressive at school. Nothing like hitting a child to teach him not to hit! I have also seen kids who were spanked become extremely submissive and lack the motivation or confidence to do anything.

 

Just because you don't believe your kids are bullies doesn't mean spanking is a positive form of discipline. There are MANY things that are different between now and 20 or more years ago. Children see MORE violence, not to mention extremely poor role models, on television. Some parents spend less time actually plugged into their kids' lives. Kids are dragged around places where they are expected to be self-sufficient, quiet, and ignored (like the mall) for inordinate amounts of time. We are letting kids grow up to fast and they are given too much power too soon. Your personal observation does not constitute a cause and effect conclusion. There are MANY factors that go into how a child will behave, not just whether the parents choose to beat them into submission.

I don't beat my kids into submission. As a matter of fact, because we are consistent, and my kids know what is expected of them and their behavior, I very RARELY have to spank them. Kids are growing up too fast because mom and dad would rather both have full time jobs so they can live in a fancy house and buy the SUV's to drag their little princes and princesses around to t-ball and soccer and every other extra curricular activity which will mean absolutely nothing when they're 25 years old, and they let either strangers raise them or the kids raise themselves. Kids are raising themselves with the garbage on television and those high priced video games that parents buy thinking that will take the place of real parenting. That's where kids are seeing violence.

 

I'm done arguing with the liberal wack jobs on this board. Good luck with your kids when they're teenagers and cursing you out, having sex, and doing drugs.

 
December 17, 2007, 11:57 am CST

Kids rule - Parents get a time out!

What's wrong with this picture? Let the kids run rampant and the parents go close themselves in their bedrooms so that they don't have to deal with it anymore?

 

Kids do not understand "time out," at least not at two and three years old.  One thing that does work is the old time proven spaking. Now I didn't say to hang the kid by his tumbs and give him 40 lashes with a cat o' nine tails. What I said was issue some strong advice with love. Advice that they will understand because of the love portion of the quotient.

 

Obnoxious and unruly kids don't get that way by themselves though, it takes some help from the parents. Being ignored their entire lives will cause irreparable harm to a child. Often the day care worker, nanny, big sister, or whom ever dishes out the punishment because the parents are too selfish to do it themselves. They don't have time for their own children and so have someone else handle problems. Now isn't that just nice! I often hear them say, "If I don't discipline them then they'll know I really love them." Wrong answer!

 

Children will push you to find where the boundaries are and continue to push until they believe they have found them. From there they will continue to push right up against the boundary and try to stretch it just a little bit more in a never ending cycle of power vs will. Then there is the parent who lets the child react imporperly only to coddle them in an attempt to coax a little cooperation from the child. It doesn't work though and the problem become so large that the parents no longer have the ability to bring things back under their control.

 

I raised four children and they have all turned out perfectly well adjusted. Two are school teachers, one a pastor and one a technical engineer for a large computer company. Ask them if they were ever spanked and what do you think they will tell you? The answer would be yes and they would thank me for it because they know it was out of love and for their betterment.

 

Spanking is not the only method of punishment or attitude correction available. Be creative but not cruel. For instance my wife had a very ingeneous way of dealing with our children when they decided they would have a temper tantrum. She would let them go on for a few minutes, just long enough that she knew it wasn't going to end without a major confrontation, then she would walk into the kitchen. The child knew the matter was not at a conclusion because neither he/she nor his/her mother had won yet. KIds are savvy to things like that. So while the child continued screaming and so on my wife would bring in a nice "cold" glass of tap water and throw it in the child's face. As you know this causes a person to gasp for air even though you couldn't drown in it if you tried, but it gave the child a chance to think. Often the response would be, "You threw water all over me!" (Surprised by now much calmer). My wife would then explain that the child's behavior was not proper and would not be allowed in our home. The child got to clean up the mess and the whole affair was resolved in a non abusive manner.

 

What's that old Bible quote? "Spare the rod and spoil the child." Could it be that theres more to it than just be a wive's tale after all. 

 
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