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Topic : 12/20 Cranky Kids

Number of Replies: 135
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 21, 2007, 12:19:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/26/07) Do you wish kids came with a manual? Dr. Phil shines the light on the biggest mistakes parents make, and along with Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of Mending the Broken Bond, he tells parents how to calm the atmosphere in their homes. First up, Renee says her 3-year-old son won't behave, unless her husband, Brian, is around. What do they need to do to get his behavior under control? Next, Angie, mother to three kids, says her youngest child's tantrums can last up to 30 minutes. Could Angie's guilt be contributing to her son's behavior? Then, Shannon joins Dr. Phil via Web cam to get help with her 4-year-old son, Branson, who screams, kicks, hits, bites and calls her names. What is the big mistake she makes? And, Michael, is a stay-at-home dad to 3-year-old McKenna, who throws tantrums daily. Could he be to blame for her outbursts? Plus, Suzette and Tony's 5-year-old son, Malachai, has already been kicked out of three preschools, because he hits teachers, throws toys and won't follow the rules. Find out what in-home video cameras caught on tape, and why Malachai's parents say it's "disturbing." And, see what happens when Dr. Lawlis makes a house call to Eve, whose 10-year-old daughter, Julia, tells her, "I wish you were dead." Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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September 27, 2007, 3:16 am CDT

To Halle

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that at once. They say when it rains it pours and i think there's even a Dr. Philism to go along with that, although I can't think what it is at this moment. But you got the message and while I'm sure part of you is still grieving, I'm so glad for you that you were able to find and receive joy. Such a simple thing, just looking at your little daughter. Way to go halle! : = ) Sand P.S. try your local library....and i have tons of books,although not that one; we shold start a book trading club or something on here ; )
 
September 27, 2007, 9:49 am CDT

Unplug these kids and get them running and playing again

I wonder just how "plugged in" these out-of-control kids are in their everyday lives. Is the t.v. on all day in multiple rooms? Do these little ones have a t.v., vcr, dvd, game system, a computer in their rooms? A dvd, game system in the car? How much time do they spend running, jumping, and playing? Do they ever get "puppy dog" smelly from playing outside? My son, now 12 years, still does not have any electronic equipment in his bedroom. His bedroom is preserved for studying, sleeping, reading and playing his hands on games. Before he turned 7, he spent an incredible amount of time running. He would have been like a caged animal if he had not. He received his first Gameboy on his 7th birthday. He does not have a computer of his own. He surely does not have a cell phone and we monitor the use of his electronic equipment. My recommendations: Turn off the t.v., computer, phones, game systems more, ditch that dvd in the car and laugh, smile and play together more. When Malachai is losing it, dad, change the subject by challenging him to a jump off on the trampoline, a race around the house, a race around the yard, whatever AND let him win! You both will be able to see more clearly afterward. My son and I spent many an hour kicking beach balls everywhere but nowhere. Now my husband and I throw hundreds of football passes every afternoon. I see my son's face fill with joy every time my husband throws a pass, announcing loudly, "Crenshaw goes out for a pass. He catches it and he scores. The crowd has gone wild!" in our living room right in the MIDDLE of the big game. I know all this will take time, but believe me, the mom of a very busy boy, it is worth it!
 
September 27, 2007, 11:57 am CDT

little boys

I couldn't agree more with patcren...there's nothing like the smell of "little boy". my little boy is almost 14 but after he's been outside shooting hoops and messing with the dogs I just smile on the inside...he'll always be my little boy, even if he is taller than me now!!
 
September 27, 2007, 2:04 pm CDT

to the moms of the little ones...

These simple techniques work for me. My son is three. I follow these simple rules: 1) Never give them a choice if they really don't have one. (ex "Do you want to go to bed?") 2) Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you say yes, follow through. But if you say no, you have to stick with it. And, don't get in the habit of lying to a child to avoid a conflict (ex "There are no more cookies!" instead of just telling him that there ARE more, he just can't have one right now). It won't take long for your kids to see through that and then they won't ever believe you. Plus, it comes across as weak, the kids will sense that you will say anything to avoid their unhappiness. 3) For goodness sake, use your Mom (or Dad) voice. No whining, cajoling or pleading. Try to imagine you are trying to teach a class. That "teacher voice"- firm and authoritative, without being combatitive. 4) Time out is not a choice. If my son won't walk I will pick him up and deposit him in his room. If he comes out still tantrumming, put him right back in, even if it takes 50 tries. No dragging or begging him to go to time out. 5) There is no time limit on time out, despite what the books say. Maybe for very small children under 2 1/2, but any child over 2 1/2 needs to go to time out for however long it takes him to be "civilized". Some may think that's mean, but really, all I am doing is just letting him work out his emotions in his room without having me be an audience (or if we are at another house, without him disrupting other people's lives). I say calmly, "I don't listen to tantrums". He can come out when he is done screaming. Sometimes, he is done in less than 30 seconds. But other times, he is just having a bad day and needs to rage for a while. Then, he gets it all out, and comes out happy, and we the parents weren't "rewarding" him with attention, positive OR negative. 6) Trust yourself. You know your child. Parents nowadays are so scared to do anything lest it isn't on the "approved" list! Experts are a good general guidleline but you don't have to follow any one "Bible". Good Luck to all!
 
September 27, 2007, 2:39 pm CDT

Hitting Himself

Here is a different perspective about the little boy who was hitting himself: He knew he misbehaved and deserved a spanking or a talking to, and when he was ignored, he just started spanking himself to take the guilt away. I think children want to be stopped when they misbehave. A spanking may have taken away the guilt and enabled him to start fresh on a clean slate. His parents were ignoring him, so he was trying to discipline himself. Maybe they should tell him, "I care too much for you to let you act that way" and tell him the reasons why: If parents see your tantrums, they might mistake you for a naughty child and not let their children play with you. or Always watch your behaviour around others because they might remember your bad behaviour and you will lose opportunities and suffer for it later. or If I let you get out of control, somebody else might come over and try to discipline you in a harsh way, I am trying to save you from that. or You seem very upset and I'd like to discuss this later when we are alone. (and then follow up and let the child talk about what is upsetting him. It can make such a big difference if they feel like somebody understands.
 
September 27, 2007, 3:37 pm CDT

kidswithsticks

your reason for why the children is hitting himself, is wrong sorry I have to tell you that. Its a nice idea but Dr Phil was right on the nose about this. I was a self cutter a little over a year ago, started when I was about 12 years old, and it wasn't about wanting to be punished, it was such a rage in side there was no other way to let the anger out. Plus I have read every book about this subject I could get my hands on, and I read alot of books about children and teen devoplment. If you have kids you should think about reading books in that field it will make for a better and understanding parent. But I did like what you said for the rest of your post.
 
September 27, 2007, 7:24 pm CDT

Cranky kids

If people would discipline there kids and spank their butts everyonce in awhile they could learn something. Don't give me that load of crap, spanking gives you problems. I was spanked as a kid, and I knew right from wrong. At no point, did I ever smack at my grandma as a kid. I knew better. She didn't ask me if I wanted to go to bed. She told me it was time for bed and I went like it or not. Stop giving kids all the electronics, toys, and anything else they want. Start teaching them respect, manners, and boundaries. Stop screaming, swearing, and smacking your spouse infront of the kids. If kids have physical or mental issues, take that into consideration. Somewhere along the lines, parents decided they should be their kids friends instead of the parent. Well, that is not working. Stop nursing these kids before you end up with an adult who thinks everyone owes them. Never did I get an allowance for doing dishes or anything else I was told. Why cause I was raised to know, you should not be paid for something you should be doing anyway. If a kid doesn't want to do their chores and wants to mouth off. I say gut their bedroom and just leave the bed and a dresser with their clothes. When they start doing their job, whether it be school work or taking out the trash. Then you can slowly start giving them their stuff back. Don't feed me this stuff either about kids not being able to communicate. They can very well, but if your not listening then you won't hear it.
 
September 27, 2007, 9:54 pm CDT

gloriouspoohbr

If you spanked your kids on the butt they'd learn something alright. Might = right, and if their parents can terrorize them, there's no reason they can't terrorize other children at their school. It's how you build a bully.
 
September 27, 2007, 10:26 pm CDT

Good for You!!

My two children are grown and out on their own. I never, but never had a problem with tantrum, screaming, hitting or anything else. The first time they tried it, I ignored them and they never did it again. They learned very young that tantrums were not going to get my attention. They were polite at the dinner table and also when we went visiting. They are mature now and they are still both great people. They have thanked me for how they were raised. Thank goodness someone out there has some sense!!
 
September 28, 2007, 1:01 am CDT

Spanking

Spanking is used for when your child has done something that could of killed them or someone else, or landed them in the hospital or someone else. Not because they got emotion. I'm 25 years old, I have my cranky days and you best believe someone try and spank me they arent walking away, so why should I then think its okay for a little person get spanked for having a cranky day. Should they not have emotions then, or maybe ones that only please you. Did you have children so they could what just please you. Not every parents is prefect but we all try our best and do what we feel is right. Maybe we should stop the slapping, the spanking, the hitting and start opening our arms more. One thing I didnt see in this show are parents that are loving even through the hard times, they didn't talk they TOLD they DEMAND things from children. Image if you were treated like that that your husband TOLD you what to do and Demand things from you, i believe some would call that a abusive relationship, but I guess cause these are children its OKAY right. I don't think so.
 
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