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Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

Number of Replies: 345
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:42 am
Author : dataimport
Do you have difficulty making or finding friends? Meet others like you and share your story.

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September 17, 2005, 3:37 pm CDT

good in theory

Quote From: jettav

I have been in a similar situation to a certain point, my husband never has tried to control me but getting him to go do things has been a problem and that is hard to deal with, I agree with Dr. Phil that we teach people how to treat us and as long as you allow your husbnad this hold on you, he will continue to do this, I think you just need to step out and do something, take your son and go. if you want to go to church, then find a church that you are interested in, get up on Sunday morning, get your son and yourself ready and go. Get to know people and don't wait on him to give you permission. You can't change him but you can change your self. When you get to know some one and you want to invite some one over then do it, get the evening ready and tell your husband that company is coming over and go with it. If he wants to cop up an attitude then that is his problem, not yours, it may be a little embarrassing or upsetting but you need to stick up for your self. get your self to the local "Y" or even the library and take your son to story time and all, Never too early to introduce your children to the library, Go to the park and enjoy a day out with your son and go to the play ground with him, there may also be a MOM'S group around some where, where you can go and meet other moms, Check out the MOPS (mothers of preschoolers)program. www.mops.com, it is a christian based group that usually meets in churches once or twice a month, there is a slight fee but is usually free the first couple visists or so so you can get a feel for the program. kids have a teacher who play and work on a basic curriculum with them. These are a few ways that you can get out and start meeting people and get to know them, Make sure you do take time with your husband, make sure you have nights with him and doing what he wants and all, include him as much as possible and if he rejects your offers then don't worry about him, some times it is hard for people to get out there and meet others and you may be the one to have to get the ball rolling here.
 This is a great idea in theory but having been there, other people notice the reaction of the husband and get turned off.  Most people are looking at the couple as a whole and deciding whether they want to be friends with 'them.'  You can meet all these people but one they get a look at the hermit husband. 

With my husband, maybe he'll go along, but will contribute as little as possible to the conversation which always makes a big hit.  The Moms notice too, "What's wrong with her husband," and they tag that onto you.

If he likes to stay home, like my husband, they go out but they don't really want to so they wind up being passive aggressive and pick fights, act cold or don't talk.

I tried all the above.  I make friends easily, unfortunately, once my husband enters the picture, it's all downhill.  You might get a friend or two but they won't want to go out as a couple.  Probably just you and the girlfriend having coffee.  Volunteer for things.  But still.  The husband is a dead weight at least mine is.
 
September 25, 2005, 10:52 am CDT

16yr old's school probs. : )

hi! I've had school trouble also. My student life has been miserable! Now I'm all quiet and reserved at school- I have no friends and no social niche. My freshman year was so horrible that I started going to a new school. The odd thing is, I never realized how miserable I was at that school until I saw how happy I was at this one.  

 Yeah, I've been torn up inside for a while; ppl can be so cruel.  

But now I have something to look forward to: I recently 'found' an old friend of mine, the only person my age I really trusted. He's changed SO much. I can tell fate has not been very nice to him- he looks as sad on the outside as I felt on the inside. 

The problem? With my 'scarring', I found I'm having difficulty talking to him. When I think of trying to, I get that fear I used to get in school- that someone will turn around and smack me. 

He's a nice guy; I wanna be his friend again; he'd never lash out at me nor I him. 

:sigh:  

Any ideas??? I re-met him at ChristWay in Ooltewah/Chattanooga Tn : ) 

  

 
October 3, 2005, 8:58 am CDT

being yourself :)

Quote From: shayne289

My whole life, I have been extremely shy. At school, I didn't start talking to anyone until 2nd grade. Even, then it wasn't much. In middle school, I started to get out of the shyness a little bit. I got more friends. In high school, I was a little less shy. This past summer, I got my 1st job working in the concession stand at the pool. That helped me a little bit. Right now, I don't have anyone I can really call my friend. I have a twin sister, who is my best friend. But I need more than that. I feel like everyone I thought was my friend in the past, was just pretending.  I can't make friends. I just can't do it. I'm 16 years old.. I can't talk to people. What's wrong with me?! I feel so much different than everyone else. I hate lunch time/group things at school because that means me and my sister sitting by ourselves, thinking everyone is staring, thinking bad things. In class, I'm afraid to ask questions. I'm afraid of what everyone will think. I don't talk loud at school. It's very low.I'm just rambling, but I needed to get this out. Without friends, I feel imcomplete. When I think about this, I just want to cry. I tell myself I'm not good enough for anyone, no one likes me and never will. I don't know what to do...

hi, there :) you sound a lot like me, too. i hope you find some confidence in yourself and find even a one good friend you can talk to and spend time with :) everyone is unique, you dont need to feel bad about yourself. we are all different and you also have some very special qualities and a lot to share :) you are good enough just the way you are, i assure you :) nothing is wrong with you, you just think&feel bad about yourself and you can change that. it takes time but good things always do :) remember that you are not alone, we all have our problems and worries and fears. 

  

some of us may be very sensitive, introvert, naturally shy...and we have right to be like that :) some day there will be someone coming your way who can understand you and see the good things in you which you maybe dont see yourself yet :) im a lot older than you, but im still shy and very unsocial and feel very different than everyone else. sometimes i feel very alone but in years i have learnt to accept myself and i have a few persons in my life whom i can trust to accept me as iam. and i can finally say im finding happiness :) 

  

you can try to find friends over the internet, if its difficult for you to speak to people face to face. that way you can gather some courage and confidence. it has worked for me :) i wish you the best. take care of yourself and dont worry, be confident and patient that life has a lot to give to you and you have a lot to give to life :) 

 
October 7, 2005, 4:59 pm CDT

Empathy and Suggestions

Quote From: kizikizi

hi! I've had school trouble also. My student life has been miserable! Now I'm all quiet and reserved at school- I have no friends and no social niche. My freshman year was so horrible that I started going to a new school. The odd thing is, I never realized how miserable I was at that school until I saw how happy I was at this one.  

 Yeah, I've been torn up inside for a while; ppl can be so cruel.  

But now I have something to look forward to: I recently 'found' an old friend of mine, the only person my age I really trusted. He's changed SO much. I can tell fate has not been very nice to him- he looks as sad on the outside as I felt on the inside. 

The problem? With my 'scarring', I found I'm having difficulty talking to him. When I think of trying to, I get that fear I used to get in school- that someone will turn around and smack me. 

He's a nice guy; I wanna be his friend again; he'd never lash out at me nor I him. 

:sigh:  

Any ideas??? I re-met him at ChristWay in Ooltewah/Chattanooga Tn : ) 

  

I know how you feel: I've moved seven times in my life, and in all of my schools until this one, I've been an outcast. :) My advice is to just try to be friends with him again: if you two really don't hit it off like you did before, then that's okay, but if you do hit it off, then you will be real glad you tried. As to your worries, I also can relate, as I have betrayed and backstabbed a lot: if you truly are worried, maybe you can tell him aobut your worries, or someone else that you trust. I've always found that helps. If not, you can just keep your eyes open and see what happens. Nothing good happens if you don't take a risk, but as soon as you feel like you're wading in dangerously deep, you have every right to try and find a way out. :) Hope this helps.
 
October 10, 2005, 10:52 pm CDT

Friends vs. boyfriends

Can anyone tell me why it is that the second you get a boyfriend a lot of people drop all of their friends?  I seem to have done this myself, and it's like it just subconsiously happens.  I stop hanging out with my guy friends, because I feel like that's not OK unless my BF goes with.  Then, WHY on earth do I completely ignore my girlfriends?  My BF works out of town at least 2 weeks out of the month, sometimes 3.  I don't even talk to my friends then.  I am an only child and do not get lonely very easily.  I just sit around the house or go to the gym and hang out with my family.  Those are not bad things to do, but some of my friends, which I have known for years, really get angry with me about this.  It's bad to say, but it's almost like, when I have a BF, that thoughts of him consume the majority of my day.  I don't feel like that's healthy, but on the other hand, I get engulfed by it all.  Is it bad to dedicate the majority of your hours to someone that you feel one day might later be your life partner?   

 
October 10, 2005, 11:05 pm CDT

Try this?

Quote From: starflower

hi, there :) you sound a lot like me, too. i hope you find some confidence in yourself and find even a one good friend you can talk to and spend time with :) everyone is unique, you dont need to feel bad about yourself. we are all different and you also have some very special qualities and a lot to share :) you are good enough just the way you are, i assure you :) nothing is wrong with you, you just think&feel bad about yourself and you can change that. it takes time but good things always do :) remember that you are not alone, we all have our problems and worries and fears. 

  

some of us may be very sensitive, introvert, naturally shy...and we have right to be like that :) some day there will be someone coming your way who can understand you and see the good things in you which you maybe dont see yourself yet :) im a lot older than you, but im still shy and very unsocial and feel very different than everyone else. sometimes i feel very alone but in years i have learnt to accept myself and i have a few persons in my life whom i can trust to accept me as iam. and i can finally say im finding happiness :) 

  

you can try to find friends over the internet, if its difficult for you to speak to people face to face. that way you can gather some courage and confidence. it has worked for me :) i wish you the best. take care of yourself and dont worry, be confident and patient that life has a lot to give to you and you have a lot to give to life :) 

I used to be really shy.  What I learned is that it's never to late to change that.  My dad gies me a lot of confidence and I feel really comfortable around him.  When I was 19, I joined a bowling team with him and some of his friends from work.  It was really helpful, because they could not be mean to me because my dad was there, so I felt comfortable talking and hanging out.  That led to me getting to know all the people at the alley and even getting a job there.  You should try talking to people with someone around you who makes you feel super comfortable and will support you no matter what you say or do.  Practice makes perfect.  Also, talking to adults is much better practice, because they are often more encouraging and everything is not about how you talk or what you look like or what you wear.  I will happen to people your age too.  When I went to college, I went locally, so I saw a lot of people that I went to high school with.  Even the ones that made fun of me, or that I didn't get along with were quick to spark up some casual, friendly conversation.   

 
October 15, 2005, 7:09 am CDT

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: tntomboy

Can anyone tell me why it is that the second you get a boyfriend a lot of people drop all of their friends?  I seem to have done this myself, and it's like it just subconsiously happens.  I stop hanging out with my guy friends, because I feel like that's not OK unless my BF goes with.  Then, WHY on earth do I completely ignore my girlfriends?  My BF works out of town at least 2 weeks out of the month, sometimes 3.  I don't even talk to my friends then.  I am an only child and do not get lonely very easily.  I just sit around the house or go to the gym and hang out with my family.  Those are not bad things to do, but some of my friends, which I have known for years, really get angry with me about this.  It's bad to say, but it's almost like, when I have a BF, that thoughts of him consume the majority of my day.  I don't feel like that's healthy, but on the other hand, I get engulfed by it all.  Is it bad to dedicate the majority of your hours to someone that you feel one day might later be your life partner?   

hello ^^ i think it is not a bad thing, as long as you dont completely abandon your friends ^^ it might be just a phase you are going through, and later in life there will be times when you want to hang out with your girlfriends more ^^ so definitely keep in touch at least with a few , those who are your real friends will understand -you can tell them that at this point of your life you like to concentrate on your boyfriend but they are still important to you ^^ take care.
 
October 17, 2005, 12:23 pm CDT

need help making friends

Iam 28 years old and I have never been able to make friends. I get nervous around people .I would love to have a friend to talk to and hang out with.I hope there is someone that can help me.
 
October 17, 2005, 12:24 pm CDT

need help making friends

Iam 28 years old and I have never been able to make friends. I get nervous around people .I would love to have a friend to talk to and hang out with.I hope there is someone that can help me.
 
October 17, 2005, 7:24 pm CDT

Need a friend

  

  Hi, I am a 24 year old girl, I am married with two daughters. I have a really hard time making friends with women. Everytime I find someone that I think is a really good friend, turns out they aren't. Maybe I am being too picky, but I have a hard time trusting women, and I am not real sure why. I don't know if it is because I have had a hard time with women in the past but I really need some friends. I think friends are important in life. Life is lonely without them. Any advice, thank you? 

 
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