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Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

Number of Replies: 345
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:42 am
Author : dataimport
Do you have difficulty making or finding friends? Meet others like you and share your story.

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December 26, 2007, 11:26 am CST

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: mercy601

Hello: I am new on this site. I am 38 year old and married woman with no kids. I am happy, peaceful person in life in general. I am shy person by nature. I feel making friends in my area is hard work. I feel I have to make the effort calling them or e-mail to keep my name in their mind. People are always saying they are busy. And I say" Busy in what?"  Because I choose to not to have children in my life I feel I'm missing out in something because I'm not always busy. I have time for a lot things I like to do.

 

It funny I always feels I'm the only one feels this way or experiences and I notice people I just caught up on things in their life and missing out the fun part having friends around your circle of life.

 

That's my story!

 

Mercy

Mercy Me, hehehe ...you ARE A LUCKY WOMAN!  Good for you!  You use the words "Happy and Peaceful" when you describe yourself!  That is GRAND!  It gives my heart real warmth to know you are doing good in life, so what that you chose not to have kids, that is your choice, and nobody has the right to bugger with our personal choices!  If people are missing FUN, I personally think its their own darn fault!  Want FUN ?? GO AND GET SOME!  But, careful now, hehehe, DON'T DO WHAT I DONE, hehehe {evil giggles}

 

Nice ta read yer Post...Hope you post more soon!  Hugs!

 
December 27, 2007, 4:08 am CST

That's the KEY!

Quote From: mssylady1

As Dr. Phil would say...How is that working for you?  If what you are doing isn't working for you, then you need to make some changes.

 

  1. I would suggest first start smiling when you past people and just say hello and keep walking.
  2. Forget your upbringing, you are an adult now and capable of changing, IF YOU WANT TO!
  3. People don't usually stop on the street to talk with strangers, so don't expect to find a friend by doing this.  That is right, they are talking to you aout of kindness.
  4. STOP investinging and spending, let others do that if they are interested in your conversation.  If your conversation is good, they will contact you for more conversation.
  5.  Your partner is wrong...it is not your appearance from what you have described.  Go to a store that you like and ask for a salesperson near your age and ask them to suggest an outfit that is casual for a lunch or going to a sporting event.  Then ask for suggestions on an outfit that would be appropriate for an evening at a dinner or bar or church event.
  6. Then go to an upscale barbershope and ask for a facial, update hair cut or trim.
  7. Check out your shoes, if they need to be changed, then change them too by your salesperson.

If you truly do what you say you are doing, then you shouldn't be having any problems, and possibly just want someone to talk with on the boards.  You contradict yourself a number of times.  Honestly, if you do all you say you are doing, you should not have any problems unless you choose to have a problem.

 

One last thing, become a volunteer of programs for the community and don't drop out!

"Choosing to have a Problem"

 

That's the KEY! Wouldn't think it but I really never understood that before,AND WHAT A SHAME!  For myself, me and I...Drat!  All this time and I was just a big fraidy Cat!  Scared of people!  Running, Hiding, Pushing others away!  SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!!!  Well, I am a survivor all right!  But, HOW FRIGG'N HAPPY AM I?

 

Not MUCH!  Crap!  This newest of realizations super bites!  Thank goodness I am taking a trip out to my mothers house for a night or two!  I need my "mommy" hehehe, We never really grow out of that, do we?

 

Maybe it's "Just Me?"  But....WHATEVER!

 

Later~

 
December 28, 2007, 10:35 pm CST

Find/Found Friendships

GRAND NEWS ALL!

 

I found the "way" to making friends!  It's complicated, and it took me a lot of effort!  But!  and I do say BUT!  With perseverance and patience on both my and their parts!!  SUCCESS!!!  FOUND!!!

 

Now, here is what worked for me,maybe it can work for you also!  I DIDN'T GIVE UP!  I kept on posting myself and with honesty!  After some months, WELL!  It finally paid off! I found Posting board friends at ezboard!  That's kind'a similar a place as this.  Not everyone took to me at first, and I was banned here/there...no problem!  FOUND ME SOME FRIENDS! On top of "that" they are teaching me how to make and maintain friends...then I can take what I learn here and apply it to the "OUTER WORLD" ...GOOD STUFF!!

 

I suggest it to anyone having problems finding friendships...go look here..ezboard.com/P082/menofwar, and join in, ~if ya's want~

 

 
January 4, 2008, 7:54 pm CST

I would like a friend.

This whole, "meet others like you" draws me ...
 
January 6, 2008, 3:48 pm CST

What is "Like me?"

Or should I say "Who"???? NOT "What"

 

I dunno!   I been searching for ppl like me, BUT IT'S RARE!  So!  guess I'll chill out and keep reading till someone wishes to seemingly be friends and whom reads my stuff and thinks maybe they might be able to handle a friendship with me?

 

~Check in another time, HAPPY GOD'S DAY ALL, that is "just me?" I believe Sudays belong to my faith?~

 
January 6, 2008, 7:38 pm CST

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: tiglibud

Or should I say "Who"???? NOT "What"

 

I dunno!   I been searching for ppl like me, BUT IT'S RARE!  So!  guess I'll chill out and keep reading till someone wishes to seemingly be friends and whom reads my stuff and thinks maybe they might be able to handle a friendship with me?

 

Check in another time, HAPPY GOD'S DAY ALL, that is "just me?" I believe Sudays belong to my faith?

Define people 'like you'?

 

I don't know a lot of people 'like me', either. I like to keep it that way. People like me struggle to keep balance. We always go to extremes. For instance, we are lonely, but we like to be alone. We have a lot to say, but don't say anything. You know, stuff like that. Imagine two people who like to go to extremes and never find balance hanging out together. Imagine the damage. I like to find people with balance and make them my friends. That way, I learn balance.

 

What do you demand out of a friend that makes you so difficult to handle?

 

I sometimes find myself demanding that they drop the ball and come to my beck and call at once. It takes me a bit to catch myself in the act, but I'm getting the hang of it.

 
January 6, 2008, 10:33 pm CST

Balanced Friends

Quote From: somnie

Define people 'like you'?

 

I don't know a lot of people 'like me', either. I like to keep it that way. People like me struggle to keep balance. We always go to extremes. For instance, we are lonely, but we like to be alone. We have a lot to say, but don't say anything. You know, stuff like that. Imagine two people who like to go to extremes and never find balance hanging out together. Imagine the damage. I like to find people with balance and make them my friends. That way, I learn balance.

 

What do you demand out of a friend that makes you so difficult to handle?

 

I sometimes find myself demanding that they drop the ball and come to my beck and call at once. It takes me a bit to catch myself in the act, but I'm getting the hang of it.

I agree...PARTLY...for me, with having multiple physical and mental disabilities.  The list is huge and I'm rather tired, so i'll return on details later...just wished to "touch base"..well make having friends hard.

 

So many just find me "frustrating" or "difficult" ... I guess, not really sure, since they kind'a ditch me usually without explanation ...NOT NICE!

 

Anyhoo...wanted to just make sure ya know I'll come back to this tomorrow ...and give ya some idea of "me"...silly me, but yep...I totally get ya on wishing for "balanced friends"

 

Just quick...I have what is known as "Borderline Personality Disorder"...now, i'm bad enuff..can't imagine two of "us types" trying to live in the same house, YIKES!

 

Okay, must go to bed now, 1:30am...OOPSI, stayed up too late again! hehehe, oh well, I'm disabled, can't work...and have no kids or a man to take care of...SO NO WORRIES!

 

~Post ya's Later....HUGS~

 
January 7, 2008, 8:35 pm CST

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: tiglibud

I agree...PARTLY...for me, with having multiple physical and mental disabilities.  The list is huge and I'm rather tired, so i'll return on details later...just wished to "touch base"..well make having friends hard.

 

So many just find me "frustrating" or "difficult" ... I guess, not really sure, since they kind'a ditch me usually without explanation ...NOT NICE!

 

Anyhoo...wanted to just make sure ya know I'll come back to this tomorrow ...and give ya some idea of "me"...silly me, but yep...I totally get ya on wishing for "balanced friends"

 

Just quick...I have what is known as "Borderline Personality Disorder"...now, i'm bad enuff..can't imagine two of "us types" trying to live in the same house, YIKES!

 

Okay, must go to bed now, 1:30am...OOPSI, stayed up too late again! hehehe, oh well, I'm disabled, can't work...and have no kids or a man to take care of...SO NO WORRIES!

 

Post ya's Later....HUGS

You know that borderline personality disorder isn't an incurable disease, right?

 

I was diagnosed with it four years ago. I too, kept wondering why people were running out my life. I don't know how else to say this without sounding somewhat fridgid,but, it's the root of your problem, babydoll. Being diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder basically means that you've very unstable, are immature, and can't cope with life on life's terms. You're also litigious (you make it everyone else's fault)

It makes it hard for people to be around you, period. Now hold on sec, don't get too upset, yet. I was undiagnosed with borderline personality disorder about 2 years ago. My life is completely different. I look back and fail to recognize the person I was because I am very different today. The first thing I learned was not to openly advertise the diagnosis. Do you have a counsellor?

 

And please don't lean on your physical crutch, my sweet one. You're much too strong for that. And I'm not that stupid. So, are you seeking treatment for that curable disease?

 
January 12, 2008, 7:07 pm CST

Hard making, keeping & TRUSTING friends

I had a best friend that I lost 2 years ago. (we were friends for 17 years)  She was 46 years old when she died.  I have not tried to replace her friendship.  Being friends with her came at a very high price for me.  She did the ultamate betrayal ... she screwed my husband.  After a long time of not talking to her I finally did forgive her, did not forget but I did forgive.  2 months before she passed away she told my husband some things (him and I were separated at the time) about me that he had no business knowing because we were separated.  I asked her why she did that and she told me that she was dying and she didn't give a @#%&.  3 weeks before she died we made peace again.  We made that peace over the phone.  She wanted me to come see her but I didn't make time because I was still hurt.  I am still struggling with that of not going to see her before she died, I miss her everyday and wonder if she really knew how much I loved her as my friend.  I don't have really any friends now.  My life and marriage is a constant up and down roller coaster and I keep everything inside.  My husband is very toxic but yet I am in a place I can not leave.  I would like to find a friend that can be my friend and can deal with me and my up and down life.  I hate my life the way it is but for now it is what it is.  One of these days I will leave my husband for good but for now I just would like to find a friend for me.
 
January 20, 2008, 7:54 am CST

suffering with anxiety

I am a 62 year old women.  I have been divorced for 40 years.  I raised 2 children on my own.  I have what I call a social phobia.  I go to work and I go home.  This is the sum of my Life. Needless to say I have no friends.   People seem to like to talk to me (they tell me their problems) and then they go away.  I admit I have absolutely no self-conficence.  I live in a world of fear.   I would like to communicate with anyone who may have a similar experience.   
 
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