Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

Hi,

I read your post and you sound alot like me. I am 53.  I am still married,but the kids are all grown and gone.  My husband and I run a small welding shop together and all we do is work and go home and sleep.  We are both volunteer firemen too, so I have a few friends at the fire house.  Or do I. ???

 A few years back there was a big shake up at the fire department and my husband and I took a stand and decided to leave.  My "friends" didn't agree wtih the decision and didn't speak to me for a long while.  We eventually joined another fire department and a few of these "friends" eventually came to the same decision as we did and have followed to the new fire department.  But thngs still are not the same.  We had a fire training meeting last night.  When we walked in, my one friend was already there and she waived and I went and sat across the table from her.  We had our training and we all were mingling before we went home.  I tried talking to her as I do not see my friend very often and she just kept moving around the room not standing in one spot very long and if she saw me coming she would move to another spot.  I have 2 other fireman women friends and the one mentioned here and these other 2 all keep in touch and talk to each other all the time.  No one ever calls me.  No one ever comes by my office when they are in town.  I am just out there all by myself.  I have no idea what I ever did to these people.  I always try to be friendly when we are around each other, I send around emails  etc etc and I get nothing in return.  It's like I don't exist to them.  I always feel like they are mad at me or that I may have said somehting to offend them.  I am sad most of the time.  As you can see, this is where I end up.  I don't have anyone to talk to.  I sit at my desk  day after day and the only people I talk to are the ones that call our business.  Most of them are so stiff and official, you can't joke around with them, they act like they don't get it.  So life is pretty lonely.  And, like you I feel like I am being judged by everyone.

WELL....THERE IS MUCH TO SAY. I CURRENTLY JUST GOT OUT OF THE ARMY  A COUPLE MONTHS AGO, AND SINCE THEN THE ONLY PEOPLE I SEEM TO TALK TO IS MY HUSBAND AND AT TIMES ITS LIKE TALKING TO A WALL WITH HIM. MY FATHER TOO WAS IN THE ARMY SO I HAVE MOVED AROUND MY WHOLE LIFE, BUT I SEEM TO HAVE THE HUGEST PROBLEM WITH TRUSTING PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY SEEING HOW PEOPLE ARE THROUGH SOME OF MY EXPERIENCES. I'M AWARE THAT NOT EVERYONE IS THE SAME BUT ITS HARD TO TELL MY MIND THAT; ITS HARD TO TRUST. I'M VERY WEARY OF WHO I WANT AS FRIENDS, AND I THINK THAT IS WHAT IS HURTING ME. SINCE BEING THAT WAY I THINK I HAVE BECOME UNSOCIABLE AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ANYMORE....SOUNDS DUMB I KNOW, BUT ITS SOOO TRUE. I'M YOUNG, I'M ONLY 22 SO IT SEEMS WEIRD TO ME THAT IVE GOT NO FRIENDS, HONESTLY ONCE I GOT MARRIED I LOST ALOT OF MY FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT PRIORITY TO ME AND THE MALE FRIENDS I HAD I KNEW MY HUSBAND WOULDN'T BE COMFORTABLE WITH ME HANGING OUT WITH... I WANT TO HAVE A FEMALE FRIEND TO HANG OUT WITH, SHOP WITH, AND TALK TO BUT I FIND IT SO HARD TO FIND AND ITS REALLY FRUSTRATING BECAUSE MY HUSBAND ISN'T REALLY THE TYPE TO GO SHOPPING AND TALK GIRL TALK (HAHA, HE IS A MAN). SO THERE IS A SENSE OF LONELINESS IN ME AND I'M WANTING IT TO GO AWAY. I AM CURRENTLY UNEMPLOYED TOO SO THAT LEAVES SO MUCH TIME FOR ME TO DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I DONT REALLY KNOW HOW TO HELP THIS SITUATION, I CANT JUST GO UP TO SOMEONE AND ASK IF THEY WANT TO BE MY FRIEND....HAHA......   ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT

  What I want to know is:  I have heard this saying, that what ever you give out, you will get back 10 fold.  Iam still waiting.  Is there a time line on this?

I'm the type of person that likes to help if I can.  I have had to watch out and not become a door mat for people.  I am even a volunteer fireman/EMT.   But when it comes to people I consider my "friends"  I just can't do anything right.  I am very good at remembering birthdays and special events and I always try to tell my frieinds good luck, have a great time, or good for you.  When it comes to my turn to have a birthday or do something fun, I am all alone.  I go everywhere by myself.  No one calls to have lunch with me, no one stops by my office to see me.  Now, I understand people are busy, I am busy as well.  I also understand, that maybe I am just too much, so I have backed off.  It still doesn't matter.  I am even having trouble with my own Mother.  She is 80 years old and recently had to have a pace maker put in.   So I don't mind being there for her,  But she is so self centered, that all she wants from me is to take care of her when she is in town to go to the doctor.  She doesn't care about how busy I am at work.  She doesn't care that I may have other plans for my day.  She wants my attention, and right now.  Then when she is done, she goes home, no thank you or anything.  I am left feeling drained.

So, how do you get something back when you do nice things for others?  I don't do things, expecting any return, but I get nothing ever and it's noticable.

I just recently moved to a new city, about 1200 miles from my home, family and friends. I finished my MA degree and moved to where I was offered a truly wonderful job. I've simply had trouble meeting new people and making solid friends. I'm a 26 year old woman, so I'm too old for the college crowd (thank goodness), but I'm not married and have no children yet. The team of people with whom I work with are all married and have children of their own. I live in a large city of nearly 2 million people, so one would think that friends would be abundant!

I was wondering if anyone knows of any good suggestions or places to meet some friends (both guys and girls). Thank you and God bless.

I had been in the same situation about 9 years ago. The best place I can think of to make amazing friends is at church. Find yourself a church that you feel comfortable at. It takes a while to find a church that would be good for you so don't just settle for the first place you go to, visit a good number of churches and decide which one you like the best. As for any other places to find friends, I don't know, someone else would have to give you more ideas.