Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

I just got through watchin Sistehood of the Traveling Pants.  It's a really cute fictional story for kids about a group of girlfriends who buy a pair of pants that magically seems to fit all of them and bring them good luck (or something like that, haha).  I love movies like this, Now and Then, and Babysitters Club.   I probably enjoy them so much because I was never a part of such a close group of friends when I was a kid.  I was always a tomboy; I'm not lesbian or anything, but I just never liked Barbie dolls and makeup...I preferred getting dirty and playing with my brothers skateboard and video games.  Because of that, in preschool and early elementry school, I hung out with the boys, so the girls kind of cast me out.  I had a few guy friends that I played with at school, but even the guys flourished away from me in middleschool and stayed away pretty much all the way through high school.  I went on dates, and had a person to talk to at school, but I never had big sleepover, or parties, or shopping days at the mall.  Any girlfriend I made ended up only being temporary: their families moved away, and/or on a few occasions, they were older and moved to the next campus up (i.e. the transition from middle school -> highschool).  On those latter occasions, I didn't see them for a year or two, and by the time I moved over to the next campus, they were too cool to hang out with me or had just forgotten about me.

Even so, I still enjoy the movies; They're great to watch, and I love to watch them, but they also make me sad at times. The movies are usually "perfect" and have their "happy endings", and I know having that perfection would rarely have actually happened in real life, but they always make me think about what I may have missed out on. They make me think about those real groups of friends I remember from highschool that really may have come so close to the perfect "girlfriends" that these movies show. Why couldn't have I had that?

Have any of you readers ever actually had a group of friends through elementry, middle, highschool and college...can you remember adventures, secrets, stories, etc? How often did you guys have sleepovers? Do these movies and books seem too "perfect' and/or stereotypical to you? Or do they seem to fit your childhood memories?

Consider me a transplant from the depression  forums.  I said i would stop posting there for very depressing reasons and very irrelevant to what i'm doing.  Been a long time since i left the dr.phil depression boards, I kept a private diary on this site for a while but as always is the case with diaries and me, I become incredibly bored with them when i know (or suspect in this case) that they are not being read.  Catharsis ends where redundence sets in.

ANYWAYS

All a lead up to what I am here to ask about.  I came here in particular as a guess as to the best fit for my dilema.  Nothing fit right, but this was the best one to categorize me right now.  That is because I have difficulty making friends.  To be more specific, woman friends, and even more specific, because I have a talent for becoming obsessed with them very easily.  I'm a little bit worried about it because I know the rest of me.  Meaning that between a talent for obsession, a big jealousy button, and pent up frustration to the point of sadistic and homicidal anger, I am a crazy ex boyfriend waiting to happen.  I've never done anything sadistic or homicidal, that was just to give you an understanding of the scale frustration can build to anger.  And when it's about girls whom I like to think that I sincerly care for, I really try to stop doing it.  Yes I have hobbies, yes i'm in school and am looking for a job and other means by which to socialize but understand this.  It takes no more than an instant away from giving my full attention to something that those sorts of obsessive thoughts can start up.  If I stop reading long enough to cough and re-find my place, that's all it takes.  Stop reading long enough to turn to the next page:BOOM! It's there on you and you spend another 30 seconds pushing it back, quieting them down before you can get back to reading.  If this sounds time-consuming and tiring that's because it is.  It leads to a lot of time being mad at myself, trying to stop myself from constantly thinking about them and letting every little small thing you see somehow bring you back to them.  And you try and try and try and fail and you're so tired and you can't sleep because you can't find peace.  Then about 5 in the morning sheer exhaustion makes you sleep for 2 hours before you get up and do it again.  Sad, isn't it?

As early as just last night, I confessed all this to a girl I am infatuated with in Georgia.  Yes, including my obsession of HER.  Since we have been talking for years she wasn't about to just up and leave me once learning this.  I'm tremendously thankful for that.  It also helps that she is geographicly immune from any undue wrath.  And somehow, telling her about it, especially the part about her being a subject made me feel a lot better about it and makes it abit easier to talk about it.  Please save the 'I told you so's until you've actually helped me.  No, she's not the only victim of this and no, she's not even the only victim right now.  My head gets very very loud with a few of those girls, of which the one in Georgia I am most infatuated with, my protesting and yelling against them, and last but not least my real Responsibilites from a practical life. 

And while I have been trying to stop these obsessive ways for the longest time.  Confessing to a victim, or maybe just to her, had motivated me to hit harder at it.  I now want to go look for things that I don't know about that might help me stop it.  I spent this particular sleepless night searching the internet for help but finding nothing.  I think I'm bad at using search engiens in general but that is a self deprecation that must wait!  Oddly enough the bulk of what I've found thusfar has been about women obsessed with, if not one man, the idea of a boyfriend as well as romance novel publishers.  That's like the exact oppisite of what I'm looking for.

If anyone knows something concrete to help me, I'm begging you to share it.  Trust me, I'm not above getting down on my knees and crying, imploring you for assisstance.  So you can imagine that if it helps.  But I've had it with vague suggestions about things to try to get my mind off of it.  That simply isn't enough for me anymore. 

I, too, hate when people put walls of text like this up on boards giving some epic poem of their adventures in self pity and failure .  But I just get my writer up when I'm on DrPhil.com. 

(((((*******IF YOU DON"T WANT TO READ THE WALL OF TEXT ABOVE, HERE"S THE SUMMATION******))))))

-I obsess constantly over women I admire. 

-I want to stop because I am exhausted and they deserve more.

-I've tried and become sick of all etheral suggestions on getting my mind off of it because NONE OF THEM WORK and it's not enough for me anymore

-I'm a little desparate because I'm exhausted and now I'm REALLY PI$$ED!

-And if anyone thinks they know something about this infatuation of mine or so much as think that I am some kind of gentleman, they should spend 3 minutes in hell for lying.(Nothing personal)

Making friends for me is near to impossible with severe and major consequences of some past things that had ruined me emotionally and as a woman. I don't know how to approach people anymore, i've lost the lustor to myself when i speak to people i don't know...yet they stay fascinated in me til they realize i'm  a psycho bitch. *halfsmiles* What would/could be done to help me make friends, make me want to excel socially when all i want to do emotionally is just hide forever?

Have you considered seeking professional help for your obsessive thoughts? If not, I urge you to do this for yourself. Don’t allow shame or embarrassment to keep you away from seeking help for yourself, because you deserve to live a healthy, happy life. A trained professional with experience in your specific disorder will have the ability to guide you towards changing your life in a positive way. It sounds like you are ready to make changes, so don’t put it off for another day- look in your phone book/yellow pages now for a therapist. I wish you the best!

As growing up I all ways being drop....  that all changed after high school... when I was 24 in 1994  that when I lost all my support of friends.  Schizophrenia the doctors called it..

Well what can you do.  I know the hole Truth of mental illness by falling on head their nothing you can do about  , but if you tell the Truth about the myth of it...  You  will be excommunicated from the world.. and be part of the world of loneliness..  I had a lot help when I was a child. the psychiatry that really help me when I was small thought I would be keep-ed out

I did too. A  Schizophrenia Doctor was talking too DR flewagian  another colleague

He said that most Schizophrenic people will try not to build families of their own . That they will

keep too their self. The Doctor is right I been keeping too my self  because of schizophrenia and most people like me will not have families. SEE THIS PICTURE IT IS  A PHONY SMILE.  Yes you can say  feeling

sorry for self  well I am not and please don't  be.... I say it because it has too be this way. I am 40 years old with no future.... It does not matter how hard I try too bill my self one. It just  falls apart and it is not my fault .

Like I said it is totally up too you if you want friends or you don't .....  People are not trying like they are use too be. Those that wants friends... Take my advice it is  all worth ,it it takes while but most people come a round  but the old friend that you still want,  consoling your old friend ,that hard.. You can wine up  alone like me because you want your old friends......  It never get easy too let go , it is not like they are past way and you know where they are at at all times....  

 

I had really bad moments

I am girl in egypt

I lost my mother when I was one year old ..

My family ignoared me always .. they don't care of what I say ./..

I did search about good friend

he is called manuel ,, from romania ,, we talked through internet

and i really loved him and liked him ,, ( like my friend )

he was like my brother

and he told me that he love me 2 .,..

well ,, here we are

we still like 140 days friends

then he told me that he doesn't believe in friendship which on internet

..cuze he don't know me ,,

and he told me that he lied to me when he said that he loved me ..

Now ,, I wanna know the wrong from who ?

ME or him ..

I can't find something to mend my problem

I have bad days now and still cryiing when i miss him

and he tells me that he dont care of my feeling!

I have not had luck in love myself so I can understand your frustration of not being able to find the right one. You got to stop putting youself down because God loves you. I too look at someones personality and what they are like inside before I think about thier looks. Not every woman is after money,looks,or sex. Some of us are looking a life partener or companion. Most of all for someone to accept and love us unconditionally. This is the way I feel. I am a 44yr.old single mom who still has not found the right one. I have learned that god loves me unconditionally. I do not have to be perfect for him to love me. Do not beat yourself up. Your not the only one who feels this way. Seek a relationship with god . Admitt your a sinner and ask forgveness for your sins and ask Jesus to take controll of your life. God will show you his love for you. Pray and he will help you find the right one. Hope this helps

 

as i have read the the responce to the letters and i know the feelings of the people that have a hard time finding a friend or some one in the their life as i have the same trouble

although i have a few problems my self and dont know how to get out of the situation and i have notices that all the ladies think unless you are wearing so called " fashion " and skiny like 120 lbs then they dont care less but i am very normal in the way i look and yes i am a little overweight  and dress very casual  but feel very comfy so you tell me how to overcome this i also think that you ladies dont know how to do a real  date and i challenge any lady to have a real date with me

 

before i forget i have a simple question that needs to be answered

the questions  is " what is fashion " are you paying for the clothing or just the name

 

peter